523: Are You An Empath Or Highly Sensitive Person?

Have you ever wondered if you are an empath, a highly sensitive person, or both?

I’m breaking down the difference between an empath and an HSP, which stands for highly sensitive person. I explain what empathy is, what makes someone an empath, and how empaths often absorb the emotions and energy of people, groups, and places. When we do not understand this about ourselves, it can lead to overwhelm, fatigue, anxiety, depression, mood swings, and the feeling that something is wrong with us when really, we are picking up on energy that may not even belong to us.

Transcript

Hello everybody and welcome to the adult chair podcast. I am Michelle Chalfant happy to be here with you today talking about a subject that I happen to love. Because I am one. Today I'm chatting with you about what an empath is and what an HSP is, Which is highly sensitive person. This subject came up with the adult chair coaching certification. Someone came up and asked me what the difference was. And I thought, You know what? I've done a few podcasts on this, But I think it's time for an updated version. So that is what I'm doing with you today. This is a very important topic. This is something that many people live with on a daily basis and have no idea, Which is why I wanted to do this today. So we are going to jump right in into what an empath is. This is a term I'm finding that's getting thrown around quite a bit. And there's a big difference between just someone that's sensitive with a lot of empathy versus an empath. So let's jump into that. The term empath actually comes from the word empath. Empathy. So empathy is different though. Empathy is the ability to tune into and to feel the emotions of another person. So let's just say that my friend is sitting in grief. And. I am sitting with that friend and I can go there with them. Like I can really feel that grief with them. I'm not afraid of it. I might even cry if they're crying. Like I'm really feeling it with them and sharing that emotional state with them. Okay. So we go there. That would be a trait of an, Of someone with empathy is that I can go there with another person. I'm not, Cold, I'm not showing any emotion if they're crying, You know, I really am going there and I'm matching their emotion, Okay? Now the difference is an empath, Someone that's an empath, They take this to a whole new level. An empath is highly attuned to the energy of others or to groups or to places where they go. Empaths tune in deeply to others' emotions and can feel what's going on sometimes even before the person may know that they're even having emotions or that they're having a bad day. An empath might come up to them and say, Hey, What's going on? Are you okay today? And they're like, What are you talking about? And then later on they realize, Oh my gosh, How did you know that before me? We feel it. Empaths have the ability to feel other people's emotions very, Very deeply. And that's kind of a problem. The problem with empaths is that so many of us that are empaths don't know that we are. And that causes us to live with overwhelm, Stress, Depression, Anxiety. And we might even turn to drugs or substances to numb out all of these emotions. We feel so much and so deeply. It's we need to numb it out. And the problem is that we don't know that we're empaths. And we think, What is wrong with me? Why am I always so overwhelmed? Why am I swimming in other people's emotions? Why is this happening to me? And that's another thing as I say that. We don't know that it's other people's emotions. We start, We realize that, Oh, I'm so emotional, But really what's happening when we're empaths is we're picking up on other people's emotions and we think they're ours. Yeah, It's very, Very, Very overwhelming. It leads to incredible fatigue, Incredible fatigue. I lived, Gosh, Most of my early life and childhood needing to take naps all the time. Every day, Every day. I was exhausted. I had no idea what was going on. Nobody told me I was an empath. That term again was not used. It probably was, But again, There was no Google when I was a child, So there was nothing to Google. Nobody talked about being an empath way back when. It was a really confusing time, I remember, Because I remember feeling so intuitive and picking up on everybody and nobody could tell me what the heck was going on. So I just lived with this state of overwhelm, Of course, That threw me then into adrenal fatigue. So I had a double whammy of fatigue. And I know that I do not speak alone and say this. I know that I'm not alone in this. So many of us that didn't know that we were empaths had the same experience or similar experience. So I want to talk to you about some qualities of an empath. So as you listen to these, You might think, Hmm, That's me. I think I have 13 of them. So number one, We are highly sensitive, Meaning we can tune into others very easily. And