116. I Know I Can: 4 New Ways To See Self-Doubt

Self-doubt is part of being human. The way we use it colors our experiences in life. Kabbalists teach that the greater the potential for Light, the greater the force of darkness there will be trying to challenge that Light. That darkness can manifest as self-doubt. Join Monica and Michael as they discuss how to rethink doubt and use it to achieve your highest potential.

Transcript

Do whatever it is that really scares you the most because it's the thing you want the most and there's a reason for that, Right? It's probably connected to something that you're really meant to do or meant to reveal in this world and the self-doubt is there for you to become the best version of you to be able to manifest that. Welcome to the Spiritually Hungry Podcast. I think there's a misconception that self-doubt afflicts only people who may suffer from low self-esteem, Lack confidence, Or maybe are just starting out in whatever field they're pursuing. Would you agree? That that's a perception. It's certainly not the reality. I think every person has self-doubt at different times. I would say even the greats have self-doubt at times, But that's not obvious to most and that's why I want to bring attention to that. In fact, Maybe particularly the highest level of achievers are beset by self-doubt. So I'll give you some examples. Albert Einstein called himself an involuntary swindler. Maya Angelou felt like a fraud and didn't believe she was half as good as people seemed to think she was. Writer John Steinbeck said he had been fooling himself and others that he was a good writer. Michelle Obama questioned whether or not she was good enough. Good enough to be an attorney, Good enough to have a job, This job, That job, Or good enough to be first lady. Self-doubt causes us to ask ourselves a lot of questions. So I want to invite our listeners to see if any of these ring true for you. What if you mess up? What if you look stupid? What will people say? Are you really smart enough, Talented enough, Capable enough, Experienced enough? Now you're smiling, Michael. I'm smiling because you remind me of the Saturday Night Live skit Al Franken used to do. Really? Why? He used to have this- Am I funny? I am good enough. Exactly. Smart enough. People like me. People like me. And I'm wearing a yellow sweater. I used to wear those big sweaters. Yeah, All right. So I'm channeling. There you go. I'm funny. I thought you were smiling because you don't seem to be plagued by self-doubt. But I think that there was probably a time in your life when your father was this great giant and you were expected to- Well, I think that the point is- I'm not finished with my thought process here. You kind of shortcut right out of that self-doubt window. And you had, I think there were many expectations placed on you, Whether they were expressed or not, And maybe you even put that on yourself. But I think, And you were really walking in his footsteps, But you wanted to carve out your own niche. So were you self-doubt plagued at the time? I wouldn't say the word plagued. It's a big word, Plague. But I- Especially when describing yourself, Doubt about yourself. Yes, I understand. I think plagues in general are not so great. But I do think that doubt actually can be and is a necessary, When understood and used in the right way. You're so cute. Look how you avoided answering the question. No, No. So the point being is that I try to use doubt then and now in the way that we're supposed to. And the point is, Again, Spiritually we understand there's nothing, No emotion that we have, No emotion that exists. Why are you laughing? Because you don't like the way I'm answering the question. The truth sometimes is not comfortable. So there's no emotion that exists that doesn't have a positive purpose. The question is how do we use it? So if you want me to, I can. Right, Which we're going to get to later. What I was asking you, Like these different, The list I went through, Right? Did you ever have that? Well, Okay, So you don't like this answer, But the reality is- Try to go back to your 16-year-old self. I can remember my 16-year-old self, My 10-year-old self. Yeah, Maybe when I was like 10, 11 years old, But nothing serious because, I'm being honest, I always, From a very young age, Wanted to direct my life in a way that was its purpose. And when you do that, You really learn to give much less credence to what others would see and say and judge. So failure is less, Again, Assuming you're doing what you need to be doing. Self-doubt, I think, Again, Often comes from the fact that how am I perceived, How will I be perceived? And if you're able to, And again, This is a life work, But to really chip away at that. Yeah, I mean, I think self-doubt is a little more complicated than that. I think it's not only how will I be perceived, It's even if you've achieved great things. As I've had, Some of these we're going to talk about, Like imposter syndrome, I felt like that, I felt like a fraud. And then