AWAKENING BEMIDBAR 5783: TORAH MUSSAR MINDFULNESS, 31st SIT

The Institute for Holiness: קהילת מוסר - Kehilat Mussar Mindfulness

Welcome to the Institute’s weekly public offering to study Torah together from the lens of Mussar Mindfulness.

We engage in a teaching and then a guided mindfulness meditation practice.

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Transcript

Hello,

Welcome to Awakening Torah Musar Mindfulness of the Institute for Holiness,

Kehilat Musar Mindfulness.

I am the founder and director,

Rabbi Chassia Uriel Steinbauer.

Just delighted to have you here on Sunday,

May 21st,

2023.

In the secular calendar,

Of course,

Today is Rosh Chodesh Tzivan,

The new moon of the Hebrew month of Tzivan,

So I wish you Chodesh Tov.

It is the 45th day of the Omer and the first Tzivan of the new month.

So we are covering the Torah portion from yesterday,

Me'et Mol,

Where we delved into parashat Bami Bar.

Bami Bar is the name of the first Torah portion,

The parasha,

In the book of Bami Bar,

In the desert,

As it's known.

What else do I want to tell you?

So that took place on May 20th,

2023,

On Koftet 29th of Eeyar,

Of Tovshen Pei Gemol,

5783 in the Jewish calendar.

So that's what we will be covering today.

We always begin with our Kavanot,

Our intentions for today's practice.

Whether you are joining us through audio podcast,

You will hear the Kavanot,

The intentions,

Or if you're watching by video,

Either here live on Zoom or live streaming on our YouTube channel,

Please subscribe on our website and also the YouTube channel.

You will be able to see the Kavanot,

The intentions for today's practice.

So we see this time together,

This like 45 minutes that we spend together on Sundays,

Doing awakening as a real act of radical self-care and as an act that we're doing on behalf of others and for our relationship with the divine.

So we say,

This is something I'm doing to strengthen my own soul in order to be of benefit to others in the future.

And this is something I'm doing to strengthen my relationship to others so I can be a better conduit of God's good to others when they need me.

And the same thing,

I'm doing this to strengthen my relationship with God,

Hashem,

The creator,

Whenever you want to define or call that relationship and the almighty,

You say that I'm doing this to be a better conduit of God's good.

And so may we merit this on behalf of all beings that we bring less suffering and harm in the world and that we bring even the opposite.

Talk about not causing harm and suffering.

We're bringing God's good to the world and others.

I'm going to stop sharing now for those of you watching by video or listening on audio.

I'm delighted to be here with you as we enter into,

I don't like to translate it as the desert.

It's better to say into the wilderness,

Okay,

Into the wilderness with our ancestors and what happens.

So as usual,

We do a brief summary of the Parsha for those of you who haven't had a chance to prepare for it and read it and delve in.

So in this week's Parsha,

Our ancestors,

B'nai Israel,

The children of Israel,

Get organized for their journey through the Midbar,

Through the wilderness.

And Moshe,

Moshe Rabbeinu,

Our beloved leader,

Takes a census.

He's commanded to take a census and he gets help from one Nasi,

Which gets translated as prince.

It's a leader,

Representative of each Shevet,

Of each tribe.

The total number of men ages 20 and older from all of these tribes,

Except for the tribe of Levi,

Is 603,

550,

Leaving the total amount,

Including men or boys under age 20,

Including the tribe of Levi,

Including women and girls,

Is estimated over 2 million.

So either you take that with a grain of salt or you believe it with unbelievable faith,

Imagining 2 million people traveling together through the wilderness towards the land of Israel with this mission,

With this Torah,

With this path of this Mishkan that they're trying to worship and care for the community through,

Maintaining laws of purity,

Having this whole new path of moving them from enslavement,

Right,

Out of physically,

Out of enslavement,

The institution of slavery in Egypt,

To out of enslavement from within,

Which can take generations,

Even more than one,

For people to really have,

Be able to function in a healthy way past that intergenerational and transgenerational trauma.

So,

As I said,

The tribe of Levi was not included.

They actually get counted separately.

