The Transformative Power Of Your Mindset

In this episode, Dr. Gina explains why our mindset can be at the source of our suffering. She explores a few mindset pitfalls, and how cognitive misconceptions can contribute to anxiety, depression or poor self-esteem. She illustrates how we can transform our mindset by first developing the awareness of our thoughts, detaching from them & redirecting our attention using various strategies. We explore how gratitude practice reframes our thoughts & how acceptance greatly reduces our suffering.

Transcript

Welcome to Living Simply, A guide to mindful living and mindful parenting with your host, Dr. Gina. Hey, Everybody. Welcome to Living Simply with Dr. Gina. My name is Ben Barber. This is Dr. Gina Madrigrano and one of our other producers, Crystal Tubbs. Welcome, Everybody. Gina, How are you today? I decided I'd pick fabulous today. Awesome. How about you? I'm great. Crystal, How are you? I'm going to go with stupendous. Oh, La, La. Very fancy. All right. Today, We are talking about how our mindset affects our lives. I'm saying that wrong, So let me get the actual title up. How our mindset can transform our lives is what we're talking about today. Dr. Gina, Let's talk about mindset. Before I say that, If you're watching this live, You can leave a question in the comments and Dr. Gina will answer that as well. If you're watching this or listening to it, Leave a comment wherever you are and we will answer that as well. Dr. Gina, Take it away. Yes, I thought we'd talk about mindset today because it comes up a lot in my sessions with clients, A lot meaning all the time. Our thoughts can be in our favor or play, Do a lot of damage. I was inspired by one of my clients today who is suffering a lot. Part of her suffering is she's stuck in an action, So she can't move forward because what's holding her back are her thoughts. We were working on her mindset today, So I thought it'd be a good topic because it's at the root of a lot of suffering. Yes, Mindset is definitely at the root of suffering. I think that it's a simple thing to say that our mindset is at the core of our suffering and transforming our lives and stuff, But it's another thing to put in practice. How do you rationalize that? How do you get people to actually realize that their mindset is playing a massive part in how they're feeling? Obviously, Your mindset plays a part in what you're thinking, But how do you make that sink into somebody? Well, One of the big things I try to help people with is have them realize that they are not their thoughts. That's a big leap because they're like, What do you mean? What does that mean? I'm not my thoughts. I try to explain to them that we have two parts inside of us, A part that thinks, So the thinking self, The computer that just never stops. We think all day, All night, And then the part inside of us that can observe those thoughts. I often use an example from Eckhart Tolle, The way he had his awakening was he was highly depressed and suicidal and he suddenly had a thought, I can't stand myself anymore. What woke him up was, Well, Who's I and who's myself? The myself is the observer. The I is the thinking self. In therapy, We call it fusion. When you're fused with your thoughts means you have a thought and you believe automatically that because you have that thought, It's true and you obey it regardless. Then this leads to another thought, Another thought. If it's a good one, Good, You feel good, But usually people don't seek help when they're happy. I try to help people train their observing self, So notice what you're thinking, Which involves obviously mindfulness. It's an exercise basically to practice what am I thinking about and often it's not debating with the thoughts because that's what cognitive behavior therapy did is let's prove your thought wrong, But then you're still stuck in your thoughts. The goal is more, Is this thought useful? Is this helpful or not? Because it could be true, But if it's not helpful, Why go there? A big part of changing your mindset is awareness. Most people know, I know my thinking is what's going to hurt me. The problem is not there. It's common sense. The problem lies more, How do I do it? How do I detach from my thoughts? How do I notice they're not useful? That's where mindfulness and meditation come in because it's like brain gym to help you slow down and observe your thinking so you can switch your path, Change the channel, Move on. The big first part is awareness of what's going on. So, I mean, Say we get to that point, We start noticing our thoughts. How do we, Like how do I want to say this? It's like we don't want to be judgmental of them. We don't want to be judging ourselves. So how do we start to like change our thoughts and our mindset from that space where it's not judgmental, Where it's more from a loving space? Well, That's an amazing question because that's the next step is