Equally Close To All Things

This session,

First of all by acknowledging all of us here and all the inner and outer work that's happening.

Sometimes I've been reflecting on it the last few days.

I really get a sense of the kind of bubble that we're in.

We're in a very particular experience and it becomes,

I know that it does for me and it feels like it does for others maybe to some degree or else,

It becomes like a whole world that we're in.

One thing that we might,

Within that,

Lose touch with is the acknowledgement of what we're doing,

Of the work that we're doing both internally and externally.

That it's not what is prioritised most of the time by most people in most places,

Let's put it that way,

Including ourselves probably.

Just an acknowledgement of that and that it's got its momentum but there's a lot to appreciate,

A lot to appreciate in that.

That was a long way of expressing my appreciation for all of you and for what you're doing here.

Then I'd actually like to do a short meditation together as an intro to the talk.

Just be about 15 minutes but find what is a good posture for you.

You can carry on lying down if that's what you feel is helpful or change your position in any way.

Just really feeling what is appropriate,

What would be helpful.

We'll just do about a 15 minute meditation together.

We'll begin in grounding the awareness with the body experience as you know how to do by now.

The breath,

The body,

Whatever supports you to ground to bring the awareness in.

Seeing a sense of the body field,

You can use as we've been doing the contact areas of the body with the seat and the ground and the contact of the body with itself.

From these particular areas of contact,

Seeing if we can get a feel for the whole body.

Within the body space,

The flow and the movement of the breath.

In whatever way is useful for you,

You can just feel the flow of the breathing as the sensations or the breath as energy coming into the body in any area that feels helpful and then coming out again.

What we're emphasizing in this practice is that sense of the breath flowing in to the body space,

Into awareness,

Moving through the body and then flowing out again.

Just to repeat,

You can do that with more physical sensations of the breath or with the breath energy practice,

Whatever feels useful.

Feeling emphasizing,

Tuning in to that sense of the breath,

Coming in,

Flowing through and then flowing out again.

All that happening effortlessly and without any decision that we're making.

The body knows how to breathe,

The breath knows how to happen.

With the sense of the flow of the breathing,

Flowing into the body,

Moving through the body or the awareness and then out again.

Begin to include other phenomena and allow it to be breathed through us in the same way.

It can be the sounds that are arising.

Just letting the sound move through with the breath as it arises.

It can be whatever our mood is right now.

We can invite that to be breathed through,

To flow through with the breath.

Breathing into the movement within any phenomena.

We can open to our experience,

To reflect on our experience of the last few days and invite the memory of any moments of joy that we experienced.

Letting that memory,

That image,

That felt sense of the joy,

Come into awareness.

Then letting that too flow through with the breath.

Feeling that memory or that felt sense of the joy arise.

Maybe we're getting a taste of that joy again and then letting it flow through the body,

Flow through awareness and out again just like the breath.

If it's helpful,

We can imagine it beginning at the base of the body and then flowing up the body and out of the top of the body.

Top of the head or the whole top of the body from the shoulders upwards.

Then coming back to the feeling of joy and again letting it rise up from the base of the body,

From the sacrum and the sitting bones and the tailbone.

Letting it move through the body as it rises up with the breath and out again.

Letting go of that memory of joy and bringing to mind a moment or a situation or an experience that moved us,

That touched us,

That brought compassion to our heart.

Then letting that memory come up,

Getting the image or the felt sense.

Then with this too,

Letting it flow through,

Be breathed through from the base of the body and up and out through the top.

As it moves through,

Being felt,

Experienced,

Allowed and also allowed to flow out.

To flow back into the world like the breath,

To be recycled,

Reimagined.

Then breathed in again from the base of the body.

Then flowing through.

Then letting go of that memory image,

Felt sense and coming back to just breathing.

Feeling the fluidity,

Changeability and natural flow of the breath including the body but not of the body.

Ah.

So if that felt helpful in any way,

You can stay in the flow through experience also with the listening.

And this meditation as well as the meditation Nathan guided earlier this afternoon are both inspired by Joanna Macy.

Some of you may have heard of her.

A very long-term practitioner and teacher.

I think she's in her late 80s now.