And they were responsible for the Mishkan,

The sanctuary,

And all of its kelim,

All of its vessels,

Right?

So when they traveled as a people,

It was Leviim who took part,

Took apart the Mishkan and carried it.

And then finally,

When Bnei Israel camped in the Midbar in the wilderness,

They followed a very orderly formation,

Very precise formation that's commanded by God in this Torah portion of how they are to be together.

And let's see if I can even provide you a picture.

I know I have somewhere,

But picture basically,

Here,

I'll hold it up here.

This is the best I can do right now.

I didn't scan it for you.

But basically picture concentric,

Not circles,

But squares that move out from the Mishkan in the middle to different tribes surrounding it,

First the Leviim surrounding it,

The closest to the Mishkan,

To the 12 tribes taking the north,

West,

South,

And east sides to protect it.

So if you're not familiar with military strategy,

This is definitely a strategy to protect something very valuable in the center,

Having in some sense your shock troops all surrounding and having those which I would even say are maybe even more intensive warriors,

The Leviim inside,

In case,

God forbid,

There is a breakage in the concentric squares.

And this is the formation that we see.

So the other 12 tribes were divided into four groups of three.

And as I said,

They're arranged in a square going all around the Levi camp in all directions.

And finally,

The Parsha kind of completes with Moshe counting the firstborn of Bnei Israel.

And God explains that the firstborn were originally dedicated for special work in the Mishkan.

And the Leviim,

The firstborn,

But that the Shevet Levi,

The tribe of Levi should take their place,

Essentially.

So we're having changes,

Movement.

And with any change,

As you're aware,

There are two responses,

Right?

There's a response to change that takes place.

And then there's reactivity.

And we're all aware of the law of cause and effect.

And so let's be aware that this change has happened.

And we can expect that for some,

It's going to be a path of pivoting with skillfulness and wholesomeness with responding.

And for others,

It's going to be full of reactivity.

And that's what we'll witness throughout this whole book of Bnei Bar.

Okay,

So that is our summary.

And you might be wondering,

As you go through this,

You might be thinking,

What can we talk about?

That's going to apply from a Musar mindfulness perspective of this chapter of taking a census of men ages 20 and older,

Except for the Leviim.

So obviously,

Most in teachers and parshanim will focus on the mida,

The soul trait,

The personality trait of seder,

Of order,

Because it's very obvious,

There's a very particular order that Hashem God has in mind that's been commanded down through Moshe and down through our ancestors of how we're to maintain this military procession as we move through the wilderness.

And that is very important.

The mida of order,

As you may be aware of,

Really,

Not only permeates this entire parsha,

But it permeates our lives and our practice that when we are balanced in the mida of order,

It affects all of our other midos and how we both operate in the world so that we can be a better service to God by caring for others and how we can bring God's good to others.

If we're not orderly,

If we're not balanced,

We will not be as effective.

And we may even cause harm and suffering depending how disorderly we are,

Or for too rigid,

Right?

We can be on either extreme.

We're going to be full of rigidity,

My way or the highway,

My order and nothing else.

Or it can be no order and really having an unpleasant effect on the people that we are in relationship with.

So it's important to understand from the perspective of Musar that no mida in and of itself is like a perfect thing that we should all strive for.

Everything in the very definition of mida is measure.

And to understand that this mida has a measurement that actually is healthy and positive and life-affirming in alignment with our Torah values and that which falls outside of it.

And I think we all have had life experience probably moving through both depending on the situation and with whom we're in relationship.

So that's definitely here in this parasha.

It's very important that former slaves who obviously their whole life was controlled and told how to behave,

When and where and how,

Are suddenly given guidelines for orderliness that they will affect through their own will,

Through their own ratzon.

And they'll have to develop that ratzon,

That will to be orderly,

To follow directions,

To be orderly.

You have to submit to God and to someone else's plan,

Right?

To God that this is for the higher good,

That you submit to this orderly plan and align your will and ratzon with that order.

And so these are former slaves who are learning how to do this through this formation and community for the benefit of all,

To protect them from maybe outer threat but also from inner.

So we're going to talk about that because it ties to our other mida that I think is hidden underneath the order,

Right?

