Unscripted - Magik

Today I am following the word trail with Julia McEwan.

Welcome Julia,

It is an absolute delight to have you here.

Oh thank you,

I am equally as delighted.

Now before I ask you to introduce yourself I want to acknowledge something.

I don't know when it was,

It was earlier this year that you did a podcast episode with Niamh Cronin and it's because of that podcast,

But that's one of the reasons that inspired this series.

It was because I was thinking about at the time you were sales coaching and you were talking about nothing to do with sales coaching,

Although I knew that it was connected and it was just part of the inspiration for this was just thinking about how you were trying to weave that enormous conversation into something as sort of precise as sales.

Do you know what I mean?

It was that context and that's,

So you were one of the inspirations for this entire series was to actually think about how do we make space for those really big conversations when we are expressing a particular part of that conversation through our businesses.

So I wanted to say thank you for that inspiration.

Thank you so much for reflecting that back to me.

I really appreciate you sharing that.

Well I wanted to do it before I said,

But I know you've been on this big journey and you're continuing to be on this big journey,

So please introduce yourself and tell us what you're doing now.

Yeah thank you.

Well firstly I want to thank you for opening this container and creating this beautiful space that we can weave these big concepts in and play.

So I'm really happy to be here today.

I can only introduce myself as Julia and where I'm at now in life.

At the moment I have,

Well I've actually just completed a massive experience in my life and closed an energetic door to my last business which is Soul Centered Sales and I feel like I'm in a bit of a journey of exiting the entire online UAG business social media driven matrix and I'm creating a whole new experience of the type of business that I want to see in the world with two other amazing women Holly and Dawn who I'd definitely like to acknowledge in this.

For me my life is about experiences and living an experience rich life.

I love nature,

Nature immersion experiences.

I'm a tree hugger.

I'm a magic weaving subtle energy sorcerer.

I love tuning into the subtle energies and I'm really connected into my home country Australia but I love travel as well and for me I think right now I am on this beautiful path of reconnecting with the most simple things in life.

The things that we're really here to live for like joy and laughter explosions and highly activating conversations and connecting with our truth and finding out what sovereignty and personal power means to us and running around with our shoes off in nature and getting fresh in all the elements.

I'm enjoying the Sun and the wind and the water and connecting with community and knowing who the people are on your street and coming together over shared experiences that we want to create and I think a big part of that is is really about connecting in with the the most important things that bring community and life and relationships together.

The basics like where we live,

Food we eat,

How we spend our time.

So that's where I'm at right now.

I realized actually that all the things that I wanted in life what the endgame when I really looked at it I didn't necessarily need to be a social media celebrity to do any of that.

I'm letting all the things go that are just getting in the way and I'm just getting back to the raw essence of what really is my original intention and what I came here to do and I guess it wouldn't be fair to introduce myself without sharing that I I really love digging deep and diving down into the underworld and getting connected into the organic dark energies of this earth and I tend to enjoy speaking the truth into a situation not necessarily the truth but what my truth is and talking about the elephant in the room that no one really wants to talk about because I feel like connecting with our core wounds and the things that we tend to avoid is exactly the pathway to our transformation and moving beyond and creating a better more open expansive experience.

And that is exactly why you're here.

So which leads very beautifully into your word which is magic.

So what does what does magic mean to you?

