How Societal Programs Hijack Your Life

What do you really want in your life? What is genuinely important to you? It is so easy to live how our society wants us to live as opposed to living from our own authentic desires. But, when we follow society's programs instead of our intuitive desires, it causes a lot of suffering and prevents us from living with the freedom, joy, and love we all want.

Transcript

Hello,

My name is Noah El-Kreef and welcome to this video.

Today I am going to share with you about how societal programs hijack your life.

And it may sound like an extreme title,

Hijack your life,

But it's quite true.

I'm going to share with you to help support you and myself and everyone to live our own life,

To live our own authentic life.

So the first thing I want to talk about is what is a societal program?

What do I mean by that?

And what's the difference between that and a belief?

Well for me a belief is something that I formed based on my own experience,

Right?

So if I was rejected,

I might have formed a belief that I'm bad,

I'm not good enough.

Or maybe somebody insulted me and said,

You're ugly or you're stupid or whatever.

And then I took that and believed it and said,

I must be stupid if they say that.

I must be ugly if they say that.

So it's a belief that I've formed,

A conclusion I've formed based on my own experience.

A societal program is more like a collective belief,

Something that's put onto us from outside,

From usually media or just kind of the collective unconscious societal norms.

And I'm going to go right into sharing some of these programs so you understand what I mean before I keep explaining.

So one common program in Western society is success equals worth.

That success gives you self-worth.

If you are successful it means you are worthy.

And if you don't have success it means you are unworthy,

Not good enough,

Inadequate,

Effective,

Less worthy.

Now that's clearly not true.

Our worth has nothing to do with our success,

But it's so deeply ingrained in us that it can cause many,

Many people to live their whole life pursuing success unconsciously because they actually want self-worth.

You understand what I mean there?

So it's a program it's installed in us,

Kind of input into us without our knowledge,

Without our awareness,

Without our voluntarily choosing it.

The same goes success equals happiness.

Success will make you happy.

This is a program,

It has nothing to do with reality.

Success can't eliminate any of your buried emotions,

Your traumas from your childhood,

Your negative beliefs about yourself.

It has no power to do any of that.

But yet it's so deeply ingrained in us from movies,

From TV,

From whatever,

From people lying to us like seeing successful people with smiles on their faces or not telling us what's really happening underneath it.

So of course then we pursue success innocently thinking it will make us happy.

And in this way that program hijacks our life.

We put so much time and energy into something that we believe will give us a certain result,

A certain self-worth,

But has no power to give us what we hoped it would give to us.

The same goes for money.

Money equals safety.

Do you have that one?

It's hidden.

It's a little sneaky.

Money will give me safety.

The more money I have the safer I am.

If I lose money I lose a sense of safety.

That one destroys our lives because when we believe money equals safety then no matter how much money we have,

Since money can't give us safety,

We never actually feel safe.

So we're scared to lose our money because we think we're losing our safety.

And then we're always looking for more and more money hoping it will one day make us feel safe enough,

Relaxed,

Which causes us to be greedy and causes so much inequality,

Causes unkindness and so much more.

Money equals happiness.

The more wealth you have the more happy you can be.

The more wealth you have money equals self-worth.

The more money I have in my bank the more worthy I am,

The more good I am,

The more successful I am.

Not true,

Not real,

But it's so ingrained,

It's so normal it seems like.

It's just the really tricky societal programs,

The really tricky ones are so normal that you don't know any better.

All your friends agree with you,

All your family members agree.

So it's like you're seeing life through the filter of your own circle of like one way of viewing it.

Just your society,

But it's just not reality.

So,

Before I go on and share other programs I want to share a little bit more about how this happens and another way to view this.

Another way to view this is sort of like a computer system.

A computer is the hardware.

The hardware is the physical stuff.

And the software is like programs put onto it like Microsoft Word,

Microsoft Excel,

Windows Media Player,

Whatever.

These are things,

Programs,

Software that's put onto the computer.

And sometimes when you buy a computer programs are pre-installed into the computer.

And then sometimes you choose to add programs.

You go to the internet,

You make a choice,

You buy a program and you download it.

But every once in a while you visit the wrong website and it installs a program onto your computer without you knowing.

Now,

In our human body,

A lot of the programs that are in us were either pre-installed,

Came from our parents and things like this,

Or were installed into us without our permission,

Without our autonomy,

Without our sovereign independent decision.

And then we don't even realize we're operating from these programs because they're put into us.

So I'm going to mention a lot of other programs here probably.

