Yes alice you're exactly right if you had someone else's causes and conditions you would have done the exact same thing and we're gonna i think maybe next week we'll talk about that we're going to keep going on in the station series because i don't want to bring in too many ideas in one dharma talk but i do want to talk about all of the implications to really show how when we're more in tune with reality,
When we're more aligned with reality,
Not our imagined version perception of reality of me as the center of the universe,
But when we're more aligned with it,
There is true compassion.
There is true acceptance.
There is true letting go because you see there's nothing to hold on to.
There is no regret.
Couldn't have done anything differently.
We can have remorse.
We can reflect and learn.
Sure,
No problem.
And we can finally accept who we are.
Yeah exactly alice exactly true true forgiveness not oh i should forgive because I'll feel better,
Or because I'm told I should do that,
And I'm told how much this is hurting me.
But because we truly,
This is what I love about the Buddhist path.
It's a path of wisdom and compassion.
We're not just kind of saying,
Oh,
You should do this.
You'll feel better.
It's see the way things are.
We've misinterpreted.
We've mistaken who we are.
And how we are arising.
And it's really that simple mistake that has shifted everything and created all the suffering.
It doesn't mean that we won't experience pain.
Of course we will.
If I hurt my knee,
If I hurt my back,
Yeah,
There's going to be pain.
But it's the absence of,
Oh my god,
What does this mean?
Why did that happen?
Why did that happen?
If only I hadn't walked out the door at that time,
If only this,
If only that,
Right?
Just the endless broadcast and the me at the center that thinks that somehow I could have magically changed all this.
It's this.
Mistake that we've made.
This is what in Buddhism we would call ignorance.
Not that we're stupid.
But that we aren't seeing things clearly we're seeing it through a very narrow lens of me and we keep repeating the same mistakes over and over and over again and we keep wondering why Why does this keep happening?
Why do I keep fretting?
Every time i have that unanswered text and then it finally comes in and then three weeks later there's an unanswered text and get hooked in again oh what does this mean about me and and we're just we're repeating the same things over and over and over and we keep questioning why does this keep happening and as we talked about last week in class two of station me you can't solve the problem as the problem so yeah it's uh this the buddhist path i've found is just a beautiful path of wisdom and compassion of not pretending to see something,
Not kind of going,
Oh,
I can kind of hold it together for a couple days of this,
And then having it all fall apart.
It's truly seeing.
And that's what the Buddha is pointing to,
And that's what we're pointing to here.
There's no backpack.
There's no one that the station,
Me,
The broadcast,
That constant voiceover,
It's not reporting to anyone.
It's just an assumption that we've believed and that we haven't checked.
And so what we're doing here is we are checking.
We're checking.
And we don't have to get so caught up in,
I think as well,
This.
.
.
Well,
Just the fact that thoughts are going to arise,
And sometimes you're going to get caught up in them,
And sometimes you're not.
You're not controlling any of that.
This happens here,
Right?
Sometimes there's a getting caught up in it,
Sometimes there's not.
I find the more looking there is,
The more questioning of it,
The more feeling,
The more being in the body with it,
Right,
That tends to you can you can feel that contraction you can feel when things start you know when the water starts boiling you can start to feel it and and breathe and mindfully this is why it's so helpful mindfulness some self-compassion maybe something hurt maybe someone was unkind maybe it does hurt that someone hasn't answered your task text and and maybe it does happen quite a bit with this one particular person and so it's starting to feel pretty personal that oh this this is about me And maybe for whatever reason,
Yeah,
They don't particularly like us that much,
Right?
There's plenty of people that we don't particularly like that much,
Not for any particular reason.
I mean,
We'll give a bunch of reasons,
Station me,
We'll say this is the reason.
But sometimes just for whatever reason,
Yeah,
Someone doesn't resonate as much with us,
Or there's just a little bit of aversion towards another person.
But in recognizing uh it's not personal it's not something about me it's just it's the conditionings of how this unique experience is arising versus that kind of unique experience arising um we can recognize the hurt that's here yeah the hurt's happening the feeling feeling kind of oh you know just oh this doesn't feel good we are humans are hardwired to care about what others think about us.
So this is where it's also a little bit of a challenge because We don't want to walk around all day and say I don't care what anyone thinks about me and we just start acting like a jerk to everyone and we think none of this means anything and it doesn't matter anymore because there's no wisdom in that.
There's no compassion in that.
And it's also denying.
That hardwired part of us that is why we are social creatures for survival,
Right?
It's denying,
It's pretending,
Like people will say,
I don't care,
I don't care,
Right?
It's really a form of kind of protection.
They've probably been hurt in the past,
And they're trying to protect themselves by saying they don't care.
You're just pushing back on it,
You're just denying what's happening.
And this isn't about denying what's happening,
It's recognizing when,
Yeah,
It hurts.
Yeah,
Maybe that person maybe uh for whatever reason i'm not high on their priority list and and we can bring in some self-compassion and we can come in and feel what's here and Yeah,
Sweetheart,
That's a little painful.
Yeah,
Maybe I need to give this relationship a little bit of space because it seems like they they're not as excited to be around me and that's okay as long as we truly tend to the hurt that we're feeling about it it the the broadcast then doesn't turn into well how can I get them to like me or what's really wrong with me and who else doesn't like me who else has dissed me over my life right and then spending this whole time kind of building this case of why everyone doesn't like me and I'm unworthy And then even just grasping at people,
Please someone tell me I'm okay.
