The Messy Process Of Learning To Walk The Talk: Q&A

All of us on the spiritual journey have lots of questions. So what a luxury to be able to have our doubts and confusions dissolved by warm and comforting words of truth. Several concerns are raised during this question and answer satsang including how to handle surprising bursts of negativity or aggression coming from our shadow side. Premasudha helps all the participants understand and forgive themselves and to realize that human beings seeking to embody truth and unconditional love, are about as perfect as we humans get.

Premasudha's humor, clarity, and transcendent knowledge, gained through decades of studying with spiritual masters including Amma, are such a lift for sincere seekers on the journey.

Transcript

So it's question and answer and I was thinking a lot,

You know,

I have these kind of wild nights before our sessions where it's a lot of movement and preparation and really what's been coming home to me is how brave it is to move into love.

It's brave in this world,

But if we don't do it,

We have,

Our life is meaningless.

So it's sort of like,

You know,

When you do it,

It's actually really safe.

It's such a safe process.

It just doesn't feel it,

You know,

That's actually the problem.

It's super safe because love is all there is,

But it just doesn't always feel like it.

Hi Benjamin.

Yeah.

So this is,

This is the rub,

You know,

And you have my great compassion,

But I know you're so safe,

Do you know?

And it's why I talk about lodging in your body because the more you can come into your body,

The safer you'll feel.

Okay.

There's something I really want to say,

You know,

Most human beings are not present.

We're either in the future or we're in the past.

So this is,

As a teacher trying to reach somebody,

Trying to find their heart when they're in the future,

In the past,

They're not really there.

But you know,

The one thing that brings us into presence,

The only thing that will make us more present is love,

Is being loved.

When we get how loved we are,

We become present in the moment.

And then we can have freedom.

Yeah.

So,

You know,

In a way,

The teacher is always kind of lining us up to be able to receive the love of what she's saying.

And what she's giving,

She's trying to line us up and realize that it's just for us.

So it can hit home,

Come home to your heart.

And you can become present.

Yeah.

And you know,

This is what we're all terrified of.

Just being present,

Feeling loved.

Yeah.

And,

You know,

Because we were,

We didn't feel fully loved,

We've got parts of ourselves that are in the closet,

That we've disowned,

That are in the closet,

You know?

So we're functioning maybe on two thirds of ourselves with a third of us in the closet.

And when we're seeing our shadow material,

When it's coming up to be cleared,

We won't feel safe.

But,

You know,

It is just shadow.

It has no power.

It's just parts of yourself that are wanting to come back.

And,

You know,

A lot of what I speak about,

I realize that it takes years and years and years for an understanding to come or a feeling of safety to come enough to really receive parts of yourself.

It doesn't always take years,

But often it does.

I used to think,

This is how I used to think,

You know,

As I told you,

I've got the family of engineers.

So I would think,

Okay,

I get it.

Okay,

Now I just have to explain it to people and they can get it and then come into fullness.

And it's like,

It doesn't work like that at all.

Because we've all got our different minds,

We've got our different histories,

We've got like,

Really totally different perspectives,

Even though we're one,

You know,

Like the snowflakes.

So we're all different with our different perspectives.

And sometimes something that seems simple to me,

When I'm communicating it to somebody,

It seems very difficult to them,

Or it sets off like,

It becomes a minefield.

Like,

If we're getting close to the wounding,

It will get like a minefield.

And it will be really easy for a person to get defensive or feel threatened or,

Yeah.

This is why teachers work so much in silence,

Really,

Because silence is unconditional love.

And it's it.

The only trouble is sometimes you have to use words,

You know,

To help kind of to help kind of introduce like that,

That you're loved,

That you're loved,

Because it is totally possible to sit for years in the company of a teacher who's using silence and never get it.

Do you know that the Ramana Maharshi had a guy for 20 years,

Who took care of him,

Took care of his needs,

Arranged his food and everything.

And this fellow always did it with the feeling of being burdened,

That it was a trial,

That it was,

You know,

Hard work for 20 years,

25 years.

I mean,

He was working with one of the biggest lights.

You see,

That's why it's so important for students to really have an open mind,

To really want the knowledge.

You know what happened to this guy?

He left.

And a couple of years later,

He committed suicide,

Which is kind of what happens.

Because if you,

You know,

If you spent that,

You've been that opportunity to receive love,

And for 25 years,

You resisted,

It is a level of resistance and self-hatred that is off the charts.

And you know,

We either go into love or into resistance.

We go one way or the other.

So for 25 years,

He did this with somebody like Ramana Maharshi,

Like,

There is just no,

It's just like a bit of a circus in a way.

And the only thing that determines whether you get it over time or not,

Is whether you want it.

Do you see?

Because you're God in human form.

So if you want it,

God wants it.

And that will have a power.

Do you understand that?

You're gods.

So if you want this knowledge,

You'll get it.

You just have to be willing to become like an owl,

To have like,

Develop a 360 degree viewpoint,

To know that the teacher is always wanting your,

The best for you,

Which can be hard when the ego comes up.

