How To Feel Better After An Argument

Today, I have a soothing and calming meditation to help you get back in your parasympathetic nervous system and come back to equilibrium after an argument or conflict. In this meditation, we'll breathe together and become aware of three common behaviors that you might experience after an argument.

Self-regulation, especially after a conflict, is never easy. I know I'm still learning to manage these difficult thoughts and emotions. I'm glad that you're here.

Transcript

Hi everyone,

Welcome to today's meditation.

My name is Amber and today's practice is one to help you come back to equilibrium after an argument.

This practice is really intended to be a soothing and calming one,

So get comfy and let's jump into today's meditation.

Find yourself in a seated position,

Ideally somewhere that is quiet,

Safe,

And comfortable.

Once you get settled in with your spine long and tall,

I invite you to take a few deep breaths with me.

If the argument happened recently and you're still feeling,

You know,

Kind of worked up and agitated,

Your body might not feel like taking any deep breaths.

You know,

I find that when I'm really upset,

There's a literal resistance in my body to letting that tension go.

So just recognizing that if that's happening for you right now,

It's totally okay.

Just being aware of it is all that you need to do.

And when you're ready,

We're gonna exhale all of the air in your lungs out as much as you can,

All the way until you can't exhale anymore.

And inhale slowly and with control,

At an even pace,

Filling the lungs all the way up.

And exhale again,

Letting all the air out,

Going at your own pace now,

Inhaling through the nose and exhaling slowly and with control through the mouth.

Chances are you're having a lot of thoughts racing through your mind right now,

And maybe some big feelings.

When that starts happening with as much gentleness as you can,

Acknowledge that thought or feeling and then return to the breathing.

Right now,

We just want to bring the heart rate down a little bit.

Now that we've gotten into a good rhythm of inhales and exhales,

And hopefully released a little bit of tension,

On your next big inhale,

Breathe all the way to the top of the lungs and hold for a count of one,

Two,

Three,

Four.

And then release the breath all the way out till your lungs are empty,

And then hold for a count of one,

Two,

Three,

Four.

And go ahead and repeat this pattern of inhaling,

Holding at the top,

Exhaling,

And holding at the bottom at your own pace.

Take your time.

I do want to mention that if at any time sitting still and being with your emotions becomes a little too much,

You have my full permission to stop the meditation and do whatever suits you best in this moment.

It's totally okay to go for a walk,

Take a hot shower,

Or watch your favorite movie,

And then come back to the meditation once you're feeling ready.

Sometimes after I've had a conflict,

Typically I find myself doing one of three things.

One,

I find myself jumping way ahead and trying to think of a solution.

Two,

I start catastrophizing and thinking about worst case scenarios.

Or three,

I'll catch myself rehearsing future conversations and what I'm going to say.

You know,

I've had to learn to not engage in these behaviors,

And instead I try to take care of myself first so that I'm making decisions from a calm and centered place and not a stressed,

Activated one.

Self-regulation after a conflict is one of the hardest things that I've had to learn,

And I'm still learning.

So if you're finding this to be a difficult exercise,

Just know that you're definitely not alone.

It doesn't matter how many times you have to keep bringing the attention back to the breath and the body to keep yourself from engaging in unhelpful thoughts,

As soon as you catch it,

Just bring it back.

And that right there is mindfulness.

As we come to the end of today's meditation,

Start to bat the eyelids open.

Thank you so much for meditating with me,

And I hope you'll take extra good care of yourself today.

Please don't forget to tell me what you thought in a comment,

And I look forward to seeing you again next time.

Reviews

So so very helpful to ground into the breath and create some support for the heightened emotions. Thank you for your guidance🙏

This was one of the best I've found on here. This truly helped a lot. Thank you, please keep posting amazing stuff 💗 I will also be sending this to my therapist so he can share this with others. 💗 also, when you mentioned that "this is mindfulness", that was really helpful in a way as well; its really hard to find a "visual" or "example" of mindfulness. That sounds weird how I worded that. But, we read about mindfulness all the time. And get told to practice mindfulness. But rarely do we do something and go "oh this is what mindfulness is/feels like". That validation you put in here, truly gave me a light bulb moment. So thank you! I really hope that lightbulb moment, helps others have that light bulb moment as well, for their healing/growth journey 💗💙

Thank you, that was just what I needed today. I’d love an even longer one in order to help get even more regulated. :-)

Thanks Amber! Really liked how you made the meditation adaptable and provided a lot of self compassion. 😊

I appreciate the compassion you expressed and that I felt. Thank you 🙏