Khanti Parami Patience And Endurance

Khanti parami or patience and perseverance is an irrevocably important perfection that should be developed in order to progress on the way to liberation. Without patience you give up quickly if results don't show immediately and anger, greed and delusion, will take over.

Transcript

Good morning.

Today I want to talk about the perfection of patience or what we call it in Pali,

Kanti-bharami,

The sixth of the series of the ten parameters and a very important parami.

In Buddhist literature,

Kanti is described as tolerance,

Endurance,

Forbearance,

And also forgiveness.

While practicing the perfessions of tolerance,

One should endure hardships and suffering that one experiences in life,

Including those experienced during meditation.

Sometimes we feel very hot or cold or there is noise,

Any bodily discomfort,

Aches,

Pains,

What is completely normal in our practice.

So we have to try to endure that.

Unless we endure this various discomforts and distractions,

We won't develop concentration.

And if there is no concentration,

No samadhi in the mind,

Then it is almost impossible to gain wisdom,

To gain insight in the true nature of everything.

So through tolerance,

We should endure any discomfort,

Pain,

And suffering,

Also caused by others through their speech,

Their behavior,

Any mistakes they make or shortcomings they have.

And we should try not to react with anger and resentment,

With hatred.

Like in the sapa-sava-suta,

Sorry,

In the machimani kaya,

The Buddha described tolerance of difficulties that are likely to arise from within and external sources as one of the seven methods to eradicate the mental defilements,

The asavas,

The kilesas.

So it's very important.

Tolerance as a perfection has to be practiced with compassion for other beings and without expecting gains,

Either in this life nor future lives.

We should only have the intention to eliminate mental defilements and gain enlightenment,

Escape from the suffering of samsara,

The cycle of birth and death.

So it's also said in the 10 parameters,

Like the parameter before patience,

The fifth parameter is effort,

Like making this powerful effort to overcome unwholesome practice.

And this effort is usually described as a heroic effort.

And it said like having made the right effort,

We become heroes through utmost energy,

But we nevertheless are full of,

We are nevertheless full of forbearance and patience towards the manifold failings of beings.

Then patience is so important.

It was in the first teachings,

It was the first teaching that the Buddha gave in the Ovadapati Moka of which I talked on Asalapu Jadai.

The Buddha said,

Patient endurance is the ultimate asset catechism.

In that time that the Buddha lived 2,

500 years ago,

Most of those who were striving for enlightenment and liberation,

They thought it can only be reached by severe ascotism.

Like they would not eat,

Not sleep or bring a lot of pain to their body.

And they thought that is the way to reach enlightenment.

And that's why the Buddha said the ultimate ascotism is patience.

That's the thing that really helps us to overcome our defilements.

Then at a later time,

The Buddha said that was in the Chittavan monastery where he stayed 25 years.

He said to Ananda,

Ananda asked him what is important,

The most important thing for a monk to practice.

And he spoke about more things,

But one of them,

A very critical one is Kanti-Bharamantapu-Tittika and that's Pali.

And the English translation would be the best ethical practice is patience and forbearance.

So even there,

It is said,

It how important it is.

You can find it in the Dhammapada.

Then maybe it's important we look at why are we impatient?

People and things and situations are not the way we would like them to be.

And this creates impatience and aversion.

We have to learn to accept that others have faults and flaws like we have faults and flaws.

We need to have patience with them and with ourselves.

And anyway,

How can we say,

Okay,

The things we think or we think they should be like this or that,

That is the only right thing.

That's clearly not so.

Everyone has thoughts like that.

So we need to have more tolerance and patience.

Mostly in our lives,

We are driven by things we want to reach,

Want to attain or have to do.

We are always,

There's always something that drives us to do things.

But being patient and being present just here and now,

Even if things are chaotic around us,

That is much more precious and letting go of this being driven all the time,

It will help us.

A very good story or happening that has happened with Achancha,

A very famous teacher in Thailand who passed away 30 years ago.

But he was a really famous teacher and he had many Western students and many monks who are famous nowadays and are teaching all around the world.

So this Achancha always told his students,

An example for patience,

When he was a small boy,

Just a few years of age,

Five or six years,

His father gave him a handful of seeds to plant them.

And yeah,

Let things grow.

So he was very excited.

He took the seeds,

Put them in the earth,

And watered them.

He waited a day,

Nothing happened.

So he went to his father,

Nothing is happening.

And then the father said,

Adi,

You are too impatient.

You have to be patient and wait,

Water them,

Let the sun shine on them,

And then they will come when time is right,

They come.

So he went back to his plants,

He watered them twice a day and waited.

And sure,

After one or two days,

Some little green sprouts would come out of the earth.

And he was very excited and he watered them twice a day and waited for them to grow.

And it didn't go fast enough.

So he decided to pull the plants,

Pull them,

Let them grow faster.

And he killed all of them.