As well as a very innovative teacher.

A very innovative teacher.

She calls her work the work that reconnects.

I can't not say that.

The work that reconnects.

And when I was reflecting on what to say this evening,

I remembered a quote of hers.

Or how she defines her sense of self.

Which I really love.

Her definition is really simple.

She says,

I am a flow through.

I am a flow through.

I am a flow through.

I think we immediately can resonate with that.

But also a flow through of what?

A flow through of the breath like we've just been experiencing now.

And a flow through of the elements of food,

Of water,

Of nutrients.

We know that about our body and we can connect to that.

We can relate to that.

The body being a flow through of life.

But also a flow through of experiences.

A flow through of skills.

A flow through of mental states.

A flow through of emotions.

A flow through of genetics and biology.

A flow through of social conditioning.

Just a flow through of so many things.

A flow through of life.

And on Tuesday,

I used the language of Catherine and Rob,

Which is saying a similar thing.

Seeing ourselves as a nexus,

As a meeting point of multiple threads of the cosmos.

Multiple threads of the cosmos.

Multiple threads of the universe.

Coming together in this unique location.

This unique location both of time and of space.

Unique location of this particular unfolding moment.

And the unique location of this particular self.

But multiple threads of the cosmos.

Multiple threads of the universe that are coming together.

And for me,

Both these ways of looking are really,

Really powerful.

What happens when we practice?

What happens when we practice seeing in this way?

When we practice a tuning to the sense of life flowing through us.

Or a tuning to the sense of things coming together and changing.

What happens when we tune into that?

What opens up?

I'm actually going to ask you that question.

What happens if you feel moved to give up?

If you feel moved to give a voice to that experience?

What happens when we tune into that sense of being a flow through?

Or tune into that sense of a coming together that is then changing and fluid and moving?

What opens up?

What opens up in your experience when you do that?

For me,

It's the opposite of whatever is stuckness.

What the opposite of stuckness is.

Unstuckness.

Unstuckness.

Yeah.

The dynamic vibrancy.

Dynamic vibrancy.

It's always like a sense of release or relief.

That sort of letting go.

It's like,

Whew.

Yeah.

Release,

Relief.

A sense of coming up.

A sense of coming up.

Yeah.

Homecoming.

So when we tune into this movement of life,

Actually,

As it comes through in our experience,

We're tuning into that movement through the way of looking.

Through actually seeing intentionally,

Looking at ourselves,

Experiencing ourselves as this flow.

Or as this coming together.

And as we tune into that,

We're nourishing.

Yeah.

A sense of whew and letting go.

A sense of homecoming.

A sense of vibrancy and unstuckness.

Yeah.

Kind of opening.

So if we're opening the doors and windows to that,

Yeah.

And we're also at the same time nourishing that.

So we're opening to what is already here.

And we're also kind of supporting it and nourishing it.

And we touched on this from slightly different angle in the discussion a few days ago.

Yeah,

We're nourishing also that sense of strong flexibility.

Yeah.

Now that strong flexibility with it,

That's kind of the unstuckness.

And the letting go and the relief.

It's actually,

No,

It's not,

You know.

Well,

I think,

You know,

What I'm living right now is this.

But actually,

It's not stuck.

Yeah.

Actually,

It's dynamic and vibrant.

Actually,

I'm home.

You know,

Actually,

Whew.

Yeah,

I can let go.

So we tune into that.

Yeah,

And we're also nourishing that at the same time.

It's one of the most beautiful things about practice.

Yeah.

It's like we tune into something and then we're also nourishing it.

Also supporting it as we do that.

And when we do that,

Our perspective grows.

And our wisdom grows.

Moments of more perspective,

More wisdom.

And in the other direction,

When there is more wisdom.

Yeah,

When we have more perspective,

More calm abiding,

More matter.

There's also more flexibility and more strength.

And more resilience,

Actually,

Was the word that was coming to me today.

More resilience,

Which is a very important aspect of equanimity.

Which I want to talk a bit more about today.

That resilience is a really important aspect of equanimity.

Equanimity brings resilience.

So a little bit more about equanimity and using some of the images that came up in our discussion.