Someone give me some validation because I don't feel it myself.
And then it's just an endless thirst of needing someone to validate us.
But instead,
We know how to come in and be with it.
Yeah,
That hurt.
Broadcast tends to tone down.
Yeah.
Right.
And in fact,
If anything,
We're shifting the broadcast from that habitual unconscious thinking of me as the center of the universe and by bringing compassion and by bringing it in this way and of course we're still using the broadcast yeah we're talking but in a way that dissolves that sense of a felt sense of me at the center of experience and allows us to tend to whatever wound is here or how we're feeling a bit hurt by that experience and not to say that we then bounce back 10 minutes later and say I feel great I don't care who likes me or or not,
But it keeps its.
There's more of a sense of balance with it.
Yeah,
I'm not going to be everyone's cup of tea.
I'm just not.
None of us can be everyone's cup of tea.
I mean,
It would be great if we loved every single person in the world equally.
We don't.
We don't even like every person in the world equally,
Right?
But we don't have to make a big thing out of it.
We don't have to personalize it.
We can just understand,
Yeah.
For whatever reason there's a little bit of a an aversion with this person and recognizing that whether it's our aversion towards them or us towards um our version towards them or their aversion towards us you know,
We can be with it in a way that keeps more balance,
That's an understanding,
And if anything also really keeps a sense of humility as well.
Of humbleness.
Which I think is also a very underrated quality in our society,
Right?
To appreciate more the relationships that we do have.
Let those people know when you care about them,
That you like them,
And you're glad they're in your life,
And to focus our attention on those relationships.
Not the one person out of 20 that appears for whatever reason,
And we don't know why,
But appears to be pulling back,
But the ones that do.
The ones that do appreciate us.
So we're not denying experience.
We're not denying that we feel hurt.
We're not denying when we make a mistake,
When we say the wrong thing,
Right,
Or say something that was just like,
Oh,
Not as elegant as we would have liked.
And we can apologize where necessary,
But it doesn't have to be this,
Oh,
My God,
I can't believe I said that I'm the worst person in the world.
It keeps,
We keep things a little bit context because we're going to have successes and failures and wins and losses and mistakes and competency and praise and criticism and we're going to get it all.
We're going to get it on how we respond to what's happening.
Either we can do it the habitual way,
Me the center of the universe,
And I clearly can't have anyone talking to me like that.
I clearly can't have anyone not liking me.
I clearly can't have my neighbor doing that over there even though it has nothing to do with me,
Right?
This kind of constant obsessing,
Controlling all at the behest of this little me that we take to be real at the center of experience.
So instead of going down that habitual path that we've been going down,
New direction.
And these Dharma talks,
This series,
New Conditioning.
Oh,
Maybe all of a sudden some mindfulness arises.
Oh.
Maybe I should feel this.
Maybe I should use the RAIN acronym.
Maybe I should use some self-compassion.
And then after a little bit,
Maybe I should do some self-inquiry and explore a little bit more of what's going on.
Right?
But once we've dealt with the feelings,
Whatever it is that is happening.
Yeah,
And actually,
That's a really good,
Ruth,
What you're saying,
Especially when you're tired or in pain.
That condition alone can just feel the broadcast and the story of me.
And just to recognize that when we're not feeling great,
Because we all have those moments where we're not feeling great,
Or we are feeling some pain,
And it's very easy to kind of get lost in,
I don't like this,
I don't want this,
What does this mean?
So we start with just on the pain,
All that pushing back then starts to just go around every part of our life.
And you know what else I don't like?
I don't like what that person said to me five years ago.
And I don't like that this person text and asked me this.
And I don't like this,
Right?
And we just keep pushing back on all these things.
But a lot of it just stems from just feeling tired,
Having pain.
Yeah.
So Bob,
You're saying people keep pushing you to do things that you don't like.
Putting pressure to hang out.
I feel like I would love to rather live as a recluse rather than be with any people anymore.
I am with you on that.
I have a lot of,
I'm very much an introvert.
I love people.
I do love people in small doses,
But I don't like to go out and hang out.
I'm not a,
It's just not who I am.
It used to be,
Oh,
It used to be the life of the party,
You know,
Not the center,
But the life,
Like,
Oh,
Yes,
Let's go all night.
I used to love that.
There were a lot of other substances involved in making that happen.
But But yeah,
And I think it's really been,
And you might,
I don't know if you've done my course that I have,
Setting Boundaries with an Open Heart,
And I have thought about just doing another live on that because It is just this continuous process of really understanding what it is that we need to feel our best.
And I find that's really at the center of setting boundaries is being clear about what it is that we need to feel our best.
To feel emotionally balanced,
To live the life that we want to live,
So that when we're saying no to something,
We're recognizing what it is that we are saying yes to.
And there is a lot of fear,
There's a lot of pressure that if I don't say yes to this,
Then maybe I'll never be invited again.
Sometimes they're kind of feeling like,
God,
I hope I'm never invited again,
But you're still invited.
Um but deep down also i do feel that there are times when a lot of the time i don't want to do anything but then every now and then i do and i like that spontaneity of being able to just check in with someone and say hey you free you want to go for a walk or let's go grab a cup of coffee or something i find it also leaves that freedom because i i i while i do like to spend a great deal of time on my own I'm not a recluse,
I'll walk my dogs,
I see the neighbors,
Often many of you I'll exchange messages with.
And so I am getting contact with people,
But it's that kind of hanging out that you're talking about,
Like let's go hang out.
