Welcome to Day 7 of the Self-Belief Challenge here on Insight Timer.
This marks the start of seeing yourself with a little more kindness and a little less doubt.
Each day,
You'll take a few minutes to remember who you are and what you're capable of.
Let's jump in to today's session.
Hello,
Welcome to Day 7 of the Insight Timer Self-Belief Challenge.
This is Shannon Algeo and today we're going to turn inward but also outward to look at how self-belief shows up in your relationships.
So let's talk about people pleasing for a second.
People pleasing can often be a type of fight,
Flight,
Freeze,
Or fawn response,
Particularly a fawn response,
Which is a survival strategy to belong to the tribe.
And people pleasing is this way of ensuring that we matter.
In order to have a secure attachment,
A healthy relationship that's sustainable and isn't burned out by resentment,
We need to show up as our true,
Full,
And whole authentic selves.
And this means that sometimes we will have to disappoint others or we will have to step forward in a way that causes maybe some friction or conflict.
So in this practice,
Which we're about to do now,
I want to invite us to open the floodgates of self-compassion to understand our people pleasing knee-jerk response so that we can show up in a new interrelational way with others that honors our yes and honors our no.
So let's break free from people pleasing through a practice of self-belief.
We're going to move through this four-part practice where we see the suffering caused by not having a strong boundary and pleasing others in place of ourselves.
We're going to invite so much self-compassion for ourselves and our humanity.
We're going to identify the core need and the reason why we need to say no so that we can choose ourselves.
And you're going to practice pleasing yourself.
So begin by landing and arriving in your body and feeling your physical form.
Feel your physiology.
Perhaps feel the nervous system.
Feel the ground beneath you and just notice the threshold where the body meets the ground,
Where the ground meets the body,
Where the body meets the air in the room,
And where the air meets the body.
Feeling the boundary,
The containment of your physical form.
So we're going to begin by courageously seeing the suffering that gets caused when we don't honor our no and our yes.
So recall a time recently when you needed to say no or you learned after the fact that you needed to say no and did not,
And just bring this moment to mind and imagine and feel the cost,
The somatic cost,
The emotional cost,
The relational cost of not saying no.
And then invite in so much self-compassion for the survival strategy to people please,
For the neural networks that lead you to please others before yourself,
These patterns of neurobiology.
And notice what it feels like in your body to invite open the floodgates of self-compassion,
Of gentleness,
Of warmth,
And of care towards the younger version of yourself who may have,
Who likely did learn to please others before honoring and listening to the needs of the soul and the self.
Perhaps picturing that younger version of you and giving him or her or them all of your sweet,
Tender,
Caring love.
And now identifying the core need.
What did you need or what do you need in this situation?
What is that situation where you needed to set a boundary and what do you need?
Do you need more space,
More time?
Do you need to slow down?
What would it feel like in your body to hold on to that situation?
To hold your boundary,
To step up to the plate and say,
This is who I am,
This is where I stand,
And this is what I need right now.
And then we'll move into the fourth phase of this practice,
Which is to please yourself.
Imagine giving yourself what you need with courage and confidence.
Knowing that courage and confidence are not qualities of some special people,
But usually those who are courageous and confident step up to the plate of their lives,
Shaking and trembling.
Taking action anyway,
In spite of the fear that is present.
And so as you care for yourself here by pleasing yourself and honoring your boundary and finding your yes and finding your no,
Remembering to do what you need to self-regulate internally,
Maybe journaling or walk in nature,
Some act of self-care,
And also remembering to take care of yourself interrelationally through co-regulation,
Connecting with a safe and secure person in your life.
We build the capacity to set healthy boundaries and break free from people pleasing through practice again and again,
Through finding that core need within ourselves and accessing the courage to show up in relationship and ask for that which we need.
Now remember every time you say no,
You are being kind to yourself and you are saying yes to yourself.
So I invite you as you move out of this practice to join us in the forum for this challenge and share something that you are going to say no to or yes to.
And you can share one way I'm going to say no is.
One way I'm going to say no is.
And remember that even though it might feel scary or risky,
You are doing something that is rewiring and repatterning what Dr.
Dan Siegel calls your interpersonal neurobiology.
So be gentle and be kind with you.
Thank you for practicing with me and tomorrow in day eight,
You'll explore the other side of this,
What it feels like to truly receive care and kindness without guilt.
Good luck with the rest of the challenge.
Again,
I'm Shannon Algeo and thank you so much for practicing with me.