And maybe I'll throw in a couple more.

I find that as we were speaking about equanimity,

We could feel that sometimes the images are what really resonate with us,

Really kind of give us a sense of what this is,

Rather than the words.

So we had the image of equanimity as bamboo.

Yeah,

Strong and flexible.

Very,

Very strong.

One of the strongest materials,

Natural materials and non-natural materials,

Actually.

One of the strongest materials,

Natural materials and non-natural materials.

Actually,

One of the strongest materials.

But it's so flexible in its movement.

And it's so vibrant.

It's got such a vitality to it.

So resilient also.

And we had the image of the eye in the storm.

Yeah,

Of all around life can be moving.

Things can be stormy.

And yet there's that still point,

That calm point,

That resilient,

Grounded,

Flexible point.

And I have an image that for me has been really powerful in the practice of equanimity,

Which is very close to the eye in the storm,

But it's also very different,

Which is a seesaw.

That a seesaw,

You know,

Like when in a playground you have this long thing and a seat here and a seat here,

And it goes up and down and up and down.

Does that make sense?

Yeah.

And the point in the middle stays in the same place.

So life can go up and down,

Up and down.

And this point in the middle is part of life.

Yeah.

It's not separate from,

But it stays steady,

Stays grounded,

Stays connected as life moves.

And then what is my favorite way of bringing equanimity into being or the image of equanimity is,

I think Terry mentioned it on Monday,

To be equally close to all things.

To be equally close to all things.

Which really gives us this feeling of the intimacy of equanimity.

Yeah.

With the stability,

Not being swept away here or there,

Not getting caught up in preference,

But so close,

So intimate,

To be equally close to all things.

And so I want to give some examples.

Hopefully they will be useful from actually stories from here,

From Anandawan.

And one of them I was just remembering a few days ago.

So everyone who's been here has been here for a long time.

And so every year before we leave,

We offer to the different rooms in the wisdom bank enough mosquito repellent,

This stuff.

Yeah.

For a year.

And so every year I go through and I do an inventory of which machines are still working,

Which machines need to be replaced and how much of this liquid they need,

Because sometimes they have some left.

And a few years ago I was doing this and I was using my phone to make the list of what was needed.

So I was walking around into every room in the wisdom bank with my phone checking and then tapping on my phone to write down what was needed in that room.

And as I was walking out of one of the rooms,

One of the old gentlemen saw me and saw my phone and his whole being lit up at the sight of the phone.

And he asked me if he could use it.

And I said,

Of course.

And so he sat down on one of those benches that they have there.

And he was a very,

He's not around anymore.

He was a beautiful,

Very tall,

Dignified man,

Long white hair and a white beard,

And always all dressed in white.

And he was,

He sat down and he very carefully and patiently untied a corner of his doti.

He was wearing a traditional dress and untied it.

And in there,

There was a plastic bag.

And in that plastic bag were all his most precious possessions,

A few rupees and the key to his chest where he kept other things.

And then also a piece of paper with the phone numbers of his nearest and dearest.

And so he pulled out that piece of paper and then made,

We made together some very courageous attempts to actually dial and get through.

And there were two other men sitting not far away.

And so they also got involved and looked at the piece of paper and told me to try another number.

And then when someone answered,

Told me to turn on the speaker because he was a little bit deaf.

And so it was easier through the speaker than through the phone.

And so eventually there he was talking to his son.

I'm on the phone and myself and two other lovely old guys witnessing that,

Present with that conversation and hearing the joy in the voice of the father,

Hearing the joy in the voice of the son as they were able to talk to each other.

Such a simple thing and yet so precious.

And I could feel myself just kind of filled with that.

Filled with joy and just standing there and like,

A flow through of joy.

And I looked up and saw the other two old lovely gentlemen.

And I could see them also full of joy,

Kind of leaning in to the conversation,

Leaning in to the love,

Leaning in to the connection.

Of course,

They could understand that they were all in the same place.

They could understand what was actually being said.

And I just felt my whole,

You know,

Those moments that I get here,

Where like I'm just blown open.

You know,

Just blown open by that care and capacity to feel love and to feel joy,

Even when it's not my son that I'm speaking to right now.