Just because when you see the program,

Then all of a sudden you have a possibility of coming out of it.

But if you just relate to a program as truth,

As reality,

You have no hope.

Your life,

Your time and energy,

Your most valuable resource is spent on desires and pursuing things that aren't your authentic desires,

That aren't genuine,

That aren't you,

That aren't yours.

And that's why I'm making this video,

To give you back your time and energy,

To give you back your life.

So another one is about our physical appearance.

There are so many programs about what is the worthy and lovable physical appearance.

I have to have a flat stomach.

I have to have a big chest.

My butt has to look like this.

My skin has to look like that.

My hair has to look like this.

My penis needs to be a certain size.

My arms should be a certain size.

My muscles,

Like there are so many beliefs,

So many programs that are put onto us of what is lovable,

Beautiful and good enough.

And then we pursue so much time and energy trying to be that way.

Whether we're going to the gym,

Working out,

Trying to lose weight,

Like all this stuff,

Ah,

To try to be lovable and beautiful according to a program that was put onto us.

And in some way that's logical because if the program was put onto you and the program was put onto all the people you're attracted to,

Then they will only be attracted to you if you match the program that was put into both of you,

The flat stomach,

For example.

So it's a trap.

But the first thing we have to do is unhook ourselves from the program of what is acceptable,

Lovable,

Beautiful,

Physical appearance.

And then more and more there are others who are doing the same.

And if you don't match your particular society's program of what is beautiful,

There will be other people that you will come across who can see you for you instead of seeing you through the lens and filter of your society's program of beauty.

And keep in mind,

Different societies have different programs of beauty.

It's more and more becoming homogenous because the same movies are going across borders to more and more of the world.

But nonetheless,

None of it is true.

Okay,

Another one,

Marriage.

Marriage will make you happy.

Marriage is the next level.

You need to get married to not feel lonely.

You need to get married to feel safe and secure.

You need to get married to be worthy.

If you're single,

You're defective,

Clearly not good enough.

Clearly there's something wrong with you.

These are all programs,

You don't have to carry them anymore.

You can choose to let go of it.

I'm going to say something about letting go of the program.

There are many ways to let go of programs.

This video is not about it.

But I just want to say one,

Write down a piece of program on a piece of paper,

Like in one sentence the belief,

The collective belief.

And then choose to let go of it.

Burn it,

Throw it away,

Rip it up,

Whatever.

Like really choose,

This is not mine.

This is not truth.

This is not reality.

And I choose to no longer live by this program.

Okay,

It's one thing.

Obviously it's not going to be enough for everyone in every case,

But it might help some of you with some programs.

So back to this marriage thing.

Marriage can't make you happy.

Can't get rid of all your beliefs and your buried emotions and so much more.

Can't make you feel safe.

Marriage is an illusion of safety.

Like if you look for your partner to give you a sense of safety,

Then you say,

If I'm married,

I know he will never leave.

That's an illusion.

He can still leave.

And what's even the deeper illusion is somebody else can give you safety.

That a man,

A woman,

A partner can give you safety.

That's not true.

Can temporarily comfort you,

But it's not going to get rid of the different buried terrors and fears and insecurities you have,

Which are the actual cause of your unsafety.

So if you believe marriage will make you happy,

If you believe marriage will give you safety or make you feel good enough,

You are unconsciously pursuing marriage under false pretenses.

You're pursuing something that was put onto you,

A program that was put onto you.

It's not your genuine desire because marriage can't actually give you those things.

You are just programmed into believing that marriage can give you those things.

Whether you're programmed by Disney or by TV shows or movies or anything else.

You know,

A funny thing happened to me,

I don't know,

A year or so ago.

I was talking to my girlfriend on the phone and I was crying,

Sharing some sort of emotional something.

And I remember saying,

I just want to live happily ever after.

And I said it maybe three times in the space of a few minutes.

And then all of a sudden,

Like boom,

Light bulb came to me.

This is the Disney program.

And the moment I saw that program,

It left and I go,

Oh,

I see what's happening here.

I had some idea that there was some point that you reach within a relationship.

And then after that point,

It's all just happily ever after.

And for most people,

That moment equals when we get married.

But it could be some other idea too.

Maybe just for many people,

Just the moment I meet my soulmate,

The moment I meet the love of my life,

It will just be happily ever after.

Because that's often when the movies end.

But it's not true.

It's not real.

And when we pursue that,

We're spending our time and energy in a way that's not in service to ourselves in service to what is our deepest longings and desires in this life.

So what are some other programs?