again, We can tune into the crowd. We're very, Just very, Very intuitive. We know what's going on in our environment at all times. I remember, I remember this one time many, Many years ago, A friend of mine had emailed me and I hadn't talked to her in forever, Like years. It was someone that I had grown up with way back when that reached out and said, Hey, And this was honestly her email. I can still see it. She says, Hey, How are you? I have, Again, Maybe she wasn't that excited. It was an email, But she said, Hey, Michelle, How are you? Haven't talked to you in forever. Would love to connect. Okay, That was the email. It was not much of anything. And when the email came in, I felt overwhelming sadness from this email. So I emailed back and said, What's going on with you? You feel very heavy. Are you okay? And she emailed back and said, How do you know that? And I'm like, I don't know. I just know this stuff. I used to say that all the time. I don't know. I just know it. That's an empath. That's an empath. We just feel these emotions. It was just an email that had come in. So if you're listening to this going, Oh my gosh, That happens to me. There you go. And I have read, Again, I've studied this for almost 30 years. I hear from many people that we're born this way and other people that we develop it. I feel like we're born as empaths, Okay? We're born like this. Nothing happened specifically when I was a child to create this. I don't remember ever not being this way. But I'm going to get to an HSP in a moment, So hang tight. OK, So anyway, I feel like I know and believe that we're born this way. We're sensitive to light and sound is number three. Very sensitive. I shared with you guys a few weeks ago, My husband took me out to lunch on a weekend and it was a late lunch. So there was nobody in the restaurant, But he likes these Philly cheesesteak things. So he's like, Come with me to such and such restaurant. And I said, I can't sit outside. It's kind of cold. So I don't know about this place. It was a sports bar. Well, There's nobody in the restaurant, But there are TVs everywhere. And they're all on with a different ballgame on. I can't even tell you what I ate for lunch because I was so overwhelmed and I have a hard time. So I'm going to share this with you because I'm wondering if you guys relate, But I have a really hard time tuning out. Like the chaos or the noise. It just sounds like to me, Even though there are ballgames on, It sounds to me, And I feel it in my body, It feels like chaos or noise or static. That's what it sounds like to me, Like all these TVs, And I can't turn it off. I'm like, I can't disconnect from the sound. And my husband's like, I don't hear it. I'm like. Even if it's slightly on, It's too loud for me. But in that restaurant, It was way too loud. So he goes, I know it's going to be too much for you. So he enjoyed his Philly's cheesesteak. I think I ate a salad. I don't even know, My nervous system was so activated. It was like, Like the whole time I was in there. So I said to him, I will not go back there unless we can sit outside. I've been there. And normally we sit like out on the deck, Which is fine. Put me outside. I am always good in nature. So even if it's in the parking lot, Just get me outside away from all the TVs. Speaking of that, Number four, Empaths don't like crowds because it's overwhelming. It's just overwhelming. We quite intuitively and naturally just feel so much of other people's emotions. It's overwhelming for us. And it's not just that, It's again, It's the noise. It's too much for my nervous system and our nervous system. So we just would prefer, It's not to say we don't ever go in crowds, But we'll go in crowds and then we're done. So that's how it feels. It just feels overwhelming. We can get overwhelmed even with one person is number five, Especially if they're emotional or going through So if someone's really deeply, Deeply emotional. Going through a hard time, We can go there with them. And it's hard for us to really realize, Wait, That's their stuff and this is my stuff. And a lot of what I'm sharing with you guys is an unaware empath. So I'm hoping if you're listening to this, You're saying, Oh, My goodness, This is what's been going on with me. And I want to give you some ideas on what to do at the end. But a lot of what I'm saying, Like I can hang out in crowds. I don't get overwhelmed anymore. I can sit with a person that's really deeply emotional. And I don't get drained. I'm sharing this with you because I should say as drained. I'm sharing this with you because you might be listening to this going, Oh my gosh, I think I might be an empath. So I'm trying to get your attention and help you understand what the heck is going on. Because like I said, No, There were no podcasts when I was a child or a teenager. Nobody taught me any of this. I had to read a lot of books, But OK. Number six, We love nature. Again, I think