And I could feel that alongside that joy,

There was also the sadness.

You know,

The sadness hadn't disappeared.

His sadness maybe of being away,

Being distant from his family,

Of not being able to phone them whenever he wanted.

Their sadness with whatever situation they have with their families,

Which I didn't know.

My sadness,

Yeah,

All of it,

That was also present,

Not missing.

It hadn't gone away.

It was there alongside the joy flowing through.

So that sense of being equally close to all things,

Yeah,

Being equally close,

A heart blown open,

Equally close to all things.

A heart blown open,

Equally close to the joy,

Equally close to the sorrow.

In the situation.

And in that moment,

Not feeling that either of those needed to go,

If that makes sense.

The moment was complete.

Yeah,

It was complete.

So,

So much in that story and in some ways it feels like I don't actually need to say anymore.

I can look at,

I can see on your faces that you also,

And this is one of the things that is so incredible.

In our humanness that we can hear something like that and we can experience it.

Yeah.

And I know that I've shared that story in other places with people who haven't been here and can't picture the place,

Can't picture the people in the way that you can.

And yet they're also moved in the same way.

And this is also a miracle of our humanness that we can do that.

Yeah,

That we can feel that,

That we can hear a story and be touched in that way.

That flow through continues.

Yeah,

It continues as we share.

I just have to tell you the end or the next bit of this story,

Even though it's probably not going to add anything to the talk.

But when the call ended,

This lovely man took his bag of food and he said,

He took that little plastic bag again and he carefully put the phone numbers back in there.

And then he pulled out some money and offered it to me.

Yeah,

To pay for the call.

And again,

I just felt my heart so blown open,

You know,

It's like he doesn't realize he's given me much more.

Yeah,

He's given me much more than I've given him.

Yeah,

Much more.

So being equally close to all things.

And when I was remembering the story today,

I was remembering a sense I had for many years of this walk from the wisdom bank,

Back into the center of the community,

To the areas where we live,

Wherever that's been over the years.

And all the namaste is on the way.

Yeah,

All the namaste is on the way.

And always having the sense,

I used to call it the path of the breaking heart,

Of the broken heart.

To myself,

Just feeling all these namaste,

All these exchanges of joy,

But also of broken heartedness.

Yeah,

Looking into people's eyes and seeing in them.

Yeah,

That deep sorrow along with the joy,

Along with the love.

And feeling that in myself.

I came up with that name because my own heart would break as I walked.

That way,

Every day would break again and again and again,

With every namaste,

With every exchange.

And not break in a bad way,

Actually,

But break in a way that felt really,

Really true.

Yeah.

And really helpful.

So when the heart breaks,

It grows.

When the heart breaks,

It grows.

And as it breaks and grows,

It feels to me like the sense of intimacy,

That sense of closeness to all things also grows.

So equanimity,

And this breaking of the heart in a way that is nourishing,

In a way that is wholesome,

Is not just a state that arises.

Yeah.

It's a state that arises,

That it can arise,

But it's also something that we can invite and we can cultivate.

Or a way of looking that we can see.

Or a way of looking that we can cultivate.

Both in formal meditation,

As we all know,

As we sit with,

As we stay steady with our experience,

Or as we do with what we've just done now.

Just experiencing what is arising as a flow-through.

And we can also cultivate it in our service meditation that we're doing here.

And we can also cultivate it in how we approach whatever is arising in our experience,

Internally and externally.

And I'd like to go into this with another example of how we do this cultivation,

Because it feels very meaningful to explore.

So this is an example.

This is something that's come up in conversations with a few of you in the last few days.

And it's about a young woman who used to live in the wisdom bank for quite a few years.

Her name was Jyoti,

Like my name.

And she had very,

Very severe arthritis.

So when we met her,

She was probably about 20.

And her arthritis was so bad that her legs were bent and her arms were bent like this.

And so she could only lie down.

She couldn't walk and she couldn't very comfortably sit either.

So she could lie down in her bed in the wisdom bank.

And as you can imagine,

When we first met her and then for the groups that came year after year,

Just meeting her was very,

Very powerful.

