The Doorway to Self Compassion: Finding Your Own Goodness

In this guided reflection, learn to let go of the ways you can feel you're not okay, not whole and complete in some way, and connect with places of deep good in yourself. This is more of a guided reflection than silent meditation.

Transcript

Begin by finding some posture in which you can be comfortable and relaxed.

You can sit in a chair.

You can be cross-legged on the floor or you can lie down.

Find whatever position supports you to be relaxed with a sense of ease.

Sometimes our bodies will not allow us to be comfortable no matter what position we are in.

So just do the best you can.

Now bring your awareness to feel your body breathing.

You don't have to direct your attention in any particular way.

Just let yourself open up to receive the experience,

The feeling of your body breathing,

However you naturally feel it.

Stay with your breathing for a few breaths.

Now let your awareness expand to open up beyond the breath,

Widening the lens of your attention to include awareness of your whole body.

You don't have to feel every place in your body,

But open up to a general sense of your whole body.

If you notice any areas of tension or tightness,

Any places that are not at ease,

See if you can relax those areas.

If there is some pain,

Tightness,

Tension,

Any places that won't relax easily,

Just do the best you can.

Check in with the states of your heart and your mind.

You may be experiencing some emotions,

Moods,

Feelings,

Or thoughts,

Or there may not be a lot going on for you right now.

Just check in to see however it is for you,

Noticing not only what is happening in your experience,

But notice how you are relating to whatever is happening.

If there is something difficult or challenging,

See if you can let go around it.

See if for these few minutes you can relax any areas of worry,

Stress,

Or agitation.

Bring a sense of acceptance and letting be.

If there is something for which you are not able to let go of tension or struggle,

Then bring some acceptance to that place in you that is not yet ready or able to let go.

And now,

Take a few moments to reflect that you,

That we all,

Have a mix of wholesome and unwholesome motivations.

We have all done things that have caused suffering,

And we have all done things that have led to happiness.

It is a mix for all of us.

Just for now,

Let go of any feelings of remorse,

Self-criticism,

Regret,

Or inadequacy.

Any of the ways you can feel you are not OK or complete.

This is not about pretending that these don't exist,

But setting them aside for the next few minutes.

Just do the best you can.

Now bring to mind your good,

Sincere aspirations and intentions for yourself,

For how you want to live,

For how you want to act,

And for the person that you want to be.

Reflect that you would not be doing a practice such as this if you didn't want to live in a way that is more wise and skillful,

Clear and awake,

Less reactive and more wisely responsive.

That you didn't want to be more kind,

Loving,

And compassionate.

You may want to fill in your own words,

Finding your own expression for your deepest and highest aspirations and intentions for how you want to live.

Whatever words you use,

Some version of these wholesome good qualities are of deep importance to you.

Reflect that you have an aspiration or intention that you want to live in a way that creates less suffering and more well-being for others and yourself.

Even if you tend to be self-critical or have trouble finding the good in yourself,

Notice that these intentions,

Some version of them,

Are still true for you.

This is a place of real goodness in you.

No matter what you have done,

No matter how you feel about yourself,

Some version of similar intentions are deeply true for you.

They are a part of you.

Let yourself feel the goodness of these good wholesome intentions.

An intention,

A wish or desire to create less suffering and more happiness and well-being for yourself and for others is good.

It's wholesome.

It's beautiful.

Let that goodness suffuse you.

Really let yourself feel it.

Let it gladden your mind.

If you notice negativity or your mind starting to invalidate this goodness in you,

You can let that be there.

But notice that your aspirations and intentions for living wisely are still true at the same time.

Negativity,

Self-criticism,

Feelings of unworth.

Do not take away from this goodness that is in you.

We can judge ourselves so harshly.

We can judge ourselves by how well or poorly,

Good or bad,

We think we are acting or being or showing up in any situation.

In those times we can think that is the whole story,

Forgetting that we are all a mix of wholesome and unwholesome.

Your worst self-judgments are never the whole story.

Even for the times when you acted unskillfully,

Your intentions were still there.

They were still true for you.

You may have lost connection with them in those moments,

But the higher good in you is still always true.

They may have gotten lost for that moment because the power or energy of the situation was perhaps stronger than your mindful presence.

Until your mind is completely liberated,

You will have places of potential reactivity.

