521: What Your Anxiety Is Trying To Tell You

Anxiety can feel overwhelming, but when we understand what is really underneath it, we can begin to take our power back.

In this episode, I’m talking about how to manage anxiety and become empowered. In The Adult Chair, I define anxiety as the physical manifestation of unfelt emotions. Anxiety often shows up in the body through symptoms like shortness of breath, tightness in the throat, knots in the stomach, racing thoughts, or a rattled nervous system. But underneath those physical symptoms, there are usually emotions that need our attention. Please note: This track is for supportive purposes and is not a replacement for professional psychological care.

Transcript

Hello everybody and welcome to the Adult Chair Podcast. I am Michelle Chalfant. Today on the show, I'm going to be chatting with you about how we end anxiety and become empowered. I know I've done other shows on anxiety. But this show is a little different. I'm going to actually talk to you about the empowerment part that comes from working through our anxiety. So of course, You know, I'm going to have simple tips to help you start working through your anxiety today. Like even during the show, You can actually work through your anxiety. I'm going to take you through something. So very excited about today's show. Basically, The adult chair is just. . . You know, Living in your healthiest self. And what I realized over all my years, All my old long years of life, Is that we don't know how to do that all that well. So the adult chair model teaches us how to do that, Whether it's stress or overwhelm, Anxiety, Depression, Relationship issues. Let me just tell you. We've probably got a podcast on anything you would ever want to talk about. Now, Let's talk about anxiety. That's where I want to start today. Most people say, Well, You know, Anxiety, When we think about what it exactly is, People say, Well, I'm just living, You know, In the future too much or stressing about something that may or may not happen in the future. But I just want to share with you from the adult share, What we say is we define anxiety as the physical manifestation of unfelt emotions. Let me slow it down for you because I'm someone that lived with anxiety for probably the first two thirds of my life. And what I discovered was I tried all these different things. And what I finally discovered was. . . And as a therapist, I've worked with so many clients that would come in and say, I have anxiety. And I'd say, What are you feeling? Well, Anxiety. I'm like, No, No, No, No, No. Anxiety Again, To me in the adult chair is the physical manifestation because anxiety has physical symptoms. You know what I mean when I say when you're anxious, You know, We have shortness of breath, Tightness of throat, Knots in the stomach, Racing thoughts. Those are all physical manifestations in the body. And what I found was When I was able to get in touch with what was going on underneath all that, Which are, By the way, Emotions that were driving this, Guess what? Anxiety started to go away. The physical manifestation of unfelt emotions is my definition of anxiety. So again, Whether you're in the past or future, You're stressing about outcome, There are emotions that are underneath, Okay, That need to be felt. Thoughts come first, You know, Our thoughts are going to direct us into the future or into the past. And then they're creating all these emotions and these emotions get pent up inside the body. And sometimes we're aware of them and sometimes we're not. They're deep in the subconscious mind. But they are, That's what's creating this rattling of our nervous system or just these physical symptoms. So. Becoming really truly aware of what anxiety is, Is step number one to really getting into your power. It's like, We have to know what it is. What are we dealing with here? So that's how I really break it down. We've got to own it and say, Okay, Well, If this is possibly true, And I, And I invite you, If you've never heard of that definition of anxiety, I invite you just to try it on for size for like a week or so. Get really curious about it. And if you apply the steps that I'm talking about today, Something tells me you might agree with me at the end of even one week. So I'm going to slide us right over into step, Truly step number one. I have two steps and then five tools within step number two. So step number one. Is to, Again, And this is part of owning or really stepping more into power, But it's really to become aware of what are you feeling emotionally. This is a big, Big part of anxiety. It's the root of anxiety. Our emotions sometimes can be overwhelming. And we may feel like they're quote unquote bad. You know, I don't want to go there. They're just, They don't feel good. I'm afraid of feeling my emotions. I have a lot of my clients