I think sometimes when we even become successful, Where we become clearly good at what we do, Then it's like, Oh, If I have one misstep, Then people are going to think that I've lost my touch or it was just a one-off. It doesn't just end with, Okay, When I arrived to whatever my goal's been or whatever worked really hard, Even if it's in the realm of spirituality, You're doing something positive and good for the world. You can still get to this place of like, What if it's all gone? What if I lose it all? It doesn't matter if you've achieved it necessarily or not. Now you're saying if your intention is in the right place, It won't matter. I agree with that. And I also think that self-doubt can be useful when applied properly, Which we're going to get to. So I don't want to put all of that ahead, But I don't think it's as simple as caring what people think. No, Of course not. No, Some of it is purely internal. Most, Yes. What's driving it is to be discussed, Right? I think, Is it that you care more about how other people think or you're having a hard time with what you think about yourself? Right, Right. And again, Both of those I think happen to varying degrees. So let's talk about the nature of self-doubt before we break things down. So there's two sides as I see it. One side is decidedly less enjoyable. That's when we're bombarded with self-doubt. It doesn't only affect how we see ourselves, It colors our experiences in life. It intensifies stress levels. It makes us feel undervalued in terms of our accomplishments or our contributions. And it can also manifest in terms of procrastination and self-handicapping. Self-handicapping is something that most people do and they're not even aware of it. It's a defensive strategy that helps us blur the reasons for our mistakes or failures. So for instance, Using drugs or alcohol before a big test, Now you have an excuse of why you did poorly, Right? It's a way to protect our ego and it's a way to really keep us stuck. This strategy of course only leads to even more self-doubt because you're not even in the playing field. The other one, The other side of the coin is what if self-doubt is a fuel for greatness? So we know probabilistically that no achievement comes without opposition and self-doubt can be one form. And really the question I guess we're asking our listeners to posit is, Is self-doubt the opposition that we need and create for ourselves in order to push us toward our greatness and our greatest potential? And of course that depends what you do with it. So if you challenge it and you argue it, Right? And I'm going to give some examples, So let me just not get ahead of myself. So what I'm saying is self-doubt is a uniquely human experience. If you consider a bird or a squirrel or a dolphin, Right, They're not having thoughts. Like a bird never worries if he can fly. He just does it. I wonder. I swear I knew when I brought this up, You're going to go to this place of thinking what a bird must be feeling. Well do birds, That's a good question. Squirrels, I don't think. There must be science on this. There must be some mental ones. Are squirrels afraid of heights? Or do they have self-doubt? I wonder. And dolphins, Do they question if they're good swimmers or not? I don't think so. Well, That's an opinion, In a certain fact. I would actually- Well, I'd like you to research. Why don't we pause right now? Yeah, Pause right now. Take a look. Say, Have we ever discovered a bird, A squirrel, Or a dolphin to have fear of natural- Do animals have- Self-doubt. Self-doubt. Some animals feel doubt. How do they know that? It defines new research. What new research? From what? Humans are able to feel uncertainty. When they know something and when they don't. The capacity of metacognition. Anyway, So one of the important questions in the field of animal and human psychology is whether this metacognitive capacity is uniquely human or whether nonverbal, Nonhuman animals have a level of metacognition. Steps towards solving the problem now have been made by researchers- Well, If you want something to pick up on the camera, You have to stop mumbling through the facts. Oh, Sorry. So when you read something that- Their research, Okay, So the comparative psychology of uncertainty, Monitoring, And metacognition will be presented in December issue of the Behavioral and Brain Sciences, One of the premier journals in the field of cognitive science. The article describes three studies by the authors with humans, A group of monkeys, And one bottlenose dolphin that used behavioral nonverbal measures of metacognitions. The key innovation in this research also was to grant animals an uncertain response so they could decline to compete in any trials of their choosing. By this option, Animals might choose to complete trials when they are confident they know, But decline them when they feel something like uncertainty. To show this behavioral pattern, Though, Animals would have to monitor some psychological signal of confidence or uncertainty and respond