I've shared I could live in a tree house if I liked bugs and living outside, But I don't like to live outside. So, But I love nature. Nature is where I go and I find relief. Nature's where I go and I find my balance and I find peace. I love listening to nature. I will sit in my kitchen. You can have that back door open. And, You know, My husband will come down and like put the music on and he'll be like, Alexa, Play Coldplay or whatever. And I'm like, No, No, No. I'm listening to the birds. That's my music. He's like, You're so weird. I'm like, No, I'm an empath. I'd rather have birds on. So I just like to hear the birds outside chirping through my kitchen door. That's because I have all these trees in the backyard. So we have like a million birds and listening to those birds is absolutely heavenly. I love to sit and listen. It relaxes my nervous system. It just makes me feel so good. Another thing that we love as empaths is we love our animals. It's a cat, A dog, A horse, A llama, A goat. We love animals, An elephant, Whatever it is. We just are very drawn to animals. We feel a deep connection with them. Number eight, People are naturally drawn to us and share their life stories with us because there's something about the way our energy field is. It's programmed and people just start sharing with us. Something I've heard my entire life is people have said to me over and over again, I don't know why I'm telling you all this stuff. I don't say this to anybody. I hear that all the time. My husband laughs at me He's like, How can we be at the grocery store checkout and what the cashier here is lovely But she's telling you her whole life story. I'm like, I know yeah, I like perfect strangers if I just say hello How are you? They have a tendency to open right up and share with me. That's the that's a trait of an empath So that's you could be that you are an empath. It's almost like people feel compelled to share We have a very safe energy and they feel drawn to sharing everything with us. Okay. Number nine, Watching the news or violence on TV or even in person is too much for us as empaths. It actually can feel physically painful to the body. It makes us contract so much. It just hurts. It's because we feel that deeply. We feel emotions so deeply as empaths. So watching that stuff, Like I have a very hard time with the news. I like I turn. Sometimes I'll turn the morning news on because I want to see what the weather's going to do. You know, I'm a weather freak. But if I catch a glimpse of what's going on. . . It just, It makes me feel bad. So again, I'd rather read the news. It's not that I don't know what's going on. It's just watching it on television and being, And seeing what's going on. It really, Really, Really affects me. And that's what happens for empaths. Okay, Number 10. We can actually be moody or labeled as having a mood instability or even bipolar disorder. Interestingly enough, I remember way back when in my 20s, I had someone say that to me. I had to see a therapist. And this is before I knew, Probably in my early 20s when I wasn't even sure what an empath was or might've heard of it a few times. But my emotions, My emotions were so up and down. I was overwhelmed all the time. My nervous system was fried out. I had a hard time regulating my emotions. And I remember this therapist that said, I wonder if you're bipolar, You know, Your moods are up and down. And I realized as I was on my healing journey and my life journey, Number one, That I was an empath and I had to learn better boundaries for myself. And once I started learning, Of course, What an empath is and having boundaries, Guess what? My moods stabilized. I'm not saying that if you are bipolar, This is what you need to do, But I'm saying that someone missed that she didn't diagnose me. She was guessing. She says, You know, I just wonder because you're so up and down. Well, I was up and down because I was absorbing everybody's. I mean, This is in college. So I was absorbing everyone's emotions around me. And I would go up. I would get I would feel depressed and I was depressed. There's no doubt about it outside of this. But and then I'd get higher and then I'd go low again. And I couldn't maintain balance, Which now I'm not on meds. I'm not bipolar. But I realize now I am very much in balance because I learned how to manage being an empath and of course learning really healthy boundaries. So if you are moody, If you feel low a lot, Even if you're depressed, It could be that you're taking on too many people's emotions and it's heavy in your energy field and it's bringing you down. So do look into this and be very, Very careful hanging around people that are negative because And let me tell you something, You are picking up on all of it. You've got to be very, Very careful. It will affect your mood because you're picking up on their stuff. Number 11, We can read people and see through their false selves. We