Overcoming Loneliness

Céline Harleaux – Host of the award-winning It's A Funny Thing Podcast. Author of 40 Days To Self-Love. Advanced ThetaHealing Practitioner.

Céline has inspired thousands of women to improve their relationship with themselves, using simple and effective tools. Céline’s audience absolutely loves her playfulness, authenticity, and honesty – she never hesitates to share her most awkward stories, as well as her best tips for powerful and long-lasting change.

Transcript

This program was produced by and first broadcast on Radio Hawke's Bay, A community access media station. Thank you to New Zealand on Air for making this type of programming possible. Well, Good morning, Everyone, And welcome to It's a Funny Thing with Celine. I am Celine, And I'm so happy to have you with me today. I'm running out of battery already. This is not a good sign, But we will push on. Welcome to the episode, Whether you're listening to this on Radio Hawke's Bay or you're listening to this on Spotify or iTunes or whichever podcasting platform you're used to. I am so excited to spend this time with you. There are plenty more episodes for you to listen to if you're interested. I do like to talk about things that I'm learning at the moment that I want to share with you. So, Yeah, We talk about anything from self-love to experiencing peace to connecting with God, The universe to resolving boundaries and experiencing or finding ways to experience harmony in relationships. We all need more tips on those. I think some of the recurring things that I like to talk about is experiencing peace within yourself and realizing that you're connected to everything around you. This is a topic that is often thrown in spiritual conversations, And I think we have a mental understanding or an intellectual understanding that we are connected to everything around us. We're connected to the birds and the trees and the bees, And we're connected to the sunshine. We feel recharged when we sit in the sunshine and read a book or just lie on the grass. We feel recharged after going for a walk in the woods, Or we feel recharged after deep breathing for a few minutes. So we know that there is a connection to the things that are around us, And yet I feel that most of us go about life and we feel lonely. I think this is a symptom of our times that we feel extremely lonely. No matter how easy it is for you to make a connection using the internet and social media and going to a bar, I suppose, I don't know if people do that. We have so many tools at our fingertips now that are readily available for us to make connection with other human beings that are feeling lonely as well. And yet we feel lonely and isolated more than ever before because when I look at the new builds that we have here in Hawke's Bay, The houses are ginormous and you've got houses with two, Three living rooms, Three or four bathrooms. And the houses are big, The gardens are tiny, And the fences are high. What does this say about the communities that we are building now? And we have seen communities coming together after the cyclone, But I feel that it is all too easy for us to feel lonely in a crowd. And I think it is the most heartbreaking thing about our society today. And so I want to talk to you about connection and and how can I put this? Yeah, About connection, About you feeling connected to yourself, Connected to the world around you, Finding ways to connect with others without feeling scared. I think another thing is, You know, We, I don't know about you, But when I was really lacking in self-love, I would create, I would connect with others, But I would feel afraid of them. I would feel afraid of what they thought of me, The way that I dressed, What I was saying, The jokes that I made, What I, You know, How I looked, My hairstyle. And I was really worried and I was really obsessing. Obsessing is a better word than worrying because I was obsessing. I was obsessing over what I thought people could think of me. And it was, It was something that I couldn't control and I couldn't get my head around people not liking me. And of course I didn't like myself, So I didn't really understand that people could like me either. And, Well, One thing that happened to me this week is that I was getting ready to go to work and my husband came to me and I was frantically opening the curtains and making the bed before, Before going in a hurry. And I had about two minutes before I was supposed to go in the car and start driving. And my husband comes to me and he says, Celine, I have something to tell you. And I'm like, Oh my God, Like, I'm just not ready for this. I get out of my way. I have to go. And he says, Celine, I love you. And he said it so, Um, Um, He said it with no agenda whatsoever. And you know, My first answer was to say why? So it's still something that's going on in the back of my mind, Somewhere in my psyche, Unfortunately. By the way, If you can hear some awkward noises in the background, It's my husband doing a workout and he is, He just makes the most embarrassing noises. So I do apologize if you hear grunts and moans. Um, That's my husband. Yeah. So where do we start today? I think that where we start today is, Um, I would like you to close your eyes if you can. I know that if you're driving or you're doing something that requires your attention, You may not be able to do that just yet, But you can still, You know, Keep your eyes open and drive or whatever, Keep your eyes open and chop your vegetables. Um, Or you can come back to the episode later. They're available forever to you on the internet. Isn't that nice? Um, I would like you to close your eyes if you can and simply focus on, Um, The loneliness inside of you. So it may look like very high or strong boundaries around your heart. It may look like, Um, You know, You feeling alone in your family and your marriage, You know, Feeling that you're running around like a headless chicken. And we do have an episode around, Um, You know, Stopping yourself from running around like a headless chicken, You know, Where you, You know, You say something and then your child is on this on his or her phone, You know, Or you're, You know, You're sharing something with your partner that is deep and meaningful to you when they just don't respond or they don't understand why it's meaningful to you. And, Um, I just want you to focus on all the little ways, Um, All the little moments during which you have experienced loneliness over the past few days, Past few