adaptively to it. So the researchers have shown that the monkeys and the dolphin use the uncertain response in a pattern that is essentially identical to the pattern with which uncertain humans use it. So bottom line, It seems that they're saying- It's possible. It's possible. Yeah. So to my point, Because I think that in order for an animal to survive in the wild, They're going to have to figure it out, Right? And I think that we're much more complicated. So the example I wanted to give in terms of really pushing ourselves through the self-doubt is painter Vincent Van Gogh was reportedly said, If you hear a voice within you say you cannot paint, Then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced. And I think that that's what we're asking and we're going to help you do that. But I think that that's really what each person must decide for themselves. Our pathway through self-doubt is really to either paint or to fly or to swim or to climb, Right? It's just to go through and push through that negative voice because it's there as opposition. So interestingly, I heard a very well-known writer speak about the concept of writer's block and he said something which I thought was very interesting. He said, Writer's block does not exist. What does that mean? So 100% before you even, Okay, I know where you're going to go with this because I do agree with that. No, Because it's just- Where are we going to go? Tell me. I'm interested to know. It's your own doubt that's telling you that you have writer's block. It's like you questioning- That's an interesting idea. That's not where I was going. Well, That's where I would go with that. So what he said, Which I thought was very interesting, He said, There's no such thing as writer's block. There's such a thing as bad writing, Which means when a person, He or she has writer's block, It doesn't mean they can't type, Right? Can't type out words and sentences and paragraphs. Not everything you say is going to be a masterpiece. But they're saying is, I'm worried that what I'm going to write is going to be bad. So then you stop, You don't even write. No, But exactly. That's what people mean when they say writer's block. They don't actually mean writer's block. So his solution was, Which made a lot of sense, Is write bad. Just make sure you keep on writing. And if it's bad, It's bad. Eventually you'll end up writing something good. And the idea is that, I think to your point- Well, That's like one of the sayings that I have. Instead of whatever worth doing is worth doing well, I say whatever worth doing is worth doing poorly. Because that's the only way you're going to get to great. Absolutely. But I think it's also important to realize that confidence, Which is kind of the other side of self-doubt, Is both of them can be equally harmful. I didn't see you going there. Unpack that, Michael. Sure. That often we view self-doubt as a hindrance, As a problem, As a challenge. The reality is that confidence, Certainly overconfidence, Can be just as harmful to the individual and others. And we see this all the time, Where things blow up. Why? Because the person was so sure that they knew exactly the right thing to do. Well, They're short-sighted, Right? Because they're so in the moment of, I know it's going to work, This is going to happen, That they can't even see the warning signs around them. Exactly. And therefore, I think what the right path is one that integrates doubt with confidence, Not one way or the other. And that's the only way a person can actually make sure that what they're doing and the decisions that they're making are aligned with what I would call the proper path. But what I was going to say is that also we need to embrace the self-doubt. Why? It's the right type of doubt. Because what happens, And we've seen this often, When a person does not doubt themselves in the right ways, Not in a way that stops us from doing, But just asking the right questions. Because what doubt really is saying in some way is, Are you sure? You're about to do this business venture, Are you sure? Now again, That could become a paralyzing self-doubt or that can be. . . I think there's a difference though between doubt and then taking pause and then self-doubt and your ability to do. Yeah, But I understand they're a little bit different, But it's the same. A person wants to start this business, For example, And he has doubt. What does that mean? He or she is not sure that they can, Should, Or can be successful in doing that. So the point is that those questions, The reason why doubt exists, And even self-doubt to some degree, Is to clarify and make better the path that we move forward with. And the only thing I would add is that one way to make sure, Is my self-doubt or my doubt right, Or is it manifesting in the way that it should? Is it pushing me forward in the right way as opposed to paralyzing me? So I think the first step is to acknowledge and appreciate that doubt itself is a force that we can befriend rather than an enemy we need to