intuitively know the truth in people. We have a very hard time hanging out with people that are not truthful. And we can see right through someone's mask. We can feel if they're being authentic. And if they're not authentic, We don't really want to hang out with them. Like, I don't waste my time with people unless they're being honest and authentic with me. And I want to hang out with real people. You know me, I love to talk about the weather, But I don't, Which is kind of shallow. I know I love the weather, But as far as shallow conversations, I don't do that well. Again, I'm also a Scorpio. We're very deep. So that on top of being an empath, Forget it. I go for the deep conversations. I really want to know you. Who are you in your heart and your soul, Your wounding? I want to know it all. But again, I've learned to be careful and not open up that door too much because I don't want to take it on. And again, Now I have good boundaries so I can hear it, Don't take it on, And life goes on. Number 12, Our alone time, Or what I call our cave time, Is where we recharge. And here's the thing that's interesting. You might be an extrovert. And be an empath. Because there are extroverts that are empaths as well as, Of course, Introverts. But regardless, We like to be alone to recharge. So if you're in a loud, Like if you go to a concert, You're in this loud, You know, Really loud place, You need to find your alone time to recharge. And it's different for everybody. I'm not saying you've got to be alone for a week, But you might just even need an hour or 30 minutes just to be alone and get in quiet. OK. So the last trait. 2013. Is that we can lose ourselves and give too much. This is, Again, What I say if we're unaware empaths. If you don't know that you're an empath, You just might give yourself away completely, Which is not healthy, And then you get very, Very depleted. You need naps every day, Like I lived my life in my 20s and early 30s. Okay, So if you think that you might be an empath, It's imperative that you practice a few things to help yourself stay in balance and get healthy. Here are a few ideas for you. One. Make sure you're practicing exquisite self-care, Which means speak up for yourself, Say no, Get what you need. Only you know, Only you know what you need. You cannot rely on other people to take care of you and make sure that you're getting your needs met. I was speaking with my friend a couple of days ago. She is an empath. She works full time. She's got a few kids. She's completely exhausted. All of her kids play sports and she's got to take her son, I think four or five hours away this coming weekend for a soccer game. And I said, What are you doing? That's ridiculous. Are you crazy? Because she's telling me how tired she is. I said, Why? And the kid has, And I love this kid, Don't get me wrong, But one soccer game all weekend and she's driving four or five hours. I said, And my son played, Both of my kids played soccer. I get it. I said, These are the games that you give your kid to another parent that's going, That really, Really wants to go, That maybe isn't worn out like you are. And she says, I know it was a big mistake. I said, You are driving 4-5 hours for one game. And she goes, Yes, And I'm taking four or five kids. I'm like, What? That should be your kid with the four or five kids in someone else's car. That's insane. And she said, I know. She says, I'm really, Really burnt out. And I said, This is on you. I was kind of hard on her, Honestly. I said, This is on you. I said, I love you to death. You've got to take care of yourself. Nobody else can. I said, None of those other parents are saying to you, Hey, You look really tired. You're working full time. You've got all these kids you're running around and your husband travels. Let me help you and take them for the weekend. I said, Nobody's going to do that for you. You have to do that for yourself. So if this is you listening to me, Somebody, Not my friend, But anyone that's like overdoing it, Please take care of yourself. It's no one else's job but yours, Okay? Please learn to say no. Please learn to carpool, All of those things, Okay? Number two, Take daily breaks. Even a couple of minutes a day to breathe and to be still if you're an empath or not. It's huge. You need to pause throughout the day. I am preaching this in the membership, People. Preaching this. You have to do, I call it micro moments of peace. I set my timer on my phone for one minute and I get in balance. I do deep breathing for a minute. I do it like maybe 10 times a day. If you can't do that a few times a day, There's a big problem. But especially if you're an empath, You've got to start to learn how to recharge yourself and doing at least a minute of these micro moments of peace or pause throughout the day. They're essential. Okay. It helps your mind, Body, And allows your spirit then time to reconnect with itself, But relaxes the mind and