How To Stop Feeling Weak, Fragile, And Scared

If you ever feel weak, fragile, insecure, or scared around people, then this video can help you to understand the cause of this experience & support you to feel more powerful & solid in your life. This can be truly life changing.

Transcript

Hello,

My name is Noah Oukrif and in this video I want to support you to stop feeling weak,

Fragile and scared.

So do you feel weak?

Do you feel fragile?

Do you feel scared around other people?

I know I did.

I used to feel so weak and fragile when I was around people.

Kind of like a child,

Like a little boy,

Like everybody else was a big person and I was a small person.

That they could like crush me or somehow hurt me.

But I didn't know how.

And that went on for a really really long time until I kind of like uncovered the layers of what was causing it.

So feeling weak and fragile has a lot of different impacts on our life.

It can cause us to not stand up for ourselves when someone is treating us in an unkind or disrespectful way.

It can cause us to not speak up for our desires of what we want.

Like we just follow what other people want us to do.

Follow what will get us approval instead of choosing for ourselves.

No I want this.

No this is what I want to do or whatever.

Because then we're so scared that others will get mad at us,

Not like us,

Leave us.

That we choose to bypass our own desires,

Suppress our own desires,

Suppress our own authentic way of being in exchange for trying to get approval and avoiding unkindness,

Disrespect and harshness towards ourselves.

It can also lead to social anxiety where we're just afraid of what people,

How people will respond to us.

And this can be afraid of them judging us.

It can be afraid of them being harsh towards us,

Afraid of them being mean,

Afraid of them abandoning us,

Any of that.

There are so many things that happen when we feel weak and fragile and scared,

When we feel small like a child.

And it is incredibly common.

People tend to think that they're the only one so they don't share it.

They don't share that this is how they feel with others,

That they feel so fragile.

But it's so so common.

And so in this video,

I want to share some tools.

It's not like an exhaustive thing of tools of how to let go of it.

But I hope that this general set of tools and exercises can help a lot of you.

So the first thing before I guide you into an exercise,

The first thing I want to talk about is the source.

Why do you feel weak and fragile?

Why do you feel scared of other human beings?

And there can be many,

Many sources,

But the most common one is how our parents treated us.

And then how our teachers treated us and then our peers.

But it starts with our parents.

So how did your parents treat you?

You may think they were kind,

Loving,

Whatever.

But what happens when you don't follow the rules?

What happens when you don't do what they ask?

Maybe something simple like they want you to eat your food and you don't want to eat it.

They want you to eat this food and you want to eat a different food.

They want you to go to the doctor and you don't want to go.

Or they ask you not to make noise and you continue making noise.

They ask you not to throw balls in the house and you continue to throw balls.

What happens when you don't follow their request or their desire?

Maybe they ask us kindly,

Can you please do this?

Can you please do that?

But what happens if we don't listen?

Our parents unknowingly or innocently in a sort of unaware way used intimidation as a control tactic.

So what they did is they raised their voice.

They get loud at us,

Okay,

To scare us in order to manipulate us into doing what they want.

I'll say that again slightly differently because it's vitally important to understanding this.

If you want to eat pizza and your mom wants you to eat broccoli and she puts broccoli in front of you,

You say,

No,

I don't want to eat it.

She says,

Come on,

Broccoli is healthy.

And you say,

No,

I don't want to eat it.

You're doing something she doesn't want or you're not doing what she wants.

And since she really,

Really wants you to do what she wants and she's like,

How do I do it?

Unconsciously,

Our parents get angry,

Get upset,

Get loud,

Okay,

Which then scares us as a child.

And since we're scared and we don't want to feel scared,

We want to feel safe,

We do what they want so we can come back to feeling safe.

And this is so normal for how parents treat their children that parents don't realize they're doing something wrong and children just consider it normal.

Like it's normal that I get yelled at,

It's normal that they get loud,

It's normal that they get upset when I don't do what they want.

But what happens is this trains us to live in fear of our parents,

Right?

If we don't do what they want,

They will get angry,

They will get harsh,

They will withhold their love and then I will feel unsafe.

And then I will have to do what they want to come back to feeling safe again.

You with me?