conquer. That's the first thing. Because people see it as insecurity, Weakness, Something I shouldn't have. If I was confident, Then I'd be successful. And we're saying, No, That's not the case. When we don't acknowledge our self-doubt, We end up dealing with it in unhealthy ways. So Dr. Kristen Neff, She's a self-compassion expert. I never heard that title, But she said, Don't beat yourself up for beating yourself up. We know a lot of people who do this and then they just get stuck in that vicious cycle. Instead, Challenging your self-doubt usually looks like asking yourself, What if the opposite was true when a limiting belief arises? So, Because we're so quick though, And I hear your point of, You want to take pause and you want to ask yourself the question, Is this something I should do? I am meant to do, I'm able to do by myself or with others, Whatever it is. But I think also, And that's why I was kind of pushing back a little bit because I think even before that, We're like, Oh, I just, I could never do that. Like we don't even take that step. I think you're looking at it as a healthy, Like you're already at that place of like, I'm going to manifest this. And that's why I said, It has to be the process of doubt should be what, If it's healthy, If it's propelling you forward in a thoughtful, Mindful way, If it's paralyzing, If it's keeping you from doing, Then it's not being used in this proper way. Right. So I think a good way to check where you're at is to ask yourself these questions. So for instance, Right, If you're doubting that you're able to do something, What if you say, Well, Am I prepared to take a bigger role in something? For instance, If you had everything it takes to build that business, It's important to ask yourself that question, Right? It's important to go through this process or ask yourself if what I just told myself, Is it true? Is it important? If that person that I'm interested in, Maybe they're interested in me as well, Right? It's kind of like looking at the whole picture instead of in a negative way or a punishing way to ask true and honest questions, Right? That's going to take you to the next step. And I would add, I would add to that. And this is what I think is a very important understanding or teaching, But one that is difficult to live. There's a word that is often used in the ancient texts to express the right way of being, And that is simple. And what that means is, And I know it's not easy to do, But if a person can go through life doing the important things, Pushing in the important ways without any or at least in limiting their expectation of the result, Meaning I believe this is what I should do. I'm going to invest 100% of my effort. I'm going to do it in the best way that I can. What the result is, I know is not up to me. I know that I can't control the result. I can control the process. And really being simple in that way, Like when you see a kid trying to do something, To build a house of bricks, Of wooden bricks. Or even a baby trying to pick up a Cheerio. Exactly, Exactly. I remember that. They, They're not, They of course want to achieve a certain result, But not like adults where like, Oh my God, This didn't happen as they wanted it to happen. You know, This is terrible. And again, I do strongly believe that this way of living is something we all want to develop. That simplicity in detaching ourselves from what the end result is going to be. So even in relationships, Right? What happens? A person says, You know, If I reach out to that person, If I make an approach toward that person, If they reject me, Oh my God, I'm going to feel so bad. What if it doesn't, You know, All that story. What we're saying is instead of focusing on the fear of what might not happen, Focus on the possibility of what can happen. And put energy there. And I would take that, Well, I would take that even further to say, Try to build a detachment from actually what will happen. Because and again, This, I want to make sure I get this point across because I do, I mean, It's something that I work on, On a consistent basis. And I do feel strongly for our listeners, It's a very important self-developmental process where we go through life, Whether as in our relationships even, Or as parents, Or in our work and anything that we're doing that is important to us, To understand that I am not the ultimate arbiter of whether this is going to manifest exactly as I want it. And I'm happy with that. I accept that. I know that I can control my part of the work, And if it's something important, I will invest as much time and effort. But what happens at the end, I am completely okay with whatever the result is going to be. And I'll use an example, And this is something that I learned from both my parents, But really from my father. He spent basically his entire life teaching people. He had students who were close, Individual students. Of course, He also gave classes to larger numbers. And I would see over time, So I saw this over 30 years, Where he would invest a