The first time I set foot into my therapist's office,
I instantly thought I couldn't be helped,
That there would be no way there'd be more to uncover.
I had spent the majority of my life seeking clarity,
Seeking answers.
And so,
After that day that I walked into my therapist's office,
I then spent many more hours of my life feeling like I had to relearn how to just be me again.
I had become so separated from my heart in so many ways,
As many of us are.
The truth is that in order to feel complete and utter happiness,
We also need to allow ourselves to feel the absolute depths of pain and grief.
So many of us wander through life vibrating somewhere just in the middle,
Never going too far one way or the other.
We numb and control and hide away.
We stare at our phones and forget the others in the room with us.
We sit at desks and punch in the same things day in and day out.
We shut down.
We stop talking.
We don't communicate.
We slam doors and we walk away.
We stay so small,
Never wanting to feel too much because we've been told not to cry or that we're too emotional.
Except my love,
We're human.
We have heart.
We're supposed to feel.
We're supposed to connect.
Vulnerability allows connection,
And connection can create an abundance of laughter in good times.
Yes it's true too that it can also create heartbreak and pain.
But oh to feel the most purest of feelings of love and of happiness,
I came to learn would far outweigh any amount of pain.
And so my life was broken apart.
Separation,
Death of a loved one,
Job loss.
And my love for pain was immense.
But on the other side I have experienced deep friendships,
The truest of love,
Support and belly laughs for hours.
I make no promises that this breaking open will be enjoyable.
There will be sure to be heartbreaking,
Jaw-clenching depths of pain.
After all,
Isn't that just life?
How are we to know what true love and happiness feels like if we don't feel the other side of that?
I ask you to discover where you're playing in the middle.
Where are you allowing yourself to not feel?
Where are you allowing life to be numb just so you don't have to face it all?
And what is the cost of that?
And my love,
What is possible on the other side if you just allow yourself to be broken open?
You are far,
Far stronger than what you think.
You have the resiliency to make it through.
And I can promise happiness on the other side in a way you've never felt before.
So imagine the immeasurable love and joy that becomes available to you when you let the light in.
When you learn how to feel again.