So they've trained us now to live in fear of them and they've trained us to do what they want instead of what we want.

This is the beginning of losing our authentic desire,

Our authentic expression and our new natural pulls and what we want to do with our time.

We choose to do what they want us to do because we unconsciously believe that's the only way we will be safe because it's true.

If we don't do what they want,

Anytime what we want contradicts,

Goes against what our parents want,

It's not safe to do what we want because they might yell,

They might hit,

They might scream,

They might withhold their love,

They might get harsh,

They might call us names.

So we bypass and suppress what we want,

Push it down and do what they want in order to find safety.

So in this way our parents train us to be scared.

Our parents train us that we have to do what others want to be safe.

They train us that we are fragile and weak in a sense because they are more powerful than us.

Obviously they're bigger and they have the money,

The food,

The shelter.

We need them,

We're dependent.

But as we get older,

We end up projecting our relationship with our parents onto every other human being or certain human beings that remind us of our mom or dad.

So now when you're with your boyfriend or your girlfriend or a prospective romantic partner,

When you look at them,

When you go up to them,

When you talk to them,

There can be this remnant fear that if I don't do what they want,

If I don't talk how they want,

If they don't like me,

Then I'm not safe.

You understand?

There can be this unconscious fear of them yelling at us.

There can be this unconscious fear of them being harsh to us,

Abandoning us,

Walking away from us in the same way that we felt scared and unsafe as a child based on what our parents did.

Even though you're now an adult,

You don't need them to have food and shelter.

You don't need them to be safe.

Emotionally,

Energetically,

We're like a child because all that fear,

Each time we got afraid as a child with our parents,

We didn't express the fear most of the time.

It got buried in our body.

So that fear still remains in your body.

And then when you're with people,

It gets activated.

It's not new fear.

It's just old fear in your body getting activated because it's reminded of the interactions you had with your parents.

Is that clear?

I hope so because I'm going to move on.

So how do we get our power back?

How do we emotionally energetically grow up?

How do we go from feeling like a boy or a girl to a man and a woman to feeling solid within ourselves?

There is many,

Many ways to do it and I'm going to go over a few or one or something like that.

Let's see what happens.

So I invite you to close your eyes and we're going to do an exercise together.

So I want you to look at yourself as a child,

You know,

Somewhere between like four and seven ideally.

And I want you to imagine this child,

So you're looking at this child from the third person perspective with one of his or her parents.

And I want you to imagine that the child is doing something that his mom or dad doesn't like.

And I want you to look at how your parents treat him or her.

What happens with their facial expression?

Maybe it's something extreme like they yell at him or her or hit him or her or call them names but usually it's more subtle like their tone of voice gets harsh,

Gets frustrated,

Gets a little upset,

Gets impatient.

They get a little cold,

They get a little distant,

They get a little unkind.

And look at what happens in the child,

You.

Look at how their body responds,

Look at how their face responds.

Notice the fear.

Notice the hurt,

Notice the sadness,

Notice what's arising.

Now,

Normally the child would just adapt.

Okay,

In order to get love again,

In order to not feel scared,

I need to just do what they want.

But in this moment,

We want to support a different outcome,

A different choice.

So I want you to tell that little boy or girl,

I am the grown up you,

I am the adult you and I'm here to support you.

And I want you to ask this child,

How are you feeling?

I want to know,

How are you feeling?

Please share with me.

Maybe the child says I feel uncomfortable,

I feel scared,

I feel confused,

Why is she talking to me like this?

I'm just doing what I want to do.

And I want you to support,

First listen to the child,

Listen to what they have to say,

Hear them.

If you need time with that,

Pause this video and just listen here.

And then I want you to support them to do what they want to do,

To speak the truth,

To stand up for themselves.

Now,

In order to stand up for yourself when someone is yelling at you and you're scared,

So generally when someone treats us in a way that scares us,

That makes us feel unsafe,

We have two main options,

Fight or flight,

Or perhaps third option,

Freeze,

Feel helpless,

Disconnected.

Now,

Usually we chose in our childhood fear,

Flight,

But we couldn't run away.

And when you can't run away,

You can sort of go into this helpless,

Weak thing like I have no choice,

I can't get away from this danger,

So I just adapt and do what they want.