Children,

Children make you happy,

You need to have children,

It's your responsibility to have children.

You can't be happy without children.

You can't escape your loneliness unless you have children.

None of that is real or true.

Just put on do you don't have to have children,

You don't have to do any of these things.

But you can also do all of these things.

That's really important.

I am not saying don't get well,

Don't get success,

Don't get marriage,

Don't work out,

Don't have children,

You can do all those things.

But the question is,

Where are you coming from?

Question is,

Where are you coming from?

Why are you doing it?

That's a really important point.

Why are you doing it?

Is it your authentic desire?

Is it something you really want to do?

Are you doing it because you've been promised some sort of feeling from it?

You've been promised that if you get married,

You can be happy.

If you get success,

You can be happy.

It's so different.

I mean,

Let's say you're playing a basketball game.

It's so different to try your best in the basketball game.

Just like give it your all and feel passionate about it and want to win and do your best and score and improve and that can be so beautiful and fun.

That's so different than believing if I win the championship,

I'll be happy.

If I don't,

I'll always feel lacking.

Or if I win the championship,

I'm worthy.

If I fail,

I'm a failure.

It's a big,

Big difference.

The latter are just beliefs that aren't true and don't support you to actually enjoy the game.

And then it's not worth it because you get a moment of happiness when you succeed,

A moment of happiness when you get married,

A moment of happiness.

And then you're left with all the same pain in your mind and body that you had beforehand.

So what are some other programs?

So I'm saying you can pursue anything you want.

But question things,

Question,

Where did it come from?

Why am I pursuing what I'm pursuing?

Where I feel is most important to me,

Why is it most important to me?

What am I hoping to get from it?

Do I believe it will make me happy?

Do I have some idea will give me this greatness and I'll be better from then on and I won't have loneliness ever again or it will cure my sense of lack?

Nothing will cure you no matter what you get.

Nothing can save you.

The only thing that can save you is you.

The only thing that will help you ultimately is you meeting your mind,

Your thoughts,

Your beliefs and your emotions.

Which leads me to another program.

Emotions are weak.

Emotions are unacceptable.

Emotions are a sign that you're defective.

Program so so deep in our society.

You're not allowed to have emotion.

You're not allowed to show fear.

You're not allowed to show anger.

You're not allowed to show sadness.

You're seen as weak,

As bad,

As defective because nobody else is showing emotions.

And when you go into a restaurant,

People talking,

When you go into work,

When you're in school,

When you're nobody's crying,

Nobody's showing anger,

Nobody's showing fear.

They might have it underneath,

But everyone's burying it.

So we get taught that these things are defective unconsciously.

Nobody says your emotions are defective.

Maybe some people do,

But it's more just like the social norm underneath it as a program and the social norm and then the people are constantly revalidating that,

Confirming it,

Strengthening it.

And when that happens,

We then bury our emotions,

Deny our emotions because we don't want to view ourselves as defective.

We literally hide our emotions from ourselves,

Not to mention hiding it from our friends,

Our partners,

Our society and everything else.

So can you start to see how these programs,

These collective beliefs are hijacking your life?

This is not personal to you.

It may feel personal.

Some of the things might really hit home,

Might be confronting.

You might want to challenge me.

Feel free to challenge me,

But also feel free to challenge yourself.

Why do you want what you want?

Where did it come from that desire?

Do all your friends want the same thing?

If so,

It might be a sign that it's a program.

We're all unique.

We want different things a lot of the time in different phases.

I don't want to live the same way as my friends.

Let's actually,

That leads me to another program.

Programs about living situations.

You should stay in one place.

You should settle down.

You should find a permanent home.

Owning a home is like the next level.

You're only worthy if you own your own.

It's stupid to rent your home.

Like all these types of things are programs.

It's not true.

You can live life however you want.

You don't have to follow any set path that someone,

Like society,

Your family,

Your neighborhood,

Your circle of friends,

What you've been trained with,

What they want for you or what they're doing.

Which leads me to also religious programs.

The religious programs often make us feel small.

I am terrible.

I'm a sinner.

I know good.

It's not true.

It can be so deep in us from the religious programming.

Even if they don't outright say it,

It can be really deep in there.

But it's not who you are.

And then we live our life trying to be good or trying to do the right things to hopefully redeem ourselves and be good.

Be worthy of love,

To be worthy of joy,

Worthy of heaven,

Worthy of something.

Or perhaps it's more that I am nothing compared to God.

I am small compared to God.

I am not good enough compared to God.

