Meditation On Healing Avoidant Behaviours

When dealing with childhood trauma, we create coping mechanisms and survival strategies to persist in uncomfortable positions. And we tend to bring these into our adult relationships. When we use avoidance as coping mechanism we can lose the one thing we want the most, connection. So let us heal.

Transcript

Move where it feels comfortable.

If your body wants to lie down,

Allow your body to lie down.

If you feel good sitting up,

I invite your body to sit up,

But I invite you to shut the eyes down.

So there's nothing that you need to see here.

And come into your breath.

So equal inhalations and exhalations.

And let's really tune in to our physical form today.

So doing a body check,

Body scan.

And just acknowledging what it feels like in your skin and bones today.

Allow the brow to relax,

Allow the jaw to relax,

The shoulders.

And even relax the eyes.

I like to imagine my eyeballs floating on cool pools of water.

And allow the breath to be deep as it moves in and out of the nostrils,

Listening for that ocean-like sound.

And just notice what it feels like in your body when we speak of avoidance.

Where does your avoidance live?

And does it live in the chest,

The shoulders?

Does your jaw tighten?

Does your belly pull in?

And I invite you here to just relax into your physical form.

There is nothing wrong here,

Nothing to fix.

And in moments where we want to walk away from conflicts,

We want to run away and hide in the shadows,

I invite you to come back here to this space.

Come back to your body,

To your breath.

Tune in to the cadence and rhythm of your heartbeats.

Tune in to the rising and falling of the chest and the belly.

And notice the support of the ground,

The earth beneath you.

And become aware of the spaciousness around you.

So acknowledging the space underneath the arms,

Wrapping around the waist and the hips.

Notice the vast amount of space around the head,

In front of the heart and behind.

And allow yourself to feel safe here.

You are safe and contained in your physical form,

In your breath.

And this,

This here,

Behind closed eyelids,

Deeply in your breath as it moves in and out of the nostrils,

This here can be self-soothing.

When the external world becomes challenging,

When words feel painful to us,

When others actions feel penetrating into our safety,

Our connection,

Our acknowledgement.

We come back to this space and we resource ourselves.

We create resilience by being firm in our body,

But soft.

By being attentive and mindful,

But trusting.

And by surrendering,

But also standing up for what it is that we need.

And tuning in here and asking yourself,

What is it that you deeply desire that you do not believe that you are receiving?

Is it connection?

Is it grace?

Is it love?

Is it acknowledgement?

What are your needs?

The first most important step when stepping away from avoidant behaviors is first knowing our boundaries.

And then knowing our needs.

Being aware of what it is that we need in our interpersonal life,

But also our intrapersonal life.

What is it that we need inside ourselves and outside of ourselves that allows us to feel safe,

That allows us to feel that our boundaries have not been crossed,

That we are safe to speak our truth,

That we are seen and respected and loved for all parts of ourselves.

And how do we allow those protectors within the psyche that are there for us,

That have been there for us since childhood to walk beside us,

Hold us?

How do we allow them to rest?

How do we allow them to trust?

And how do we love these parts of ourselves and not condemn ourselves when we run away or we get scared?

How can we hold ourselves in those moments?

Breathe deeply.

Allow your body to befriend your spirit.

And again acknowledge that you deserve pleasure,

That you deserve to be seen,

To be loved,

To be acknowledged,

To be understood.

So what is it that you need?

And where are your boundaries?

And how can you speak to them empathetically and ask for what it is that you need from the external world?

It's not in your best interest to people please or to keep your needs quietly to yourself or to shun yourself away from the world.

But trust that the world wants to embrace you,

That those that love you want to hear you,

That they want to see you,

They want to acknowledge all parts of yourself.

But first you must acknowledge and love these parts of yourself as well.

And those moments when the fear arises and we go to run,

Instead we can hold ourselves.

We might embrace ourselves and speak softly and just say you are safe.

You are safe here.

You are safe.

You are seeing that you are heard.

I will protect you.

I am here to take care of you.