Yeah.

And you'll be thrown back sometimes by the teacher.

If you're,

If you're an involved student,

You'll get thrown back by the teacher.

And you will have to consider whether the teacher is really working for you or not.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because your ego won't always be comfortable.

There was a time once where I went to,

Alma didn't ask my question,

And I went to another teacher.

I went to Mother Mira,

And I kind of,

You know,

She works through just looking through your eyes.

And I forced it.

I so wanted to break through that I forced it energetically,

Do you know?

And I remember Mira gave this little flicker around her eyes,

As if it was sort of like,

What are you doing?

Because,

You know,

In the journey,

The forcing doesn't work.

Anyway,

I went into two months of real emotional pain for having done that.

You know,

It was a big lesson to me.

Anyway,

Went back to Alma.

And she greeted me with English.

She said,

Are you all right?

And I,

I was like,

What do you mean?

Am I all right?

Like,

I'd forgotten all this.

It was six months later,

You know?

What do you mean?

I'm all right.

Like,

Of course,

I'm fine.

And then afterwards,

I was thinking about it.

And I thought,

Oh,

She knew that I had that experience with Mira.

Okay.

So my faith went up.

Okay,

When I next came around,

Or once I got that understanding,

She said to me again,

Verbally in English,

She said,

I didn't know you do that.

And I remembered,

I went,

I kind of went,

How could she not know I was going to do that,

Then.

And I circled around with that for a while.

And then I,

I just decided that she was giving me an opportunity to distrust her in a way.

You know what I mean?

She was like,

It's like,

I could have grabbed that made a big meal about it gone.

She should have known what I was going to do.

And I decided that she was God.

I just let it be.

It's like myth.

I'm not going to lose my faith over this myth.

It's like,

She knew something.

She knew I'd been heard and responded.

And that was good enough for me.

And,

You know,

Maybe,

Maybe teachers don't.

I mean,

She's hugging 1000s of people.

I mean,

Maybe,

Maybe it's just impossible to keep up with the next mistake that one of these 1000s is going to make.

I don't know.

Anyway,

It sort of stayed kind of like a question mark.

But she's just proved she's God so many times that.

Yeah.

Okay.

So again,

I'm always so like,

Amused in a way by what comes through my mouth.

And this seems kind of happier than I would have wished in a way,

But I have no control over it.

So anybody got any kind of question at all,

And don't worry about,

Please,

Don't worry about like,

Don't think oh,

It's stupid,

Or don't.

Please,

If you knew the questions that I had asked like,

Please.

Yeah,

It's true.

You know,

We're just we're just like,

You know,

Kids were just Yeah.

Yeah.

So does anybody want to question?

If you don't ask questions,

I'm just gonna keep talking.

But,

You know,

I know you guys need help.

Oh,

Okay,

Laura.

Laura,

Please go ahead.

I don't have a question.

I just have a comment.

And thank you.

And I'm glad everybody was here.

Yeah.

And that we're not alone in this journey.

And I'm finding that the bigger the steps,

The darker the darkness feels like going through hell.

And I heard when you're in hell,

Keep walking.

And but what's happening is coming out faster.

Just keep looking at God is saying,

Help me and God pulls you through it faster.

Yeah.

Yeah,

That's all.

Yeah.

That you ask for grace with real,

Please help me.

You get helped.

That's it.

Yeah.

Good.

We're gods,

You guys.

If we ask,

We get it.

Mm hmm.

Yeah.

Some steps are dark,

You know,

They're,

They can be hair raising,

But only when we're ready.

And anyway,

You know,

The outside world hair raising.

So we're gonna get it either way.

So yeah,

I promise you to Jenna.

Hi.

Hi.

So I resonate with what Laura just said,

As far as that it feels like you're going through hell.

And the more since we're talking about shadow today,

What I'm noticing is that in feeling disconnect and not trusting that this is all love,

That there is there have been in this last week,

Really intense waves of jealousy that I've been experiencing.

And I guess the question is,

And maybe the answer is just always compassion and forgiveness for your humanness.

But when you're in a space where you're really disgusted with the shadow that's coming up,

And the,

You know,

The intensity of that shadow that's coming up.

How,

How would you have practiced compassion around that?

Yes,

Sweetie.

No.

Yeah,

Sweetie pie,

You know,

This is just what you have to grow out of.

Oh,

God.

I have so much compassion.

It's like,

But,

You know,

So you're jealous,

Right?

So just be jealous.

This,

This heavy self judgment for being jealous is the problem.

Sweetie pie,

Who doesn't get jealous sometimes?

You know,

Jealousy will always be showing you what is coming for you.

Do you know what I mean?

It will either show you some an attribute that you possess inside that you can bring forward?

Or something that's going to happen for you at some point in your true life?

If you just keep going?

Do you understand this?

There's a piece of me that does and then I feel a lot of resistance and confusion as well.

Yeah,

And it's this you see,

It's the resistance and the confusion that it's like you're seeing what your personality was built out of to see this resistance and confusion.

And this little,

Yeah.