Bob,
I think that's the one that kind of gets like hang out,
You mean hang out.
And in the course,
The Setting Boundaries,
I have it very clear of the way that I do like to be with others.
It's going for walks,
Going swimming together,
Diving together,
Working on the garden together,
My friend and I do a garden here together,
And or it's helping a dog rescue,
There's a lot of that happening in Baha.
So I'm very clear about the ways that I like to engage with others because I think it is important that we do engage with others,
But that we do it in a way that doesn't deplete our energy,
But in fact we can engage yet feel that sense of community,
But more on terms that help us to stay balanced and help us to honor what it is that we need to feel our best,
Because we can't live our lives for everyone else.
Right?
There'll be nothing left for us.
And it's not weak to set boundaries,
And it's not being mean to set boundaries.
In fact,
If anything,
It's often protecting relationships.
I can't do it this way.
Maybe one or two people will fall away.
They were probably the ones that were using up a lot of the energy and the ones that that that can appreciate who you are and you can appreciate who they are like hey i get that you're much more gregarious you have a lot more energy that's just not me I'm not creating me,
Right?
Oh yeah,
Ruth,
Thanks.
I'm so glad to hear you say that,
That you like the course.
And it really is.
Yeah,
I will.
So Craig,
Or is it Craig?
I'm sorry,
Abigail asking,
Yeah.
I think it is a good idea just even to review the courses live because it is a continuous thing and there is this,
Again I find it's not maybe hardwired,
But very conditioned in us to say yes to everything.
Because I don't think our traditional,
When we lived as hunter gatherers,
The tribe that we were with,
We were with them all the time.
There wasn't a,
Oh,
I'm going to go hang out with that member of the tribe later.
And then at three,
We're going to go check out the new restaurant.
Oh,
Don't forget there's a party over there.
There wasn't,
Our modern world just puts this unbelievable pressure on us to be everything to everyone and always doing something and always saying yes to everything.
And so it does take some wisdom and compassion.
Because of the courses too,
Setting Boundaries with an Open Heart,
It does take wisdom and compassion to really have that strength and that understanding of what it is that you're protecting and how it is that you do want to live your life.
So that the relationships you do have are good quality relationships.
Not that there's not ever a problem,
Of course,
Right?
We're not looking for perfection,
But but that we're recognizing our needs are important as well.
Yeah,
And Lori,
Like what you're saying,
Like being a people pleaser,
That's I think where a lot of it comes from,
A lot of us,
Particularly,
I will say particularly women,
Do seem to feel this sense of,
If we don't say yes,
Then we're somehow being unreasonable,
We're not being kind.
And I do,
I have kind of a standard line.
And it's not like a line,
It's not a throwaway,
But it just kind of became that where I say,
I so appreciate the invitation.
And that's true.
I do appreciate being invited.
But I just don't go out in the evening.
You know,
I'm not,
I just don't go out in the evening and then I end with,
But please know,
If you ever need help with anything,
I am a great fair weather friend.
I am the best fair weather friend you will ever have.
I will be there for you when you need me.
But when it's kind of all the little get-together hangouts and all of those things,
That's not me.
But you need help,
I'll be there in a second.
So Bob,
Where you're saying it's difficult and you don't set boundaries because you think you're going to be okay anyway.
Since you don't want to hang out or meet with anyone anyway,
And you assume whatever request in the moment that's conflicting with your interest or boundaries would be a one-time thing maybe.
So just I want to ask you then,
Is that Is it the case when you say no,
Is there,
Do you feel okay with that afterwards?
Because that is also a big part,
We will,
Abigail,
We'll do the course again.
I'll do it live.
Uh it is uh this is this is also like half of setting boundaries is afterwards the broadcast right oh i can't believe you said that what do they think about you now you're not really as kind of person as you thought you were right right this is what comes out and this is where it's really important to feel any angst or contraction or pushing back or uh fear right feel it in the body allow it to move through you because that's a pretty normal reaction if you're not used to setting boundaries.
Even when you are used to it,
A lot of the times it's fine,
And then every now and then I'll get this little contraction around and go,
Wow.
Yeah,
Oh,
I can feel it again,
Right?
And there's nothing wrong with that.
It's just that's what's arising.
And but to feel it,
Be with it,
Because there isn't anyone at the center,
But there is a contraction there.
So let me know on that,
Bob.
Actually,
Yes.
That is thank you,
Alice.
I do love that quote.
I regret the plans I made when in a five-minute extrovert mode.
I love that.
Because I have to be so careful of that too.
Like all of a sudden you're having kind of this big energy and you're like,
Oh yeah,
I can do that.
And then you're like,
Oh no,
Oh no,
Don't make plans.
In fact,
I have that in the course.
Don't make plans when you're having a big burst of energy.
Don't make plans,
Right?
Or if you do,
Say,
Hey,
I think I might be up for it,
But I may not also.
So count me 50% in,
Yeah.
Bob,
You're saying you also,
Bob 2 also doesn't go out at night?
Oh,
It's hard to park where you live.
Yeah.
Oh,
Because you're in New York City.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That would create an issue.
Yeah.
Yeah,
I just,
I don't like to go out at night.
And I haven't for for gosh I can remember this starting like 15 years ago when I was really like resisting going to parties and this is when I was still,
I was living with my boyfriend,
I was still working.
This is when I was at the hedge fund and you know still I was kind of easing out a little bit already.