Places where your heart can close off.

Where your heart can close off to yourself and to others.

This is the human condition we are all part of.

Now,

Keeping in touch with this place of goodness in you,

Bring to mind some way in which you suffer.

Perhaps you remember something for which you have regret or remorse.

Some way you acted that caused pain or suffering for yourself or for others.

Perhaps you have a strong,

Self-critical inner voice.

Or maybe your sense of self-criticism or doubt is not about something in particular that you did,

But just a sense there is something wrong with you.

Be respectful if something quite difficult or challenging comes into your mind.

You can let yourself feel the regret,

The remorse,

Or the sense of unworthiness.

See if you can also hold yourself with some kindness,

Knowing that you,

Like everyone,

Have your own joys and sorrows.

You,

Just like everyone else,

Have your own unique suffering.

If someone you cared about deeply was suffering in some way,

Maybe due to something they did,

Or from illness,

Depression,

Or anxiety,

How would you view them?

How would you treat them?

Would you berate them or verbally beat them up and tell them how bad they are?

No,

You would wish the best for them.

You would feel pain for their suffering.

If you could,

You would put your arm around that friend and try to ease their pain.

Feel what it's like to hold yourself,

Just as you would a good friend.

While keeping in mind whatever you did,

Feeling the regret,

Whatever keeps you from being kind and caring to yourself.

Keeping all of that in mind,

Bring that same kind attitude to yourself.

What does it feel like to,

In your mind,

Put your arm around yourself,

Just as you would with a good friend?

Having a sense of kindness and care for yourself.

Sometimes we don't think we are deserving of happiness.

Regardless of your story,

Regardless of what you have done,

Regardless of whether you have been kind to yourself or harsh,

Reflect that most basically you wish to be free from suffering.

Your actions are determined by your conditioned mental patterns.

All of us are working or aiming to free ourselves from unwholesome mental patterns.

This is what you are working on.

That is part of your wholesome,

Good,

Beautiful intention.

Until you are fully liberated,

By definition you have places of greed,

Hatred and delusion.

You are not doing anything wrong.

It is just what it means to be,

To be a human being.

If you are going to judge yourself,

The most accurate way is not by how you acted in some particular situation.

If you are going to judge yourself,

The most accurate way to judge yourself,

To measure yourself is by your deepest intentions.

Your intentions and aspirations speak to what is most deeply real and true about you.

Even if your actions are not perfect,

Knowing that you can always connect with them,

That you can always feel the goodness of them,

Will act as an ally and a support to help you through all the challenges,

Through all the ups and downs of life.

Knowing that you can take time on a daily basis,

Or as often as you want,

To connect with these good intentions and aspirations,

That they are never far away from you.

That will be an aid and a support.

Now,

If you are not already doing so,

Connect again with your body.

Connect with the experience of your breathing.

To end this session,

Spend as much time as you wish sitting quietly,

Feeling your body breathing,

Resting in the goodness of your sincere heart.

Reviews

🙏

Loved that. Thank you so much.

It’s a good reminder - we are human. it’s a mixed bag of intention and actions until liberation. This reminder alleviates self criticism. Thx you Lama La.

This was really helpful. Thank you for your kindness ☺️

Thank you for helping me see and reconnect with my deeper intentions.

Thank you for such a beautiful, practical guidance.

Beautiful! Will bookmark and return to often!! Thank you!!❤️🙏🏽

Perfect for what I needed today.

Thankyou. A beautifully given mediation , very insightful. It has wonderful depth and meaning.

Very reassuring. Thank you

This meditation gave me some wise insight into the duality of self judgement that I struggle with every day and some very helpful strategies for self-compassion and acceptance. Thank you.

Those words went right into my heart. Thank you so much!

“Judge yourself not by your actions but by your way intentions.” I like that.

Your meditations are so wise and have been very helpful to me. Thank you 🌼

Amazing. Just what I needed. Will definitely come back. Even my terrible headache I have had for days feels better. Thank you so much for this meditation.

This meditation certainly helped me to rest in the wholesome intentions of my sincere heart. :-)

Doorway is just the thing. I feel like my nose is pressed up to the glass and I can see all the goodness...in myself and in the world; I can't find the doorway or I have lost my key. Please help me get in.

Touching. Made me tear up.

Really helpful to my inner critic.