The Medicine Of Pleasure: Healing Through Softness

What if the healing you've been longing for isn't found in more effort,

But in more softness?

What if the medicine your body is asking for right now isn't another rule,

Another system,

Another diet,

But a simplicity of beauty,

Relaxation,

Pleasure,

And joy?

Whether you're living with chronic pain or illness,

Recovering from a serious condition and gently navigating its echoes as I am,

Moving through burnout,

Or simply feeling stuck and not yourself,

This video is for you.

Even though today I'll mainly focus on health,

Everything you hear can be woven into every area of life.

Today I'll share why the old paths of well-being,

Happiness,

And success no longer work the way they once did,

Why pleasure has become one of our deepest medicines,

Especially for women,

And how to begin welcoming it back into your daily life through gentle,

Everyday rituals that help your body feel safe.

For many years I worked as a journalist.

Today I facilitate LILA,

An ancient Himalayan game of self-discovery that always brings us back to one place,

Our own truth.

My healing journey began more than 20 years ago,

When a tick bite left me with chronic Lyme disease.

For years I was bedridden,

And discipline kept me afloat.

Strict diets,

Routines,

Systems,

Rules,

I healed mainly by doing,

By restricting,

By keeping everything under control.

And I'm grateful,

Because that discipline carried me through years of severe illness.

But in recent years,

Everything has changed.

Through burnout from work and relationships,

And several waves of long COVID,

I realized my body could no longer heal the old way.

And I began to notice the same pattern in friends,

Clients,

And so many people around me.

Something has shifted.

Maybe you feel it too.

The formulas that once worked don't land the same anymore.

The body no longer responds to more rules,

More effort,

More control.

It responds to relaxation,

To beauty,

To pleasure,

To the feeling of being safe.

And whether it's health,

Business,

Relationships,

Or any other part of life,

Force no longer brings the results we hope for.

Softness does.

We heal in spaces that are gentle,

Unhurried,

And beautiful.

So what is this shift we're all feeling?

For a long time,

We lived in a world ruled by the mind,

What some call the 3D reality.

A world of logic,

Speed,

Stress,

Fear,

Competition,

And control.

And in that world,

The message was always,

If you want results,

Push harder,

Do more,

Prove yourself.

Does that sound familiar?

Have you heard that voice in your head,

Telling you to keep going,

Even when your body is begging you to stop?

Or when your intuition whispers,

This isn't the way.

And for a while,

That worked.

That's why diets,

Strict systems,

Even rigid spiritual practices,

Seem to work.

But now,

That energy burns us out instead of helping us bloom.

Life is asking something different now.

It's calling us to the heart.

From thinking to feeling,

From control to flow,

From effort to softness,

From survival to trust to joy.

This new reality vibrates differently.

Creativity,

Abundance,

Freedom,

Joy,

And inner connection.

And this shift also changes how we heal.

The mind heals by rules.

The heart heals by care.

The mind says,

I must earn rest.

The heart whispers,

I'm allowed to enjoy.

Can you notice how different your body feels just by hearing those words?

Any healing rooted in fear,

Whether it's harsh restrictions,

Punishing exercise,

Or self-denial,

Eventually stalls.

Healing today invites us to choose love instead.

This is why softness heals.

So how does it really work?

Healing begins with energy,

The state you cultivate inside.

And from there,

Action follows naturally.

The kind that feels inspired rather than forced,

Whether it's about your health,

Your work,

Or the way you move through your day.

When you let beauty and genuine enjoyment back in,

Your whole system starts to broadcast safety and aliveness.

And life mirrors that energy back to you through clearer choices,

Kinder relationships,

Greater well-being,

And new opportunities.

Become the energy you want to attract.

And it naturally multiplies.

Why is pleasure especially important and healing for women today?

Of course,

This medicine is not only for women.

Men need it too.

Even if it often takes different forms.

But for many men,

Pleasure is tied to activity,

Competition,

Or challenge.

While for most women,

It blooms in relaxation and beauty.

Not better or worse,

Simply a different doorway into wholeness.

Women are naturally more cyclical,

Guided by their senses and emotions,

Deeply connected to the rhythms of life and the phases of the moon.

And in nature,

Nothing grows through force.

Every violent movement,

A hurricane,

An earthquake,

A fire brings destruction.

A rigid tree breaks in a strong wind.

A flexible tree bends and survives.

Flexibility,

Softness,

And receptivity,

This is the way of healing now.

Some traditions link it to lunar energy,

Slowing down and relaxing,

Receiving without struggle,

Flowing without force.

And for women,

This is our nature.

We thrive on nourishment,

Warmth,

Comfort,

Softness.

Rest isn't laziness.

It's intelligent care.

Especially if you're living with pain,

Fatigue,

Or burnout.

Rest is medicine.

And this isn't just poetic.

It's biological.

Pleasure and rest literally regulate our nervous system.

They calm stress hormones.

They restore our energy.

They give the body permission to repair itself.

They support healthy vagal tone and shift you from survival into repair.

When women are nourished,

They carry more inner resources.