weeks, Could be something that your parent has said. Um, Could something that you have experienced at work, You know, Being silenced at work or being diminished or not heard. You know, I had a moment at a meeting the other day where I had a really good suggestion to a partner. Um, And I was like, Okay, I'm going to share this with you. And I thought it was a really good suggestion to a problem, The problem that we were experiencing. Well, I thought it was a really good, Really good suggestion. And I was dismissed the first time. And I thought, Nah, This is a solution to our problem. It's going to answer, Um, Why we keep experiencing this problem and I'm going to be heard. And I said it again, And then it was heard, But you know, The first time and the first time of being silenced, Silenced and dismissed, It was very pleasant. So just bring to your mind all of those little moments and, Um, Not so much other people. I don't want you to necessarily think about other people's selfishness and you know, How mean and cruel they are. And oh my goodness, You know, You're surrounded by selfish idiots. I just want you to focus on how it makes you feel because we can go on and on and on about how, You know, Annoying other people are, But, Uh, We very well know that there is no way for us to change how people behave, But we can change how we feel. We can change how we perceive reality around us. We can change how we live our life. We can change how we respond to certain situations. You know, Um, I have a friend who has a very strong reaction to the word stupid. So, Um, And you know, This is a word that, You know, You know, We say, You know, Don't be stupid. Oh, Don't do a stupid thing like this. And if he hears this in connection to something that he did or said, He will lash out. And that's because of something that happened to him when he was a child, The teacher called him stupid and it just created an imprint inside of him. So just feel the little moments of silence and loneliness inside of you, Whatever shape it takes without getting bogged down into the feeling. There's no need to, Um, Become overwhelmed by it. It's, It's as if you're looking at it from an outsider's perspective, From an objective perspective. Oh, This is, You know, How loneliness feels inside of me. It feels like, Um, A very high wall around my heart. It feels like an emptiness in my stomach. It feels like stress and, And tension, Literally pressure in my shoulders and my neck. It feels like, Um, A cage around my throat and it's stopping me from expressing myself. Just observe what's there without getting bogged down in the story, Without getting overwhelmed by the feelings. It's a practice. And now I would like you to think about a time when you felt connected, When you felt connected and joyful. So I think most of us will go back to a time, Um, In our childhood, You know, Some, Some like a moment in your life where you felt truly happy and connected and loved and accepted. So, You know, You may even go back to a time when you were a baby and I know that you have experienced this in your lifetime. Otherwise you wouldn't be able to seek it. So, Or actually if you, If you can't think of a time when you felt truly happy and connected, Then imagine what it would feel like. Imagine what it would feel like to feel connected and complete and whole and loved and accepted and confident about life. Because when you, When you feel, When you feel loved, When you feel respected, When you feel accepted, You feel confident about life and it's a beautiful thing. So you go after your dreams, You do your workouts, You sleep well at night, You sleep enough. Um, You go for the things that you want. So what does it feel like? What would it feel like for you to feel connected? We just adopted a new kitten and she is so sweet and sleeping next to me. We, Um, Put her to, We, We, We put her in the bedroom, In the, Not in the bedroom, In the living room last night. Um, Because she keeps waking us up and we haven't had a good night sleep in a few weeks. So we put her in the living room last night and now she's just stuck to us and it's a cold morning as well. So she's just sleeping on the bed next to me. It's really sweet. She's really cute. So we've identified moments when you felt disconnected and moments when you felt connected, Right? And so those are two different sets of feelings, Right? I feel blocked. I feel sad. I feel isolated. I feel like nobody cares about me versus I feel connected. I feel that everything is great. Everything is always working out for me. I'm really lucky, You know, Um, Life and life always gives me really lovely surprises for me to unwrap and, You know, Things happen my way and I'm always in synchronicity. And so most people think that there is a giant leap to take from point a, I feel disconnected to point B, I feel connected, Right? And so we have to do all of our belief work and we have to get better friends and we have to separate from our current partner because he doesn't understand us and we've outgrown him anyway. And you know, We have to get a better job and we have to start our own business and, You know, We have to do all of these things in order to feel connected. To a certain extent, Those things are true. Um, You know, Once you feel connected, You make, You make different decisions about your life, You know, You know, Simply put at the same time, You know, You don't have to do all of that belief work in order for you to feel connected. I feel that what I'm being shown right now is that it's, It's simply a different perspective. It's not about you getting rid of all your stuff before feeling connected. It's about looking at life slightly differently. It's about putting a different pair of glasses or a different lens. It's about, It's about looking at life differently is what I can see. So I want you to switch back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth between point A, I feel disconnected to point B, I feel connected. So I want you to do this. I want you to learn how to do this at will. So once again, You know, Go to point A, I feel disconnected. I feel alone. I feel, Um, You know, Nobody likes my posts, Um, Or I'm not making as much money as I want. And, Um, I'm stuck in a job that I don't like, And I don't like my body and I don't like my clothes and I don't like my car and other people are stupid. And, And then go back to point B. Oh, I feel connected. You've had moments in your life when you felt connected, When you felt in your