How To Connect Meaningfully With Virtually Anybody

Céline Harleaux – Host of the award-winning It's A Funny Thing Podcast. Author of 40 Days To Self-Love. Advanced ThetaHealing Practitioner.

Céline has inspired thousands of women to improve their relationship with themselves, using simple and effective tools. Céline’s audience absolutely loves her playfulness, authenticity and honesty – she never hesitates to share her most awkward stories, as well as her best tips for powerful and long-lasting change.

Transcript

This program was produced by and first broadcast on Radio Hawke's Bay,

A community access media station.

Thank you to New Zealand on Air for making this type of programming possible.

Well,

Hello everyone and welcome to a new episode of It's a Funny Thing.

Formerly,

Your time to shine,

All things self-love.

It is definitely easier on my tongue to say your time to shine,

All things self-love,

Looking at how many episodes I have recorded already on the podcast.

But we have a new title,

It's a Funny Thing,

Life is a Funny Thing.

Yes,

It is.

And I think it's for the better.

This new focus that we have for the show is for the better.

So if this is your first time listening to the show slash podcast slash radio show,

I would like to welcome you officially.

Welcome to the madness.

So my name is Celine.

I am a coach,

Intuitive healer.

I love to help people feel better.

That is my focus.

And we do this using the tools of Reiki,

Which is energy healing,

And also Theta Healing,

Which is a modality designed to help you shift your limiting beliefs instantly.

And if you don't believe me,

Well,

Come and book a session and I'll quickly change your mind.

So today we are going to talk about how to create a connection with virtually anybody.

And I realized after talking with a friend and colleague of mine that actually I have gained quite a few skills in creating connections.

And even with people that I don't like or people that I don't understand,

People who have a very varied background from mine.

And so I want to share with you some of these tips because guess what?

You're here to learn how to create connections with people that surround you.

And we often think that,

Especially if you've been in the spiritual self-development game for a long time,

You may think,

Oh,

I just need to get better friends.

Oh,

I just need to get a better soulmate.

Oh,

I have changed and healed so much.

I am so spiritually advanced.

I just need to get better friends.

Have you ever heard this?

Somebody said,

Say this to you.

You know,

I often hear this from clients,

Actually.

They say,

I have done so much spiritual work and my partner is really not into that.

And he doesn't understand why I'm doing meditation and yoga and he's not into like inner child work or whatever.

And now I feel like we're just not vibing at the same level.

So I think it's just,

You know,

We've just come to the natural end of the relationship and I just have to find a more aligned,

Better aligned soulmate.

Sorry,

I'm making fun of this because it is a funny situation because life is a funny thing.

Managing and navigating through relationships,

That's a funny thing as well.

But I do think that we get a bit full of ourselves and I think it's okay to laugh about this,

You know,

To laugh about our silliness and how highly we sometimes think of ourselves.

And part of the work of self-love is to recognize when we're being dishonest with ourselves,

When we're being dishonest with others,

And when we place ourselves above others or beneath others.

And the path of self-love is to recognize that you are on your own journey and that others are on their own journey as well and to find acceptance and healing in that.

And I know you've heard this before,

But once you understand this at the depth of your heart,

Then things will be much easier for you.

So I'm going back to the relationship soulmate thing.

There is definitely an element when you grow and evolve and change,

When you realize just how truly your friends and the people who are in your life,

Colleagues and family members and soulmates,

Partners,

Family,

Whatever,

How much all of these people around you actually influence your way of thinking and being.

And so it becomes part of your responsibility if you are truly dedicated to growth,

To change at least the way that you perceive your relationship,

Or at least the part that you play in relationships.

When you look at couples that have been together for a very,

Very,

Very long time,

They have very interesting,

Weird,

Weird,

Weird,

Weird dynamics.

And the men will say,

Or whoever,

Will say,

I do this,

And the wife or whoever else is in the other relationship will respond in that way.

And so they have these sort of automatic reactions to each other's,

To the other's behaviors and words and thoughts and weird habits.

And it's very interesting to notice if you watch your parents behave,

Just interact with each other,

It's fascinating to see the sort of dynamics that they have created to try and cope with each other and to try and cope with each other and to try and keep a bit of sanity.

Anyway,

What was my point again?

So yeah,

There is that element of outgrowing relationships and it's definitely part of that.

But I think that most of,

I mean,

Really what's happening most of the time is that we forget that relationships are about negotiation.

It's about giving and receiving love.

It's about helping the other person to feel respected,

Valued,

Understood that they matter and that they are important.

Often in relationships,

We place our own needs above somebody else's needs.

So for example,

The child's needs will be more important than the mother's,

For example,

Because you have to preserve the life of the child.

You have to somehow keep that somehow keep that city little being alive.

So this is probably,

Actually,

I had never thought about this before,

But this is definitely something that's part of our psyche.

You know,

That children are more important than the parents because they are the next generation and we have to preserve the next generation to keep the DNA going.

This is a very basic survival thing that we're all doing.

Anyway,

So think about a relationship that is challenging for you at the moment.

Just pick one example,

Not too many,

Just one.

We'll just work on one example at a time.

