Noah,
Thank you for this clear, realistic and healthy perspective. I do still wish I had not instigated a breakup with her. All it did was ruin my entire year. And now no companionship. No one special to do anything with.
That being said, I do think we came together in Nov 2019 both a bit broken. Both looking for someone to make each other happy. Both looking for a diversion.
That being said - and based on what you laid out - of course that would eventually fail (4 years later). My cup still is not filled with happiness; therefore it can't run over with it. So I think making myself whole is my job now.
With her, I don't know, because she has stopped communicating with me now - there was no abuse, so I find that unnecessarily hurtful - especially from someone who was so kind to me.
I will try to become happy first, on my own, before even thinking about being open to a new person.