A Sense Of Practice: Loving Kindness In The Face Of Reopening

This dharma talk was given online at the North Carolina Zen Center in May, 2020, three months into the pandemic and as reopening was beginning in a number of states. In relation to the controversy over mask wearing, and the fraught nature of the times in general, I discuss the four immeasurable minds (loving kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy, and equanimity) as a path when approaching those with whom we disagree.

Half the recording is the talk itself, half is the discussion that followed.

Transcript

I'm not going to speak long.

My thoughts this morning are pretty simple.

I've been thinking about the evolution of my experience and my thinking through this whole pandemic thing.

My family goes to the community dinner at the Kiwanis Club,

Which is close to our house.

It's put on,

Or really the main energy for it comes from KT,

Our bodhisattva,

The kitchen who does food for our sashins.

It's a beautiful community event.

You get to go inside and maybe you sit with people you know,

Maybe you meet new people.

It's really wonderful.

But 10 weeks ago or so,

My family and I walked down there and the place was not open,

But they were giving away dinners and to-go containers from the front porch of the lodge house.

And I wondered why.

And somebody had to remind me of what then was this new deal,

COVID-19.

I remember first talking about this with people,

You know,

We've never seen anything like it.

None of us knew for sure what it was going to mean.

My mother,

Who turned 95 yesterday,

She said she had never felt things so unsettled in our country as they did in the months just prior to the pandemic and as the pandemic itself became a reality.

I remember,

You know,

Going to check on elderly neighbors that I have in those early weeks.

And I had a feeling then that one positive result of all of this might be a revitalization of community just out of simple concern of one person reaching out to another.

And I still feel that.

But,

You know,

As the weeks turned into months,

It became hard to miss the feeling of people sinking down into place.

The world felt still in a way like I never felt it.

And over all of this,

That sudden presence of tragedy,

Unemployment soaring,

Small businesses here in town struggling,

Family and friends ill and dying,

Nearly 100,

000 Americans here at the end of May.

And now reopening is happening for good or for ill.

And as a nation,

We're venturing back out.

We're finding ourselves again among one another.

For a lot of us,

This is bringing questions.

Will I get sick?

Will my family?

What will my employment look like?

Will I even have a job?

Will I be able to gather with others in school and places of worship in the silence of a meditation hall?

What's going to be our way forward?

And how will we even know when we get to a new place of stability?

What's that going to look like?

You know,

Normal,

It seems to have lost its meaning as far as the social life of our communities.

Normal feels unknown.

And I don't know about you,

But I feel a little unmoored by the whole thing.

For some,

As we move back out,

I know there's an element of fear in this,

You know,

Events affect us.

Things are in our control.

Things are not in our control.

Sometimes it's hard to feel for sure what's happening.

But I do know that there are two ways of looking at this.

Life as it comes toward me and life as it comes from me.

Life in relation,

My life in relation to others.

The only thing that I can be sure of is what I bring to the world.

What each of us brings to ourselves,

To our family and friends and to the communities around us.

But to really know what it is that we bring,

To feel it and to know it.

That's a process of investigation,

Of realization.

And for me,

I don't always like what I find inside.

It's hard for me to experience the polarization that's been developing honestly over the last 20 or 30 years in our nation.

And it's even harder for me to feel that polarization being expressed around the pandemic itself,

About something so simple as wearing a mask.

My feelings about it can be strong and my thoughts can be unforgiving.

In my own practice,

I try to shift my speech and my actions toward the benefit of others consciously,

Continuously.

And I know this to be an act of willingness,

Of intention,

The action of transformation.

And I think I would suggest that much of what our new normal is to be depends less on what we know and more on what we can now create.

I heard someone say that now is a moment for radical imagination.

I love that phrase,

Radical imagination,

The time for confident,

Caring outreach among one another,

Acting toward the creation of something new with a sense of what's possible.

I've been reading a book by Biku Inayo,

Which came out in a fairly timely way.

It's called Mindfully Facing Death.

I'm sorry,

Mindfully Facing Disease and Death.

It's a book about inquiry,

Self-investigation,

And in the end,

Applying the Buddha's teaching to the human experiences of dying,

Death,

And grieving.