Kind of the more material life if you will and and my practice was really taking over and then of course a couple years later I left it all behind to go to the monastery and then after the short stint at the monastery then saying okay well I'm not going to do it there I'm not going to become a nun but I still there's something here there was something here I didn't manufacture it I don't know how it kind of kept expressing like keep going keep going keep exploring this and so I bought an RV and I said okay well how can I do this somewhat cheaply and and live a life kind of not a traditional householder's life because I'd left my boyfriend behind I'd left the job left my house and I thought okay I'll just do this in the RV what I didn't know is that people would see me alone in the RV and think,
Oh,
She must want some company.
She must want to come and hang out.
And I spent more time in my RV,
Pissed off that someone was maybe going to come and bother me when they weren't even there.
And I thought,
Well,
I mean,
This is ridiculous.
Here you are.
You've made this big,
Grand movement in life to go and follow your spiritual path.
And you're just sitting in an RV,
Pissed off about someone bothering you when no one is actually bothering you at this moment.
I was like,
This is insane.
This is ridiculous.
It's like,
This is your path.
OK,
Figure this out.
And it's when I pulled out a piece of paper and I started my terms of engagement.
That's what we do in the course.
I started writing out,
How do I want to live my life?
How do I want to engage in the world?
What's important to me?
What relationships do I want to nurture?
Because I can't be everything to everyone,
But I can nurture those ones that are important to me.
And just having everything written down made it abundantly clear to me.
And then I was no longer waffling.
When someone would ask me to go out,
I was always just freeze like,
Oh no,
Oh no,
I've been asked,
I don't know what to do,
I don't know what to say.
It was a very quick,
Oh,
That's on the terms of engagement.
That's right.
I don't go out at night.
I don't go out at night.
Oh,
Easy,
Done,
Great.
And again,
I always say I so appreciate being invited.
It is nice to be invited.
But I just don't go out at night.
But if you ever need help.
I'm a great fair weather friend.
And I genuinely,
Genuinely mean that.
Don't ever say anything you don't mean.
So it's,
It just started to become very clear.
Even things like phone calls or just how do I want to communicate with people.
Like being on one hour long phone calls was becoming very difficult.
I found it was just draining my energy and put it on the list.
So if I knew if I was going to have a call with a friend,
Someone that's like,
No,
I've got to,
You know,
I do want to maintain this relationship,
I would also know that I've got to have some time around that,
Because that that's an energy for me.
And I've just got to be mindful of that.
And And then I stopped sitting in my RV being pissed off about all the people that weren't actually bothering me in that moment.
It was just me bothering me.
I mean,
That was the irony.
I'm sitting in there bothering myself.
So yeah you know we learn from these things and and out of this came a course and because people were starting to ask me down here how do you do it they would see me just casually say this is where I live down here in Mexico and where I was at the time going back and forth in my RV mostly to kite surfing spots so this is how I ended up down in Mexico I kite surf and and the kite surfing locations are very cheap to camp at and so there's this big community of kite surfers and afterwards there's happy hours and people want to have people over for dinner and let's go do this and let's go do that and I was constantly saying no in a very in a very nice way and in a very like just oh thanks so much for the invitation i don't make any plans before noon or thanks so much for the invitation i don't go out at night right thanks so much you know i'm not doing you know i don't do this But if you need help.
I'm there in a heartbeat.
So people were asking me like oh god how how can we do that and so then i thought well let me put this together in a course and i've done many live courses down here in mexico and then started doing them my very first live on insight timer was a setting boundaries course and then i put it into a course but we're going to uh we're going to do it live probably in a couple weeks because i have a little construction happening here this week and so that's probably not a good week for it but hopefully next week Thank you.
Yeah,
And right,
Barbara,
Things change,
Right?
I used to love going out at night,
Right?
When I was in my 20s,
My 30s,
Loved it.
And then I think,
Yeah,
Around 40,
I was just like,
Well,
I don't want to do that anymore.
Yeah.
No,
Abigail,
There's nothing wrong with you.
And I think that's important also just to recognize.
When we are low energy people.
I am a low energy person as well.
I have to be very mindful of my energy.
I have more energy in the morning and I have less energy as the day tends to go on,
Which is also why the last thing I want to do is go out at night.
And I just,
I love being at home.
I love it.
I'm a homebody.
Didn't plan it,
Didn't create it,
Didn't make it,
But it's where I feel very comfortable.
I'm home with my dogs.
We're having a great time.
So it's all good.
Thank you,
Ruth.
Thank you for the donation.
Thank you so much.
Oh,
So my question to Nancy,
Answer to Nancy's question.
Let me go back to Nancy's question.
Oh,
So we are not the ego self,
The little s,
Little self.
Are we our soul self,
The capital S self?
Who is the witness to everything?
Good question.
And thank you,
Nancy,
For bringing my attention to other Nancy's questions.
So.
Let me just pull it back up here again.
Let me try and put this.
So in Buddhism.
It is we're simply looking at there is no solid separate independent self we don't even give this is kind of where buddhism and hinduism because of course the buddha was a hindu right that was the predominant religion at the time where they really started to deviate.
Is that the Buddha saw there is no independent separate self.
And he left it there.
There is no independent,
Separate self.
Any,
And we do want to be careful of just saying,
Like,
We're not the ego self.
Because we do tend to think in terms of,
Well,
My ego self is the one that worries all the time,
That puts me down,
That's judging,
That's comparing.