And that vitality naturally flows into their relationships,

Families,

Work,

Creativity,

And communities.

Can you notice how your body responds even now,

Just by hearing the words rest,

Beauty,

Pleasure?

And yet,

Even knowing this,

Many of us still feel guilty when we slow down.

Let's look at that next.

Here is the difficulty.

Even when we sense this truth,

Guilt slips in and steals the moment.

Be honest.

How many times have you told yourself,

One day when I've worked enough,

Done enough,

Proven myself,

Then I'll rest.

Then I'll enjoy.

Do you give yourself space for beauty and joy?

Or do you keep postponing it,

Waiting until you feel worthy enough?

How many times have you finally sat down to rest and immediately heard that inner voice whisper,

You're being lazy,

Even though your body's unwell,

Tired,

Or in pain?

How many times have you allowed yourself a massage,

Bought something beautiful,

Or dreamed of a holiday and felt,

I don't deserve this yet.

I should be doing something useful.

For many of us,

And especially for women,

Pleasure is something we rarely allow ourselves.

Because stress and overgiving have long been normalized.

Many women grow up internalizing the idea that their value lies in care,

Productivity,

Or sacrifice.

Historically,

Pleasure has even been framed as frivolous or dangerous for women.

So we treat it as a luxury to be earned,

And we end up paying for it with our health.

In Lila,

The ancient game of self-knowledge I facilitate,

There is a square called entertainment.

When we land there,

We reflect,

Do I give enough space in my life to joy,

To entertainment,

To what I truly enjoy?

Time and again,

Those who resist it most are women,

Caring for everyone else while forgetting themselves.

This reflection isn't about escapism.

It's about balance,

Nervous system regulation,

And making space for what truly nourishes you.

It's important to remember that this guilt is deeply ingrained,

A voice we've inherited.

Many of us learn that joy must be earned.

Only after we work hard,

Give enough,

Achieve enough,

May we enjoy.

But this belief quietly drains us.

The body does not heal in a state of guilt.

The body heals when it feels safe,

Cared for,

And loved.

That's why beauty,

Pleasure,

And rest are not indulgences.

They're medicine,

A way to reclaim agency over your body and your life.

After years of working on these ideas,

I still find it difficult at times.

Earlier this year,

I had another episode of long COVID,

With symptoms so severe I was losing balance,

Unable to even get up,

And suffering from facial nerve inflammation that caused constant eye pain.

I knew symptoms like that don't come out of nowhere.

They appeared because I had been ignoring my own needs for too long.

So this time,

I chose to do something different.

I came to Bali to heal,

Not through pushing,

But through allowing,

Through rest,

Through joy,

Through letting go of guilt.

In my family,

Women have carried a lot of suffering,

So it hasn't been easy.

In fact,

Learning to allow relaxation and pleasure has been one of the deepest lessons of my life.

But slowly,

Steadily,

I can feel my body responding,

My nervous system calming,

My energy restoring,

My symptoms easing.

If this is possible for me,

It is possible for you too.

You don't always need to travel far,

Because joy,

Pleasure,

Beauty,

And rest are available wherever you are.

Begin where you are.

A breath,

A cup of tea,

A soft blanket,

Five quiet minutes with a hand on your heart.

Add a spritz of your favorite scent,

Light a candle,

Place a single flower in a glass,

Play soft music,

Or draw a warm bath.

Tiny rituals that tell your body you're safe.

Before we explore how to weave pleasure and relaxation into everyday life,

Let me acknowledge something simple.

If you live with chronic illness or burnout,

You've likely heard the advice,

Do more exercise,

Push yourself,

Movement will heal you.

But when your symptoms are at their peak,

That advice can feel impossible,

Even unkind.

I know because I tried it during times when my health was fragile.

I went to yoga classes and ended up worse.

I joined pranayama courses and had to stop because my body couldn't take it.

Even the programs I dreamed of were packed with activities,

Schedules,

And intensity designed for fit bodies,

Not for people in recovery.

Maybe you felt that too.

The longing for a space that truly meets you where you are,

At a pace your body can trust.

Even here in Bali,

A place rich with practices and offerings,

I see the same pattern.

So many programs are still built on the old paradigm,

Do more,

See more,

Achieve more,

Even in the name of spirituality.

So I began creating my own rhythm,

Almost like shaping the retreat I had always wished existed.

Massages,

Flower baths,

Yoga nidra,

Sound healing,

Quiet walks in nature,

Time to simply sit by water or under a tree,

Beautiful meal savoured slowly.

Not a schedule of doing more,

But a gentle cadence of stillness,

Nourishment,

And delight.

Bali is a beautiful place for this.

At the same time,

This kind of medicine is available wherever you are.

It could be as simple as a bath with salt or essential oils,

An afternoon in the spa,

Journaling in a sunlit corner,

Or reading a beautiful magazine in your favourite chair.

These are small rituals we can all create,

Wherever we are.

So let me ask you,

What would your gentle day or retreat look like if you designed it entirely around your body's true needs?

Next,

Let's make it practical with simple ways to weave pleasure into everyday life.

