Hello friends,
This is Mark Gladman,
Also known as Brother Frederick James,
Your friendly neighbourhood monk in docks.
Welcome to Lent 2026,
Day 9 of In the Wilderness,
Still Held.
As always,
I invite you to settle yourself just for a moment,
Find a comfortable position.
Settle gently,
Without force.
If it feels natural,
Let your eyes close,
And if it's safe,
Take a slow deep breath in,
And release it without effort.
Another breath,
And just allow your shoulders to soften as you exhale.
There's nowhere you need to get to in this time,
There's nothing you need to achieve.
Just be here.
Today,
We're listening alongside Nicodemus,
A sincere man,
A learned man,
A very disciplined man.
Now Nicodemus is the kind of person that many of us quietly hope to become.
He's thoughtful,
He's morally serious,
He's spiritually responsible,
And he comes to Jesus at night,
Perhaps carrying both curiosity and a little caution.
And Jesus has a conversation with him and speaks words that gently undo his assumptions.
In John 3.
3,
He says,
Verily,
Truly,
I tell you,
No one can see the kingdom of God without being born from above.
Born,
And that's an important word.
This isn't about adjustment,
Or being tuned,
Or being incrementally improved.
This is being born.
Now much of our life trains us towards competence.
We learn how to manage outcomes,
We develop strategies for growth,
We measure progress,
And even spiritually,
We can begin to believe that transformation is something we construct,
Something we assemble,
Something that requires effort,
Insight,
Discipline.
But Jesus shifts the image entirely because birth is not an accomplishment,
It's a receiving.
Now listen again to Jesus' words,
This time in verse 8.
He says to Nicodemus,
The wind blows where it chooses,
And you hear the sound of it,
But you don't know where it comes from,
Or where it goes,
And so it is with everyone born of the Spirit.
Now the Spirit is wind,
And it's not mechanical,
It can't be engineered,
Or scheduled,
Or controlled.
Wind just arrives,
And it moves,
And it surprises.
And our invitation isn't to generate the wind,
But to notice it,
And to consent to its movement.
So many people,
And so many sincere people,
Quietly exhaust themselves trying to engineer transformation.
They try harder,
They fix more,
They try and optimize their interior life,
But the deeper movements of God are organic,
More like seasons than constructions,
More like weather than architecture.
And this can feel unsettling because we prefer what we can predict.
Now there's a quiet wilderness hidden inside this teaching.
In the wilderness you can't manufacture weather,
You can't negotiate with the wind,
You can't rush the dawn along.
You learn instead how to live receptively,
How to pay attention,
How to trust what unfolds beyond your management.
If you've ever been camping,
Or hiking,
Or doing any other activity,
Anything in the wild,
You'll know this is true.
So gently notice,
Where am I trying to manage my growth?
Are you attempting to control the pace of your becoming?
Are you measuring yourself with subtle severity?
Are you withholding peace until you see improvement?
Just let the question rest lightly within you for a moment.
And now for another question.
What would it feel like to let God be the initiator?
Imagine loosening your grip even slightly.
Allow the possibility that transformation may already be underway in ways too quiet to measure.
The seed doesn't strain towards the surface,
It responds to a life already at work within us.
And perhaps the most tender question,
Can I trust transformation that I cannot measure?
Can you trust the unseen grounding,
The hidden forming,
The slow interior recreation that often happens beneath our awareness?
Jesus doesn't describe spiritual life as a ladder,
He describes it as birth.
And birth reminds us of something essential,
That you are not the source of your own life.
Take a slow breath in,
And as you exhale,
Imagine releasing the timeline that you've been holding for your own transformation.
Release the demand to know when,
The pressure to prove growth,
The quiet urgency to become something else faster.
And let the breath of God carry that weight away.
The wind blows where it chooses,
And perhaps even now the Spirit's moving in places within you that you cannot supervise.
Your role is simpler than you may have believed.
Stay open,
Stay available,
Stay consenting.
Growth in God is less about construction and more about surrender.
Rest here for a few moments,
Not striving,
Not improving,
Just breathing,
Just being,
Just receiving the life that's already being given.
And as we close today,
Hear this quiet permission.
You are allowed to stop striving.
You're allowed to trust a transformation you cannot yet describe.
You're allowed to be carried by a Spirit who knows the way.
Take one deeper breath now,
And let it go slowly.
And when you're ready,
Gently return your awareness to where you are.
And carry this spaciousness with you today,
Moving with the wind of God,
Rather than against it.
And may grace,
Peace,
And love go with you wherever the wind of the Spirit may take you,
Today and every day.
Amen.
Until tomorrow.
Bye for now.