And in the face of these,

Inayo speaks of fearlessness,

Of confidence born of a spiritual path that's based on wisdom,

Choice,

And action.

Inayo says that it's virtuous action itself that serves as the base of fearlessness.

When our actions are genuine,

He tells us,

When they're respectful,

When they're gentle,

Others instinctively feel that and know that they need not fear us.

And that really struck me.

You know,

Virtuous action not simply is doing what is right,

But virtuous action is a gift to others,

Giving the gift of fearlessness.

Buddhism brings key ideas to all of this,

The first of which is,

You know,

A sense of the impermanence around us.

Change really is the only constant that we know.

And in the face of it,

The Buddha spoke of non-attachment,

Understanding our role,

The creation of suffering for ourselves and others,

And practicing active non-attachment in a world where nothing lasts.

So I've been asking myself,

What decisions can I make?

How can I be conscious in my actions as we move forward out of this,

Hopefully,

And back into life one another?

What and how can we practice?

There are several teachings that have meant a lot to me in my own practice and in my own awareness of how I affect myself and how I affect others,

In my own determination to find the roots of my suffering so I don't spill it out onto others.

But the most important to me and one that I've been able to apply to my own living,

And I mention it a lot,

Has been a practice of the four immeasurable minds.

I just want to encourage people to consider what it can mean to interact with others in ways which communicate loving kindness.

Yes,

For your family and your friends,

But for others too,

You know,

Grocery store clerks and bus drivers and the man who serves your cup of coffee,

A student in your class.

Loving kindness,

Compassion,

Shared joy,

Taking a moment to celebrate in the life of another,

In the life events of another,

And equanimity.

Being able to observe what's happening around us without being caught in the emotional reaction of what we see.

Now it's always,

You know,

As steady of practice as that's been for me,

It's also still sometimes hard for me to bring these things forward,

Especially in the sort of cultural chaos that's happening around us.

I have thoughts in my own mind which cause me to treat others unkindly.

We all do.

Anger,

Resentment,

Mistrust,

Aggression.

I found that what's helpful for me to diffuse these things other than just simple mindfulness of them is to practice one of the six parmitas,

That being patience.

There's a wonderful book that I read years ago and I pulled back out lately by Pima Chodron.

It's called No Time to Lose.

It's a study of Shanti Deva's teaching on the way of the Bodhisattva.

She comments on Shanti Deva's teaching verse by verse.

And in the chapter on working with anger,

We hear this.

Shanti Deva says,

Good works gathered in a thousand ages,

Such as deeds of generosity or offerings to the blissful ones,

A single flash of anger shatters them.

This is the danger Shanti Deva warns us about and I've come to understand the power of that.

But he also shows us a solution,

A safe haven in the very next verse.

He says,

No evil is there similar to anger and no austerity to be compared with patience.

So steep yourself,

Therefore,

In patience,

In all ways,

Urgently and with zeal.

Shanti Deva says that the parmita of patience is the most effective way possible to work with these reactive emotions,

Which can keep us apart.

To accept our own discomfort,

Our own suffering,

And to cultivate the strength of endurance in its face.

And remembering that others suffer in the same ways that we do.

And to cultivate tolerance,

Forbearance,

Even forgiveness,

When it confronts us in ways that make us uncomfortable.

Now that's difficult and it takes courage to stay with it.

Someone I read,

I don't remember who,

Said,

Siding with our courage instead of our neuroses is an important shift in allegiance.

The Buddha asks each of us to call forth as much as we can of love,

Of respect,

And of faith.

And I believe in my heart that each of these can change ourselves and perhaps the world.

But even if not,

To change ourselves.

Now,

Can we live in these ways at all times?

Probably not.

Do I?

Not yet.

But I like to say that intention is often as important as action because it's really through intention alone that we can raise ourselves up into higher ways of being.

We try,

We succeed,

We fail,

We try again.

And that's okay.

A good friend of mine says,

And you may have heard me repeat him,

That practice makes progress.

And I believe that's true.

Maybe if we can carry just that much out into the new world as we move forward,

Maybe that'll be enough.