body. Okay. Number three, Get nature, People. Even if it's just a few minutes a day, Nature soothes us, Cleanses our energy field, Which can get polluted with other people's emotions, And it brings us back into our hearts. This is why, If you've ever attended a live event with me, I make sure that the property that I choose, If possible, If possible, Is in nature. I want trees, I want water if possible, I want there to be grounds, Like we just did the adult chair coaching certification, And let me tell you what, They had acres and acres and acres to go walk around on our breaks. When they broke off and did client sessions, They walked around. They could sit under trees for grounding. There was a lake on property. I want there always to be nature, Even in my workshops, If you've attended. I always say, Go outside, Go outside, Get in nature, Because I know that nature naturally cleanses us, Grounds us, And does such beautiful healing to our energy field if we're in it. So please, If you're an empath, Get yourselves in nature every single day. I don't care how cold or hot it is. Get yourself in nature, Please. Okay, Speaking of trees, Like I just said, Grounding is imperative if you're an empath. You must learn to ground. Another thing is practicing boundaries. Boundaries are huge, Huge, Huge, Huge. They're imperative if you are an empath. This was the game changer for me. Setting boundaries looks like saying, No, Thank you. You're not going to the party. I'm not driving five hours from a child. He might have to miss the game or he's going I have to ride with someone else. But in addition to saying, No, I can't attend this, It's also learning. This was the game changer, This part of setting boundaries. They were my own internal boundaries. I learned not to open myself up to everybody's problems. So if someone were to say to me, Let me give you an example because I want you to get this. If someone were to say to me, A friend or whomever, If I said, Hey, How are you doing? And they said, I'm not too great. And I said, I'm so sorry to hear that. The old me before boundaries would have said, Well, What's going on? Like, Tell me more all about it. Like, Can I do anything to help you? That was me opening up my energy field, Inviting in their problems and doing my best to, Again, Unconsciously take all that negative energy from them and all their pain. So now if somebody says I had a really bad week, I say instead, With empathy, I'm so sorry to hear that. That feels. Please let me know if there's anything that I can do for you. " And I go, Thank you, I will. Done, Move on. That's being compassionate and caring and having empathy without opening up my energy field and fixing them or thinking that in some strange way that I am able to absorb and take all of their pain away. That's what we unconsciously believe as empaths. Our energy field is programmed in that way where we just absorb. So I've stopped doing that. That has been a game changer. Okay. Now, Let's talk for a moment about a highly sensitive person. It's called an HSP. An HSP is very similar to being an empath. They're very sensitive, They're drawn to nature, Et cetera, Et cetera, Et cetera. Here's the difference. They don't take on and absorb other people's emotions. They may sense them, But they do not take them on in the same way that an empath does. And the empath has this highly elevated sense of intuition and can sense energy unlike that of an HSP. So it's just, It's more heightened and more elevated. Now the two will cross over. So as an, I'm an empath, But I'm also an HSP, But it doesn't mean that all HSPs are empaths, Okay? HSPs are something that we can develop. In childhood because we need to be highly sensitive. So think about it like this. If you grew up in a household where you needed to be on all the time and know what's going on in the house because dad's drinking, There's trauma, There's neglect, There's something going on. We've got to know what's going on in that household. So that means I've got to be very aware, Intuitive, Alert, And know when I'm getting home from school, My hand hits the door handle and I know, Oh my goodness, Mom's depressed. Dad's been drinking. We know it. Because we're highly sensitive. So they're very similar with very, Very, Very few nuances that make them different. But here's the thing, You guys, No matter what you are, HSP or empath, Please practice excellent self-care because we need it more than others. Everybody needs it, But we really need it. It's vital to our health. And by the way, It's 100% free, Especially when you just go outside. So there's no reason we cannot learn to live with balance and a lot of peace and happiness when we practice these tools. All right. Hope you found that helpful. These are some of my favorite topics. I look forward to hearing from you. Okay, My friends, I'm sending you so much love and I will see you seated next week right here in the adult chair.