But then there's my higher self over here that's more altruistic,
That's more kind,
That's more loving,
That's more wise.
And yet if it's still a selfing,
If there's still any identification with it.
There's any identification is not it,
Is not it.
So even if we try to then go well I'm the soul self or I'm the capital S self,
I'm the higher self,
It's just turning what this is into another thing,
Something solid.
A noun.
And so we even say like,
Well,
Who is the witness to everything,
Right?
We're trying to look,
We keep trying to take it back another layer.
And that's still the self.
So if I claim to be the witness of all experience,
There's an identification with the witness.
Now I'm the witness.
I went from being the ego to my higher self,
To the witness,
To the observer.
And these can all be helpful steps on the path.
I do want to be clear about that.
But then there is a point.
Where you see that,
In fact,
It's just witnessing.
Observing.
Being.
That there is nothing solid behind experience.
And yeah,
Craig,
I also,
First of all,
Nancy,
I hope that helps.
Actually,
I'm going to add on a little bit more about that.
This is a mind movement,
What I would say is a trick of the ego.
You're not this,
But doesn't that sound better to be that?
Oh,
It does sound much better.
Any identification as one thing,
As something.
Is simply the ego dressing up as something else.
Nancy and I had had a conversation yesterday over more messaging.
Because in one of the talks I had said,
It was probably a talk I'd recorded a while back,
You know,
We are all one.
I wouldn't say that anymore.
I wouldn't say we are all one.
Not because it's wrong to say that at one point,
Because you'll hear that said a lot of the time.
But when you keep inquiring what you realize,
Is making this anything is not it.
And yeah,
It should be confusing,
Nancy,
Because the mind is trying to understand what this,
So then if I'm not this,
The mind wants to understand what it is.
And it will twist itself up in knots over trying to understand instead of what I have found to be a very direct path,
Right?
This would be very direct,
Like Ramana Maharshi,
Direct inquiry,
Self-inquiry.
Paul Hederman,
Direct.
Seeing what you're not and what's revealed is there's nothing for you to hold on and grasp on to anymore because what you're seeing is that this is all just happening.
It's even Thinking happening,
No thinker.
Doing happening,
No doer.
Decisioning happening,
No decision maker.
It's just all happening and then the mind wants to come in and go,
But what is it?
And the mind can't know.
The mind can never directly know.
The mind can't directly experience.
Reality the mind is is thinking right this is the way i define the mind it's the activity of thinking right and it's the activity thank you alice of of always that looking for a place to land that's why it's always like oh but it's something else it's something else and all that's doing is distract is a distraction from revealing what's happening.
So the absence when we're seeing like the broadcast is happening.
And it's doing its thing,
And it wants to get somewhere,
And it's judging,
And it's comparing,
And it's narrating,
And it's just doing its thing.
And you're seeing like,
Oh,
That's just a broadcast.
There's no identification with it.
It's like our attention goes from this very narrow perspective to directly experiencing the world,
Seeing,
Hearing,
Feeling,
Smelling,
Tasting,
And the mystery of all of this.
I wouldn't even say that I know what this is.
I don't know.
I don't know what this is.
And the mind can't know.
It will put itself into all sorts of twists and pretzels to try and figure it out,
But all that's doing is preventing seeing of what it is that is happening.
So in the path of negation,
Which is what's being taught here.
And the Buddhist path is very much a path of negation.
Ramana Maharshi,
Paul Heidemann,
Very much a path of negation.
You just have to see what you're not,
But how quickly the self,
The selfing activity wants to go,
Well,
Then what is it?
Oh,
Well now we've got a.
.
.
Score you down this path.
Right?
In seeing what you're not,
See what's revealed.
Even the trying to figure that out.
It's a sense of separation again.
You can't.
The mind can't know this.
It's like the eye can't see itself.
That's kind of a different analogy,
But again,
Just the eye can't see itself.
You're trying to know something that is unknowable,
That is in fact unconditioned,
That is Unconditioned.
And so.
.
.
The more we get lost in.
This idea of a me that needs to land somewhere to be something,
We are still reinforcing the sense that there is a me here.
And we are missing.
What's happening.
The mystery of what's happening,
The wonder,
The awe of how all this is even happening at all.
We so rarely step back.
And just,
Wow,
I don't know how any of this is happening.
How did we get here?
It's this mystery.
That we that we keep that the self or the ego to use,
You know,
It keeps trying to say,
But I want to understand the mystery.
It can't.
It can't understand it.
And so to notice the mind when it's trying,
I would suggest.
When you notice the mind trying to latch onto something else.
Right trying to land somewhere trying to define what it is that you are that really is the ego just disguised in my higher self my my true self even i'll use the term true nature Even that I've tended to use,
I might have said in the meditation,
But you know,
I don't,
I maybe a long time ago may have said true self at one point,
Not for a long time.
Um.
.
.
And again,
I do want to be clear that there are different stages on this path seemingly conventionally and sometimes it's helpful for us to hear it in a particular way and there is just a little bit of letting go on something okay but then As we continue inquiring,
What you're going to find is there is no one at the center of experience.
And even saying that,
Nancy,
I'm.
I'm some,
I'm quite hesitant.
I've said it before,
But I also,
If we're saying like,
Yes,
We can say like,
Am I aware right now?
Yeah,
But awareness also seems to keep getting put into a thing.
I'm awareness.
I'm consciousness.
And And just as far as the seeing here,
It's,
I see that as another potential trap.