Okay firstly I'm not talking about magic tricks and illusions and I tend to spell it differently as many people do so without a C I spell it with a K or some people spell it with a CK at the end just to I guess create to claim back that word magic that it isn't an illusion it's not a trick I'm talking about the real organic magic and what magic means to me is my main operating modus it is absolutely everything around me it is it is like the the nature when it talks and all that okay I'm just gonna share with you my latest magical experience because that's way easier than explaining what magic is okay so I'm in this beautiful property in northern New South Wales and I'm just loving it because I'm looking after a gorgeous little dog and I'm walking around and I had one of those days where I was like what am I doing what am I doing Julia and I all the worries just started to come in like where are you gonna live next and how are you gonna make money and you're not even like you're closing your business down and you haven't created the next thing and you know I was just like I was feeling like a little irresponsible naughty adult there was a confusing to grow up and I was like not enjoying that feeling either because I'm like I don't want to if growing up is just growing into this paradigm that's not me either so anyway the thoughts were coming bam bam bam bam bam and the negative like feelings and sensations was running through my body and then I took this step that felt different to every other one and as I planted my foot on the ground I was just so present to the moment and I felt my foot connect with the ground and it anchored me into the earth and both my feet were planted firmly and I suddenly the environment came alive like I'm literally in like Jurassic Park without the scary dinosaurs it was like this weed energy this amazing Wonderland of what felt ancient and all the trees just just like the wind and the leaves just lit up and the the breezes blowing and I could hear all the birds and the vibration of the sound of the birds every single sound in that forest penetrated my whole body and I heard the forest say this isn't your problem don't worry about it relax we're weaving magic for you can you feel us weaving the magic we've got this you've got this it's okay and I literally felt the magic being weaved all around me it's like everything in my life was conspiring to support me in that moment and I was just like that's right when I'm not operating from a place of magic my life gets really hard fast it gets challenging I feel stuck I feel powerless but the moment and I have to remind myself like all the time the moment that I like I connect back in with that realm of magic which is that like just ongoing support and it's communicated for me through the natural world and I see the weaving and the magic happen and I see the orchestration of all the events well in advance and you know someone might reflect it back to me I could be struggling in my life and I was like about six months ago I was having a really difficult situation and then someone was saying okay well what do you need and what's happening next in your life and I was explaining well I'm going here I'm visiting these people then I'll be there and we were just almost rolling around laughing when we realized that I had orchestrated the massive breakdown and breakthrough and all the situations and people to support me and nurture me back to my my full state of an integrated and new expansive version of myself and I was like that is magic for me hmm so an immensely rich I mean when you were when you were sort of saying where you were at now what this is this is where I'm at now it's just like that the thing that came to me was just it was just every part of your life that you were talking about you were talking about just really richly embracing life you know the ups and the downs the good and the bad but you were really looking at rediscovering what it means to live and and that's exactly what you've just reflected there is just that you know that in that moment of putting your foot on the ground it's just like almost like through the looking-glass is what came to me it's like you just you step into you don't step into another world I think we both agree you don't step into another world but you realize that you've been you've not actually been seeing the world that you've been been in exactly it's like you are so right Polly every single time I connect with the magic of like with magic and this world it's it's the veil that is lifting that is always like disconnecting the human being from their experience their natural state is to be a magical being but that is definitely you know taken away from them and and certainly knocked out of them at a very early age and people grow up and they just they just lose that magic and that sense of that and ever since I came back to rediscovering that experience and what it's like to live a magical life it has completely pulled me back into what's important what really is important and I'm just amazes me how like distracted we are from from having from actually remembering what's really essentially important you you've you've adopted for now at least a lot of lifestyle which is unconventional enough to allow you to break free of those patterns because a lot of it is to do with the routine and the ritual isn't it you know we have we have a house that we have to a home that we have to pay for somehow and we have a job so we have to have a job that we go to in order to pay the money so that that then we get trapped whereas you've chosen to step outside of that and have a completely fluid living situation that allows you to experience life in different places constantly and see things from different perspectives and not be tied and rooted or no I don't want to use word roots or anchored I wouldn't be I do mean tied tied to a specific situation do you think that's helped you sort of like break out yeah yeah and certainly like it's just a vehicle it's not everyone's path to do this nor is it you know how how they can experience magic unfolding so I feel like any situation in life can be used to allow magic to unfold it's just your intention around it so for me the the most difficult experiences that I've had on this on you know since I've been alive have been things around safety and security and feeling stable and all those will primal needs being met has really been where my energy and worry used to reside so I would freak out and worry about you know anything to do with those basic primal needs like home and money and what and this what I'm doing right now would have scared the crap out of me years and years ago so for me to allow the experience of magic to unfold and to really trust in this realm it was just so obvious that this is the lifestyle that was going I could use this experience to allow this to unfold so now I am house sitting and I'm moving all around different parts of northern New South Wales and southeast Queensland in these beautiful environments and every single experience has asked me to trust more in myself to find home within me and to watch the orchestration of everything the tapestry unfolding and to really trust that this realm is supporting me and that's exactly what it's showing me I don't know how long I'll be doing this for I think I've just been doing like I know it'll be the perfect time when I stop doing this and get a bit more anchored and rooted as you said because I do crave that as well and I desire that and I want that in my life in the future but I know it'll happen in the perfect time when I've derived the experience the root the full riches of that experience out and I'm not seeking security outside of myself and I fully trust that the magic is alive within me to create whatever experience I want so what I'm doing is I'm actively removing all of these I would say that they're false platforms of security that the human naturally grabs onto and goes and now I have a home I'm safe and it's like well for me I don't want my safety to come my feeling of safety to come from the fact that I have a home because a home can disappear like that yeah and it has lately in Australia there's been a lot of homes that have disappeared like that and soon you realize that projecting your safety and security outside of yourself is it works but it's not the richest experience possible for me so I'd rather dive more into that world.