She was very radiant.

But also her situation was very,

Very distressing.

For us,

Someone so young and in so much pain and so limited in what they could do.

So pain arose when we met that situation,

Myself and others.

And concern arose and compassion arose and care arose.

And the wish to change her situation and to alleviate some of her suffering arose.

Yeah,

These were some of the things that very naturally came up.

And as we got more familiar with her situation,

We learned that sometimes the level of care that she received in the wisdom bank was very,

Very difficult.

In the wisdom bank wasn't enough.

Yeah,

Wasn't enough.

So maybe she didn't get bathed enough or she didn't get toileted enough.

And we also learned that her family actually lived in Anandawan,

Lived in the community.

And yet they didn't come to see her.

Yeah,

So also a sense of anger would arise and of blame would arise and of judgment would arise.

And every year when we left,

A sense of guilt arose.

Yeah,

That we're here for three weeks,

Caring for her to a much better standard than the rest of the time.

But then we're choosing to leave.

And at that point,

There were some of us that were in India for more than the work retreat.

And yet we're choosing to leave.

So there was also guilt that arise.

And just kind of bringing up all these responses that were arising.

I think it's really helpful to acknowledge them and name them.

And then also action arose.

Yeah,

So trying to get the family to come and see her.

So asking Dr.

Paul if he could do something and going to visit the family ourselves.

Yeah,

Trying to make friends,

To invite.

And trying to change the level of care in different ways.

Offering to pay for a special carer just for her.

It's one thing that was often.

No one wanted the job.

Trying to get the carers to use disposable pads.

So that she could be more free with her toilet use.

Yeah,

That didn't work.

Getting a special wheelchair that would make it easy for them to take her to the bathroom and to be washed.

And that didn't work.

So every year,

Yeah,

Every year,

Yeah,

Coming and going,

Yeah,

Every year,

Yeah,

Coming and trying,

Yeah,

Coming and trying.

And I remember how happy she was when her father started to visit.

Even if he only came into the room for a few minutes and stood there.

And how gradually he would come closer and closer from just standing in the doorway to coming and standing near her bed.

Or when her sister came to visit.

So there's a lot in that process that,

You know,

I'm sharing this because there's a lot in that process that is so valuable.

So valuable.

Letting go of external expectations,

Yeah.

So doing everything we can and letting go of it needing to result in this.

The wheelchair being used.

The sister coming to visit.

But doing everything we can and then letting go of a particular result.

Without letting go,

And this is really important,

Without letting go of the commitment to change.

The commitment to change.

And several levels.

The commitment to change to the inner transformation of the heart.

The commitment to the inner transformation of the heart.

Which allows it to move from blame to understanding.

Which allows it to move from blame to understanding.

What would I do?

What is their situation?

The commitment to transform the seeds of suffering in our own hearts.

The greed,

The aversion.

The commitment to change.

The greed,

The aversion.

And the ignorance that are at the root of the suffering that we know and others know.

And the commitment to transform the external suffering.

To transform Jyoti's suffering in the best way we could.

And to transform all suffering for all beings.

Staying steady with that commitment.

Does this make sense to people?

It's a really important movement.

The capacity to do what we can.

To let go of the expectation for a specific result.

Without letting go of the commitment.

This is our spiritual path.

This is what we're doing.

This is equanimity.

Equally close to all things.

I feel judgment towards somebody.

Because they're acting in a way that brings suffering.

Can I use that?

Can I use that in order to fuel more understanding of myself and of the human condition?

What can I learn?

And how is that behavior that I see outside of me?

And that I don't condone?

That I don't know?

That I don't know?

And that I don't condone?

That I don't agree with?

How is that present in me?

Maybe even in this moment.

This is our learning.

So nourishing that intention to be equally close to all things.

To come close.

To look deeply.

Remembering that I am a flow through.

That I am a meeting point and a coming together.

Of countless threads of the cosmos.

And so are you.

And so is any particular situation.

And as flow throughs.

As things that are coming through.

As flow throughs.

As things that are coming together.

We are changing and we are changeable.

This is where the nourishment comes.

That supports our commitment to change and to transformation.