tremendous amount of time, Effort, Love, Wisdom in one student or another, And they would let him down. They wouldn't become the person that he had hoped to bring them to become. And every time that happened, And we would talk about it, He would say, You know, I am certain that every energy invested doesn't go to waste. So if I invest money in this student, I invest time and effort and love with this student, And they disappoint me, I then end up just going somewhere else. So yeah, We see that a lot. I mean, We've all kind of done this. You invest in a student for 10 years, 20 years, And then they're interested, Interested, And then suddenly they just drop off. They subvert, They don't want to study. And then you think, Oh my God, All those years I spent with that person, Investing them, And then they abandoned their spiritual journey. But in truth, Energy is never wasted. And that energy created something for you as the giver, But also will be offered, Change, Some kind of effect somewhere else that we don't have access to seeing. So what that does, Hopefully, If you really think about this deeply, It begins or continues to separate yourself, Your actions, Directions, Desires, From what the ultimate outcome is going to be. The problem there, Though, And I think this is, I'm just going to speak on what I think our listeners are thinking as they hear us talking about this. They're probably thinking about your laugh from before. I was channeling, What's that guy's name with the pinky, The other guy from. . . Mike Myers in which movie? I forgot the name of the movie. Tell me what's the name of the movie? Austin Powers. So I could feel him listening and having the answer there in the corner. So now I've lost my own train of thought. Even if people can get to that place of, Okay, I'm not going to be attached to anything, Not even the process. I think what happens though is that if, Let's say, Let's take that example, Putting energy in a student 10 years, 15, And you don't see the change or the effect that you hope that your offerings will have on them, Then what starts to happen is you have self-doubt. Maybe I'm not a good enough teacher, Or I'm not delivering the message enough, Or I'm too busy with whatever. This is really the problem. Sure. And it's interesting. So to answer the first question you asked a long time ago about self-doubt. So when I started giving lectures, When I started. . . Oh, Michael's getting personal. Yay. When I started giving lectures and classes to larger and larger groups, When I was younger, Then yes, There were times you're like, Oh my God, I'm speaking to a thousand people or whatever that number was. And I'm just 17. I'm a little boy. Exactly, A little boy. So of course you have some trepidation, Some doubt. But over time, And this is I think the point in all areas of our lives and our listeners' lives, You want to get to a place where, Again, So my thought process today, Whenever I'm giving a lecture, Whenever I'm sharing something is I strongly believe this is my soul's purpose, Desire. I should be doing this. It's the right thing for me to do. And I want to do it in the best way possible, In the most inspiring way possible, In the clearest way possible, And so on. But at the end of the day, And this might sound harsh, I really don't hope not to care how it's being received. Okay, But let me ask you something. And I hear you and I do this exercise also. But then let's say you're in that zone, I don't care, And blah, Blah, Blah. And then somebody comes in, You know, Michael, I've noticed your lecture this week. It's just different. The ones you gave a few months ago were a little bit better or whatever. You don't think that would affect your good, Bad, Great self-doubt for you? I would hope not. I would really hope not. Because we all get unsolicited feedback. Yeah, I get it sometimes too. I'm not saying that anybody said that to you. I don't want people to misunderstand. I'm just saying that, You know, It's a slippery slope. Not that, But I do get unsolicited feedback. But on the other hand, If somebody said to me, You know, This point that you made, Really I thought it would be clearer, I would like to give that thought. I would too, Sure. So, But the point again, So the point is that, And I know this is not, Look, We're all hopefully working towards this, But I feel very strongly that this is a necessary development for each one of us. If not only for the fact that if we are not moving in that direction, We'll never be able to purely, As purely as we're meant to, Fulfill our destiny, Accomplish what we came to this world to accomplish. The more we are attached to the external, Meaning, And in this case, Even what the effect of my actions is going to be, Or how I'm going to be perceived about it, The less likely I am to actually fulfill whatever my calling is, Whatever my purpose is, Whatever our listeners' purpose is. So I do want to unpack something that we kind of just breezed over, And that's imposter syndrome because 70% of people have