But you've reflected it in what you were saying there is about the need to come back within ourselves to in order to find the security the safety within ourselves to realize that we are whole within ourselves but going on that journey means going into places that we may not necessarily find that attractive which I think is you know is where you're where you've been at recently isn't it?

It's going into the really dark side of what it means to be human you have to get comfortable with it.

Yeah so so when I've had the most expansion and transformation that I'm talking about suffering a massive being a victim of a certain experience or issue my whole life and then suddenly it just not even been existed in my world like that's when I know that I've fully transformed and integrated that experience and I've moved on to other ones so this has happened for many different areas and experiences in my life especially on long-term anxiety so I'm like yeah I've actually mastered that world in this life I was anxious from the moment I was aware up until like seriously anxious up until I would say the age of 32 33 so for the last like five years or so of my life I'm like oh I don't experience myself as a victim of anxiety anymore so every single time I have had one of those experiences where I fully transformed and transcended and learn all I've needed to know I've grabbed the wisdom and I've really completed that experience has been a journey into the underworld and really looking at my deepest deepest dark darkness my fears and my wounds because I feel like all they ever do is act like weeds and they always have potential until we really integrate those experiences and also not to make them wrong in any way just to stop rejecting them and pretending that they're not a part of our life and I feel like the world of magic is all accepting of everything like every experience it's just like nature which can be you know horrible and cruel and beautiful wondrous all at the same time it's everything and I feel like our lives are the same as human beings were horrible and cruel you have horrible and cruel experiences and we have magical wonderful experiences as well and what tends to happen I've noticed is people will do anything they possibly can to either avoid those dark experiences or not talk about them or not go there or not look at them and try and build their life from an inherent rejection of who they are and when we're rejecting a part of who we are it just plays up more or it just it doesn't when something if you feel into it the energy of not being acknowledged when someone isn't acknowledged what happens to that person when they're not acknowledged for their who they are you can think of all these scenarios right now involving hey it's just like oh humans just need to be acknowledged well so does every part of that human so that's why I will delve in that world and I believe that's a part of that the magical realm absolutely and that magic is magic has to be balanced you know we mean there has to be that concept of balance I mean and polarities I mean I just think that in in the world that we live in the in our perception unlimited perception of the world that we live in we cannot perceive the levels of balance and I think about this a lot in terms of the the health the global health of our of our world that we simply can't function and thinking about that we but if we if we can't even go within ourselves and look at the dark and the light and you know then if we can't go in there and look at it then where are we going to go because we can't possibly then deal with it because we if we want everything to be all night and very fluffy and nice all the time then we are never going to be able to get our hands dirty dealing with what isn't so nice oh yeah and it's just like you said polarity add more love and light well guess what you're gonna get in return mm-hmm it's fine it's not a judgment they just know what you're dealing with that's why there's extreme experiences amplified on earth right now because there's been a massive religious spiritual New Age love and light movement and then there's also extreme horrible things happening because it's just like a recipe I had more one something else happens but yeah exactly and that's that's the thing that with this polarity thing we've been we've been operating on polarities for a very long period of time we swing from one extreme to the other and we're never actually coming into a place of balance and unless we until we come into a place of balance within ourselves as an individual we can't ever hope to create that within society yeah and yeah that is so important like that whole conversation around balance is that I think um for many years I thought that I could find this happy medium and it just doesn't like it requires tension and flow like this is a podcast you can't see me swinging my hands like a little pendulum but it just requires like a little bit of back and like a little bit of flow and to know to know when you need to delve in the dark and then and you need dark medicine in that moment and then know when you need light medicine and it's your job to kind of like monitor that within yourself like where what's gonna be the best thing for you