And how far you got from yourself is a little,

Little munchkin.

Okay.

And this I have unbelievable compassion for truly Jenna.

I mean,

Yeah.

So I just,

Yeah.

I just have enormous compassion.

Yeah.

And I know that you can just,

It'll just fall away.

It'll just fall away.

It's like,

You see,

Oh,

This is,

You know,

This does make me so sad.

It's like,

Students get so caught in bad and good.

You know,

That it takes you away from the main game of just coming into your heart.

You know,

So you're jealous.

It's like,

You know,

A poem.

You know,

I'm,

I'm walking around in jealousy.

I'm uncomfortable.

Oh,

Well,

I'm jealous.

Oh,

Well,

You know,

You don't have to like,

Get out the scrubbing brush and clean up everything.

Oh,

No,

Not loud.

Not loud.

I would have a damn spot.

Yeah,

Please.

I just find it so sad,

You know,

And some people,

They,

They,

They spent years doing it.

You know,

One of the good things about me dropping an atom bomb in my life,

Like I did,

Was when I picked up,

When I picked myself up,

I,

I don't know,

Out of all that pain,

I,

I,

I stopped monitoring myself somehow.

So heavily.

And that's what I see you guys often do this heavy monitoring,

And it just is heartbreaking.

And you know what,

If I like,

Try to,

Like,

Help you out of it,

Sometimes I just get like,

Attacked,

But it's kind of like,

I get told to back off.

And it's kind of like,

Oh,

No.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So how do you feel right now,

Jenna?

Loved and a relief that I am.

So thank you.

Good.

Yeah.

Yeah,

It's the only thing that works.

Really,

It is the only thing that works.

And I'm just so happy when somebody lets it through,

You know?

Right.

Right.

Oh,

Okay.

This is a relief to me,

Too.

Yeah.

Good.

Good.

Yeah.

You know,

Just a gentle observation of our state.

It,

You know,

Even if you're walking,

Even if you see stuff in yourself,

It's just terrible.

Oh,

Well,

You know,

Oh,

Well,

Just,

You know,

Just go through.

I think we've lost your video.

Oh,

I lost my video.

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay,

There.

There you are.

Good.

Thanks.

I didn't notice.

Well,

You guys,

If you get that you're loved more than I'm a happy camper.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's good.

Yeah.

Thanks,

Jenna.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I feel like I could use a little support.

Ah,

Bhavani.

Bhavani,

Please.

What's up?

It's just like lots of things are changing,

And I'm,

There's just a lot of fear there.

Struggling with my mind not being to understand,

But wanting to understand and trying to let that go and trying to let go of the preconceived ideas that I had,

Wishes that I had,

And really feeling a very strong pull in a certain direction,

And I just,

I don't,

Scared.

Yeah,

Scared.

Yeah.

Scared.

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay,

Let me feel into this.

It,

You know,

Okay,

We're gonna bumble into it.

You know,

This is kind of messy,

Like motherhood and children.

But we'll bumble into it.

It's like,

Sweetie,

It's,

You know,

We,

We have to let go of control on the journey.

And this is what so many of us have trouble doing.

You know,

It's like the seed has to sprout,

And it loses its old identity.

But even as I say this in you,

I feel that it's like you need something from me.

And it's as if you,

You never get it.

And it's not to me personally,

It's like,

From the very beginning,

When you were a little kid,

You never got it.

And you really need it.

And you walk around with this,

You know,

Trying to work things out in your head,

And kind of trying to find clarity.

It's like you're looking for clarity.

But you kind of superimpose it,

Okay,

Over this deep need underneath.

It's like,

And you've never got it.

And because you've never got it,

It's like,

It's almost like the cells of your body don't know how to receive it.

Ah,

It's like,

Human beings know warfare,

Far better than we know,

Unconditional love.

This is what all of our bodies are like.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

So,

Bethany,

How do you feel?

Just totally honest,

As I'm saying this.

I don't even know.

Right.

Right.

I don't even know.

Yeah,

Good.

Good.

Yeah.

That's it.

That's it.

That's it.

So that's your state right now.

It's like,

I'm trying to give you something that you've never received.

And you're like,

Like,

Don't even know how,

I guess.

Right.

Exactly.

Right.

Right.

Yeah.

And it's okay,

Sweet one.

It's okay,

Not to know how to receive it.

It's okay.

It's okay.

I'm getting,

On the outside,

The life,

I'm,

You know,

From life,

I'm getting bombarded with not good enough,

Not good enough,

Not good enough,

Not good enough.

Right.

Okay.

So,

To the rest of you who are here,

It will,

You know,

It's always easy to see when we're observing.

This not good enough,

Is what see,

When we when we don't get what we need,

We think there's something wrong with us.

We go like,

Well,

I'm just not lovable.

Okay.

So,

Then when love comes,

We,

We,

We take on this,

I'm not good enough.

And I'll tell you,

Everybody in the satsang has carried that,

Or carries it.

But Bhavani,

Bhavani,

It's not true.

Okay.

So,

I'm speaking to your God self.