So we walk around life feeling small,

Insignificant,

Tiny,

Not enough because we're comparing it to some concept of God that was programmed into us.

And I don't want to take you out of your religion or anything like this,

But I have to be honest.

I have to be honest about the programs that are in all of us that were in me,

That are in so many of the clients that have come to me and the people that I witness in my daily life that cause pain and suffering.

And of course,

With any of these programs,

You can choose to keep them or you can choose to let go of them.

You can choose to explore deeper or you can choose to say,

I'm too scared to let go of this because I don't know what's on the other side,

Which leads me to the sort of question or invitation,

Which is every time you see one of these types of programs,

It's super confronting because you have to feel this pain and sadness that the desire that I've been living with isn't my own.

What I've been spending my time and energy on wasn't my own.

What I'm spending my time and energy on can't actually give me the happiness I'm looking for.

That's a crushing blow.

It's not fun.

So the first part is feeling confronted.

The second part is,

Am I willing to make the leap into the unknown?

Because I don't know what's on the other side.

It's out of my frame of reference.

What is on the other side if I let go of this belief,

If I let go of this program,

How would I live my life?

I don't know.

And that's freaking scary.

But are you willing to make the leap to take the jump?

Because on the other side can only be more true and more authentic.

One of the fundamental intentions for how I live my life is to be my own sovereign being,

To be myself.

When someone says be yourself,

It sounds like some like casual thing.

Like it's easy.

Being yourself is one of the hardest things you could possibly do in this life.

Because there's so many things put on to us.

There's so many mechanisms and patterns that were created by wounds in our childhood,

Things that happened to us,

Things that came from our parents and things that came from our society.

So I am here with this like deep strong commitment.

I'm going to freaking live for myself.

I want to be honest with myself,

No matter how confronting it is to let go of what is not mine so that my desires and my life can be spent doing what I want to do.

Not what anyone else has told me to do explicitly or implicitly.

Yeah.

Another program that comes to me is sexual programs.

We've been taught,

Whether through religion or society to be ashamed of sexuality.

Sexuality is bad.

Sexuality is dangerous.

Sexuality is for heathens.

And none of this is true.

Sexuality can be beautiful and loving and wonderful and creative and passionate and all the wonderful things.

And when we deny this,

When we have those beliefs,

We often still engage in sexuality,

But when these things are underneath it,

It distorts our relationship to sexuality.

Not to mention porn,

Which completely programs us with like distortions of what it means to be sexual or society programming us that the more women we sleep with,

The cooler we are that somehow our self worth comes from whether a woman or a man will sleep with us.

It's just wild.

So many programs are running our life.

So the purpose of this,

Of this video is to shed light on them because you can't undo them until you see them.

In the future,

I'll share more types of things to help you let go of them,

Whether it's just my sessions and events or more videos or I don't know what else.

So if you find this to be helpful,

Let me know,

Please let me know your experience because it supports me.

One it feels nice when you tell me that,

That it's helpful.

I feel like I'm serving and I,

And I feel really nice.

I receive your,

Your,

Your gratitude and your,

Your sharings.

The second thing is it helps to let me know that what I'm doing is helpful so I can keep making it feel inspired to keep making more content separately.

Share this.

If it supports you support others,

Share it with a friend,

Share it with friends,

Share with family members,

Whatever you share it.

And if you want to support me,

Subscribe to my channel,

Like it,

Comment,

Whatever,

You know,

This is,

This is,

Yeah,

It would be nice.

It would be nice.

So thank you for watching this video.

I wish you luck with this,

This journey and I will see you around.

Bye.

Reviews

I love this Noah, I was listening to a talk by Anthony De Mello and as a result it directed me to this talk on the ways that we are programmed by society. It's liberating to know that at any time we can chose a different path. I know it's not easy but I'm willing to try. I look forward to any other tracks you have on these themes .

Thank you so much for your talks. I have listened to several and find them very helpful to my life.

It was so helpful to hear someone talk about sexuality not being shameful. I have been programmed to believe that sex can only be for love and that if it is just for pleasure that it is shameful. I have been struggling to find my sexuality because of the way people made me believe it was bad. Thank you for helping me see the program it is!

Noah: Well done. Thank you for keeping it real. Neil 😀☯️

Amazing insights ! Thanks a lot for many of your talks. They are real eye-opener & life changing. Much love from Paris 🙏🏻🍀🌸

Very informative and useful on my spiritual journey. Thank you.

Really appreciate this.
It felt like this talk was just for me. Ticked every box.
Thank you 💖