right now like I know I need dark medicine when I'm hiding something from myself I know I need dark medicine when I'm experiencing a feeling that I pretend I don't know what it is for a long time until I realize it's shame I'm like I need dark medicine right now I need to go into that world and I'll put like the blankets over my head I decided doing this recently I don't care how beautiful is outside I block out everything and I put on some like really kind of haunting music and I I experienced my journey and I used to journey outwards into the cosmos but it's like I journey the cosmos within and I feel myself just go between them and I sink into the earth and I I watch the soil come over me my body decompose and I connect with the energies of the Middle Earth and I dig I just go far into the darkness and it's beautiful that world and I know that that medicine that I receive there is exactly what I need in that moment but then when I'm annoyed and frustrated that I I'm not you know seeing the things that I want to unfold in my life and I'm I'm getting like naki and a little bit judgmental I'm like no I need some light medicine right now I need to like dance or connect with someone who is just in that space and and just knowing what's right for us so I've been talking a lot about with with some of my dear friends that we're creating this experience with Holian dawn called gray leadership which is bringing new concepts of you know how we can work in a world of business but we talk a lot about the beyond solution and and I've worked for so many years with a personal coach who said something like kind of the same but different it was like there's one extreme and there's another extreme but what's beyond that whole world so when Holly started talking about the beyond solution to me I'm like I get that well that's how I used to like transcend experiences so we usually get either or and we kind of like go back and forth between them but there is something that we can move beyond that but we have to be willing to understand and integrate all the experiences of the polarity before we can like kind of move beyond that and beyond solution is like well now that you're accepting and appreciating all of this what can be created from that space and usually what it is is something so brand new that's never been heard of you know you're not repeating a pattern or a program system in the collective consciousness of humanity because you're over you just like blown away you're like wow that meets all of my needs and it has everything I want and this side's happy and that side's happy and I can totally operate from that space and wow and you're it's just like so obvious the solution so yeah there is like playing with that as well it's not just balance but what can you shift beyond all of those experiences not that does come you know to where that original inspiration came from which for me which was around how do you fit those bigger conversations into and stuff because there is there is such collective programming in the world of business it's doing I mean like that I I've come to call it the business shadow it's just like it's that it you see people who are very aware of who they are as a person and then it comes to being in business and all of a sudden they're implementing stuff you're going you're not even questioning that you know that's when I get all judgmental and just watching people just going hang on a second how can you be so aware and then you are just taking that as read that that's the way that things happen there is as you say a beyond solution but you've got to tear all of that down you've got to actually see it for what it is so you can say there is something beyond that I I am NOT bound I am a magical being I can create what I want to create I am not bound by any rules I can completely create what I want to do so what is it and I think you know you would although we're coming at it from different places that's exactly what we're doing is taking people to that beyond space so that they can actually see their way forward mmm yeah and then and when that space is reached it does feel like pure magic like there is just no doubt about it and you watch like the environment responds and people respond and everything just shifts immediately and you can see the magic at play and you're like ah it suddenly it's like all those things that describe the magical world like oh this just so happened to happen right now when we needed it to and all the synchronicities and the beautiful timing and I want this and it suddenly arrives and you know all those sure signs of magic just it's like boom the energy shifts and then everything is just new flow and it is it's the flow of nature it's like that is that space of magic and oh yeah okay so I think something new is coming through so I don't even know if I believe this but I'm just gonna say it because it's coming through and wants to be shed so don't hold me this is my thing but um I feel like there is yeah it's like intentional magic and there is like this more surrendered experience of magic where you're just like trusting the whole realm of magic to work its magic and you're included in that realm but I think what a lot of people think that magic is is