ADHD Parenting: When You Drop The Ball

Yuk, this morning I missed a kid-related moment because my attention wasn't on it. ADHD while parenting is no joke. It stinks for our kids but it does for us, too, when we feel that we aren't living up to our own standards of how we should be as parents, how we think our kids need us to show up, how all the other parents seem to be able to effortlessly keep all the plates in the air.

In this meditation, which I recorded as I was experiencing all these difficult emotions, I talk you through what I do to try to bring myself some forgiveness and compassion as a parent with ADHD doing my best!

Transcript

Okay, This meditation is today coming straight from my heart, My gut, Wherever this particular pain is residing. I'm extemporizing this, It is very in the moment for me, But I'm talking in this meditation to mamas with ADHD and experiencing, Walking you through how I deal with this particular pain. So today I fumbled, My attention was not where I would have liked it to be and I missed a kid related thing and I'm really feeling bad about it. In fact my attention was on me and it's that, I know you guys know what I'm talking about, It is that particular pain of just having fumbled, I just missed it. Is it a thing my kid will remember forever? I don't even know if my kid noticed, But it was something I apparently had been expecting of myself and I wasn't even aware I was expecting it of myself. And it's hard, It's hard when we miss the ball and we know there's going to be meaning attached to that, I mean kids crave attention, Kids deserve our attention, They need attention and I think as adults we suspect, We know, We conjecture whether it's true or not that the absence of our attention is going to be interpreted as absence of caring. If you cared you would have been there, If you really cared you would have done that and that is a really hard, Difficult mind state for us to be in as mamas and papas that our kid is feeling the absence of caring because we didn't manage to put our attention in the right place which is difficult for people with ADHD and so in this moment when I'm feeling the pain of having dropped the ball, Missed the mark, I know I need to bring in some compassion for myself. So first we're just going to feel the feeling, Yep, I missed something, My attention was elsewhere, Just sit with that for a moment, Breathing through it, It's so painful when our intentions don't match others' experience of us and then recognizing that this is a part of us that's hurting and we can bring in some compassion for that hurting part. It's hard to be a parent with ADHD, Most of us don't have a community of other adults to help us out, Share responsibilities, Most of us are lucky if we have one adult to help share all these responsibilities and if you have a critical voice coming up that says, Oh gosh, You really should have, How did you not, What is wrong with you, All the other parents, Why can't you just, You know that voice I'm talking about, That super critical internal voice that is so hard on us, That repeats messages we grew up with, If you just paid more attention or if you just cared more and we did care, Of course we cared until we didn't because that's what we were told about ourselves that we didn't care and this voice that is so hard on us, That is so critical, If we really inquire further what this voice wants for us, What this critical voice is afraid of, Often we find that it just wants us to be a good parent, It just wants us to let our kid know that they are so loved and so cared for and it's using a harsh method that's really hard to live with, This critical voice, It learned it early in childhood somewhere from someone or lots of someones that this is the way to motivate us, But now that we're adults we know this is not the way to motivate anybody, We would never talk to our kids the way we talk to ourselves, At least not on purpose, Not if we're in our best frame of mind, Sometimes it might slip out because that's our conditioning, So we talk to the critical voice just like we would our kids, It's okay, It's alright, I've got this, You can trust me, I'm going to let my kid know that I care about them in so many ways every single day and if I slip up I can treat myself kindly because that is painful, It's so painful to feel like you let your kid down and we deserve compassion for just being a parent who struggles with attention, Who struggles with memory and cares so very much, I've had my hand on my heart as I've been talking and if that would feel good for you, You can do that too, Put your hand on your chest or you can even wrap yourself in a butterfly hug with both arms across your body, Some words here might be helpful, Forgiven, Forgiven, I care so much, I care about myself, I care about others, I do my very best working with what I have, There are so many ways I can let my child know how dear they are to me, When we just say to ourselves, To our family, I'm really sorry, I messed up, I'm not going to beat myself up but I can just say, Yeah, I missed this one and I'm so sorry, I'm going to try really hard always to do my best for you, So feeling more calm, Feeling grounded, Feeling rooted in our open-heartedness, In our compassion for ourselves, The people we love, Everybody who's struggling, Which is everybody, Giving yourself a final squeeze, A final hug, A final holding in compassion, May you be more light-hearted, More open-hearted towards yourself, Thank you for joining me, I really needed this moment and if you really needed this moment too, Please know I am with you in my compassion, Have a wonderful day.

Reviews

Hi Rebecca,

Thanks for sharing. Just like you, I encounter these feelings daily. Their intensity varies; some days they're overwhelming, and on others, they're just a whisper. It's enlightening to recognize that each of us navigates our own challenges, yet there's a shared understanding among us. Your vulnerability in sharing creates a bridge, reminding us of our shared human experience. Your words have been a source of reflection for me.
Thanks AGAIN
Tobias