say, I just don't want to cry. I don't want to talk about this. Take it slowly and get really curious about what could be going on inside of you. If you give yourself that attention, In other words, What I mean by that is instead of directing your attention outside of you and instead turn it inward, You know, When we have anxiety, Oftentimes, Times we're looking outside of ourselves. We're in the ego. The ego only lives in past and future. So I'm in my ego looking into the future or thinking I've got to fix something and it's not fixed or I've got to do it or I've got a long laundry list of things to do or my to-do list, Etc. If I can't get it done, It's going to create more anxiety. No. What we need to do is slow it down and get curious about what could be going on emotionally inside of you. Direct your attention inward. And not fixing anything. The fixing, By the way, Is the trap of the ego. So just know that. Again, No shame or blame here, No judgment of self, But it's a trap. The ego says, Do more and you'll feel better. It never works. It's an illusion. I know for sure I've fallen into, I just got to do one more thing. Then I'll meditate. I just got to do one more thing. Then I'll slow down. No, It does not happen. It's like the list keeps building. I realized this many years ago with my business, Like, Oh, If I can just do one more thing, Then I'll feel so much better. It doesn't ever feel better. It's a trap. It's like being on a treadmill. We just keep going on and on and on and on and on. So feel those emotions. You guys, You got to get under the hood of the car, The engine. That's what this is all about here. It's about what's going on inside of me. What's going on? You know, When you're feeling your emotions, A lot of people say to me, I don't know how to feel my emotions. I don't know what's coming up. I don't know what emotion it is. Get curious and just notice what physical symptom is coming up. Meaning, You know, I feel this little bit of tension. So if you are someone that's anxious and you feel tension in your stomach, Let's say, Tightness in your throat, Focus your attention on that. And the tension in your throat. And just be with it. Stop running from it. Stop trying to mask it. Stop trying to eat or do or watch television to numb it out. Stop numbing and just go right into it. And with curiosity, No fixing, Just be in it. Let the tension in your stomach be there, The tightness in your throat, But be with it and watch what happens. It will morph if you allow it to. You have to do nothing. It just happens on its own. But what you'll find is when you sit with these things, Oftentimes an emotion may bubble up. So that starts to get the energy moving inside of you. So that's number one, Feel those emotions. Now, Number two, This will help you to feel those emotions. Number two is again, To do the opposite of what your ego is going to tell you to do, Which is to slow down. It feels counterintuitive, Like what? I've got so much to do. The whole reason I'm in this mess, The whole reason I have anxiety, I have more to do. I promise you. If you saw my to do list for work, You would be like, You can't stop. And that's what I say when I'm sitting with my ego directing the show here. But when I do stop, And I say, You know what, I don't care. I'm going to take a 10 minute break here and I'm going to do some of the things I'm about to give you. It changes. Everything. Everything. The next five things I'm going to give you are the medicine that you need for anxiety. Okay, So here's number one. We're going to take a break. And it can be a 10 minute break. It can be five minutes. Try this five minutes. Here we go. Mindfulness. Take a break with mindfulness. It sounds airy-fairy, Like, Eh, New age, I don't want to do this. No, No, No, No. This works. Here at the Adult Chair, We're all about simple psychology grounded spirituality. That's all mindfulness is. It's a very basic approach. To slowing yourself down. You've got to get in the present moment. When we are in the moment, We're in our adult chair, We're in that healthiest version of ourselves. We've got to get back there in order to stop the anxiety. Okay? I've worked with hysterical clients, Clients coming in, Crying their eyes out, Overwhelmed, Totally anxiety filled, Even in full panic attacks. When I do a mindfulness exercise with them, It comes to a halt. It ends. So right now, Stop you're doing, Unless you're driving on the expressway, Please don't do that. But if you're sitting somewhere, This will take just a few minutes. Stop what you're doing. Put your feet on the floor. And slow your breathing. That alone is so, So beneficial. Your breath will guide you. It will guide your nervous system to slow itself down. Way down. You have to become conscious and direct this. So put your feet on the floor, Start breathing very slowly. Feel