Can we open to that changing and changeable nature of our flow through-ness.

Of our coming together-ness.

Remembering that nothing is wasted.

Nothing is wasted when I reflect back on that situation with Jyoti.

Which was years.

Of trying everything we could every year.

And then leaving.

Not with the result that we wished for.

But knowing that nothing is wasted.

As we make ourselves available.

As we give ourselves to this process of transforming suffering as wholeheartedly as we can.

We learn and we grow.

And we change and the world changes even when we can't see it.

And our capacity grows to be equally close to all things.

And the closer we are the more change we can effect.

In ourselves and in others.

So when we meet suffering.

Can we breathe and open the space as we have been practicing here.

Particularly in the last few days.

Breathe and open the space.

Can we align with the flow through of conditions.

The flow through of the conditions.

Can we align with the flow through of conditions.

Can we align with the flow through of conditions.

The flow through of life.

And can we relax contraction.

Or at least relax around the contraction.

Because that is the stuckness.

That is so much of the stuckness that we experience.

And can we tune into our intentions and our aspirations.

As a way to stay steady.

As a way to have perspective.

As a way to be aware of the things that we are experiencing.

As a way to have perspective.

And as a way to enable change and transformation to happen.

So we do what we can to attend to situations that touch us.

And we let go of expectations for a specific outcome.

And we stay awake to what is unfolding well.

To the fruits that we can see moment to moment.

And we breathe it all through.

And we breathe it all through.

And sometimes years later.

Something will arise that we didn't expect.

And we may be lucky enough to meet it on the road to the wisdom bank one morning.

So a few days ago on the way to work in the morning.

I bumped into Arty Jyoti's sister.

Who found it so difficult when she was 16 years old.

17 years old.

18 years old.

Found it so difficult to come and visit her sister there.

And she is now 26.

And a teacher in the primary school.

And she told me that every day when she finishes work at about 1 o'clock in the primary school.

She goes over to the wisdom bank.

And she reads to the ladies there.

And is that connected?

I don't know.

But very few people in Ananda one do that.

And yet she does.

And so sometimes years later.

On that same path of the broken hearts and the breaking hearts.

We meet something that may be a fruit.

Of our good intentions.

And our commitment to cultivate friendliness.

And to be equally close to all things.

And maybe we support somebody else to go beyond their boundaries.

And beyond their sense of what they can and can't do.

So when we meet suffering.

And when we meet joy.

And when we meet what moves us.

This is true for all of them.

Or challenges us.

We can breathe and make space in the body.

Breathe and make space in the body.

And align with a sense of flow through.

And we can be a part of that.

And align with a sense of flow through.

Relax contraction.

Tune in to our intentions.

And our aspirations.

For our lives.

For the world.

For this moment.

And as we're flowing through into the final part of the retreat.

I was saying to someone today.

I don't like calling it the last days.

I like to call it the last part.

It was still in the retreat.

But this is the final part of it.

And as we flow through into the final part of the retreat.

And as we flow through into that part.

A real encouragement.

To come back to our intentions as a support and a grounding.

Our intentions for being here.

Our intentions for this particular part of the retreat.

Our intentions for this day.

Our intentions for this moment.

Wherever you want to place yourself on that.

But coming back to intentions as a way of grounding.

And of resourcing and of aligning.

So remembering that.

This is our work and it's such noble.

Noble work.

The work of transforming suffering.

That's our business.

Transforming suffering and its causes.

In ourselves and in the world.

To the best of our ability.

The work of finding that alignment.

Which allows us to be equally close.

To everything.

To all things.

And I think that's the most important part of the retreat.

So let's just have a quiet moment.

Together to bring this to a close.

Whatever the impact of the talk or of this time in the hall together.

Just seeing it with a sense of flow through.

And I think that's the most important part of the retreat.

To be able to see the impact of the talk.

Just seeing it with a sense of flow through.

If it's helpful connecting to the breathing.

And letting whatever impact is here flow through us.

In and out and through.

With a breath.

So thank you for your listening.

If you have any questions or comments about the retreat or how you can support the teachers and Dharma Seed,

Please visit dharmaseed.

Org.