So how do we bring this into real life?

How do we lean a little more into the heart and move out of guilt,

Into joy?

Healing through pleasure begins with small things you can actually do today,

Right where you are.

As we go,

Notice how your body responds.

Pick one or two and try them today.

No pressure,

Just curiosity.

Create a gentle morning ritual.

Begin softly,

With warm water,

A few lines in your journal,

Or a quiet minute with your favourite scent.

Create a tiny beauty corner,

A cushion and soft throw.

Your journal on a tray,

A candle,

One flower or leaf.

Balcony,

Deck,

Sunny window.

Perfect.

If it's just a cracked window and the sky,

Also perfect.

Sharing space,

Headphones and your favourite playlist help your body know this is my time.

Keep it light,

A couple of slow breaths,

A loose stretch,

One kind intention.

And if mornings are messy,

Just hold your tea or coffee,

Breathe,

Feel gratitude,

Then go.

Bring beauty into your space and into your day.

Flowers on your desk,

A candle in the bathroom,

Dinner by soft light,

Soft pyjamas you adore,

A mug that makes you smile.

Turning one corner of your home into a small sanctuary tells your body life is beautiful,

You belong here.

Drop in for a tiny reset any time,

Dim a lamp,

Play one calming track,

Let your exhale grow longer.

If you have a little spot outside,

Make a little altar with a plant,

A candle and a chair you love.

Pleasure lives in the body.

Invite it in gently,

A quick self-apianga before your shower with your favourite oil or a few light passes with a dry brush.

Slip into fabrics that feel kind,

Sway to one song by the window,

Let a little fresh air or sunlight find your face.

Add a brief gua sha massage with a few drops of oil and say yes to something nurturing,

A spa visit,

A hair treatment or a massage.

Even if time or budget feel tight,

Choose the simplest version and put it on your calendar.

Instead of restricting,

Add goodness to what you already love.

Food nourishes differently when we bring joy.

Rather than raising pasta,

Add zucchini,

Peppers,

Herbs,

Colour.

Receive through abundance,

No denial.

Think,

Add,

Don't subtract.

Add variety,

Bring in protein,

Finish with a drizzle of good oil.

Sit to eat,

Pause in gratitude and slow down so your body can receive.

Awaken your senses,

Stead the mood,

Not a checklist.

Let the room exhale,

Softer evening light,

Maybe a candlelit dinner,

A song you love while you cook.

Keep a scent you adore within reach,

One spritz and your whole system remembers to breathe.

Keep bath salts visible so a quick soak is easy.

Try the simple pleasure of a wooden comb,

Add a drop of essential oil to the teeth and you feel a little more like yourself.

Let things look,

Sound and feel like safety.

Say yes to small joys,

This is your permission slip.

Follow a spark,

Buy yourself flowers on a Tuesday,

Take the long way to watch the sky change,

Write a thank you note,

Start a songs that lift me playlist,

Put on a poem on your fridge,

Try something that makes you feel radiant.

Micro pleasures count,

A square of dark chocolate or juicy fruit,

Water in a glass you love,

One radiant touch,

Earrings,

Scarf,

Lip balm,

A few bare footsteps on sand or grass,

A loving message to someone dear or a soft blanket cocoon.

Maybe most important,

Rest without apologizing,

Even a brief true pause tells your nervous system you're safe.

Sometimes your body will ask for more,

Listen to it,

Stop before your body has to force you,

Give you immunity space to repair,

Protect it,

Add gentle soft stop windows to your day,

Switch on do not disturb,

Lie down and check in with your body,

Rest is indispensable for healing.

And remember,

Even on low energy days,

You can shift your state in simple loving ways by cracking a window,

Changing just the pillowcase,

Placing a glass of water and a single flower by your bed,

Putting on a soft clean t-shirt or lighting a candle for 10 minutes.

These tiny acts of self-love signal care to your body and whisper,

You're safe.

None of these are luxuries,

They're medicine.

Every time you allow beauty,

Pleasure and rest,

Your body hears,

I'm cared for,

I'm loved.

Consistency beats intensity.

Small rituals,

Repeated,

Change your state.

And in that state,

Your body remembers how to heal.

Start with one gentle step today.

But this way of living isn't only about physical healing.

The same energy that restores your body also shapes the rest of your life.

When you treat yourself with care,

Beauty and softness,

Your entire field begins to shift.

Energy creates reality.

So if you're calling in abundance,

Even during financially tight times,

Consider buying one small beautiful thing you truly want,

A dress,

A perfume or a book,

As a first modest step toward expansion.

It's not about spending to fill a void,

But about anchoring the feeling you want to invite in,

Opening the door to new opportunities and shifting your energy.

Before you go,

What is one small way you can welcome beauty or pleasure into your life today?

Not tomorrow,

Not someday.

Today.

Every time you soften,

Every time you allow joy,

Your body responds.

It remembers it's safe.

It remembers how to heal.

Discipline has its place.

But healing isn't effort alone.

Your body blooms with love.

It restores itself in rest.

It awakens in joy.

When you allow yourself this,

Healing begins.