experienced this in their lives. That's a big number. And when I read up on this a bit, Because again, I've told you I've experienced that, I thought it was really interesting to break it down. So I think sometimes when we understand how we got to where we are, It's easier to kind of say, Okay, I can abandon this now because it's ridiculous. And I understand how I got to feel the way that I do. I'll share with you, I know you really liked this, As you were talking, I also remember, You asked me, Do I ever feel it's like imposter syndrome? I think it's a really, So every once in a while, Right? Michael's getting personal, People. I know, I know, But you enjoy this. I do. So every once in a while, Because people obviously in my position- I'm thinking like how many years were we married before you were able to really, It took me a really long time for you to be open with your feelings. So people, And this is just human nature, When you have a teacher, When you're learning for somebody, When somebody inspires you, You sort of build this, You consciously or unconsciously build this sort of perfect person, Right? And I know that I'm not perfect, Right? And I don't ever purport to be perfect. And every once in a while I say, Oh my God, People, Or even if somebody says something and then I have that thought for a second, I'm not perfect, So what does that mean about the way they're perceiving me or the way I'm projecting myself? And then at the end of the day, What I really believe is that none of us are meant to be perfect. We're supposed to be trying to become better and better all the time. And as long as it's enough for me, Then whatever perceptions other people have of me, Or they see me as this, And if they knew that I was in this way, Oh my God, What would they think? As long as it's obviously within the context of me getting better all the time, It becomes unimportant. And I think the point is that as long as you're happy with yourself, Meaning not happy, Meaning not desiring to grow, Because hopefully we all desire to grow and change all the time, But you feel comfortable in the state that you're in and in the push that you have to get even better and better, Then hopefully again, It relates to what we were saying before, It begins to remove what others' perceptions of you might be and how that relates to how you either feel the need to be perceived or want to be perceived. Nice. Yeah, You're welcome. Okay, So I just want to unpack this a little bit. Imposter syndrome. So it's particularly common among successful professionals who've reached their upper echelons of success as defined by their industry, Age group, Or gender. They may stop to look around from their perch as they rise in their career and suddenly panic that they're phonies. They believe they've managed to convince everyone around them of their worthiness. And I think that's, Again, Because when we talk about self-doubt, People don't usually think about people who are successful because it's all about our perception of them, Right? Like, Oh, They're getting up in front of thousands of people and speaking or running this business that makes billions of dollars a year. They don't think that this thought process actually occurs. Experts believe imposter syndrome may be rooted in family background and the parenting style with which one was raised. So this really interests me because you know I'm really fascinated by our beginnings and I love learning about psychology, But also children. So the first one is undeserved praise. If your parents or other significant adults in your life, A grandparent, A family friend, A much older sibling, Gave you acknowledgement for things you didn't think you deserved praise for, You might have become instilled with the sense that you are a phony. Were you applauded for things you knew your peers were better at in that area? You may have started to think your output ability was a big sham. I think that's really interesting. No praise. It just reminds me, And I hope he doesn't mind me sharing this, Our son, Our oldest son David. He's totally going to mind, But I don't know what you're going to say. I do it all the time. We signed him up for gymnastics when he was like probably what, Five or six years old. He was not flexible at all. So there was this day where they're giving out the medals, Right? We were like, I don't know. We were concerned. We thought he was going to injure himself. He clearly was not prepared. He was like beet red and sweating and he's trying to do every single thing that he had never done before. And afterwards we were like, You're amazing. Well, He was amazing because he was cute. So sweet. I can still see his face. But we never, I don't think we did that when he was a kid. I'm trying to think about, This next one kind of rings true for my childhood, I think. No praise on the flip side. If you never, I shouldn't say never, Never received any praise, Even for something impressive, Such as battling a home run, Earning straight A's, Nabbing lead role in the school