Handling Regret Using Empathy

This meditative exercise connects with the needs underneath regret, shame or guilt. Based on ideas from Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication.

Transcript

Hello fellow human and welcome to the Handling Regret Using Empathy Meditation.

In this process we tune into our feelings and needs to help us view our behavior with compassion.

This is a process for you to try.

Take your time and don't worry if at first you're not able to do all of the steps.

It takes practice.

Before we begin,

Please identify a mistake that you've made,

Something you've done that you still carry regret about.

If this is your first time doing this exercise,

It's best to start with something small until you get the hang of this.

I'll give you a moment to think of something.

Once you've identified one,

Put it in the back of your mind until later on.

Now,

Settle back into the surface you're on and see if you want to shift to a more comfy position.

And once you're settled,

Take a nice deep breath in.

Let it out slowly.

One more time,

Nice deep cleansing breath.

Let it all the way out.

And again,

Nice deep cleansing breath.

Let it out slowly.

Now,

It's time to work with something that you've done that you regret.

Notice how you're feeling as you recall and be specific in naming each feeling.

Notice where in your body these feelings are showing up.

If you're feeling guilt or shame along with the regret,

You can view those feelings as signals of something inside that needs attending to.

One way to connect with what's going on inside is to use empathy.

Empathy is connecting to the feelings and the needs,

Universal human needs like respect,

The need to matter,

Need to be heard,

Need to be understood,

Need for community,

Companionship,

Friendship,

Fun,

All those needs we share as humans.

Now,

Thinking back to the mistake,

We'll explore first the feelings and then the needs that were going on for you at the time.

Try to recall how you were feeling at the time.

What was going on for you?

And now pause and take a moment to connect with those feelings.

Connect with the humanity of having those feelings.

Now that you've brought compassion to the feelings that were alive for you,

We'll look at the needs.

At the time,

There was a need going on for you and you chose a strategy to meet that need.

What was important to your well-being?

Understand that there was a reason.

Try to identify the underlying need.

And now pause and take a moment to connect with that need.

Connect with the humanity of having that need.

Notice how it feels when you focus compassionately on your humanity.

And now notice if you're feeling any differently as you recall the mistake.

Think into the area of your body where you located it before.

How is that area feeling now?

When we have done something that we wish we hadn't,

We can handle it one of two ways.

We can either infuse the memory with pain or with an energy of understanding and compassion.

This exercise rewires your brain pattern.

You might choose to repeat it until your recalling of the mistake has no shame or guilt attached to it.

In closing,

Thank yourself for taking this time to handle regret with empathy.

I hope you've benefited from this self-connection.

Be well,

Fellow human.

Reviews

Thank you for this practice. It helped a little bit. But I think if I keep listening to this practice and sending love and empathy to this part of myself, it will heal. . thank you🧡🌻💛🌞🧡🌻💛🌞🌻💛🌞🧡

Thoughtful and effective method of understanding our actions and helping us feel compassion for the humanity in them. Beautiful!
Namaste,
Donna

I find it harder to forgive myself than I do to forgive others. Even going so far as to blame myself for chioces other people have made that I had no control over. At first listen, the "fellow human" reference's made me grind my teeth...sorry, but I guess we all need to be reminded that as humans, we are less than perfect.

Thank you. From someone with deep regrets and shame, I thank you.

Dear fellow human, thank you for your gift of this perfect reflection. What a joy to have discovered this meditation. The perfect reminder of the power of “ask and it is given.” I was already familiar with Rosenberg and nonviolent communication methods from a dear friend who has spent her lifetime working with this process and teaching. In my 10 years on Insight I’ve never searched meditations on the topic of regret until today, and my regret was small, yet had me feeling deeply sad, the perfect place to start with this today! Doing this meditation did indeed bring me to a place of understanding and compassion for what I was feeling and needing in the moment. I was led to this meditation after first sitting for a quiet 10 minute meditation, followed by a few rounds of EFT tapping for a feeling of deep sadness during which the regret was let free to surface into my consciousness, leading me back here to Insight for support around the regret. I now feel restored and at peace. Thank you for sharing and Namaste 🙏

I like this approach and will keep working on my regret. Thank you.

I am learning how to regulate my emotions and honor them. Your meditation has provided great support in my journey of healing. Thank you!

Thank you. I see and feel the scared little boy inside me now and he (me) deserves empathy and compassion. Thank you. You are helping me create a better future.

Love this approach. How rarely we look at ourselves with empathy and loving eyes...Thank you, 🙏🏻💕

This was the first time I saw myself and the needs at that time… thank you!!💞🙏💝

Such a helpful exercise and visualization. Really allowed me to see myself in a past situation differently. Thank you 🙏🏽

🥺😌 thank you. I forget to come back to my own humanity and embrace learning from it

excellent practice. thanks.

Thank you, fellow human! That was helpful and I’ll definitely come back to it

The delivery is somewhat wooden. But the insights are incredibly valuable. I was able to remember that i had been going through a health crisis at the time of a decision i regret. I had completely forgotten what a tough time that had been and was so mad at myself. Remembering the situation gave me context and compassion.

So simple and effective today for my headspace u made me realise empathy and compassion towards myself was key and I will use this to keep working on what was hindering me in my journey of self love

This was absolutely beautiful and such a great exercise. Even though it was short it was very effective. I struggle with self forgiveness a lot and tend to ruminate about mistakes; this helped me to see the underlying behaviour of the past and empathize with myself instead of judging harshly. Thank you so much, I will repeat this one :)

So very helpful. Thank you.

Wow. major breakthrough for me. Helped me let go of a deep 10-year regret! So powerful and succinct, I finally understand what self-compassion means or how to get there. Thank you so much this couldn't have been better :-)

This approach seems to work for me in a way many others have not. Thank you very much!