Feelings Want To Be Seen As Well

As we grow up, we learn to ignore or suppress our feelings - protecting our feelings is a great defense mechanism to avoid pain.

These feelings surface involuntarily in quiet places in the form of restlessness or boredom. Most of these feelings have pain associated with them and a corresponding coping or avoiding strategy.

Sitting down in sessions like these allows for these feelings to come up to the surface and dissipate in the field of awareness - not that we go looking for them!

Transcript

Let's close our eyes. As we grow up, We become very skillful, At least some of us become very skillful in ignoring or numbing our feelings. It becomes a good defense mechanism to help avoid pain in our lives, Especially when we grow up into technical fields where feelings are not really encouraged or even needed to be honest. It's just mind work that we do. The association between us and our feelings becomes very alienated. A quick check would be to put ourselves in a very quiet place without our phones, Without a book, Without a topic to think about and see how we handle the silence. Are we uncomfortable? Are we restless? Because what happens when we go into this kind of a place, Physical place I'm talking about, All these feelings just rush to the surface. It's not that these feelings were absent earlier, They just didn't have place to surface because the loud feelings, The loud thoughts, The loud actions were taking up all the space or the loud perceptions like music or busyness was taking up all the space so that these feelings were not surfacing, Were not getting a chance to surface. And when they do surface, We have associated many times, We have associated them with pain. So the moment we sense they are surfacing, We just dash away, We run, Getting busy or we find substances to become either numb or to be lost in another mental world where feelings are not so welcome. Unfortunately, Men especially are the worst receivers of this because of the definition of what a man should be like and shouldn't be like that dictates our society today. Talking about our feelings is almost always a taboo. The feelings of being scared, Being unsure, Being unseen, Unrecognized, Unnoticed, Unacknowledged, Ununderstood are so strong that you need heavy music, Louder music, Heavy sports, Heavy alcohol to keep these feelings at bay, To numb them. Suppression of feelings is never healthy. Over emphasis of feelings is not healthy either. It's like our human experience is comprised of perceptions, Sensations, Feelings, Thoughts, And one thing is not more important or better than the other. Thinking is not more important than feeling or perceiving is not more important than sensing. It's all the same but somehow there is a special connection with our feelings. Like you could be in a million dollar mansion and be miserable or have everything will be picture perfect and yet feel miserable and that becomes a quality of our life. The way we feel is the truth of how we have led our life or how we are living our life. No matter what your perception is, No matter what your sensation is and no matter what your thinking is, How you feel is much closer to heart than either of those other options, Other modes of operations. So understanding our feelings is important, Understanding the mechanism, Understanding their role is very important, Understanding their existence is very important and when I say understanding, I mean understanding. I don't mean investigating or analyzing where this feeling is coming from. If you feel overwhelmed, We shouldn't become Sherlock Holmes just yet in trying to investigate what is the cause, Who is responsible because trust me even when you find out what is responsible for this, Your feeling doesn't go away. Think about it, When you hurt yourself, When something starts hurting in your body, We try to find the root cause. I'm not saying it's wrong to find the root cause, I'm just trying to explain the mechanism of what we do and how unhelpful it can be at times. So when you hurt yourself, The first thing you do is what happened, What did I do, What did I eat, Why is this hurting and we venture on this journey and finding the root cause and even if we do find it, Our pain doesn't go away, It doesn't reduce. The only thing that happens is our mind is at rest and somehow we feel that finding the root cause is going, Is the first step in alleviating the pain. So we under emphasize what we are feeling and we over emphasize thinking and I want you to verify this. See if finding the root cause makes your pain go away, If not, At least first acknowledge the pain, Understand what is happening, What is our body trying to tell us with pain. Pain is a sign of communication, Pain is the communication, It's not a sign. So what is being communicated to us? Same is true with our feelings, Other feelings, Whether we are sad, Whether we are overwhelmed, Excited, Nervous, What is this feeling trying to communicate? Where am I feeling this? How painful is it? Is it really painful or am I covering this pain with a layer of thinking that tells, That says that it's really painful, It's really painful, But feel it without the commentary of thinking. What does it feel like? Sometimes we might be experiencing shame and we want to cover it up with anger, With blame, But that's what we do, We just cover it up. It's not diffused. Just like we want to be seen, We want to be heard, Our feelings want to be seen and heard as well. Otherwise, What happens is these feelings that are suppressed, They start controlling our life unbeknownst to us because we have not seen them, They have all collected right below the threshold of where we can see them and from there they operate. You might not even know why you don't like this person, But this person might remind you of someone else. If you paid attention to how this process worked, You might just not like someone and that has nothing to do with that person, It has everything to do with how this feeling is running our life. So let our feelings up to the surface. You don't have to go looking for them. Find a safe zone where you can be honest, Honest and authentic. Find a friend who's not going to judge you if you say, Hey, You know, I've been feeling this. Nobody's trying to correct you, Fix you, Or just sit quietly and let this storm arise, Engulf us and then let it just subside. Nothing will happen. You're way bigger than your feeling, Way more powerful than your feeling. Find a way to healthily channel this feeling. It could be walking out, It could be art, It could be singing or screaming or sprinting, But you can't channel something you don't see, So you have to let it up. If you feel like covering it up with alcohol or Netflix or YouTube, Pause. Even if it is boredom, Sometimes these difficult feelings masquerade as boredom. We want to live a full spectrum of human life, Taste and dance with every feeling, Every thought, Every emotion, Sensation, Perception. It's okay to be irritated. It's okay to feel shame. It's okay to be overwhelmed. It's okay to cry. It's okay to be scared or confused. It's not okay to just stay there or suppress that. Feelings are like waves in an ocean. They come and then they subside. Nothing happens to the ocean. We don't have to override our feelings with our thoughts. We need to understand our feelings, Be comfortable with them, No matter what they are and how they are. I remember from one of the Harry Potter movies where the character says it's better out than in. Don't suppress, Let it out and let it be. Thank you.