the chair that you're sitting on. And let it fully support you. What I mean by that is let yourself fully sink into the chair. Feel every part of the chair, Feel your back and your butt and your legs, All of these parts of you. If you have your arms on an armrest, Let your body sink further into that chair. Notice what that feels like. So this is the physical or the kinesthetic part of mindfulness. Physically feel this. Okay. The next thing I want you to do is just notice right now, What do you see? Just stare at something either in the room, Look out the window. If you're outside, What do you see? I'm looking right now outside. I have a bird feeder right outside my window. I'm just staring at the birds. And as you're doing this, You can stare at a lamp or whatever. You can stare at a coffee mug in front of you. Just notice. What's happening as you're just already doing just the second thing. So now we're using our vision or our eyes. Now notice the sounds wherever you are. What do you hear? I just noticed the heat clicked on where I am, So I'm hearing the heat come through the vent. I also hear my fish tank. It's bubbling in the background. Notice, What are you hearing? Now take a moment and notice the smells. What do you smell right now? Is someone cooking in your home? Is someone having breakfast or lunch down the hall? What do you notice? And you may smell nothing. Give all of your attention to these things. What do you taste? Did you have a sip of coffee or tea or did you have a bite of food right before you listen to this or while you're listening to this? What do you taste in your mouth? When you're focusing on all of these very different things, You'll even notice how slow you feel right now. Do you notice that things have started to slow down? If you're someone with anxiety, Did it change at all, Even a little bit? Mindfulness can take five minutes. Spend one minute on each sense, Each of the five senses, And notice at the end of five minutes how different you feel. When we're sitting in this present moment state, We're in our adult chair, You guys. I'm noticing even I feel slower just walking you through this right now. It's just, It slows down the nervous system. This is so, So beneficial. It's free. You don't need anyone. You don't need anything. You just direct yourself. When you take this kind of action for yourself and then you feel the results, It's very empowering. Okay, Number two, Take some slow, Deep breaths. Another way to slow ourselves down is with slow belly breathing. When we are afraid or overwhelmed or anxious, We breathe from the chest. And you know, Oftentimes we don't even breathe or we're holding our breath. This activates fight or flight. This is terrible if you have anxiety. It makes us more anxious. So what we want to do instead is to pull the breath down and breathe from the belly. And here's the thing, If you don't know how to do this, Because most of us breathe the opposite way, But on the inhale, Extend your belly. And on the exhale, Your belly comes in. And a way to practice this is to put your hand on your belly and just notice, And it's going to take some practice. It takes a couple of weeks to really get this down. This helps to regulate the nervous system. And helps you to, Again, Activate the parasympathetic nervous system versus the sympathetic, Which is fight or flight, And just slows everything down. Again, When I do the belly breath with a client, I've never, In 25 years of doing this with people, I've never had someone not be able to slow themselves down and lessen the anxiety that they feel. And by the way, It happens in a matter of minutes, Minutes. Next thing, Number three, Get yourself in nature. The energetic resonance of nature is one of love. Nature in itself cleanses your energy field, Cleanses your thoughts, Cleanses your emotional state. So just get yourself in nature. It helps to slow you down. It's very beneficial for the nervous system. I don't care if it's freezing outside. Bundle yourself up now. I'm from Rochester, New York, Where it was freezing. I now live in Charlotte, North Carolina. It's much warmer, But I'm outside walking even when it's 20 degrees. Now, If it's less than 20, You can sit inside and just look out the window. Give me permission, But if you're able to get yourself in nature. There's tremendous healing in nature. And here's the thing. Get yourself in nature without your phone. Now bring your phone, But don't talk on your phone. You can bring your phone, But don't listen to music. Don't listen to a podcast. Don't listen to me. I want you in nature and be quiet. You can do your mindfulness exercise that we just did while walking in nature or sitting in nature. It's so good for calming yourselves down. So get yourself in nature. It's a natural way. It's a natural tranquilizer really for the body and for the self. The