play, You probably learned to think of yourself as inadequate and rarely up to snuff. Third, Lack of entitlement. If you were disciplined as a child using language such as your brother deserves to sit up in front because he ate all his spinach and you didn't, Or you don't deserve to have dessert because you didn't clean your room, You might've drawn the natural conclusion that you're generally weren't a deserving person. If the idea of deserving was directly tied to punishment, Then your understanding of what it means to be deserving is likely war. And the fourth is family labels. I know this is just so, Like, As I'm sure everybody can relate to maybe even more than one of these on the list. So the fourth is family labels. If you grew up with siblings, You may have been identified with a certain role in the family, Like the smart one, The sensitive one, The competitive one, And so on. The danger of those family labels is that it can be hard to shed, Even if a child's behavior and disposition adapt away from the defining perception. This can lead to deep self-doubt when people's personal views of themselves don't match up with what they've always been defined at as or recognized for. Isn't that interesting? So the antidote of dealing with our self-doubt in unhealthy ways is learning to befriend our inner critic, Which sounds almost contradictory. But hear me out. We're not saying celebrate your inner critic, Rather embrace it as part of the human existence that it's here to challenge you to level up and reveal more of your greatness and to keep yourself accountable. So I think that that's the key there, Right? It's that you don't want to not have any self-doubt. It's what are you going to do with it? Are you going to challenge it? Are you going to transform it? Are you going to, Like Vincent van Gogh, You know, Just paint? Do whatever it is that really scares you the most, Because it's the thing you want the most. And there's a reason for that, Right? It's probably connected to something that you're really meant to do or meant to reveal in this world. And the self-doubt is there for you to become the best version of you to be able to manifest that. Exactly. I mean, I think that's maybe one of the key takeaways for our listeners is that self-doubt has and can be a very positive part of our development and used properly. And I think used properly, One of the greatest tests for that is am I pushing through it? Not am I ignoring it, But am I pushing through it? Am I actually taking the questions that the self-doubt is raising, Answer them, Meaning I want to become an astronaut, Right? So my self-doubt will say, One second, Do you have any background in this at all? Well, My answer would be absolutely not. Well, Then I shouldn't push through it, Right? But if I say I want to give lectures and stuff that's, Oh my God, Maybe you're not good enough, You know, And then you answer those questions, Well, What do I need to do to get even better? Sometimes it's practice, Sometimes it's learning different techniques and so on and so forth. I think the bottom line is self-doubt, Like you said, Is not something to be disregarded and nothing to be even disappointed with. It's actually a necessary and possibly, If used properly, A great developer. And as long as we make sure that we are not paralyzed by it, But actually push through it. So here's the key. The thing that you need to be able to transform the self-doubt as something useful is self-compassion. And I think that, Especially when we talk about spirituality, We talk about change and growth. And so some of the people are like, Oh my God, I need to change so much because I'm so far from where I need to be, But like in a negative way, Not in a purposeful, Inspirational way. And so when we talk about all this change and we don't have self-compassion, We can have self-judgment, Right? Absolutely. There was a Huffington Post article by Dr. Andrea Pennington. She's a doctor of integrative medicine. And she said, When we step onto the path toward becoming our best self, We open our eyes, Hearts, And minds to seeing ourselves deeply from the inside out. Beginning or deepening our spiritual journey involves coming face to face with the darkest aspects of our personalities. We must embrace our darkness to shine brighter. So seeing our darkness is not something any of us are excited to do, Yet it's necessary for growth. And so the key here again is to make sure that when you see that stuff that needs to change, Right, Really empower yourself to not like, Oh my God, I'm not good enough to do X, Y, And Z, Or I'm so far from where I need to be to manifest. Really just say, Okay, I'm going to use the self-doubt and I'm just going to start doing. Beautiful. Is there something you'd like to leave our listeners with, A thought to leave our listeners with? You know what's really cute about you? Tell me. Every time I've just like wrapped it up and locked them with something, Then you ask me do I want to leave them with something, But I just did that. So