that intentional magic where there's rituals and intentions and I am going to create this situation and actually there's a lot of fucking manipulation and yeah I'm just I'm just realizing this because I remember receiving a voicemail from someone not too long ago saying that they were gonna work their magic on someone and I was listening to it and my body just went oh like and then and then they said something like and I know you know what that means because you're magical and I was like oh do not put me in that world I am not like I do not work my magic on people or situations or anything like that that is that is just pretty manipulation and it's like an old-school ritualistic we're gonna tune in it's like it's repeating old rituals that I just don't think need to be repeated anymore and I feel like a lot of women are remembering a lot of these rituals and they're acting them out without any discernment how what they're playing with and men as well I just know that there's a lot of women doing it at the moment I feel like that is again just one polar extreme way of living where you live this little magical intentional life where you're like driving all of your experiences from the ether and the other extreme has been like you're a total logical thinker or victim to your reality and nothing's in your control but beyond that is actually just totally surrendering knowing like for me it's like totally surrendering to the magic unfolding I don't need to change any situation because if I'm trying to change a situation I'm in resistance to my life and I'm not trusting the magic hmm absolutely and it's that it's as you say it's like it we the controlling thing is is one of the biggest bits of programming that we have it's like I have to because other if I'm not controlling it then I'm I am the victim so it's yeah but it's actually playing into that because you're trying to control it rather than understand that actually what's happening is happening on a completely different level yeah yeah and it's polarities it's like being the control versus the victim it's like well you're actually controlling yourself and you're being your own victim to you yeah that's exactly what's going on so so what's beyond that and that's always where I want to go it's like what's beyond that now the only way that I can get to that awareness is by willing to see myself to dig that deep and know that I have manipulated people intentionally and unintentionally using magic and to see the ducks the darkness of this magical world and all these rituals and to see like the the darkness of needing to control and manipulate people and and especially the business shadows just wanting to come into this conversation but this is like then tuned into the whole business world where people are using rituals and magic to to create the situation they're like I get it it's I totally understand why you're doing it I'm not judging it and in some ways it's really awesome because you need to play in that world sometimes but to only operate from that world is limiting and I'm going to happily talk about the shadow side of that experience even though there's some amazing light sides to that as well but the real shadow side of that is you're manipulating people and you're making it look like under the guise of magic and that you're doing something really empowering and really it's just it's just trying to control the situation and manipulating like I'm gonna do this and you know I'm gonna like tune in and get all my clients ready in the ether and it's like well whatever it is it's like I'm sorry but the shadow is you're just trying to yeah you know what I mean yes you're willing to look at that for to then allows you to have the awareness because I don't see that as bad or wrong I'm just like that's the fucking truth like just admit it it's nothing wrong with it just admit it go that deep and then you're gifted with the consciousness and the awareness of what is beyond that and where I feel like I've been gifted is this real magical realm where I'm allowed to like I can tune into at any single moment and an experience the flow of magic unfold in my life and and nature conspiring with me but I'm not being a control freak I'm not saying this is the best thing for my life and using rituals of magic to do it I'm just allowing magic myself to be a magical being and I think that's inherently the gift from being willing to look at the shadow yes and it's it it's I think one of the things that has come to me a lot recently is that is the extent to which we resist holding space we go into business and we're gonna help people but we actually resist holding space for those people because we're resisting holding space for ourselves to do that work and I think you've touched on this I've heard you talk about the need to actually lead in that respect and to to hold the space for yourself to do this work because it is and it is terrifying going into business for yourself and if you don't go on that journey and hold the space for yourself to go on that journey how can you how can you hold the space for anybody else to go on that journey unless you use a any form of manipulation to do it yeah yeah and like if we really want to just like go into that shadow