That's the very foundation of this all,

Okay?

Which is,

What is it?

It's not responsibility even though that's there,

Right?

It is anava,

It is humility.

And so I touched on it very briefly by saying,

If God commands you to have a certain way of being in order,

Then you submit to that order,

And that requires not a nullification of the self but a shift in a pivoting and a response of us going in alignment,

As I said,

With our ratzon and will with God,

Right?

And so that requires a balanced humility,

Right?

Where we are able to learn from all,

To know when to take up a certain amount of space and when not to.

So let's delve into that a little deeper and what I mean by an internal threat.

There's two ways to look at this.

One is an actual real physical threat.

It's no accident that the Leviim are put closest to the sanctuary and closest to the center as your strongest warriors.

It's not stated that way in the Torah,

But it's very clear to me that why they're there.

Let's go back,

As we always do,

That we learn from our ancestors and their stories that they purposely share with us,

Back to the golden calf incident where you obviously have Aharon who is a descendant of Levi family,

Right?

The Levi tribe who doesn't take enough space up as the leader and basically leads and allows the people to sin,

To be off the path,

Off the derech,

And even if they had proper intentions of connection and wanting their leader,

Moshe,

To return.

But I'm thinking even in particular when Moshe comes down,

And Moshe is also a descendant of Shevet Levi,

He's a Levite,

He comes down.

It is the Levites that he organizes to murder their own brethren,

To murder part of Bnei Israel,

Where they say anyone who's on God's side and follows Moshe and the laws here and the Leviim are all there with him,

Anyone who isn't,

He commands them to go and to take their life.

And that means they'll be taking part of their own families,

Perhaps,

Or at least the larger nation.

So these are an emboldened,

Stronger than a shock troop,

These are warriors who,

If anything,

They're prone to zealousness,

Right?

If we talk about zerizut,

Alacrity,

That awakened energy of aligning one's and will to God,

The Levites have to be contained sometimes,

But we're also aware that they serve this role very strongly and will throughout the whole desert that they can be relied upon to be that which will not let the outer tribes break in through disorder and violate whatever might be going on in the Mishkan.

They're not allowed to touch the Kaleem,

The vessels that get near it.

So they can be relied upon for,

God forbid,

Murdering someone who does break through,

Right?

Enforcing the order.

That is their role.

We learned that back in the golden calf incident.

So that's the first instance of a really understanding one's role and why they're there.

At the same time,

Talk about humility,

That type of knowing that you are there because you can fulfill that role can lead to arrogance,

Can lead to you thinking that there is more to who you are and what you offer and not being balanced and on the vine humility.

And so that order,

That Seder that is put in place is also to enforce the humility of the Levite,

But they are contained with a very specific role.

They are to break down the Mishkan.

They are to carry Kaleem.

And if they cross over in disorder,

They will lose their lives.

That is the consequence of touching things that you are commanded not to touch.

And so there's this real understanding that of cause and effect,

And that if breach happens,

If disorder happens through someone's imbalance of humility,

Of Anavah,

The consequence,

God forbid,

Will be life,

One's own life.

And so this is very much the hidden undercurrent of this order between.

Okay.

So we have here with,

For instance,

Forno,

I believe it's Forno,

Who comes to teach,

Or maybe it's actually Abravanel.

Excuse me,

I have to find the source.

He says,

It's sufficient for man to rest content that that which was granted to him to understand that with that which has been entrusted to him or her in their tasks,

What they're supposed to do,

Both sacred and profane,

And that he or she should not strive to break through to realms beyond his ken,

His tribe,

What he's been commanded to do,

Lest he die.

Right.

And so he's even thinking of Nadav and Avihu,

Her own sons.

He's thinking of the midrashim that young priests are running up the stairs.

They're so excited to serve that they're pushing each other to the side because someone wants to get to the task,

The privilege of removing the ashes.

I had shared that earlier before.

And so he's really teaching here through this quote that what he believes,

The unstated reason is that God intends for us through commanded and enforced order to balance and work on our humility,

That we accept that which has been decreed.

And it's very profound because there's basically saying that the outside behavior affects the inner.

And that if we practice,

We will do and then we will obey or listen or internalize or learn.