And I would like you to think about what that other person is doing or saying that is causing you harm or distress,

That is triggering you and see how quickly you make it sound like it is completely their fault.

They did this.

They said that.

They shouldn't have done this.

They shouldn't have said that to that person.

They,

They,

They,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah.

And I feel so hurt and I feel so misunderstood and nobody understands me and nobody loves me.

And you start to go down that very well trodden path.

Is that an expression in English?

I don't think it is.

But you go down that,

You get stuck on that one record,

Right?

You get stuck in that belief system that brings you down and down and down and down.

And one of the biggest shifts that I ever made that really shifted the way I perceive my relationships with others is that I don't make it about me.

And I started to do this and I'm not perfect at this by any means.

And I'm,

I'm really,

I'm really,

It's very much a work in progress for me,

But I started to do this in the workplace.

I found this amazing job and there were some people that I really liked and other people that I really didn't like,

But was forced to interact and work with people that I thought were lazy or disrespectful or all of these qualities that I find really challenging.

And usually just,

You know,

If I see,

You know,

You know,

Somebody in my personal life that has these traits,

I just run away in the opposite direction,

But there was no avoiding them in the workplace.

And so one thing that I did is that I stopped making the issue about me.

I stopped making it about how I feel and how I get triggered and what's that waking up inside of me and how the words are affecting me.

And I stopped,

You know,

Being awake at night,

Thinking about that one thing that that person said during the day that I just can't get over from.

My grammar is really not on to point today.

I'm sorry guys,

But I hope that you can understand me anyway.

And so that is not key number one to stop making it about you and start making it about the other person.

It will be extremely challenging for you to stop focusing on your hurts,

Your triggers,

Your traumas,

How you want to be and feel in the relationship and start focusing on the other person and what they need.

And what is it that we need?

What do we need?

What does each and every one of us need in a relationship in order for that relationship to thrive and flourish?

For a relationship to thrive and flourish,

Each person in a relationship needs to feel heard,

Respected,

Valued,

Important.

And you will see very quickly if you help somebody to feel heard,

Respected,

Valued,

Important,

That they matter,

That they're important,

That whatever they say,

You are hearing it,

You are listening to them.

You will see that that person's entire attitude will change.

And even if it doesn't,

You won't have the same problems that you used to have with that person because you can see very clearly that they're behaving in that way,

In that very triggering,

Annoying way,

Frustrating way,

Because they are hurt.

Does that make sense?

Anything that anybody does that causes harm or distress to somebody else,

They do it because they are hurt,

Because they don't know how else to receive love.

When you look at very abusive relationships,

There will be one person who is the victim,

Who doesn't know how else to receive love and so submits to a very particular form of conditional love.

And there is the perpetrator.

And obviously,

The roles interchange quite often and it's not black and white here,

But the perpetrator will do things and hit and be violent and say awful,

Harmful things because they don't know how else to interact with another human being.

They just haven't been taught how.

They just don't know how.

And so when you make a disagreement or a disharmonious relationship about you,

You keep on playing into that dynamic.

It's about me and I'm not getting enough love and I'm not receiving enough love and I don't know how else to ask for it and that person just doesn't understand me.

Surely it's easier for me to leave the relationship.

And if by any means,

If the relationship is abusive,

You need to leave.

It's very simple.

But we tend to,

That being said,

We tend to throw the word abuse.

We tend to throw it around quite a bit,

Right?

Everybody is being abused right now.

And yes,

We need to talk about those things.

And yes,

We need to heal from the trauma,

But there is a lot of healing and a lot of growth that comes from helping to help somebody else grow.

And it's not about dishing out unwanted advice.

I'm really against unwanted advice.

It's not about,

You know,

Somebody telling you about their troubles.

You're like,

Yeah,

Well,

That's what I did when I was in that situation.

And you make it about yourself.

No,

That's key number two.

The first step to creating a harmonious relationship with virtually anybody is to make them feel heard.

And how do you do that?

You listen.

You shut up and you listen.

You don't dish out unwanted advice.

You don't talk about your own experiences.

You don't try to show them the way forward.

You just listen.

There is so much healing in simply listening.

No phones,

No distractions,

Eye contact,

Maybe hands touching,

A cup of tea and a slice of cake,

Of course.

And you listening.

Everybody travels at their own pace.

And it is easy to see other people's stuff for what it is.

It's easy to see the solutions that are staring right in front of that,

Staring right at that person's face.

But to listen,

That's a whole other ballgame.

My question to you is,

Are you spiritually advanced to listen,

To shut up and listen?

You know,

I always think about what happened to us when we had this whole vaccination debate and we had very,

We had two extremist groups,

Right,

With very opinionated opinions and there was no conversation.

What if the pro-vaccine had been able to listen to what the anti-vaxxers had to say?

What if the anti-vaxxers had been able to listen to what the pro-vaxxers wanted to say?

If you listen to the emotions behind the words,

The pro-vaxxers were,

I'm afraid.

I don't know what the hell is going on in this world.

I don't want to get sick.

And this vaccine seems to be the best option that we have here.

I'm afraid.