So I would like to invite you to sort of share your own thoughts on how this pandemic is affecting you,

What your thinking is as we do begin to move out.

And maybe you're one like me.

I mean,

I know a lot of states are opening and I see these photographs of people on crowded beaches and in bars and stuff,

And I am not going there.

Not yet.

But I know that I will be at some point.

And so will you.

And I'd like to invite you to make any comments or questions you might have about how that's going to work in your own feelings,

Your own practices as a human being in society and community as well as a Buddhist.

So I just want to go and throw it open for discussion.

I'd like to say something.

Can you hear me?

Yeah.

Yeah.

One thing that happened inadvertently on my streets and new people moved in and there's a whole bunch of kids on the street.

Is I just listened to a mother talk and the thing that kind of happened nicely was I got her laughing.

She told some really funny stories about how the kids are taking their math class on Zoom,

How other parents are sitting with the kid in the Zoom.

And it was actually quite hilarious.

And,

You know,

At first it was everything was very intense and serious,

But I left the conversation,

You know,

Keeping a sense of humor can really help to.

Thank you.

I watched some of my neighbors across the street move out this morning,

Which is kind of hard for me.

The grandparents were there and the little girl was carrying her belongings out in a plastic bag and stuffing everything they put into the U-Haul.

And I just was sending them love and I just can't imagine what's going on all over the country.

So I spent the last week actually focusing my energy on trying on hard to express.

Just sending love and peace out into the world to help the situation that's unfolding.

First of all,

I want to thank you again,

Sheldon,

For your talk,

Because each time I hear you I'm very challenged.

And so you always present us with a wide variety of things to think about.

Thank you.

I wish I were as sanguine and happy and optimistic about the future as we all move through this experience and into the future as other people are.

And perhaps you are,

Sheldon.

I'm not convinced that you're that optimistic.

You're not convinced that you're not going to succeed.

Without getting into the politics of this,

I think without a political will,

Nothing's going to change.

We all have found as a community,

A countrywide,

Maybe even a worldwide community,

A lot of compassion,

Kindness,

The ability to give to others.

And I know that we don't have enough either.

But I fear that won't continue and that the regular pressures of life will take over as they somehow always do.

And I think that's really true.

But it also,

You know,

I remember when I was a kid,

Or teenager probably,

Talking with my mother and saying,

You know,

And she's a woman of strong Christian faith and I asked her something to the effect of,

You know,

How can you keep this positivity?

How can you keep this spiritual hope when so many things are,

You know,

Going wrong in the world?

And she said to me,

And you know,

It's pretty basic sense coming from a mother,

She said,

You know,

I can only take care of what's happening around me.

I can only take care of what it is that I bring to myself,

What it is that I bring to my family.

And I think we're in that same situation.

I can't do anything about this cultural and political division.

I can only do that I can heal myself through compassion,

Through right action,

These sorts of things for measurable minds.

If it has positive effect outside of myself,

Outside of my immediate circle,

Then wonderful,

But I can only keep myself spiritually healthy,

You know.

I appreciate,

For me right now,

I feel like the compassion is especially needed with this transition because we're all going to be doing such different things.

I feel like there's so much potential for judgment to just flare up between everyone.

That's just the potential to spell a lie.

I feel like,

You know,

I work for a church and I feel like the tension kind of on the edge of the air of what should we do,

What shouldn't we do,

And everyone having different opinions about what they think is the best course of action.

And I think that there's just this desperate need for us to have compassion for taking care of ourselves and seeing that everyone's going to find a different way to take care of themselves that's going to look different.

And we're just going to have to be okay with that in a way that I think is just a new challenge.

To see some people going and flying across the country for family reunions and other people having to do Zoom calls or,

You know,

On internet,

And there's just these different realities we're going to be experiencing and seeing all around us and finding a way to have compassion throughout that.

So I feel like it's a really important challenge to be prepared for.

And tolerance.

I know when I keep tolerance in myself,

It keeps that reactive,

You know,

Tape that goes on in my head sometimes in relation to other people.

Kind of holds that at bay.

You know,

Karen,

When you said something about I'm afraid it's not going to last.