a little bit more there are many people who are who are aware that they're who who are aware that they're not ready to hold space for people and yes it's how can you and it's also how dare you like there is a little bit like just to really go into that hmm of the side of it it's a little bit like well how dare you how dare you holds like you you know that you cannot go as deep as you need to go for that person and then like coming into that but that other like echelon which is many people just have no awareness they don't know that they need to go that deep for that person and that's when it's like well how you know how can you and you have those sorts of questions and each question is different for every person where they're at but for me that whole experience of working in this world is that every single encounter that you have with a client is going to highlight what you need to do with yourself and some people are going to ignore that call and just keep rehashing the same information but you're not willing to go there but if you follow like the realm of magic there is an equal exchange happening no matter how much time and attention and space you give someone and you're like yes I deserve to be financially rewarded for that they if you're in that realm of magic they are gifting you so much back about yourself it's like a mirror and if they show you that you need to go deeper that's when you're like I'm now aware that I need to do more work on myself so I can legitimately hold space for other people and that's when I think get a bit dark change the question how dare I you know actually sitting that for a moment how dare I take this next call and I know that I need to do this with myself and just see what wants to unfold but people aren't willing to speak to themselves like that or go to that level of that depth but when you when you are in that space what starts to unfold is really really amazing and this is something that I've experienced so much in the creation of this whole Grail leadership experience is no matter what's going on I'm able to bring every single side to myself to the situation and have those questions like well how dare I do this and and you know and be that person and be totally appreciated and loved and held and supported because the information that I'm bringing is key information and feedback and then and the same for everyone else in a situation so if someone is really upset by there's something happening but they're willing to take full responsibility and like I'm upset by this can you can we dive in together and you're like let's go there let's go as deep as you need to go what generally happens is we realize a key weed that's growing in the whole thing like ah that was like totally closing this whole world in and we were basically watching ourselves about to repeat what every single other type of you know new community is trying to do where we just go back into the old conditioning in the old programming but we were Wow look what was being created from that one little thought and then this massive expansive experience opens up and beyond solutions just come pouring through and you're like wow and it but it takes us to get that deep to get to that space it always unravels the next bit and this is the part where I think people are just not willing or don't know that it's safe to go there that because they've been told over and over again it's wrong it's bad you want to love them like that away you don't want to go there you shouldn't think like that it's negative thinking it's like well it's there for a reason so you do want to you like use it and lean in or do you want to keep pretending it doesn't exist and you know pounding positive affirmations at yourself in front of the mirror every day which is kind of just like bullying the mental body it's not even up dealing with the actual issue of where those thoughts are coming from you're just bullying it you're saying shut up I'm amazing I'm powerful I'm this and what about the part of you that doesn't feel amazing and that doesn't feel powerful it's not wrong it's there to warn you and give you bought like it gives you great information and it's super plays out in your body intelligence and it's important those little voices that say well I'm not amazing like when you really lean into that whole experience can gift you so many insights about yourself and keep you fucking humble as well like like so you know there's always a gift in there is as you were talking I was just thinking about imposter syndrome and you know that because oh you know that's it's a negative thing but it's like for me I know that when I have those thoughts about God am I up to this am I capable of doing it do I know my stuff am I gonna do am I gonna let people all of those things all of those thoughts they're like this it's it's an opportunity for me a to appreciate the things that I can do and stop beating myself up about those which is would be as far as it would go otherwise you know in the general consensus about how to deal with imposter syndrome but then it's also like okay what does that mean because I'm always driven to keep on improving things what does that mean where can I rise to meet that you know so you're absolutely right it's