And I'm kind of shaking hands,

Embracing your God self,

Like premasuda and your God self know that you're totally worth it.

That you're totally deserve this love.

Yeah.

And it's like premasuda and your God self are just waiting with infinite patience for you to get this.

I really want to.

I know.

I'm really suffering.

I know you are.

And I've always known here that I'm good enough.

I want to feel it here.

So,

That I'm also immune to that message out in the world.

Okay.

That's what's wrong.

Do you see what you said?

You said,

I want to get it so that I can be immune so I can wall off,

Protect myself from the world,

Right?

Like,

There it is.

This is what we do.

It gets,

And it gets,

This is the labyrinth,

Right?

There's nothing,

You know,

There's nothing really you can do.

You know,

You will just get this.

There will be,

There will be a time where you get it.

It will come.

It will come.

I know it will.

Right.

And,

You know,

Vavani,

We sometimes have to stop protecting ourselves.

Yeah.

From the outer world.

Sometimes the outer world is,

It's like,

It's telling us something,

Even if it's very harsh or very loud,

It's telling us something we need to hear.

It's not true.

Like,

If you're,

Say,

In a situation where you're being misunderstood,

It's not,

It's not that you don't,

That you deserve to be misunderstood.

It's for you to see that you're misunderstanding yourself.

But I don't want to get too,

There's the heart of you,

Vavani,

And you,

It's like you never,

It's like you never feel that somebody really gets you.

You never feel deeply loved or understood.

And you actually think it's dangerous.

Yeah.

But love's dangerous.

Right.

Yeah.

Right.

Right.

Okay,

Good.

So when we think love is dangerous,

We do all kinds of tricks and manipulations and tricks to avoid it.

Do you know?

Yeah.

And we don't even know what we're doing.

Right?

You're,

You're moving closer to yourself,

Just as we talk.

You're doing it.

Yes,

You're doing it.

You're moving closer to yourself.

Yeah.

Yes,

Sweetie pie.

Yeah,

You're not such a hard case.

Yeah.

I'm a really hard case.

Sure.

And most of the time,

I hope I'm not,

You know,

The hard cases.

I mean,

I was a really hard case.

Like,

Like,

Really,

Like that shaman was telling me I just he couldn't work with me like,

You know,

But when hard cases get it,

They become great gifts to the human race,

Because they can get through to people.

Because if they got through to themselves,

When they were a hard case,

They can get through to virtually anybody.

Yeah.

Okay,

Good.

Good.

Part of you wants to Vani.

Okay,

Part of you wants to stay a hard case.

You want to find the hard case.

I'm very familiar with this part.

I'm not saying I like it.

Very familiar.

Sure.

Yeah.

Totally.

Yeah.

I show because I'm different.

I'm difficult.

Right.

Okay.

Okay.

This is great.

This is perfect.

This is the shadow material.

Yeah.

Right.

I'm always an exception.

It's always so complicated way,

But it does work out in the end.

But my way is this,

You know,

Backwards under around so many steps,

Confusing,

Complicated.

That's my way.

That's my special way.

Right.

Right.

Right.

Good.

But it's exhausting for you.

Absolutely.

I'm depleted completely.

I have no energy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I just,

You know,

Right.

And even now,

Sweetie,

You're you,

You open,

And then the avoidance started coming in.

I heard it in your voice.

It's okay.

It's just,

You know,

You know,

You've,

You've allowed this exposure.

And so what will happen is,

That's it.

It's,

It's,

That's it.

That's all you need to do is let light on and what will happen.

And you guys,

This is how evolution happens.

You'll find that you can't do it anymore.

The same way.

You can't do this difficult thing because you exposed it.

Do you know what I mean?

The game's been called it.

It will start to lose energy now.

Okay.

Do you understand that Vani?

Do you understand what I said?

I felt it touch some place very deep where my head just kind of blinked for a moment and I could just feel it.

Yeah.

That's it.

Guys,

You guys,

I mean,

I'm really impressed with how you're doing.

I mean,

My goodness,

That's it.

Even just a flicker of that getting through.

So,

You know,

You let the love in there.

So,

You know,

Like sweetie,

It took me years.

Like you just keep going.

You know,

It's like once you get how the journey really operates,

It will speed up.

Like all of you guys,

Once you realize how much struggle is a necessary.

Yeah.

So,

I'd say congratulations,

Sweetie.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Badge of honor.

Yeah.

For exposing it and being very honest during every step.

And you got the beginnings of a breakthrough.

So,

Just,

Yeah,

We'll do this again.

We'll do this again.

Okay.

I know I wish I could lift it all off you,

But like,

You know,

Yeah.

It's just,

Yeah.

It's just,

You know,

It's our gigs.

We get what we've created in other lives.

I had to slog through all this stuff.

Yeah.

You know,

The other thing is keep your focus on the creator,

You know.

Anything that lifts our minds up out of our labyrinth.

Yeah.

Keep the focus.

I want to keep asking for grace.

That will help.

You know,

We're all divine beings.