Remember,
The spiritual path is littered.
With traps,
Littered with them.
I think I've stepped in all of them.
And it's just something that we tend to do.
Because there's still such an identification of a me,
A me that's going to finally be enlightened,
A me that's going to wake up.
A me that's going to be awakened,
Right?
That's the joke.
There is no me that wakes up.
So,
Oh Michelle,
Good question.
Do I have a talk on perception versus truth?
I feel like I do have a little mini talk,
We talked about that once.
I'm sure I do.
Have something.
About that because,
And I'll just even add on as you're asking here,
Through our perception.
Is very right everything gets filtered through so if we're thinking about our perception of how we're perceiving the world perceiving ourselves it all gets filtered through our our current beliefs our views,
Our opinions,
How we're feeling in that particular moment.
I cannot overly emphasize how we're feeling in that particular moment,
How much that influences our perception of things.
And And so this is why 10 people can come to the same Dharma talk and walk away with a different perception of what was said.
Hearing one thing,
Not hearing something else,
Right?
We have that selective hearing.
Oh,
I didn't hear that part.
I didn't hear that part that there was no higher self.
No,
No,
No,
No,
No.
Right?
I mean,
We were 10 people see.
Just an event happened and 10 different perceptions of it,
Right?
Because our perceptions,
There's no truth in perception,
It's filtered through.
And I really,
I cannot,
Ruth,
Like you were saying before,
When you're not feeling well,
When you're having some pain,
Look how quickly your perception of your life,
Of me,
Of what's happening,
How quickly it gets skewed.
And so there is no absolute truth that we could say,
Well,
That's the absolute truth of what happened.
I mean,
We could say so much,
Maybe in this Dharma talk there was a woman here that was talking,
Probably.
Probably we'd have to stop at that point and just say,
Yes,
There was a woman talking.
And everyone would have a different perception on,
Was it a good talk?
It wasn't a good talk.
I liked this part of the talk.
I didn't like that part of the talk.
I felt very threatened when she said this,
Right?
So,
You know,
It's not like perception versus truth.
Truth is something very hard to I mean,
There's a relative truth.
Even I would say probably the relative truth is,
Yes,
There's a woman here speaking.
There's a relative truth to that.
We keep wanting to pinpoint this down.
And I know that,
I know that,
I know we want to do that.
It's that impulse,
But just tell me what it is and then I'll be okay.
Just give me that place to land and then I'll be okay,
Right?
We so want to jump to the next level.
Landing spot.
What negation does,
Michelle?
Is it reveals what's happening.
I wouldn't even want to put the truth.
There's a hesitation to want to say to get to the truth.
Negation Like if I have this glass in front of me,
Right,
You can't see my face.
And then you say,
Well,
If we kind of negate the glass,
Not sure how well this analogy is working,
Something's revealed.
Okay,
So this is what negation,
This is what a path of negation is.
It's not negativity.
It's we're misidentifying with something.
We've taken ourselves to be the me that the station me is broadcasting to that the broadcast is actually reporting to something about itself about what's happening to it and in seeing you know and of course that's what gets all our attention and that's where all the fear and the contraction and the worry comes from because oh no What do they think about me?
Oh,
No.
What's going to happen to me?
Oh,
No,
I'm such a loser,
Right?
All this,
Oh,
All this fear.
This is what we identify with.
And of course,
We could conventionally even look and go,
Look,
There's no me there.
You know,
You're just,
You're kind of lost in your thoughts.
And we think,
Oh,
Yeah,
Woo,
Woo.
Yeah,
I just kind of got caught up in it for a bit.
But there's still a belief,
But there is a little me there somewhere,
Somewhere.
It needs to be something.
Because the me needs to become.
It always is in the state of becoming.
I need to become a better person.
I need to become a more spiritual person,
A more enlightened person.
I need to uh change my experience to become something in a better experience right it's always looking the me is always looking to change experience right it's always looking to get somewhere to be something And that's where this becomes difficult,
Where we say,
Well,
What about my… I can be my higher self.
I can be the truth.
But it's still the same mind movement.
And so it's the seeing,
Like,
Oh,
There it goes,
There it goes again,
Looking for a place to land.
There it goes.
No,
You never arrive,
Right?
Have you ever arrived yet?
Right,
Never do,
Never do.
And yet we still think,
But no,
It's just,
I just,
I had the wrong thing of what I was trying to arrive at.
I just didn't understand it correctly.
So we never arrive,
Yet we keep following that trail.
Until eventually there's a scene like,
Oh,
There's actually nothing at the center of it.
It's just a broadcast.
It's not me.
And it's.
.
.
It's like it all,
You know,
Kind of all this worry and fear and the me and what does this all mean about me just drops away.
And even if it only drops away for a few moments.
Right?
Great.
For a few moments,
There's a.
.
.
Wow.
Really,
You can't get beyond wow.
Wow.
Of course,
I'll continue to talk here,
But there's this.
How is this happening?
How often do we stop?
How is any of this happening?
How did I get here?
Right?
It's this mystery that doesn't need to be solved that cannot be solved.
But it is resting in the mystery.
Yeah,
Because this is a mystery,
Each of us having this unique expression of whatever this is.
We don't need to,
There's no longer a need to know what's going to happen next,
Right?
Not only just not needing to control to see what's going to happen next,
But not needing to know what's going to happen next.
Let's see.
Let's see,
I don't know.
None of us does.
Right,
That's the mystery.
But we keep trying to.