So he always told this story with patience,

Like in our past,

That the people should be patient and should allow things to unfold,

Let them grow naturally.

A good example is also the kids nowadays,

The children,

They are often forced by their parents so very much to study all kind of things.

They have schedules all day long,

They have to fulfill things and learn this and that and study.

Even after school,

They have a full schedule of things they have to do and learn.

Because we don't really trust that they develop naturally.

They have to learn the things on their own,

But not just study things,

But really make life experiences.

And I think it's important that we have more trust that this is happening.

They will develop,

They will learn things,

Give them space and time,

Especially here in countries like China or Japan or Korea,

This is happening a lot.

The people have to make examines for preschool because they want their kid to have the best preschool so that they can get to whatever,

Harvard or whatever,

And best universities and become an important person through that.

And that the kids have no more happy play life or whatever.

That is like kind of people forget that.

And then sadly,

You have nowadays kids with eight,

Nine or 10 years of age and they have already ulcers.

I mean,

That's unbelievable.

Ulcers from stress because they are too much forced or the suicide rate for children in China,

Japan,

And also Korea is amazingly high.

Very,

Very sad thing.

The patience on the spiritual path,

Which is most probably also important to you.

I can see that often when I'm in a temple now for 32 years,

And I know from my own impatience,

Trying to get enlightened very fast and very quickly,

Especially the first two years,

I thought,

Yeah,

It has to happen now.

And just to contemplate on how long did our historical Buddha,

Gautama Buddha need to practice to reach Buddhahood.

They say it's four kalpas and 100 eons of time,

Which is an unimaginable time,

But it is written anywhere that one kalpa is about the time of when you think of the highest mountain in the Himalayas,

And I thought 7,

000,

8,

000 meters high.

And there is a bird with a silken shawl in its peak,

And this bird flies over the Himalayas once every 100 years.

And then the silken shawl just slightly goes over the mountain and wears it down a little bit.

And it,

Until this whole huge mountain with 8,

000 meters height is completely worn down to the ground,

That is one kalpa.

So for us unimaginable time.

And the Buddha needed four kalpas and 100 eons to reach Buddhahood and has perfected patience.

He's one of the parami,

Of course,

The Buddha has to perfect all 10 paramis,

But especially patience.

And there's also a nice story from Taoism where the new student comes to the master and he asks him,

Okay,

When I practice what you teach,

How long will I need to reach enlightenment?

And the master said,

10 years.

And then the students say,

Oh,

If I really practice,

I put a lot of effort in it,

How long will I need?

Then the teacher said,

Then you will need 20 years.

And then the students say,

Oh,

That's too long,

I need it to be faster if I really put all I have into this practice,

How long will it need?

The teacher said,

You will need 30 years.

So that again shows how important patience is.

The less patient we are,

The longer it will need to have results.

So we do our practice without waiting for results,

Without just looking at the result,

But now looking at the result now in the present moment,

Being present and putting your effort in that,

Being as wholesome or make the best out of the present moment as you can.

And then results will come,

But you don't have to worry about them.

They come when time is ripe.

A very nice thing is also the serenity prayer,

Probably you have heard that before.

And there it also says,

Give me the patience to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

It's also something we can keep in our hearts.

I remember my second teacher,

Chan Sang-hwan,

Very,

Very special meditation master.

He always taught us,

His students,

You have to make your mind like the earth,

Take the earth as your example,

Because the earth,

Everyone steps on the earth,

Spits on the earth,

Defecates on the earth,

Whatever,

But the earth never complains,

Never complains.

So make your mind like the earth.

That's an amazing example for patience.

And patience,

Of course,

It helps us against our anger that arises.

So if anger arises and we are patient,

We usually do not react out of the anger,

Don't speak,

Don't act physical out of the anger.

And that,

Of course,

Helps us to avoid any kind of negative karma that will have results in future.

Sometimes in psychology,

They say,

We should let the anger out,

Don't keep it inside.

Surely,

We should not suppress anger.

We shouldn't become a bomb that explodes one day,

But we should also not act it out.

I don't think that is a good advice because we are just a bundle of habits.

So whatever we do creates a habit and whatever we do often,

If we,

For example,

React often on anger that arises and speak or do things out of anger,

Then it becomes a deeper habit.

And next time a situation like that comes up,

Of course,

You will react with anger again because you've filled more oil into the fire of anger.

And the more fuel you give the anger,

Of course,

It will grow in your mind.

And that's why this is not a good idea.

I think patience is good.

Patience is good.

Looking at it,

Looking at the cause that is not suppressing it.

You look at it and you see what does it do to you.

Anger causes physical problems.

We can't sleep because we think of the things that make us angry or some people get ulcers and they get,

Or they even get a stroke or heart attack,

Blood clots.

There's so many things that can happen if we are angry.

So anger doesn't do us anything good.

It's not helpful at all,

Whether for ourselves nor for others.

You could also think about yourself.

When you get angry,

Just think about your face.