I mean,

On a soul level,

We're in ecstasy.

We're having,

We're so enjoying this.

Yeah.

But Vani,

I don't want to talk to you anymore because I think it's,

I mean,

I think it's finished and I think it will start going into confusion.

Yeah.

So,

Just,

But you had a breakthrough there and you can,

And we can build on that.

You can build on that.

Amma's,

I'm going to ask for Amma's grace,

Particularly for you.

Yeah.

Oh,

Sweetie.

You know,

When you get through this,

You're,

You're going to be a different woman.

Do you know?

Really?

Yeah.

You're going to be very different from the way you are now.

I can feel it.

Mm.

Yeah.

Right.

Good.

Yeah.

You just need a little help and support.

Yeah.

But you're doing it.

Yeah.

Oh,

Okay.

That's great.

Oh,

This is so rewarding.

It's fantastic.

Yeah.

I'm in nirvana.

I know this is helping all of you and I know that you guys are all seeing yourselves,

Seeing yourselves,

Right?

I mean,

This is,

It's all us,

Bhavani.

It's all us.

It's like,

It was me.

It's all of them.

It's like,

This is what we're like.

Okay.

It's very good.

Okay.

Hmm.

You know,

I,

I'm just getting this message that the shift you've made is helping mother nature.

And it's as if,

You know,

It's helping to purify.

Um,

It's like,

It's sort of like a microscopic amount,

But it's purifying the air around the earth and strengthening mother nature.

And so you're to get a big badge of honor for that,

For that level of depth.

And this is what you're so scared of because it's the level of depth for when you open,

You're like,

Yeah.

So this is like me too.

I was like that.

Yeah.

But it's okay.

You can,

You will get enough support.

That's it.

Good.

Yeah.

You see,

We're all gods.

We're all mother nature.

When we move into truth,

Everything gets healthier.

Yeah.

Wow.

No,

Sweetie.

Yeah.

Blessings.

Blessings to you and Benjamin.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He's so cute.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Mm hmm.

Okay.

Let's go.

Who else sees the moment you guys.

Okay.

Michael.

Hello.

Hi,

Everybody.

Um,

Yeah,

You know,

What I want to say is you mentioned about control before and I'm so good at erecting guardrails.

And I think I've always been running away.

It's one of my shadow sides.

I think not the only one.

But I think I've always been running away from feeling any kind of feelings of depression.

And sort of deep down,

I think it would be I'm not letting something come out.

Because of that,

Because I'm running away from,

From from that.

Right?

Yeah.

I mean,

You're kind of integrating our session.

So it's like,

You've been running away from the little boy that came into your body,

Finally.

So you're feeling how much you've run away from him.

Mm hmm.

Ah,

And he,

He was a sad guy.

Yeah.

Right.

So,

Like,

I'm a little.

So are you wanting to feel or is like,

Are you wanting to go feel what you feel that you need to feel in order to be more perfect?

I'm a little confused.

No,

I think it's because I'd like to feel what I can.

And,

You know,

If,

If,

If there's a roadblock there,

Then,

And I know it takes time.

But if there's a roadblock there,

I don't think it does me any good.

And why should I be afraid of those feelings?

Right?

Yes,

I just wanted to say how I feel.

And I've noticed that before.

Yeah.

Let me just be with it.

Um,

Yeah,

It's like part of you feels unable to really let this material come up.

It's like I give myself intellectual permission,

But not heartfelt permission.

Yeah.

You know,

All this is going to come out of the walk in the wash,

Because we did the body work and you already made the shift that you're wanting to make.

You already made it at the level in the blueprint.

Do you understand?

So what you're going through now is just getting ready to feel more.

You're,

You're sort of clearing.

Well,

Why would I,

Why wouldn't I feel this?

I might as well feel this.

And this is part of the fact that you already altered your blueprint to include more of your child self.

Okay.

So it's actually the part that saying,

Why don't I let this in that is actually obstructing things.

Do you see what I mean?

It's like that part,

In a funny way,

He's stubbornly holding on to the status quo,

When actually it's all changed.

And also it's like,

He's blocking the light.

These,

These thoughts that you're even in control in a way that you even have a choice in a way.

I haven't quite found you,

Michael.

It's a very,

Very subtle point.

It's a,

It's where you've hidden.

It's where you hide behind your ego a lot.

Hold on just a minute.

Okay.

Okay.

So there's,

It's as if you think it's dangerous to go inside,

You know?

Right.

Yeah.

Right.

It's dangerous to live from the inside out.

And it's dangerous to feel a really dangerous to feel.

So how do you feel when I say that?

It's right.

Okay.

So this is the sorrow coming up,

You know,

The sorrow of how neglected this child feels in you,

The sorrow of the child,

The sorrow of being separate.

And part of you wants to withdraw right now,

Even as I'm talking,

You want to,

You want to step back.

Like you want to,

Oh yeah,

I want my feelings,

But oh no,

No,

No,

No,

No,

No,

No.

Yeah.

Yep.

Yep.

This is what we're like.