then it makes me look like I have nothing else to say. I can think of another point. I think I wrapped it up. Are we editing this out or are we leaving it in? No, We're leaving it in, Sweetie. Okay, Great. So let me leave it in. Why have we edited it out? Because it makes me look bad. You bad, Right? I want to make sure it's you bad, Not me bad. I'm not sure that I'm going to let self-doubt creep in. I will leave our listeners with one thought though, Which is something that we've spoken before about, But I think it's so important. The idea of living simply, Detaching our need to manifest our potential. All of us have that. All of us need to push for that. And detaching it from the actual effects that it's going to have or won't have. Knowing that the energy that we invest in the right ways, Whether it's trying to find a mate, Whether it's trying to manifest a new business, That energy will never go away as long as we maintain the consciousness that that energy doesn't go away. And then it will manifest, Maybe not with this person, With that person, Maybe not in this business, But in another business. And really living simply. Really, And again, It takes a lot of deep work to live very simply. Yeah, It's so complicated. Exactly. So I'd like to share one of the letters that we, An email that we got from one of our listeners. And this is a great time to remind our listeners to keep sending your comments, Questions, Stories, Inspirations, Complaints about me in the way to Monica and Michael at Kabbalah. Com. Because we do find it very inspiring. Certainly when we get to share them with the rest of our listeners, I feel strongly, I know we hear from other listeners, It inspires them. So please make sure if you have anything you want to share, A story, An inspiration, A comment, Monica and Michael at Kabbalah. Com. Dear Monica and Michael, This is not the first time that I write to you because I am a huge fan. I am from Sao Paulo, Brazil, And I have been studying Kabbalah for two years. I could say that one of the most important tools that I have is your podcast. I listen every week. This week's episode touched me very deeply because of how I strongly relate to Monica. And she shared that the passing away of her dad changed her relationship with her mother. My father was the best person and the best connection that I had in this life. He passed away four years ago and the pain that I went through was almost unbearable, But changed the way that I see my mother. We always fought a lot and my father was the balance. So you can imagine when he passed away, What happened. I decided that this was something I needed to fix because she loved me and I loved her. And as my father was not there, He would want us to get along and be happy. They were happily married for 50 years, So I can't imagine how life is for her without him. But certainly I worked very hard to understand that it is time for me to give and after a life that she took care of me because it was my time to give back. After much work, Now we get along. We travel together, Have fun together, And no matter how much time I have left with her in this life, For sure we enjoy each other's company. Everything changed for us and now we are just friends, Even though sometimes I do not agree with everything that she does, But I can connect with her all the time. Thanks for sharing not only your wisdom, But your experience and your feelings. I always feel touched when you mention your parents and their passing, Because for me, Although I miss him a lot, It was a very transformative moment in my life that changed me in a way that only love can. He passed away, We miss them, But at the end of the day it was all about love and our strong and unconditional love for them. Please never stop recording this amazing podcast. Love you guys and God bless you. Love that. That was so beautiful. Thank you for sharing your story. And funnily enough, Somebody else reached out to me this week and she said, You know, My daughter, She's so nice to me this past week, She was like getting me like cream I needed. You know, I get really dry in the winter and my favorite coffee and bake me something. All of this, She's like, I didn't understand like what the big change was. And then she shared with me later that she had heard that episode also. And this person had lost her father. And then all of a sudden she realized like, Instead of focusing on that only, Because she lost many, Many, Like she was very young, That she started to awaken appreciation for her mother. Beautiful. Yeah. That excited me too. Again, Make sure to share this podcast with everybody, You know, Anna Hoppe podcast, Five star reviews, Write reviews and do everything you can to get the message of this podcast to as many people as possible. And continue to send your stories, Questions, Comments, Complaints, No, No complaints to Monica and Michael at Kovala. Com. We hope you enjoyed listening to this podcast as much as we enjoyed recording it. And we enjoyed. Stay stay spiritually hungry.