So if we assume this order based on our tribes and try to,

With all of our ratzon and will,

To understand why God has us here,

Why we're situated here,

What's the purpose of this for the larger community,

And to submit to that,

That there's something to learn and appreciate there,

That that can strengthen and will over time our midrashim of humility.

And I think this is the profound thing about this first parasha,

About Bami Bar,

Is that we all have to start that way in life.

All of us have constraints.

All of us have a certain order to our lives.

First,

Obviously,

Not by choice,

We are born into a certain family,

God places us there.

And,

And we might not feel that that is the right placement or the right choice,

But we have to accept and submit to that over time.

And perhaps even through practice and therapy in our 20s and 30s,

We,

We come to balance around that and accept that there was something to learn and appreciate about that time in that particular household under that roof.

And for,

And then the same thing goes,

Obviously,

Through our practice in life,

That there,

To be human is to realize that there's going to be suffering,

That there's going to be limitations,

In addition to all the joy and awakening to the good and gratitude.

And all that is a dance and learning how to balance that within and accepting the greater order of the universe that's been placed upon us,

The greater order that we too someday will pass,

All passes,

Eventually,

All is impermanent.

And,

And submitting to that,

So that we don't cause ourselves and others harm and suffering over time by having aversion to the reality of life,

Or over identifying with it,

Right,

And struggling with it.

So,

I think in closing,

I'll just say that as much as the organized a kind of a war camp,

Some centered about the tabernacle,

With its covenant,

Its intention,

Right,

To meet a dangers and hostile environments,

Both natural and human.

You can have all the intention in the world,

And I think Hashem and God does.

And so did our ancestors,

But obviously,

We know that there's,

There's a limitation to how much external order can affect us if we are not going to practice and align ourselves with that will and order.

And so when we don't,

When the hostile environment is within,

Right,

Where we're not practicing,

And we react instead of responding with insight and wholesomeness and with skill,

We affect not only us and our immediate family,

We affect our tribe,

We affect the people.

And this is what we're going to eventually witness in this wilderness journey.

And so for us to be aware in our own daily practice,

That this is part of our practice,

Right,

Is that in order to be on this path towards holiness,

We really have to be aware of what we might not be submitting to,

Which is an acceptance,

Right,

Accepting over time,

The nature of the world as we know it.

So I will close by saying two wonderful midrashim come to us about this Parsha,

That we learn that location is just as important as order.

Because location affects us and it affects who sees things,

Who feels welcome,

Who feels seen,

Who feels excluded,

Heard,

And so forth.

So they,

They stress the importance that the Torah was given and carried and supported in the Midbar,

In the wilderness.

And why is that important?

Because it goes on to say that the Mephilta and the Rabbi Yeshmael,

B'chodesh,

Aleph,

Number one,

It goes on to say that if the Torah She'ilu nitana b'Eretz Yisra'il hayu omrim,

So if the Torah had been given in Eretz Yisra'il,

The people would say,

Le'umot ha'olam ein lachem helek ba,

That the nations of the world have no share in it.

But it did take place in the Midbar,

It didn't take place in Eretz Yisra'il.

So that means it took place publicly in an ownerless place.

I mean,

The truth is,

We know this from last week's Parsha,

That even Eretz Yisra'il on some level is ownerless in the sense that it's God's land,

And we are simply ger v'toshav,

We are strangers and we're dwelling and we're to be there to take care of it,

Right?

But especially in the Midbar is this ownerless place,

So that anyone who wants to come and accept the Torah can come and accept it.

This is profound,

Because the Torah comes from the Midbar.

We know it can be for everyone,

People who are Jewish and people who are not.

Now,

If you are a member of my institute,

And you follow these practices and teachings,

You know that we have Jews and non Jews as students and that all are welcome,

Because all want to take place and then practice in this path and to learn from the Torah.

And that it's not only that everyone or anyone's presence or can practice or be here,

The Midrash seems to think that B'nai Yisra'el,

Our ancestors and children,

Have to share Torah with anyone who wants to accept it,

Right?

That there's a hue,

There's an obligation there.