purpose, When you felt, Um, Divine timing, When you met people that you were supposed to meet, When money was easy, When health was easy, You've had moments in your life when you just were in love with everything that exists, Even if it was just a tiny fragment of a second. Okay. So we feel connected now. And then we go back to feeling disconnected. Oh, I hate everyone. You know, People are stupid and why is everything wrapped in plastic at the supermarket and blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah. And then we go back to feeling connected, Disconnected, Connected, Disconnected, Connected. Maybe I'm going a bit too fast for you. So do what you can with, Um, With what you have available right now. And you will notice that your mind wants you to stay stuck in one story. Excuse me. And the story that your mind wants to remain stuck in is likely the story of disconnectedness, Of loneliness, Of isolation, Of nobody loves me anyway. I'm not worth anything because nobody loves me. And so I'm only going to feel loved once people love me for who I am. And now let's stop our exercise and let's go to feeling connected fully. So I would like you to close your eyes if you can, Um, Or go back to this exercise at the moment when you're more available and imagine what it would feel like to be fully connected to your partner, To your children, Your colleagues at work, Yourself connected to your body. You know, We have disconnection in the body as well. You know, If you have had something difficult or traumatic, Traumatizing, Traumatic, I don't know how to say that word, Um, Happening that happened to you in your life, You know, And you haven't processed it, Then it will stay in your body and there will be a sense of this connection. So imagine what it would feel like to be fully connected to God, The universe, All that is, People around you. Imagine what it would feel like to receive a smile from a stranger on the street, To be treated to a free slice of pizza that happened to me the other day. I was so happy. It was so nice. I do love pizza. Imagine what it would feel like to greet a puppy and feel the puppy's happiness. Imagine what it would feel like to have a little flame of a desire, Like, Oh, I really need some more bay leaves. I ran out of bay leaves and you know, You forget to add it to your supermarket list or you don't want to buy it and you just forget about it. And somebody offers you, Um, You know, Um, Bay leaves from their tree, A free coffee, But more than that, More than feeling the sunshine on your skin or the fresh air is still morning, A lovely cup of coffee, You know, An afternoon spent on the couch reading with a cup of tea and a nice blankie and a cookie or two or three more than that. I would like you to, Um, Imagine or feel the energy that is you. So you may see, Feel that as a ball of light around you. And I would like you to feel, Um, Imagine, Pretend that that ball of light is extending and expanding more and more and more and more. It may feel really difficult. So if it feels difficult because we're, You know, Just doing a, You know, A radio episode here, I can't go too deep with you today, But if it feels too difficult, Just pretend that your aura or your aura or your energy, Your field of energy, Your ball of energy that is you is expanding and extending until, And you're going to let it expand and expand and expand and expand even more until you can't feel the edges of your energy anymore. And you will feel at some point that because there is no edge to your energy, There is no limit to your energy anymore. Well, You may feel with your energy body, With this aura, This bubble of light that is you, That there is something on the other side of your energy and that something is slowly connecting with you. Weaving tendrils of light, Links of light, Ropes of light, Connection into your aura, Roots of light. So allow this to happen. Allow this energy, This energy to come into that light that is you. It's almost like I can feel it is almost a sense of pressure on the edges of your aura, Of your energy. And that pressure is inviting you to let go of the boundary between you and God, You and Creator, You and all that is, You and the universe. Because what I can see is that the most important alignment for you today is reconnecting to God. And the word God is heavily charged, Isn't it? So replace it with whatever word you feel comfortable with. But it is that energy of unconditional love. It is what you were made of. It is what you're returning to. You know this energy because you come from it. So reconnect with this energy of love, Compassion and peace. And you can feel that this energy really wishes you well. It's an understatement. It wants the best for you. It wants to be with you. It wants to connect with you. It wants to shower you with gifts and presence. It wants you to receive unconditional love more and more and more and more. So allow the boundary between you and the universe to completely dissolve. And I want you to let this energy of love, This God energy, To come all the way into your heart, Into your body, Into the very core of you, Into your DNA, Every single cell in your skin, Your eyes, Your ears, Your mouth. Let yourself drown in unconditional love, If only for a second. Now this is a process that you may like to repeat a few times over the next few days. Perhaps it is a practice to no longer feel lonely and to feel connected. If you felt truly connected, Then how would you live your life? If all that you had ever experienced was unconditional love, How would you live your life? We live life because we are in a way, In a certain way, Because we have been traumatized again and again. All of our behaviors come either from fear or from love. We drink because we're afraid. We scroll on our phones for hours because we're afraid and lonely. We feel disconnected. You know, We eat sugar and chocolate and chips and we indulge in takeaways way too often because we're afraid, Because we're lonely, Because we feel disconnected. You know, Boil it down and you will see that it comes from the belief that you're alone, That nobody cares, That nothing matters anymore. So whenever you feel this way, Remember that you are connected to everything. So that is the message for you today. I definitely invite you to do this exercise a few times until you get it, And then you get it more, And then you get it more, And then you get it more. So I'm sending you so, So, So much love, And I'll speak to you again soon. Bye!