I feel that too.

I think when,

When,

Despite the tragedy of this COVID mess,

It's a new form of force isn't it,

In many ways,

And brings people together,

Or at least that was the hope.

All the time it's that something is bringing us all together.

And now we see how easy it is to reassert information.

And that is what I think is so painful for so many of us is to see the potential loss of the togetherness of the common compass.

And we see that in our own families,

And in our with our loved ones when we're having a good time with somebody,

For example,

Or when we're feeling very connected with somebody,

Maybe after not seeing them for a while,

And yet at the same time,

There's a part of our minds that knows it won't last.

This is what the Buddha identified.

He says,

Thinking about impermanence,

How he can be drinking out of a cup and see that the cup is in a way it's already broken.

It's already gone.

And it's like a part of our minds,

All he does that all the time.

Look to the end before it's happened.

Look to the disintegration before it's happened.

And this is such a painful place to be,

To anticipate,

Constantly anticipate the worst.

And he also said because he could see the cup as already broken,

He could appreciate it more while it was there.

And so these times where we feel that togetherness can be pulled back and not be attached to it as Sheldon was saying,

Non attachment is part of our practice.

It's clear to me that many people in the world are going to be kind of lost in ideas about the world,

About the state.

I think hearing people say things like we're in a crazy pond.

And that's sort of like a person's idea of the world.

The only way to get away from ideas is to come into direct experience of what we're feeling right here now by sort of taking the audience or attention away from the mind.

My question is,

How do we feel deeper,

Deeper into the moment without straining?

Hi,

Everybody.

Hi,

Sensi.

When I think of coronavirus,

I kind of get reminded of the words of John F.

Kennedy during the Cuban Missile Crisis or shortly thereafter,

Where he said,

We all breathe the same air and we all want what's best for our children.

The words to that effect.

He was talking about radioactivity in the air,

But it really applies as well to this coronavirus.

It knows no orders and it can be transmitted regardless of what actions you may take.

But at the same time,

I'm seeing both for myself and really when I look at the media and see how many groups have gone online and are doing sashin and courses and even NCZC is now trying to help people deepen their practice and cope with this situation.

I'm encouraged.

I think that our initial culture shock of getting our gadgets and our jobs and our quest for money and our and our line on companionship to fill up the hours has been taken away.

And now we're kind of like,

Well,

What do we do?

And for me,

The zazen has been such a godsend.

The Buddha is teaching such a godsend because I don't know without it,

You know,

What I would have gone crazy.

I'm thinking about things and feeling idle and all that.

But I think that we're we're going to when we get back to quote normal,

We're going to slip backwards in a way.

But I think so much progress has been made as far as seeing the connection,

The interconnection between individuals,

Even like on CNN and like commercials.

That's how that's how prominent it is.

You know,

Art becomes life.

Life becomes art.

And commercials with the grocer and the first responders and people that many individuals never really pay a second thought to.

You know,

We do the meal chant and we think of all the countless beings participating in our meal.

But most people don't think that way.

You know,

The grocer is just some dude or some woman who tells us food.

We don't realize that they're actually connected in our very existence.

And it goes back all the way to the farmer and the transporter and the truck driver and the train driver and the cedar and the porter and so on.

So I kind of feel that despite the tragedy of all of this and the poor people who are suffering from the illness or from death of loved ones,

That there is a very positive side to this.

And not that it's something to have wished for,

But that it's just the effect of our humanity is that we are slowly coming more and more together.

And I think it's going to make such a big imprint on human psyche.

There will be some going back to it.

But how is it that you won't return to status quo?

Right?

Isn't that it?

So each one of us is the only way we can know.

How quickly do you want to get back to the point?

How quickly is it that we will return to this way of being that's either,

That was very disconnected and that was the experience of so many people.

I think keeping it very personal is important.

You're the only one that will know,

Like as somebody said earlier,

Maybe Sheldon was you.

It's not that there's a normal.

It's just like,

What is your experience?

That's the only normal.

To follow up on that thought,

I think that for each,

I mean,

The way I ground myself in this pandemic is to sort of accept things as they are.