We keep thinking,
No,
If I could just understand the mystery,
I could stay there.
No that's that seems counterintuitive it's no longer a mystery and i just i just i don't think you can get there there's there's the mind It just can't get this.
And yet.
.
.
When the mind falls away and that identification falls away,
And it can for just however long,
It doesn't have to be permanent,
It's not permanent here,
Right?
But it's just a.
.
.
Wow,
I mean,
This is crazy.
This whole thing is crazy.
But there's no me in it.
There's no me as a higher self.
There's no me that needs to understand it.
It's just,
It's all happening.
This has all been happening.
Without the me anyway but that is the big that's the mistake from a buddhist perspective in fact in in most and even a lot of hinduism and veda even though they have kind of this Big S,
Capital self,
Ultimate self.
But the little self is just,
There is no self.
And the Buddha went further to say,
Don't go further than that.
Because that's the little self kind of building up some momentum again to become something.
Now I can become my higher self.
There is something.
I'm not saying there's nothing.
I don't know what it is.
I can't describe it.
I mean,
We can point in terms of openness,
Spaciousness,
Peace.
Unconditional love.
But remember,
None of that's it.
But they're all pointing.
Don't mistake the finger pointing at the moon.
Right don't don't it's not the finger what's the finger pointing to the moon We're having a beautiful moon right now.
How many of us have gone out at night and just stared at the moon?
Wow.
Wow.
This is a pretty crazy ride.
Yeah,
And it is,
Abigail.
It's the freedom from desire.
And Nancy,
Spot on.
If you can define it,
It's not it.
Whatever you think this is,
It's not it.
Oh,
Big and red,
Yeah,
It was very,
It was huge last night and kind of more yellowish here.
Oh,
It was amazing,
Yeah.
So Pepe,
You're asking,
What about the need of controlling?
How can you release that need that comes sometimes in the way?
Well,
This is all at the me,
The separate me that we think is at the that we think the broadcast is reporting to.
Is always thinking it's in control.
And so in seeing there is no separate independent me here,
There was never anything here that was in control.
There was never a me in the driver's seat.
And that's the,
Oh.
It's just happening.
Now,
It's not like we fall apart and we can't function anymore.
It's not saying that there's no functioning happening.
It's not saying there's not thinking happening.
There's not kindness happening.
Planning happening,
Decisioning happening,
Right?
All of these things are still happening,
But it happens in a much lighter way.
Just like kind of things happen and then maybe there's a period where things kind of feel a little abrasive but again it's like okay it's not going to last this is what's happening like i we're not lost in our head always trying to control everything because we're not controlling it but notice that's where we're always trying to control from the head because we're not really controlling anything but we're all sitting in our own little places like i was sitting in my rv like thinking How can I make sure people aren't coming and bothering me anymore and the whole time bothering myself?
I wasn't controlling anything.
Just bothering myself.
But this is,
Again,
It's like there's no one driving the car,
Driving the bus.
No one's driving it.
Let go,
Go with the flow.
You are arising interdependent,
Interconnected,
And changing moment by moment by moment.
You are a unique expression.
Of whatever this is but each of us the unique expression here interacting with all the unique expressions there we're all interdependently arising you know with each other part of each other influencing each other.
And that's the dance.
That's the dance of life.
Mike and we're here for a short amount of time.
Who knows how long?
Who knows?
I don't know.
What happens after this?
I don't know.
Be open to the mystery that's here right now.
So in seeing what you're not,
It's revealing what's here.
And then notice station me comes back in and then wants to,
Oh,
Can I hold on to it?
Don't try and hold on to it.
Don't try and grasp it.
Don't try and figure it out.
That's just going to be a natural mind movement.
And then you see that and you go,
Oh,
Breathe mindfully.
Oh,
Who needed to know?
Who needed to understand that?
And when we ask that question,
It's not an intellectual question looking for an intellectual answer.
It's not saying,
I need to know,
Right?
And if that's what comes back,
I need to know,
Who am I?
Who is the I that needs to know?
And when I find it,
It's kind of,
There's a look and where is it?
There feels like there's a little homunculus somewhere inside here.
So I should be able to find it.
And this is the pulling back of the curtain in The Wizard of Oz,
When we're questioning who is that one there,
Right?
When Dorothy thinks,
Oh,
There's this great wizard,
And he's controlling everything,
And he's all powerful,
And he's this amazing wizard of Oz,
Right?
And then Toto pulls the curtain back,
And everyone sees this little old man.
Of course,
In our case,
No little old man,
But just pulling all these little levers.
And all of a sudden,
It's like,
Oh,
My God,
I thought you were this big,
Scary,
All-powerful,
All-knowing thing.
And it's like,
Oh,
My God,
Not that at all.
But in this case,
We pull back the curtain,
We go,
Oh my God,
There's actually nothing solid and independent there.
Thinking happening,
Doing happening,
Memorying happening,
Feeling happening,
Gratituding happening,
Joying happening,
Appreciation,
I'm trying to put it all in a verb,
Appreciating happening,
Like all of this and it's like,
And there's this sense of fullness because the me,
The little me is separation and it's finite and it's small and it's wounded and it needs everyone to tell me I'm okay and we live like that day after day like a frightened little squirrel.
Right?
But in seeing everything as a process,
As an activity,
It's all happening,
And it's all arising,
And the weather is affecting how this one is arising right now,
What I'm doing.