How do you look like right now?

If you look at an angry person,

They always look very ugly and even stupid.

So if you think about that,

Maybe that can also help you.

Maybe it can help you to even laugh about yourself.

Yeah.

So impatience arises because we cannot accept this present situation in which we are.

We can't accept the situation.

We can't accept the circumstances,

Whatever people say to us or whatever is happening right now.

We can't accept it.

It's not as we want it to be.

And that's why we get impatient and we get angry.

So patience,

What is also important,

It replaces the anger in our mind.

As I've said in other talks,

Our mind has only space for one thing at a time.

So there is either anger in the mind or there's patience in the mind.

So whenever patience comes up,

Anger is immediately cut off.

But if the anger or our tendency to be angry,

Our habit to be angry is strong,

Then it's cut off,

But it comes in again.

So then we are again angry.

But in the moment we bring patience in and bring the knowing in,

We know about it,

Then the knowing takes over.

So it really replaces the anger.

So we have to really make effort and bring patience in and effort to see the situation.

So we have to see the situation and know it and not get involved in anger.

Another thing that can help us is of course that we think,

Okay,

It's karma,

That I'm in this situation right now is karma.

It's a result of karma I have done in the past.

And that's why I'm stuck in this situation.

That can also help us to be more patient because,

Okay,

It's just something I work out now.

Some old karma and I have to live it out now,

I have to experience this,

But then it's done.

It can also help.

You can also say people who are unpleasant are not nice to you,

Enemies or however you call it.

They are actually our spiritual friends because they help us to develop patience.

So you could really say,

Oh,

Thank you that you're so awful or whatever because you helped me to give me this possibility to practice patience.

And if you are always in pleasant situations,

In situations that are nice and you feel well,

Always peaches and cream or whatever you call it in English,

When you only have these nice situations,

There's not much opportunity to learn,

To make progress.

So actually we have to be happy to meet hindrances sometimes because they help us to grow,

To get stronger on our spiritual path.

Yeah,

And patience is of course also self-restraint.

And that is especially when you get in a situation like traffic jam.

If you're in a traffic jam and you're stuck there and you see the impotence because you have to be there,

You have an appointment,

Whatever,

And you will not be on time.

And there is this whole row of cars in front of you and your mind is already anywhere there in front of the whole line of cars,

But your body is still sitting in that car in the middle of this traffic jam.

So what to do?

You can't do anything.

You're stuck there.

So even if you feel impatient,

It doesn't bring you to the front of the line.

It's not possible.

So why not breathing in deep,

Letting go and accept the situation as it is?

Then you feel much better.

Then nowadays,

What for us is a situation in which we are in right now is that everything has to be very fast,

Very quick.

We have computers that work very fast and we only do a few things and we solve all these problems or we have to answer emails,

We have to answer on social networks or whatever.

This all has to be fast.

And actually it was meant like that.

I mean,

I'm still from a generation where computers were just born,

Internet came up when I was already a nun for 10 years.

So I'm pretty old.

But I know the meaning of all of these were just bought and you might be able to communicate with someone in Europe.

I'm here in Thailand.

I normally write letters and it needs seven days to get to Austria.

And if I get an answer,

Then maybe it's already three weeks.

If it's fast,

Then I get answered back.

And then you could do it within seconds or the blink of an eye.

It was so unimaginable.

Now it's normal.

But if I look at it,

I cannot say that it gives you more time because you think you do it,

You quickly finish this work on your computer or whatever,

And then you have time.

You have time for leisure,

For resting,

Whatever.

But do we really have that?

I don't think so.

I even for myself,

I can say that I don't have more time that I'm having a computer now,

Because then you do more on that.

So it didn't really bring you more time.

So this is not so much depending on these outer things.

Yeah.

And what patience also helps us is to overcome the four Lokadhamma,

The four worldly dhammas.

We always have to deal with this,

Sorry for the eight worldly dhammas,

This is four pairs.

It's the skein and the negative side loss,

Then fame and obscurity,

Praise and blame,

Happiness and suffering.

So we deal with that in our life very often.

And with patience,

Then we can be with it and just accept it as it is and go on and not getting impatient or angry or frustrated if things don't go the way we expect them to go.

So even there we can think,

Okay,

It is as it is,

It's suchness and then learn to accept.

Yeah,

So far to patience.

So we can practice it,

Of course,

In our spiritual paths.

But I think even more important,

Especially for all of you,

Because you are lay people,

You are at home,

You live with your family and work or whatever,

It's important to have these patience in your daily life with the people that are around you and with yourself and with situations.

Practice it there.

And it will really give you much more freedom in your life.

I hope this was useful for your useful input.

And I wish you have a nice day and stay healthy and see you again for the next talk that will be on Satchapara Meda,

Truthfulness.

Bye.

Reviews

A great teacher… teaching me to be patient. Indeed it will take me this lifetime to get patient. I will learn one day at a time

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