Right?

I mean,

There's a novel disease running around the world and each individual's response is going to be different to it in some way.

Although we each have a shared responsibility to one another,

But everyone is a different age,

Has different health issues,

Has just suddenly different needs and taking stock of that for each individual and how they respond,

I think is the best starting point for what's healthy.

And then we all have an individual responsibility to do that risk assessment for ourselves and not spread it.

I mean,

For me personally,

I'm not really worried about getting sick.

That doesn't really frighten me or bother me.

I mean,

Morally,

I'm more worried about if I do get sick,

Passing on to other people.

And so,

You know,

In the context of all that,

We also have self-care needs.

I mean,

We need to maintain relationships.

We need to,

You know,

Occasionally,

You know,

Go out and get our hair cut or go to the store or,

You know,

Go on a run.

And everything is going to have a certain level of risk.

And for each of us,

That assessment is going to be different.

And just taking stock of where we are and being mindful about where others are,

I think is the best response we can have.

And not to live in fear.

I mean,

I think one of the most debilitating things about this for a lot of people is the uncertainty and the fear and the stress of the not knowing.

And that's where I go back to,

You know,

Just trying to be really,

Really realistic about what situations and what I can give individual about it,

Both to protect myself and all my very needs,

But also to protect other people.

And just to,

I want to,

Because I know Teheran asked a question,

It's like,

How do you open up these feelings and the directness of this moment rather than getting lost in the thoughts.

And Mara,

Who said it very,

What I was going to,

How I was going to answer Teheran,

I think you'll notice that when you're in a state of fear or a state of anxiety,

The sense gates begin to close down.

You experience the world in a much more narrow bandwidth when you're in a state of fear or anxiety.

And so the opposite is true too.

When we're grounded,

It's seated zazen where the mind is,

The nervous system is calmed down,

We can open up and the senses open up.

And the mind isn't going a million miles an hour,

The sense world becomes more vibrant.

And that's why people in Seshin,

These trees,

Experience that.

They come into Doksan and say,

You know,

The sky is bluer,

Or the sound of the birds is more pronounced.

Or I noticed this insect on the tree while I was doing the heave,

All of which wouldn't have been noticed.

It's always there,

It's always there,

But wouldn't have been noticed because the mind is usually so busy and one of the busy reasons we,

Our mind is so busy is because we're in a state of anxiety.

So on the most basic level,

Zazen calms the nervous system and opens the sense gates.

And that,

As Buddha said,

This sensorium is enlightened.

Teshan,

I agree with all of that.

And I know that when I sit more,

I experience what you're saying.

For me,

On a more sort of practical day to day moment,

There's a difference in Buddhist thinking between feelings and emotions.

You know,

In our culture,

We use these two words sort of interchangeably.

But I think Teheran is talking about these feelings of fear,

These feelings of,

You know,

Whatever it is,

Uncertainty.

And I try to work in my own mind to see the tipping point between the experience of a feeling such as that,

And then the emotions that I start to whip up inside of my head and inside of my heart.

And it helps me to not get swirled away in those so that I can stay with what I'm experiencing in terms of my feelings.

Could you clarify,

What's the time when you distinguish that emotion?

I think the emotions are the stories that we tell ourselves.

You know,

Based on what it is that the feeling that we're experiencing.

So I have a concern about,

You know,

What would happen if I lost my house?

What would happen if my wife,

Mary Beth,

Lost her job and we didn't have money to pay the mortgage?

Okay,

I have a sense of fear about that.

And what I would much rather do,

And I think is more profitable to me to do,

Is to just simply name,

Okay,

I'm experiencing this fear.

And to examine how that starts to affect my breathing,

My body,

What does this feel like inside of me?

And to stay with that and to try to understand that,

Rather than spin myself into,

Okay,

We're going to lose our house and what do we do then?

And what's going to happen to my children?

And I can go forever in that sort of thing.

And that's not going to help me.

But to try to understand what my feeling is,

Where it came from,

And how to just be with it.

You know,

That's what helps me.

Did that answer your question,

Dana?

For now,

Thank you.

Reviews

Tough times for sure. Thank you