Now if we tried to fight,

We try to tell them no,

Or we try to get angry at them,

What happens?

Our parents get angrier and louder,

They're not going to let us win,

They're not going to let us treat them with disrespect,

We're supposed to respect our elders and do what they want.

So what they teach us is that our anger isn't allowed,

To say no isn't allowed,

You can't say no to your parents,

You will get more violence,

More aggression,

More unkindness,

You will get a louder response from your parents every time you say no to them,

Especially if it comes with anger.

So what happens is,

Each time we wanted to say no and couldn't,

Each time we wanted to express this fight response,

This anger,

But couldn't,

We suppressed our capacity to express the fight response,

To express our anger,

To express our power.

And each time we denied this,

We sort of lose some of our strength,

Lose some of our power.

I'll say that again slightly differently.

Our body has these protection mechanisms built in,

That when we're feeling danger,

To run or fight.

So now as an adult,

If it's uncomfortable,

If you feel scared and weak around other people,

You avoid it,

You feel the fear,

You run.

But do you have the capacity to fight?

For many of us that feel weak and fragile,

We're like this sweet person,

I'm the nice person,

I'm the kind person.

And this sweetness,

Niceness and kindness is a little bit of a facade.

You might be sweet and kind,

But that's not all you are.

You are also powerful and strong,

And that aspect of you has been pushed down and buried.

And right now we want to take it back.

So I want you to tell this child,

You're allowed to say no,

And you're allowed to get angry.

You're allowed to say no,

And you're allowed to be angry.

So I want you to go next to the child in support of them.

And I want you to tell the child,

I'm here with you,

You're safe,

I'll protect you.

And together we will tell mommy or daddy,

No,

That's not what I want.

It's not my job to do anything you want me to do.

I am my own human being,

And I choose for myself,

No.

And I want you to feel if there's any anger or rage for all these times that you were bullied into doing what they want,

Intimidated into doing what they want,

Scared into doing what they want.

And I want you to imagine expressing your rage,

Expressing your anger.

So imagine that child screaming,

No,

I don't want to do it.

Stop telling me what to do.

I'm angry.

I don't like when you try to scare me into doing what you want.

I don't like when you don't honor my choices.

I don't like when you try to manipulate me through anger,

Punishment,

Violence,

Insults.

I'm angry.

And you can imagine this child expressing the anger.

You can imagine this child like screaming and like imagine fire coming out.

Imagine just like rage,

If you can,

To support rage,

To support anger.

Every little bit of rage and anger that you can let out,

That you can let up,

Supports you in coming into your power,

Into your solidness,

Into feeling like a man or a woman energetically.

So you may notice that this is supportive and you feel stronger and you may notice there's zero chance that the child can express this fear or say no because he's so unbelievably scared.

So what I want you to do if that child is too scared to express himself is I want you to tell the child or ask the child,

Where do you feel safe?

Maybe it's in your bedroom,

Maybe it's in the field,

Maybe it's in the forest,

Maybe it's at the beach.

And I want you to take this child to where they feel safe.

And when you get there,

I want you to tell the child,

You're safe now.

You're not in that house anymore.

You're not with your mom or dad anymore.

You're safe now.

And let that sink in.

They're in a new environment.

They're not there anymore.

And once that hits,

I want you to ask them,

How does it make you feel when your parents treat you with that harshness,

With that aggression,

With that intimidation?

And tell them,

I support your anger.

I'm not afraid of your anger.

I welcome your anger.

And support them to express,

I'm angry.

I don't like it.

I'm furious.

And you can give them things to destroy.

Maybe they just have this destructive force.

I want to break everything in sight.

I want to burn things down.

I want to go crazy.

I want to go furious.

There's so much fury inside of us.

So much desire to destroy sometimes as children when we weren't allowed to get angry.

It's normal for a kid to have a temper tantrum and get angry.

And if we're not allowed to,

If we're not allowed to fight back,

If we're not allowed to say no,

It pushes down so much rage,

So much anger that we go through life just trying to be sweet and nice and agree with everyone and do what they want.