like we we deal with half the problem and that's when we end up bringing in the extremes again and you know in this in polarities we just never allow ourselves to go there and then that's to me that in the world of business that's when people really struggle because they're pushing themselves to do something that is just so not right for them and you know that those beyond solutions that you're talking about but the real solutions for their businesses the real solutions for their lives mmm and it's a really cool little play on word because yes there's solutions but it's also not just beyond solutions it's beyond solutions like beyond the need to solve something it's like there's nothing that needs to be solved it's just like we can expand further and it's like getting more richness out of the whole experience it feels to me like it lifts us out of just that like surface level of what it is to be a human and lifts us more into a greater experience of like whoa when you're really accessing all the potential of a situation it feels like you're tapping into way more than just your individual experience it's like a very like collective experience but also like a greater being and like the experience of what that might be like like a lot of the time if I'm really struggling in life and I connect into like oh okay well what would my greater being be getting out of this and and I experience like sometimes I'll go on journeys where I'll experience the greatness of all of me receiving all this experience rich experiences in life and I realize that they're not feeling them as bad or horrible or wrong it's just really inherently like a rich experience that makes up the whole and it just like makes me go oh I'm the one that keeps labeling it as wrong like it doesn't matter how bad someone's life may look or especially if it's someone you love sometimes it's not about you it's like you know my family member or my daughter or my sister-in-law or whatever is you care deeply for someone and you see this horrible thing happening to them in their life and you're like why this is horrible like what is someone you love is just like dating some hurt like person that's just like totally taking them out of who they are as a person and derailing them and then they're getting addicted to drugs or alcohol and you're like what is going on but it doesn't matter how bad that looks from the outside looking in because if you cannot put your hand on your heart and say this experience is not meant to happen to them like when you feel into the greatness of their being and their whole life and what could potentially happen as a result you can't really say this is the wrong thing for them because you don't know you don't know that this is the one thing that just leads to the most magic unfolding you know so if we apply that always to ourselves and not resist there's not a need to control all the time and to be like okay yeah and then when when we step away from that controlling and really like surrendering into the realm of magic there's a different way we show up in relationships but also in business and I feel like that fear and that desperation and that I need my next client and I have to turn this situation into that and I have an agenda that this webinar needs to lead to this many sales to this all of that just disintegrates and dissolves it's like it becomes none of your fucking business and then there's spaciousness and people don't feel weed energy from you and this is so important for people who are in those early stages of business because it's the signals that you send out do way more than you fucking copy way more than how you show up it's people don't know but they just feel drawn to you and that's why you'll see so many people selling what I might see is the most fucking useless ridiculous courses that I think they're just ripping people off I having no responsive like shadow side no responsibility for you know that they are promising stuff that is cannot and will not be fulfilled in these programs like because you see and you read and you're like that's impossible you can't do that in five days like you just laugh and you're like oh these people but they have hundreds and hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of thousands of people signing up you know you're like I offer all of this goodness and I struggle to get a few people to sign up to why I do it's got nothing to do with who you are it's like the signals that you're sending out and if you're sending signals out and this is like again it's not about making the judgment of what's good or bad regardless of thousands of people signing up for your program whatever your program is if the signals that you are sending out is like totally trust I don't need you to sign up I'm like totally good you know and I just want to share this and you just like insurrender to the whole thing it's a very different experience to I've put my life into this I'm giving away my life's work and you need to honor it and respect it and it's like energetic barriers and loopholes to get through before you even sign up and that person's course could be so much more valuable but yes do you remember somebody saying to me once and I got on a webinar for something they