Think back on all the times that you placed expectations on yourself or on others.
You made assumptions of how a thing should be.
And how often did you communicate those expectations?
You see,
When we place an expectation on another person without them knowing,
We are also inherently fracturing the relationship.
People don't know what they don't know,
And if we want them to do something or expect something will happen without communication,
Then we're going to create heartbreak for us and them.
But why didn't they just do it?
They should just know we cry.
But you see,
They don't know.
We didn't tell them.
When an expectation comes up that we wish to place,
I invite you to consider what it is and why we're wanting it.
Where is it coming from?
I'll give you a moment to consider one you may have currently or in the recent past.
And while you're thinking of it,
I want you to take four deep breaths in and four deep breaths out.
Of these expectations that are coming to mind,
Is it something that you feel you can ask the other person to rise to?
If not,
Why?
If yes,
Why haven't you asked?
Have you silently placed this on them without their knowledge?
I call this expectation consent.
Now communicating your expectations can lead one of two ways.
Either they feel it's fair and agree,
Or they communicate that they don't want to do it.
The beautiful part is then we have a choice.
Do we accept this or not?
If yes,
Then all is well and we get to witness this incredible cohesion of communication.
But if we don't,
Then we get to have a conversation on what that means for us.
If this expectation won't be met,
Why?
What's the block for them?
And if it's not met,
What's at stake for us?
What are we trading if we let this expectation not be met?
Was it unrealistic in the first place?
Did it come from a place that we maybe need to dig into a little bit more?
This can be a great conversation or journaling practice to get clear.
Setting expectations can also mean we're entering a relationship or moment with a predetermined story of how things should be and not simply as they are.
And as such,
A great opportunity to dig deep into why we have that story in the first place.
The more we reflect,
The more we get to know ourselves,
Which allows for better decision making and less reactivity in any given situation.
As we reflect on all of this,
I want you to give yourself time right now to think about a conversation that may need to be had either with yourself or with another person.
I want to give you a moment to lean into your breath and reflect.
Remember to breathe in for the count of four and out for the count of four.
You're here with me to learn something about yourself,
To bring into your day or week or month ahead.
As we think about these conversations.
We're not placing expectations of the conversations themselves.
We're not putting words in the other person's mouth.
We're not even doing it for hours.
We're simply reflecting on conversations that possibly need to be had or dug into a little bit deeper with ourselves.
See,
We never want to go into another conversation with another person thinking about all the things that they probably will say and all the things that we will probably say back because we don't know.
We don't know what we don't know.
We can only own our own experiences,
Our own emotions,
Our own feelings.
But we can certainly invite another human to join us.
Enter your conversations with no expectations other than love.
Other than a renewal of trust.
Other than finding the common ground.
Thinking about yourself and the other person.
If we entered more conversations with love and less on expectations and assumptions,
How do we feel like our world might look?
How much stronger might our relationships be with other people and with ourselves?
So as you go through your day,
Week,
Your month,
Your year,
I greatly encourage you to take a moment to find your breath before your expectations.
Get curious.
Communicating your expectations to another person is indeed a hard conversation to have.
That you can create fertile soil there.
Love,
Trust,
Strength.
Find comfort in those things.
Because those things will carry and cuddle you through.
Don't let fear win and to take you away from the possibility of the good things that could come from it.
The growth for you and the other person.
Ask questions.
Dig deep.
Be well.