And I,

As the founder and director of this institute,

Really see that as a calling.

That I share Musa'ar mindfulness in this path with everyone and anyone,

And that we all can benefit and make this world a better place and cause less harm and suffering.

The following Midrash,

One more,

Comes from Telmud Bavli,

The Babylonian Telmud,

And Eruvin in Daphnun,

And Daled Amur Aleph in 54a,

Where Rav Matnan says,

If you allow yourself to be treated as a Midbar,

Where anyone can step,

Your learning will stick with you.

If you don't,

It won't.

So Midbar here,

What does it mean to treat yourself as a Midbar?

It means humility.

It means it means the true value of being open and learning from all and welcoming all.

And it's very specific and beautiful here that we keep this in mind and remember that the Torah is for all who come and want to learn.

And so with that intention,

I welcome all of you to our mindfulness meditation practice now.

So please assume one of the four mindfulness postures,

Either standing,

Walking back and forth,

Lying down,

Or seated,

Either in a chair or on a meditation cushion.

All four are equal.

One position is not better than the other.

So please don't ever get it in your mind that you have to be in a seated position,

Say on a zafu,

On a meditation cushion.

That's a,

I think the word is a misnomer,

Just something that's been interpreted poorly,

That people think they have to sit a certain way in order to be practicing meditation or mindfulness.

That's just not the case.

Okay?

So once you've assumed your posture,

Begin to settle.

Right?

So for me,

I'm sitting at the edge of my seat.

I'm really feeling my seat bones,

They're rooted in the chair.

I'm grounding my feet to feel held by mother earth.

I invite you to close your eyes if you have vision and you feel safe.

Otherwise,

Just keep them open,

Maybe lower your gaze to narrow what input comes in through the visual field if you have vision.

And really begin to take three deep cleansing breaths,

Inviting awareness and stillness and presence,

Inhalation and exhalation.

Inhalation and exhalation.

And exhalation.

Inhalation.

And exhalation.

Letting everything come to this beautiful moment,

The only place we really can be,

Which is in the present moment.

Allowing that to come to be fully present with us.

Beginning to settle.

Noticing if anything needs your love and attention,

Whether it's a strong sensation in the body,

Maybe a certain emotion that is unpleasant or neutral or pleasant.

Maybe you're having lots of thoughts,

What we call monkey mind,

Where essentially you're ruminating about the past or planning for the future.

Just see if you can invite yourself to this present moment without judgment,

With kindness,

Being here with my voice.

When we fulfill the order of our family,

Our tribe,

Our people,

On the behalf of everyone bringing God's good,

And there's a real deep balance,

Humility and anava,

There's such a centeredness,

What we call equanimity,

Right?

A real centered soul.

And in that centered soul is really a cultivation of well-being and joy.

It's this aliveness of connecting with the goodness of the Seder of the order inside and out.

We actually feel what it is like to feel good,

To feel centered,

To feel that we are living our purpose and path.

Without efforting right now,

No need to cause something to happen.

Without ever efforting to make something happen,

Invite well-being and joy to simply incline your mind and heart in that direction.

As we connect with the delight and appreciation of order,

And humility,

Letting ourselves mindfully relax into what is here.

As you move your awareness through your body in a relaxing body scan,

Invite each area to soften if there is any tension.

Allow your face to soften,

Your forehead,

Your eyes,

The jaw,

Soften down through your neck,

Your shoulders,

Your arms,

Down your torso,

Softening the belly.

Chest.

Down through your pelvic region and hips.

Continue down your legs,

Your thighs,

Your knees,

Your lower legs.

Through your ankles,

The feet and toes.

Allowing the whole body to relax and be at ease.

Allow a half smile to form on your face if it is natural to you.

Take a few deeper breaths.

Bringing a calming energy to your body with each inhalation.

And further relaxation as you let go of each out breath,

Allowing your breath to fall to its own natural rhythm,

No need to control.

Let the breath breathe you.

This is what it's like to be in a state of calm.

Let the breath breathe you.

This is what it's like when Ratson and will is in alignment with God's will.

We simply relax into life and all that is handed to us,

Knowing the body is breathing us.

Now bring to mind that which brings you joy.