But that doesn't support us in living our own authentic truth,

Standing in our power like going for it,

Doing what we want,

Being in the relationships we want,

Enjoying the relationships we want.

So support this child to express the anger and the rage.

Tell them it's okay.

It's safe.

And even if it's destructive,

Maybe they want to yell at their parents and really like even hit them.

Even though it feels really unkind and disrespectful in some way,

If you're imagining it,

It's okay.

It sort of helps you to not take it out on others around you in person in real life.

It's not wrong or bad to like imagine,

Even if you want to hurt your parents,

Let it out.

It's not present like I want to hurt them.

There's this wound inside of us that in that moment when I was three or four,

I just want to,

I want to hit you.

Stop treating me like crap.

Stop scaring me.

So allow whatever feelings come up,

Allow whatever images come up to help you let out the rage,

To help you let out the anger.

Every ounce of anger that you express,

Release,

Imagine even moving through you.

And you can let this out physically as well.

You can punch a pillow,

You can scream,

But you can also just let out in your imagination.

Both are useful at different points in time.

And the more you allow this out,

The more you will feel solid and powerful.

And then I want you to tell this child,

So maybe you need some time with that.

You probably do.

You can pause the video.

And for some it might be really,

Really hard to allow that anger and it can take time or you might need other tactics.

But when the anger,

So you can pause the video if the anger is still moving through you,

But I'm going to keep talking.

When the anger feels like it's done,

When it feels complete,

That you just feel lighter and maybe more solid,

You can tell this child you don't deserve how they treated you.

You deserve kindness,

Respect and love.

And no matter what you do,

You never deserve harshness,

Disrespect,

You never deserve to be yelled at.

You never deserve to be punished.

I don't care if you break something,

I don't care if you yell at someone,

I don't care if you hurt someone,

I don't care if you steal from your parents,

No matter what you do,

You deserve compassion and understanding.

And if the child is confused,

Explain to them your parents didn't know better,

Your parents have a lot of pain,

Your parents have a lot of unhealed wounds and false beliefs that were passed on to them and they didn't have the resources to heal them,

Undo them,

To live from kindness,

Respect and love.

Help clear up any confusion in the child by explaining to them what is reality,

What is true,

What is kind,

What they deserve.

You are strong.

When you're ready you can open your eyes.

You are powerful and you are strong,

You just lost access to it.

Every bit of fight response,

Every bit of anger that was pushed down in you from all the times you were intimidated,

Bullied,

Maybe you were bullied in high school,

Maybe you were bullied in middle school,

Maybe people treated you unkindly at different stages of your life.

Every time someone treated you unkindly,

Disrespectfully,

Intimidated you,

Scared you.

And it can be something overt and obvious like bullying but it's usually or very often also just simple things that our parents did that we deemed to be normal.

Every time that you were intimidated and scared and you couldn't fight back,

It makes you feel weaker and weaker,

More and more fragile,

More and more insecure,

More and more scared of other human beings even though they're not dangerous,

Even though you're safe.

And it often manifests as kind and sweet and nice.

And then even when we want to express anger we put a little smile in there just to avoid conflict.

But right now in this moment I invite your strength.

So while you're looking at me notice I'm not scared of your strength.

I'm not scared of your anger.

I'm not scared of your power.

I invite your power.

I invite your strength.

I invite your anger.

Tell me.

Speak out loud or do it to yourself inside.

I'm done with this.

Allow the anger to move through you.

I want to speak my mind.

I don't want to put up with how people treat me.

I'm angry for all the times that people spoke to me disrespectfully and I couldn't stand up for myself.

Allow your anger.

Allow your rage.

Maybe it wants to come through like this.

Feel your fury.

Feel your rage.

It's allowed.

You are strong and you forgot.

You buried your strength.

You buried your power because you didn't know any better.

You are powerful.

You are not some weak fragile little boy or girl.

You can stand up for yourself.

And this isn't meant to be taken out on others.

We don't want to intimidate others.

We don't want to scare others.

We don't want to act aggressively towards others.

We want to let out our rage and our anger when we're by ourselves in a healthy way so that when we're with others we can just be ourselves.

We can just be true to ourselves.

Stand up for ourselves.

Speak what we want.

Do what we want.

Approach who we want.