There's a moment to,
Oh,
Take the dogs out for a walk,
And you step outside,
And you go,
Oh,
It's about to rain.
All of a sudden,
You go back in,
And you go,
Wow.
Wow,
Look,
The cloud's having an effect and now there's something else happening.
I wonder what's going to happen next.
Right?
So,
But in that kind of seeing that this is all just happening,
Right,
Not from that sense of smallness of the little me,
There's a sense of,
Of fullness,
Of completeness.
It's the absence of being incomplete.
It is that unconditional love that everyone's seeking.
Is unconditional.
And then a little later,
Station me comes in,
Okay,
Not planning this,
Not controlling this either.
Then we get a little lost for a bit and then,
Oh,
You notice it,
Okay.
And there's just a sense of letting this unfold.
I think on the spiritual path,
There's so much grasping on the spiritual path.
There's so much trying to make this happen.
And you can't make this happen either.
And the less uh effort that's applied the less forcing this the more relaxed it's like well it's happening on it's happening as it's happening i'm i'm not making it happen it's happening as it's happening And there tends to be a lot more resting in the mystery in that way.
And Chris i wanted to say hi to you i'm sorry i didn't mean to miss your your uh hello back there Yeah,
Marianne,
Yeah.
But living creatures think about,
Like my dogs aren't thinking about,
Oh,
I wonder what she's thinking of me right now.
They didn't make a funny face or roll over in a silly way and go,
Oh gosh,
Are the other dogs looking at me funny now?
Right?
So we have this kind of uniqueness with the mind.
And it's not even just the mind itself,
The thinking itself,
But how it's I will let,
It's.
It's just gotten out of control,
This like super ego,
Like a little bit of being able to reference ourselves.
Conventionally speaking,
There's a merit of here.
I wouldn't just go,
Well,
I'll just see whatever happens.
And no,
Planning sometimes arises that,
Oh,
Let's do this series on the classes.
Let's,
Oh,
I've got an appointment with this client at this time and an obligation at this time.
That's all still happening.
Right we don't the function and and the preferences the things that you like to do uh you know they don't all of a sudden like oh i like to swim when i thought there was a little me but without it now i don't like to swim anymore in fact no swimming is just more fun Because there's not a little me being dragged along behind me,
Right?
Just know it's more fun.
So yeah a lot of it is there's this there's this instinct but our minds yeah have come to it's just it's a mistake it's a trick of the mind even neuroscientists would say there's it's a particular neural network that gives this reference of a self but in fact neuroscientists have said the same thing there is nothing there but the brain does this trick and it's and it's helpful to be able to do a simulation oh i'm going to the airport tomorrow i've got this these things to do and let me kind of think how that's going to go.
It's helpful,
But then we believe there's a little me in the simulation that is really me,
And we keep,
And then we keep running it through the simulation,
Or we run it through the past simulator,
And oh,
And I wish it hadn't done that,
And I wish it could have done something differently.
So there's a usefulness to it,
But we've come to identify it as who we are.
And yeah,
Michelle,
I love the wisdom of the dell.
Yeah.
Okay,
I'm just going to go back.
I probably missed.
Um.
.
.
Yeah Alice man you're good on this yeah the mind yes when the mind's saying i got it oh be careful of that or just like okay something feels like it's opening here something feels like it's it's yeah it's loosening Okay,
Let's not try and hold on to it,
Yeah.
Yeah,
Michelle,
It is a relief to stop worrying about or to try and know,
To try and and Always be.
Trying to predict what's happening next,
It takes the joy out of life,
It takes the fun out of it,
Takes the mystery out of it,
Because you're not controlling it anyway.
Yeah,
Chad,
Keep resting,
Rest in the mystery.
Yeah,
Louise,
What I would say is it's just being.
It's just being that can't be defined,
Can't be contained,
Just is.
Yep,
That's really well said.
Oh,
Bob,
So you're asking,
Do I believe in any religious god or do I agree with the principles of Buddha,
Hindu,
Or Bible and why?
Um i i don't know why there's been such a strong resonance with buddhism and has been for a long time uh it um It's made a lot of sense here.
I think there's a lot of stuff from Hinduism I can appreciate.
There's a lot of things from the Bible I can appreciate.
I think they're all pointing to many things.
The same thing,
Sorry,
The same thing.
I think in that Adam and Eve story when they ate from the tree of knowledge and got cast from the garden.
You know or or good and evil it's a good and evil the tree of knowledge or the tree of good and evil or something right the the tree of duality right and then saying then they were cast out of the garden of even even i think there's a beautiful it's a beautiful pointing to something here yeah i i i don't there's not a belief in a in a personal god a religious god um No.
Not to say that there's anything wrong with anyone having,
If that's what your beliefs are,
Not to say that.
Okay,
I think I've gotten to almost oh and this is as far as it's going to let me go back Okay,
I'm so sorry if I missed any questions.
Sometimes we kind of get on a You know,
The conversation flows in a direction,
And that's where it goes.
So,
Oh,
Thank you,
Michelle.
Thank you so much for the donation.
I appreciate that very much.
Thank you.
Yeah,
And I appreciate all of you.
I really do.
I thank you.
I mean,
I come here to do these lives.
You guys come,
You know,
Thank you for letting me share what this path has revealed here and what continues to.
It continues to and and I just I so appreciate uh this community and and and allowing us to explore this together like this so so thank you for that I mean I am I am eternally grateful so thank you thank you for for letting letting us letting me do this thanks for letting for making this happen thank you