No matter,

No wonder the world's just so confused,

Right?

Yep.

These feelings are going to come no matter what.

Okay.

Michael.

Yeah.

Right.

I can see them coming.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

And you know,

What's really good is as you feel this material,

As it surfaces and you,

You give it over,

You're going to,

You're going to find your angel wings.

Okay.

Okay.

This is how you find your angel wings.

You guys,

Instead of judging yourselves,

Vavani,

I want you to hear this.

Okay.

This is how you find your angel wings.

Yeah.

Instead of judging yourselves,

When stuff comes up,

You keep at,

You are with it.

You feel it.

You keep asking for grace.

You just walk through the mud.

You walk through the mud till it gets lighter for you.

You keep asking for grace,

Crying,

Writing,

Whatever you need to do,

Giving it over,

Whatever you need to do until it's,

You start to feel lighter.

And when you become familiar with that process,

That's how you get your angel wings because you,

You know that you can walk through anything,

That there's no darkness that can stop you.

If you just keep asking for grace,

Keep embracing it,

Like feeling it,

Not judging yourself.

Or if you start to judge yourself,

You,

You notice that you're judging yourself.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

It's Michael.

It's like,

You're scared to get down where it's muddy.

Yeah.

It's okay.

It's also guys,

You know,

It's,

It's more hair raising for you for guys to deal with this stuff in a way.

Yeah.

Right.

And you're working.

I think you need to,

You know,

Go off duty,

Like let yourself be,

Just tell yourself that Premasuddha loves you just the way you are,

Even if you're trying to run from your feelings a bit.

And also that,

You know,

In a war between love and Michael's ego,

You know,

Love is going to win.

Your soul's going to win.

Uh huh.

How do you feel right now?

And everybody just be really,

Really honest.

Remember?

Well,

I guess I really hope so.

And yeah,

Like I say,

I feel a little bit,

A little bit sad.

Right?

Yeah.

You see,

The psyche can't deal with too much all at one time.

I mean,

If you really got all the material that needs to come up,

You would be,

You wouldn't be able to function like you're functioning.

You have to do it a bit at a time.

Actually,

Michael,

You know what I think I'm just getting that it would be really,

Really helpful if you just make a pledge to be honest,

More honest in your day to day life in every area.

You see,

If you do that,

That will help open the doors.

Just honesty and,

You know,

Put it,

Just be more real.

Okay.

Do you see what we're like?

We kind of go like,

Okay,

How do I manipulate the circumstance so I can feel more my child energy?

And it's like,

The child is just innocent and will speak honestly.

And if you want your child energy and be honest.

Okay.

How do you feel about this?

I,

You know,

I hope I can do that.

I think sometimes I think I need a roadmap for that.

Okay.

Yeah.

Because you feel unable,

But like,

Okay.

So you're like,

I want to evolve,

But I don't want to do it.

But you're just going to have to like,

Nobody can do it for you.

You know,

I mean,

The teachers given the directive,

I'll tell you,

If you're a serious student,

Teacher gives a directive.

You don't argue with whether you can do it or not.

You do it.

Okay.

Amma told me something.

I didn't go.

I don't think I can do it.

Amma told me I did it.

That is what works.

Okay.

Busted.

Buster.

Busted you.

It's like,

Yeah,

You know,

This is,

This is part of why I'm like,

Throwing back a little bit from being so working with people so generously to more of this,

Because I don't want to go around in people's games anymore.

It's I just can't.

I want really,

I want people who really want to grow and who really are going to be honest.

Yeah.

Right.

Right.

And,

And,

And,

Okay,

Now,

Michael,

You're not a bad boy.

Okay.

Like,

Okay,

This whole thing of being a bad boy is coming up to me.

This is why it's like a teacher,

You do one thing,

And then the other part of the ego comes up.

And it's like,

You're beautiful,

Man.

And you can just,

You know,

Do,

Do what you can with being honest,

More honest,

Like,

Make it a game,

You know?

Okay.

Say to me,

Say out loud,

I'm not ready,

Premasuddha.

I'm not ready,

Premasuddha.

Right.

You're not really,

In a way.

Okay.

So,

How do you feel when I say that?

I'm gonna get ready.

Okay.

But,

Okay,

I'll tell you a big secret for all of you guys.

Listen,

The way to get ready is to be patient with the fact you're not ready.

Okay?

Don't strong arm yourself.

Okay.

Ask for grace.

Uh-huh.

See it clearly.

But just be with it.

It's like,

Be with your little child self.

You know,

Your child self is scared.

So,

Just be with it.

It's like,

Just be with not being ready.

Like,

Look what trouble I got into by going to Mira and forcing something.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know,

Michael,

You didn't quite hear this.

But,

During the session,

You wove this little guy into your body.

Okay.

It is a done deal.

Okay.

You're gonna feel more.

Okay.

You're just moving through the resistances that have to be seen clearly before that can happen.

But it's nothing that's in your power.

It's already been done.

When I touched your body,

It was done.

Do you get it?

Like,

You're making a big fuss over,

It's already been done.