Talk to who we want.

Without fear.

In our society anger is not supported.

Anger is not allowed.

Rage is not okay.

It makes others uncomfortable.

It makes people scared because we don't even see it.

If I go like this.

How does that make you feel?

That is a human emotion.

It is okay.

You're allowed to feel fury.

You're allowed to feel rage.

You're allowed to be big and powerful and strong.

I support you in that.

It's okay.

And the more uncomfortable that makes you feel the more there's probably a lot of buried rage that you reject.

It's scary.

Sometimes we're afraid of our own rage.

Afraid of our own power.

Afraid of our own anger.

We're scared of what we might do.

Imagine it inside.

Imagine destroying a house.

Let it out.

Imagine burning your house down.

Breaking all the windows.

Destroying things.

You don't have to do it physically in real life.

I know that it's scary.

I know that it's scary to allow this rage and anger.

I was freaking terrified in the beginning.

But the more you let out this rage and anger in a healthy way,

The less afraid you will be of your own anger.

The less afraid you will be of your own rage.

You might notice sometimes you're really kind and you're really nice.

But then something can spark you and you explode.

That explosion is because there's so much buried rage.

Buried anger.

The more we let it out in a healthy way inside ourselves in our own space or physically in our own space,

The less buried stuff there is,

So the less reactive you're going to be.

Even if someone triggers you,

Even if someone treats you unkindly,

There's not this huge ball of rage that wants to come out in this violent,

Big way.

In this explosive way.

We just live solid.

If you look at me,

I am incredibly kind and loving.

But I am also incredibly solid and powerful.

And depending on the moment,

You might see one or the other.

Your fury or rage is allowed.

It's welcome.

It's supported.

It's healthy.

There can be sometimes this judgment of ourselves.

No,

I shouldn't be so strong.

I shouldn't be so violent.

Violence is bad.

Yeah,

Violence is really unacceptable in the physical life.

But inside,

There were so many times in the past where we were treated unkindly that it naturally brings rise for that violence and that fight,

Which is normal and healthy.

And we want to let it out in the energetic plane,

In the energetic reality,

So we don't keep having that desire to be physically violent in real life and suppressing it.

I'm on your team.

I'm on your side.

I want you to be powerful.

I want you to be strong.

You are that.

You are not weak.

You are not fragile.

It is just your emotional experience that you are weak,

Fragile,

And like a child because of all this suppressed anger.

So I hope this video was helpful.

I hope it was supportive.

If you want more help,

You're welcome to contact me for a session.

My partner Solange also offers sessions.

She's really amazing at what she does.

And if you're a woman and you want,

She works with men and women,

But specifically for women,

There's other tactics.

For men,

There are other tactics as well,

But there are specific things related to your womb and parts of being a woman that she can really help you with in standing in your sovereignty and power.

So if you want more help,

You're welcome to contact either one of us.

You're welcome to ask questions in the comments area,

Which I may or may not respond to.

And yeah,

I really hope it's helpful for you in standing in your power and feeling strong and letting go of that feeling of being weak and fragile.

That's not who you are.

And you need to let go of this concept and this idea that kind of can also create our self image that I am a weak and fragile person.

You are not.

It is not who you are.

It is never who you are.

It is just an emotional experience that has happened over and over again.

So you begin to conclude that that is a part of me.

That is how I am.

I am a sweet,

Kind person.

Not who you are.

That is one aspect of how you express yourself.

So there'll be some links in the comments area.

And please share with me what this did for you in watching it and engaging with it.

Okay.

Have a great day.

Bye.

Reviews

Great talk and guided meditation. Very interesting topic. I had not thought about people pleasing as suppressed anger before. Thank you for your insight.

Amazing

It spoke so much of truth about me. Thank you so much for this wonderful talk.

Wow! So powerful and helpful

😞 but 1 step awake , i have no word of how bad but sooo good it felt!! Thank you

Powerful! One of best that I’ve experienced on insight timer. So good it prompted me to write my first review after years on this site. Spot on!! Thank you, Noah!

Very raw, confronting yet brilliant! Helped me a lot to let go of the conditioning we all go through life.

Thank you spot on what I needed to hear right now