That feeling of contentment and well-being.

The order of nature and your place in it.

The order of dancing,

Being at one with the rhythm.

Without trying to make anything happen,

Just relax and enjoy whatever memory,

Whatever thought is emerging.

Notice how your body feels as you recall this experience.

Notice if your heart is opening and expanding.

Let your awareness rest with this feeling of well-being.

Turning your attention to a blessing in your life,

Something or someone you are grateful to or grateful for.

Imagining the great balanced order and humility that come to mind with this person,

This being,

This circumstance.

And allowing that gentle inner bow of gratitude,

Saying thank you from the heart.

Relaxing,

Into the joyful feeling of gratitude as it pervades the body.

Opening to this moment right here and right now.

As the mind wanders and you wake up to that,

Just let it be.

As the mind wanders and you wake up to that,

Gently bring it back to your anchor,

To my voice,

To your breath.

Grateful to be alive,

Grateful to have this center,

This order,

This centered soul.

Grateful,

Balanced,

Knowing my place and no less than my space.

Every person having a place to contribute on behalf of the whole community,

The whole nation.

Knowing that your breath and your practice is functioning the same way right now.

The breath that is sustaining you and keeping you alive is keeping your family and your tribe and your nation alive.

You developing your path and practice,

Being able to have that space between the match and the fuse,

Nourishes everyone you are in relationship with.

Aware of consciousness itself,

Shining and moving through you.

Let yourself simply enjoy the fact that you are alive and Hashem,

God,

Has a plan for you right here and right now in this moment or you wouldn't be here.

We enter one minute of silence meditation.

I will ring the bells when it is time to come out.

If your eyes were closed,

Gently and slowly open them to come back into the sacred Zoom circle or online live streaming.

Thank you for you.

Thank you for your practice.

Thank you for taking refuge in God and the teachings of the Buddha and the Dharma.

The teachings of Musa and mindfulness and in the Vat and Sangha in this community of Kihilat Musa and Mindfulness at the Institute for Holiness.

So delighted to have you join us.

So today's practice is in memory of a beloved father of a student of mine.

Today is his Yahrzeit Evizyom Zikaron,

His Memorial Day.

And bringing him and everyone who may be having memory of someone today.

I'll share this briefly.

That it's his 21st Yahrzeit and just beloved and dear to one of my students.

So may his memory be for a blessing.

It's an honor to bring the teaching,

The Midrashim,

That all are welcome.

Both Jew and non-Jew to this path and teaching.

Her father was a non-Jew and the imam,

The mother,

A Jew.

And this is a place for all of us who want to embrace Torah and to be on the path for its holiness.

And all are welcome.

So thank you and do give your donations to support Awakening.

Whatever amount allows us to continue to offer this public offering weekly.

Do sign up and subscribe to our newsletter at the website Kehillat Mousar.

And consider joining as a member so that we can practice and be together.

So wishing you again a Happy New Moon of Sivan Chodesh Tov.

And look forward to practicing next week.

So I will say briefly next week is where here in Israel we'll go on a slightly different path from all of you in the diaspora.

Because we celebrate the festival of Shavuot,

The festival of weeks,

The harvest festival here in Israel for one day on Friday.

And the diaspora observes it,

Excuse me,

For two days on Friday and Shabbat.

And so they read the Torah reading for Shavuot and Shabbat outside of Israel.

Whereas here in Israel we study the parashat of the next parashat in Bami Bar which is Nassau.

So it always comes up as an issue of what are we going to learn and practice together.

Are we going to stay on the schedule of the diaspora or are we going to stay on Israel's schedule.

The Institute of Holiness welcomes students from all over the world and actually the majority of our students are from outside of Israel.

So I believe that we most likely will just address what themes arise around the festival of Shavuot.

And maybe we'll even touch briefly also on Nassau which we'll delve into more deeply.

But this really becomes a conflict of which parashat,

What are we going to focus on and share.

That we essentially address almost every year.

So again thank you for your practice.

Thank you for today and wishing you all well and early Chag Shavuot Sameach.

Happy festival of Shavuot coming up.

Just delight in it.

Take care of yourselves.