Welcome.
In this short talk,
I would like to reflect on uncommon behaviour,
On something that happens spontaneously when we present the creation to the outside world.
Have you ever wondered why you feel personally addressed when comments are made on your work of art?
When I listen to lectures from Buddhist teachers and mindfulness teachers,
I often hear them talk about equanimity.
In Buddhism,
Equanimity is one of the four great virtues,
Along with compassion,
Loving-kindness and sympathetic joy.
It's the ability to remain calm,
Open and non-reactive in challenging or disturbing situations.
Can you imagine being in a situation where you are presenting something you have created to the audience and hearing or feeling the reactions to your work?
Are you able to remain balanced and accept what you hear and see without being personally affected?
Even if you can achieve equanimity in everyday life,
At that moment it will be disturbed.
Some reactions will be positive,
Others negative,
But either way,
It's a normal reaction to feel personally addressed.
And that reaction will have a longer effect on you if you don't approach it with the right mindset.
When you get a negative response,
You become upset,
Feel hurt and consider engaging in fight-flight or freeze behaviour.
And on the other hand,
If the reaction is positive,
It will also have a sneaky sting.
It will make you feel happy and long for more or better,
Or at least a continuation of that feeling.
But because it comes from an external source,
That's not guaranteed,
So there will be a setback.
Why do verbal or physical reactions of others suddenly become so important to you?
Why does that happen?
When I think about it from my own experience,
I can clearly distinguish some aspects that need to be considered more deeply.
A work of art arises from a very personal experience and is connected to your very personal life.
So,
Emotions are very closely linked to every creation during the creation process,
And they still are after we finish the creation.
I think it would be great to have a ritual to loosen the threads that connect you and your creation when you decide to bring it in the outside world.
Perhaps in our minds we are aware of the fact that we are no longer part of what we have created,
But we don't take into account the unconscious threads that still connect us.
It's something we are not aware of.
The first aspect I like to focus on is the relation with the outside world.
We know that we must rely on our inner compass to navigate our lives,
And we are able to do that in everyday life.
But when it comes to a product of personal creation,
We tend to lose sight of that a bit.
On the one hand,
There is the desire to receive positive attention from the outside world,
To feel accepted,
Loved,
Important.
We secretly hope that they will like our creation,
That they will give positive reactions.
Do you recognize the pitfall of low self-esteem,
Feelings of unworthiness?
These underlying motivations are very subtle and travel unseen.
There may also be a commercial or social purpose associated with showing the creation.
A desire to get into a certain circle,
Or to get more attention in certain circles?
On the other hand,
It means that we have forgotten that whatever reaction arises regarding your creation,
It is the other person's interpretation of the work of art.
The other person's reaction says nothing about your work,
Nor about you,
But says everything about the emotional state of the other person in the given situation.
The second aspect that needs some attention has to do with the status of the creation.
I am going to explain myself further.
There is a moment in the creation process when the personal input transforms into something that is meant for others to experience.
I call that transmuting and transcending the diary phase.
If a creation has not moved out of that phase,
The creator remains vulnerable in any case.
For example,
When the creation is clearly linked to a very personal trauma,
When personal details are not abstracted,
The reaction of others will always affect you deeply.
It's as if you publish a page of your diary.
So any reaction to that creation is then simultaneously a reaction to that pain point.
But at such a moment it's not easy to sit back and think about feelings and emotional state.
It will probably be quite an achievement if we manage not to react defensively or over-enthusiastically.
There is no point in fooling ourselves by saying we were just curious,
Excited,
Nervous,
Or using some other excuse to explain our behavior.
There is also no point in pretending to be indifferent to them,
When in reality we feel emotions fueled by the comments or behaviors of others.
To quote Joseph Goldstein,
Equanimity is the state of mind of impartiality,
Not of indifference.
There is a way to open up to equanimity in such situations.
The best thing to start with at the moment of confrontation is to disconnect from the situation and focus on your breathing.
The space that breathing creates allows you to experience a little distance between you and your emotions,
And at a later moment meditation offers the possibility to reflect on that situation.
When we can stay with the breath it will bring love and compassion for ourselves,
And that's when we begin to create equanimity.
Equanimity doesn't mean we should banish all emotions or personal involvement.
They may be there,
But if we are aware of them and know how they arise,
They no longer control our behavior.
When we can notice them and let them go,
We are no longer unconsciously trapped in them.
As Jack Kornfield says,
Equanimity combines an understanding mind with a compassionate heart.
Then we are able to see that there is something in the creation that triggers a weakness in the other person that makes them react the way they do.
I will end this talk with this beautiful wish of equanimity.
May I accept things as they are.
May I be open to the way things are.
Thank you for listening.
I hope these insights encourage you if you feel personally addressed when showing a creation to the public.
Many blessings.