next one is meditation. There are countless studies on the effects of meditation with anxiety. So let me explain something to you. If you're new to meditation, Or if you're someone that sits there and says, I hate meditation, I can't quiet my mind. I can't stop my thoughts. You're not supposed to. You're not supposed to stop your thoughts. The whole idea of meditation, It's a practice of observing thought. So thoughts are going to come in. But what happens is over time, The more you practice meditation and observing all the thoughts that are coming in and not acting on them and not saying, Oh my gosh, I got to call so-and-so right now because I'm thinking that, The more you practice watching thoughts come in as if they're on a ticker tape, Just coming in front of you and you're watching, Then the more in your life, You're able to do the same. Then the more you're able to watch as people say things to you, Things that used to trigger you will trigger you less because you're used to becoming observer of even what people are saying. You will be less triggered. So practicing meditation helps you to build that muscle of witnessing thought. This is a phenomenal practice for anxiety. The next one is journaling. It's one of my favorites. This is the best one and the last one. It's another one of my favorites because when we don't have a way to express those thoughts that are running through our mind, Journaling can help us with that. Journaling is just as good as going to coaching or therapy. It can be just as good, I should say. I love to put pen to paper and just let yourself go. It's a way that we tap into what's going on in the subconscious mind and conscious mind and all that stuff that's stuck inside of us has a way out. When we sit and just think and think and think and think about what's going on with us, It's a treadmill. It doesn't solve anything. Believe it or not, Journaling actually can help you solve some of your dilemmas, Some of your problems. Through journaling, There's like a stream of consciousness that comes through. It's a stream of thought. You will find answers or remedies to your problems that you're facing. You will find there's an intuition that's built into journaling. When you just really get going with it, It's phenomenal for anxiety. If you don't know what to say, Write about how you feel. I feel like there's an elephant sitting on my chest and keep going with it. Describe the elephant. The elephant's purple. The elephant feels like it weighs a ton. It feels like it weighs 500 pounds, Et cetera, Et cetera. Let yourself go. If you have emotions that come up when you're journaling, Let yourself go. Keep going. But journaling, People that feel blocked, I get that a lot. I just feel blocked. I don't know what to write. I've got because what I'm journaling is one of my favorite things to do. If you're one of those people that still says, I just can't do it. I've tried that. It just still doesn't work. And once I find people practice this, It just keeps them going in this energy of moving forward and letting thoughts come down through them to help you with this process of really clearing out what's going on inside of you. So you can also start experiencing this freedom from anxiety. So there you go. There you go, You guys. Five ways to end anxiety. Again, I speak from experience. I had anxiety for at least the first two thirds of my life. And what I would suggest is that you pick one of these five things and really master it, Really practice it every single day. And I promise you, You will start to notice things in your life are going to start to slow down, You're going to gain a new perspective on different things going on in your lives, So that then you will be able to Live your life with more freedom. Live your life with less anxiety and less stress and less overwhelmed. You're going to be living in what I call the healthiest version of yourself, Which is the adult chair. Okay. Taking action is what brings our power in. Empowered people take action. So when you take action, Without even knowing it in the end, You're going to feel more empowered. And then when you start getting results from what you're doing, You're going to feel empowered. You're going to feel healthier. Okay. This is how you do it. These are very, Very simple tools that just take a little bit of action on your part, And it will change your anxiety. And again, I really want to hear how you're doing with these tools. I love, Love hearing from you guys. I'm sending you all lots of love and I will see you next week seated right here in the adult chair.

Reviews

Another must listen to padcast. Journaling 🙂 The first few times there was resistance and said i have nothing to say. When pushed said i had nothing to F..king say. Therapist said write about that then... I wrote a full page 😆

I need notes, good talk.