It's just,

It's like a woman.

You're already pregnant.

It's just,

Just be patient.

The baby's gonna be born.

Uh-huh.

Okay.

Okay.

And you're saying to me,

Oh,

It is out of my control,

Premasuddha.

Yes.

It's not in your control.

Your ego tries to persuade you that it is,

But it isn't.

Uh-huh.

Who's running the show?

God,

The creator.

I'll tell you.

It isn't our egos.

But our egos will trick us into thinking that they have power,

And they have no power at all.

None.

Yeah.

Or their only power is if we believe them,

If we believe our ego,

You know.

Yeah.

Okay.

You just put down,

It was like an iron in the shape,

It was concrete in the shape of an iron that you might use to iron clothes.

And you just put it down,

And it's like you don't have to do this anymore.

And I think it's trying to iron out all the creases of evolution.

You can't do it.

It doesn't work.

And you can't do it with a concrete mind.

You might be able to do it with a poetical mind,

Through images,

Stuff,

But not the way you're doing it.

And you just put it down like you're,

Yeah,

Just,

Yeah.

Yes.

Thank God.

Yeah,

Thank God.

This is like,

This is where I feel like a bat helping animals who got caught in barbed wire,

You know.

It's like lifting the barbed wire off.

Yeah.

This is really cool,

You guys.

And this is off the charts work.

I am just so grateful that you've turned up,

And we could talk at this level,

Because this is the pay dirt level.

And when you get this bigger psychological understanding of evolution,

It just makes it so much easier.

And the bigger psychological understanding for you all to get is that you're beloved,

And you're beautiful the way you are.

There's everything about you.

And even getting caught in all these machinations,

It's like,

I did too.

It's like,

Oh,

Well,

This is what we're like.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And this is the rise of the feminine work,

The emotional IQ work,

And it's thing that's really necessary.

I mean,

Without this kind of thing,

It's really hard to evolve.

I found.

Yeah.

Oh,

I'm just so grateful you turned up.

Is there anybody,

We've got time for maybe one last comment or question.

Is there anybody who's got?

Okay,

Suzanne.

Hi,

Prima Sutta.

Hi,

To all of you.

I would love to say something.

It's like,

Because I have this,

Like a little bit.

It's feel like it's had to come out.

I don't know why.

So,

I have that feeling too,

I'm a bad girl too,

This morning,

Because I had that to my husband,

Gambler.

And after this,

I thought,

Oh,

I'm so a bad girl.

And I don't know why I have saying to him,

Gambler.

What are you saying to him,

Gambler?

Yeah.

That he's a gambler?

Gambler.

Yeah.

Okay.

Anna,

Can you help?

Is there something I'm not getting,

Gambler?

No.

Suzanne,

Can you say in German?

I'm just a little bit.

Okay.

Oh,

Somebody who's living on the street.

Yeah.

Without housing and.

Yeah.

He looks like a homeless person.

A homeless person.

A homeless person,

Because,

Yeah.

Yeah.

A street person.

A street person,

A homeless person.

That's what she called her husband.

This is what you feel like he looked like to you?

Yeah.

Right.

Yeah.

Right.

But it's me too,

When I have saying that.

Yeah.

Right.

But that doesn't really help too much.

Like,

You know what I mean?

We can know it's you too.

I don't know why I have been,

It's come out of my mouth,

And I was so sorry after that.

So,

What did you do?

I was shocked.

What did he do?

He was very sad.

Okay.

So,

He laid down all the day in the bed,

And he said to him that I'm hurting him.

Right.

Right.

Yeah.

And most times,

You guys are very sweet with each other,

Is that?

Yes.

We're very sweet with each other,

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

And,

Yeah,

Yesterday,

I had such a feel like a kid,

Like playing,

And it was such a lovely day,

And in the morning comes up my shadow material.

So,

I could feel that I'm not good enough,

And,

But I gave it over,

And that's what I'm feeling with Michael too,

This I'm not a good girl.

So,

Like,

Yeah.

Right.

But I can feel,

Suzanne,

When you give it over,

You don't really give it over.

You don't really give it over.

In fact,

All the time that I've known you,

You've never given it over.

Okay.

That's good that I speak that out.

It's really good that you're speaking.

Thank you.

All this stuff,

You guys,

You're saving yourself years,

Really.

Okay.

Yeah.

And I can feel you never give it,

Really give it over,

Because it feels too true to you.

So,

It's like trying to give over,

Like looking out,

And it's a sunny day,

And sort of trying to give over that it's a sunny day to God.

Do you know what I mean?

Because it just is true.

It's sunny.

So,

It's like with this bad girl,

It's just that you think it's so true that you can't really give it over in a way.

Right.

Yeah.

That's the problem.

And that's what I've been banging up in you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And poor Suzanne gets a hard time from Premasuda now.

Right?

I mean,

You just open your mouth and you get a hard time from me.

Yeah.

Right.

Really?

Isn't that true?

I want you to look at our exchanges for the last few months.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

And the reason is.

.

.

It was dangerous for me to open the mouth.