I want to be safe.

I want to protect my family.

This was about safety.

The anti-vaxxers,

What were they saying?

I want to be free.

I want to make my own choices.

I want to have the freedom to make my own choices.

Nobody likes being told what to do.

And it's not about who was right and who was wrong.

I really don't care about that.

We all have our own opinions,

But nobody was able to listen to what other people had to say.

There was safety versus freedom,

And it was possible to have both,

But we didn't listen.

This is the core of our issues.

Make somebody feel heard.

You will change the whole dynamic of the relationship.

Not because you help them to work on their stuff,

Not because they are spiritually advanced enough to communicate with you,

But because they feel safe with you.

And the reason why I wanted to talk about this today is that I was having a conversation with a colleague of mine,

And we were talking about a meeting that had not gone very well and with quite a big group.

And so we were talking about our different perspectives and how we thought the meeting had gone.

And one thing I said to her is that in the workplace,

I make myself,

I make my emotions,

Sorry,

How can I put this?

It's like my emotions don't matter anymore.

My thoughts don't matter.

My opinions don't matter.

I make this about working together more than I make it about me.

And it is a skill that I have gained over many years of coaching and healing and working in healthcare now.

I sort of change who I am,

The words that I use,

And the body language that I have in order to make the other person feel more comfortable with me.

Because one thing that I really want in all of my relationships,

Whether professional or personal,

Is that I want people to tell me the truth of who they are.

I want people to show me who they are.

I cannot stand superficial conversations.

I cannot stand people wearing masks in front of me.

I will go,

I will just run away from these relationships as much as I can.

I cannot stand masks.

I cannot stand people hiding who they are.

And they do that because they're afraid,

Right?

Understand why somebody is afraid and helping them to feel that they are safe with you because they are,

Because you have done the work,

Because you know how much trauma you have collected from abusive relationships and how much healing you've had to do to heal and to that abuse and that trauma.

You have been there.

You have done the work or you are doing the work and you don't want anybody else to go through that experience.

And you do that by listening and by being present.

It's an interesting process really because the spiritual world and the self development game will teach you that you need to believe in yourself and you need to place your needs and wants higher on your wishlist.

We need to prioritize ourselves as women.

We need to take better care of ourselves.

We need to take some me time and whatever.

And yes,

We need to learn that.

We need to learn how to give from a place of love rather than from a place of need or want or if I don't do this for you,

You won't give me anything else.

And who is going to do the dishes?

Who is going to vacuum here?

Who is going to do the washing if I don't?

I'll just quickly do it.

It's fine.

We need to stop making excuses for the people in our lives that are taking advantage of us for sure.

We need to believe in our dreams.

We need to become stronger and more confident.

We want to feel connected to the world around us.

We want to feel that the universe is truly with us and for us.

And we want to feel the strength of the universe moving us in the right direction,

Moving us into flow and purpose and abundance and connection and love.

We want to feel cherished,

But we will never get there by forcing other people to behave in the ways we want them to behave.

Relationships are complex.

They're dynamic.

They're forever changing.

And if there's anything that I hope you have learned from me,

Is that you can only change yourself.

You cannot change others.

And you might want to get better friends and maybe you'll do that.

And then six months down the line,

You'll be finding new friends again because you're not learning the art of negotiation.

You're not learning how to make people feel safe around you.

You're not learning the art of boundaries.

You're simply running away from the problem and calling it spiritual development.

Let's call a spade a spade.

Life is a bloody funny thing.

The things that we do,

The things that we say,

The behaviors and habits that we have,

That we create,

It's all a funny thing.

Life is ridiculous in so many ways.

But if there's one thing that you're here to learn in this life,

It's to help others feel important.

And how do you do that?

Remember,

You do that by listening.

You will learn a lot from listening.

So that's it,

Folks.

I hope that you have learned something that you can apply straight away in your relationships.

Practice silence.

Practice shutting up.

Practice recognizing other people's crazy behaviors for what they are.

They are hurt.

They just don't know how.

Practice not making this about you and your hurt and your traumas and your PTSD and whatever.

Practice making yourself feel loved and making others feel loved.

And I do believe in silence and that counts for helping yourself to feel loved as well.

So if this is something that you need to work on,

Practice meditation every single day.

Five minutes,

Ten minutes,

Twenty minutes,

Half an hour,

Whatever.

Every single day,

Practice meditation.

First guided meditations and then simply sitting in silence with yourself.

You will learn a lot.

Silence is a skill that we all need to practice.

So I'm sending you so much love and I'll speak to you very soon.

Bye.

Reviews

Good content. The delivery didn’t flow well. Maybe a scripted presentation would flow better? Maybe the speaker was nervous on a podcast recording? I found myself distracted by the giggling and backing up. Maybe a bit of editing would help. The message is good it’s just not delivered in a convincing manner.

An Amazing Woman, with an inspirational view........
Thank you friend........

Wonderful talk💜love how you added laughter to it. Reminder to not take ourselves so seriously. Acceptance is the key to good relationships.And so true we need to not make it about ourselves…just listen . Bookmarked and sharing! Thanks💜