And there are parts internally that are listening,

That are desiring for you to hold them,

To embrace them,

To not push them into the sidelines.

All parts with purpose and medicine for us.

And just acknowledging that these parts have been keeping us safe for a very long time.

They have been our confidants,

Our guards.

And we can acknowledge now that maybe they are hurting us in relationship,

That they bring about our fears,

Our desires to move away from discomfort.

I invite you to really sit up tall,

Lengthen the spine,

Let the chest be open,

Let the shoulders come down the back and let the belly breathe.

And trust.

Trust that when speaking from a mindful space from our center,

Not out of reaction,

Not looking for reaction,

But in our center,

Through deep breaths,

Through deep connection to true self to essence,

That we allow ourselves to enter into connection and in relationship with clear words of connection.

That with empathy and compassion,

We ask for what it is that we need.

And that we also give ourselves what it is that we need.

And those around us,

We begin to find more tolerance and love and compassion.

If we see that they're protectors,

Those inner wounds,

Have them act out in reaction and we see not with anger,

But awe.

That's a hurt part.

You're protecting yourself.

We can place our hands on our hearts.

Take a deep breath in,

Deep sigh out.

In any moments when we lose ourselves,

We can come here,

We can connect with our body,

Hands on the heart or the belly and really touch in with ourselves having that somatic experience of this is my body.

I am safe here.

I have the tools that I need to face this conflict.

I am strong.

I am courageous.

I can speak my truth.

I can ask for what I need.

I can create the container of safety that I desire and connection and I will be accepted by those that I love.

I will be seen and acknowledged by those that I love and that love me.

Hands can rest back on the knees and just take some moments of silence here as we end our meditation.

Take the hands together at heart center,

Bowing head to heart.

Deep breath in,

Deep sigh out.

Acknowledging here that this is a long and arduous journey,

But that we want to grow,

That we desire connection,

That we desire love,

That we desire healing.

And even in this moment,

Just choosing to be here,

To meditate,

To be mindful,

To sit with self is such a pivotal step in our healing that we gain just beautiful amounts of empathy and compassion for those hurting parts of ourselves that desire to run away,

To move away from what it is that we love,

To move away from connection and we slowly begin to step back in.

Slowly,

Slowly,

One minute at a time,

One hour,

One day,

One month,

We begin to step back into connection with confidence,

With truth telling,

With deep acceptance of ourselves and knowing that in our truth,

That those that truly love us will hear us and that we will hear ourselves.

Namaste.

Reviews

Thank you. This was very nice and very relaxing. 🙏🏻💖🙏🏻

You have put the right wards and attention.
Perhaps a longer session is needed?
Big Thanks

Thank you very much, my dear, your meditation did me a lot of good and I started the day with you today.It felt so good to listen to you and to look inside and out. How does it feel, how do I feel? Thank you very much for the work you do for this world.

I love how you guide me into the ‘zone’ and it all makes sense🥰Thanks 🌷🩵

Gentle wisdom. Really useful to meditate on this. Thank you 🙏

Perfect for what is happening now in my life and body.

Excellent. Beautiful soothing voice. Very helpful guidance.

I felt like it was just me receiving private lesson or session. Superb!

This is a beautiful, gentle soothing, healing meditation. Like having a kind and deeply understanding friend at your side.

Thank you so so much for this. It was so special, and so needed

Important meditation. Thanks for shining a light on avoidance. Very helpful. 🙏

Touched me deeply. I needed this and thank you for your wisdom and ability to share so eloquently.
Blessings ❤️ 🙏

Great practice of compassion for oneself 🙏🏼 thank you

Eye opening. 🙏Thank you. Perfect timing to hear this.

Thanks dear that was very nice and helpful. I've been hearing trust a lot lately and again here ☺

I really needed this practice today. Thank you for sharing🙏❤️

I really this meditation. Thank you 🙏🏿

Needed this so much. Thank you! My 9 year old son did it too. Never too early to have him feeling safe in his own body.

Loved it

Somebody is there with you, they accept and love you as you make this for us. That part touched me so much. Thank you. To the journey