Yeah.

Because.

.

.

Yeah.

Yes.

Good.

And it's really good you've opened your mouth now.

But the hard times come because I've known you 20 years.

And this,

You know,

This,

I'm not good enough.

You don't really let it go.

Yeah.

You talk about love a lot.

Yeah.

I know.

That's what I'm feeling with Bhavani.

I could feel that.

Right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's what's so great about these things.

I could feel it.

I know,

Sweetie.

Oh,

Yeah.

I know.

Thank you.

No,

We haven't finished.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

And you look to me,

I said,

You're not finished.

And part of you,

It's like,

Oh.

This is,

You know,

This is like an operation.

It's kind of like,

Yeah.

Yeah.

Right.

It's okay.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well,

Just,

You know,

It's a metaphor,

The homelessness.

It's like,

You know,

We're homeless when we don't have a home in our hearts.

Okay.

Yeah.

I know.

Right.

Oh,

Sweetie.

Right.

And this hurts.

Yeah.

Oh,

Sweetie.

Oh,

Sweetie.

Right.

Right.

Right.

Right.

Right.

Okay.

So,

How do you feel right now?

I feel it's a stone coming from my heart.

It's like,

Yeah,

A big stone.

Right.

And I feel in my head.

Yeah.

Pressure.

Yeah.

In the back of your.

In the back of my head.

Yeah.

Okay.

That's the exit for the third eye.

So,

It's just where you were unconsciously resistant to this love.

Yeah.

So,

What's happening is this is becoming obvious now,

And it's clearing.

So,

Just,

You know,

Whenever you get like pressure,

Just invite it in.

Yeah.

And it'll take time to come in.

But when you decide to invite it in,

You're saying,

I'm willing to let this block lift.

I'm willing to let this block lift.

Yeah,

You are.

But you're,

Yeah.

But also,

You guys,

Just by feeling the pressure and thinking,

Okay,

Come in,

Soul.

That's all you need to do.

That steers your psyche towards letting it in.

Yeah.

Right.

Good.

That's it.

And this stone is just sweetie pie.

This is where you're so stony with yourself.

You're stone cold with yourself and others underneath.

And you try to be a good girl on top of that.

Try to be a good girl and get praise from Pramasutra on top of that.

And you will never be praised.

You know,

You'll be praised for what you're doing right now,

Which is embracing the stone,

Seeing it,

Seeing it.

Yeah.

Good.

It's like now it can clear.

It's like,

But just be with it.

Notice the stoniness and give it over.

It's like,

Just,

It's,

Suzanne,

It's melting and you deserve a badge of honor for continuing with me for so long,

In face of all your struggles,

Really.

And,

Right.

I'm getting,

And I was going to say,

And my criticism and you and your soul saying to me,

Your deeper self saying to me,

Is saying to me,

Your criticism of me did a lot of good.

Yes.

Right.

Because it's brought you here.

You're willing to like,

Face this block.

Yeah.

This is it.

This is such loving work,

But I'm just so happy that you guys can stand doing it,

You know,

But it's like pulling thorns out.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So just with the,

With the stone melting,

And then,

You know,

You'll just work it out with stuff.

And you'll just,

You know,

You'll just,

Is you just,

It's like you're moving into more authenticity.

It's like,

He'll feel it.

He'll feel it.

And you just had an eruption of your shadow side.

Really?

Yeah.

Yeah.

And it's good that you did,

Because it brought you,

It made you uncomfortable.

And you're facing this.

You guys do see it.

It's everything is good.

You know,

It's good.

It's good not to murder somebody.

But like,

When our shadow erupts,

We have to deal with it.

It gets our attention.

It's like a big red flag about something needing transformation.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know,

Suzanne,

You are being more authentic right now than you have ever been with me ever.

Yes.

Yes.

Thank you.

No,

Thank you.

You guys,

You guys.

All the people who are just listening.

This will benefit you.

It'll just it just Yeah.

Yeah.

And we should it's it's 941.

So we got to go.

But we could do this again,

You know,

Because this is the heart.

I mean,

This is the stuff that I think there is a screaming need for.

No.

And really,

What I'd like to do is help train people up to be able to do it,

You know,

Which is when you wake up,

You'll end up being able to do it for others.

You'll it'll just like,

It'll just be obvious to you.

Like all this is just two plus two equals four for me.

Because it's all stuff I met myself.

It's all stuff like that I went through everything you're going through.

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

Now,

What I'm seeing in all of you in your in the back of your hearts,

I'm seeing sunshine coming in now.

That's so interesting.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know,

What dreams may come,

You know,

It's a time where evolution's really getting speeded up.

All of you guys did so well.

Okay,

I love you so much.

You know this.

Okay.

And we'll do this again.

You know,

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Well,

Blessings,

You guys.

Love you.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Reviews

This conversation was unexpectedly enlightening. I felt a bit as if I was a voyeur observing a gathering of folks being vulnerable enough to make their ways thru some deep emotional blocks. I am grateful to have this appear in my feed. Thanks 🙏🏽