were doing and they'd say they wanted to speak to me afterwards and I said and at the end of the webinar they said you're what you said I want you to ask your soul is it hell yes or hell no and my was so hell no I did the energy was so wrong for me and there's been a couple of things that happened and got the message on afterwards and she was like well I don't understand you shouldn't have been able to get through to the webinar unless you were you were then you unless you were gonna buy the program it was just like what let's just say I'm sorry I knew you lost me completely because to me it's that yeah you're absolutely it's like I I share because that's what I feel cool to do then don't think oh yeah I'm gonna share because I want to sign up 50 people because that's the fastest way to disappoint yourself you're going back into you're going back into the whole thing of controlling and that's why I personally you know when people say I'm gonna set an intention that I want I want to sign this number of clients and you know that that is still in the controls space of control and what as you said you know when people say well write down a list of people you actually want to work with no because again that's controlling to me like I can't I know what you don't understand exactly what you're saying I can't can't go down that route it's just a it's got to be about the the quality of the energy that you want to bring to it oh the agenda yeah the agenda because I used to write down people's names and be like I really want this person I really want that person and it like it can like really like help you tune in and be like this is these are the types of experiences that I want to have I'd love it if these types of people were involved but it's like the attachment to a being that person that's when it becomes like controlling and manipulating and I need you to do my program but I think it's more like for me now I just rather tune into the experiences that I want to have and be totally open and unattached to who and how that shows up exactly yes like this is what I desire I don't need you to fulfill that purpose but anyone could anyone could do that and if that purpose isn't fulfilled so what wasn't wasn't actually what I truly desired because what I truly desire is what shows up in my life is horrible and fucking hard as that can do me to hear sometimes I get it I told it like I've had some fucking every experiences in life where oh man like yeah I've questioned everything but I keep going back to the two worst experiences of my life which inherently were probably the best experiences I've ever had my full mental breakdown and then when I spent months getting full attacks from demons at night those are the two most horrible experiences of my life they also were the best like like without doubt like I have to say they were the best because of what I became from those experiences and the the power and the sovereignty and the discernment and the integrity and the desire to live you know a fulfilling life and to not hide all the parts of me and accept all parts of me and to love like my mental health wherever it's at and all these different things were born out of that and it just woke me up of a world that I was pretending that I was a part of and it it basically forced me out of a whole tribe and a way of living that was not aligned and it launched me into to where I wanted to be so like it just takes years sometimes to realize but if I'm in the moment and I'm like the only thing that's going to help me is time I just put my trust in time and healing and enjoy that terrible experience as much as I can and derive as much as much wisdom as I can out of it and always looking for what is actually happening and I find that not only the experiences happen less they they tie up quickly they don't last as long as well but also I don't have regrets or frustrations or anger or resentment about things that have happened to my past because I see the absolute magic in beauty in in them all.

Oh Julia we could talk for hours.

We totally hit our mark didn't we?

Yes so I mean as we really could just go on and on because this is not a conversation that will ever stop you know this journey into finding your own magic just doesn't stop because there's always something beyond what we can see now.

It's been an absolute pleasure and delight and so many things I've just like was thinking that we're gonna go back through the whole interview just pick some bits out.

Thank you so much it's been such fun.

Thank you.

Is it okay if I share one really quick thing?

It just really wants to be said is that I've used the word magic today but that's just my operating modus if you need to replace that word and you're like oh she's not talking about magic she's talking about this and that's what it is in your world well that's what it is in your world and that's and that's the magic in it so it doesn't have to be magic it could be anything that you're thinking of that you experience the same thing so I just wanted you to feel into the expansiveness of that and not be tied into it has to be magic.

Absolutely yes yeah thank you so much Julia.

Thank you Polly thanks for having me on your beautiful unscripted podcast.

Thank you.