observe your thoughts without judgment. So usually when we suffer, Our thoughts are either judging, Planning, Complaining. They're doing an action. So one is to label. So let's say someone has a hard time falling asleep because they're planning the next day, But it's not time to plan your next day while you're trying to fall asleep. So you notice your thoughts. You're like, Oh, I'm planning. Well, Now I need to sleep. So then you redirect your attention to something that will help you sleep, Whether it's focus on your breath, Do a body scan, Do yoga nidra or just count sheep. But you're noticing what your mind is doing. You're labeling it without judgment. The reason we say label it is it creates some sort of detachment from your thoughts. The minute you label what's happening, You realize it's not you. It's just the computer going on and on and on. And oh, It's planning right now. Oh, It's worrying right now. Okay, Now it's not the time. And you redirect your attention to the present moment. So with compassion and love, So people will go, How do I send love? Well, Just don't judge it. When you love someone, You don't judge them. You accept them unconditionally. You thank your brain. Oh, Looks like my brain's still working because if I wasn't thinking, I'd probably be dead. So not judge your brain, Not shame yourself, But just go, Oh, This is what's happening. And you move on to the next step. So depending on what kind of mindset issue, Then you do the work related to that type of mindset. So if it's self-esteem, Fear, Anxiety, Then you shift your mindset. You redirect it. You reframe it. These are just small examples of how you address your mindset. Yeah, Absolutely. That makes them. I mean, That makes a ton of sense. What are some of the pitfalls that you've seen other people, You know, Your clients or you yourself go through when they're trying to readjust their mindset? They get discouraged. They have expectations that are unrealistic. Like I shouldn't be thinking. I shouldn't have these thoughts. So non-acceptance of what's happening. So they're resisting. So it's like have self-compassion. This is your programming. So let's say they've suffered trauma and they have poor self-esteem. It's have compassion for that part of you that's having these thoughts. And now we're going to guide them. So it's like the inner child to create a new dialogue within your mind. So when I get more specific and we address this in another few podcasts, Some of the mindset issues that come pop up, For example, Are taking things personally. So let's say you texted someone. They're not responding and you spiral out of the control. Oh, Are they mad at me? What did I do? And you start replaying your whole day. And it just started with an assumption. Oh, They're not responding. They're probably mad at me. That's a mindset issue, Which is making an assumption and taking it personally. So it's the awareness. So I show people different kinds of programming they have. So it's one of the pitfalls is not being able to have that detachment and just observing it the same way you would observe a movie. You know it's a movie. You know it's not you. Someone else produced it and you're observing it. So, Yeah, Then we dive deeper into the types of mindset they have and how to reframe it. Go ahead, Ben. No, You go. Okay. I mean, Once we kind of identify, Say they have a negative mindset about work or something, I don't know. And what do you do then to shift those thoughts? Like once you've started observing it, You've started realizing, Distancing yourself from it, What's that next step? So let's say someone's in a work environment and they're complaining about work. So mindset does not live in isolation. So we look the bigger context, Right? So be the observer of your environment. Is your boss or colleagues, Are they, Is it a toxic environment? So if your mindset is to have discernment, Am I feeling bad because it's self-imposed because of the thoughts I'm having or am I having signals that example at work people are crossing boundaries? So, And our bodies feel first, Then our brain kicks in. So if we have mindset issues and lack of self-awareness, We'll make assumptions and we might go, Oh, It's just me. It's nothing. I don't want to rock the boat. So then it's to notice the next step. What's keeping me in action? If I keep having negative thoughts about work, What is it? What's the solution? Is it my issue? Is it an environmental issue? Is it boundaries issues? So if you realize the whole context, You can then intervene. If it's what's in your control, What's not in your control? What do I need to accept? What do I need to let go? Do I need to change jobs? So it's an exercise of discernment. When do I pay attention to my thoughts? When do I let them go? Because it's a story I'm making up. So it's, Again, It comes back to self-awareness and being a good observer without judgment. What's happening here outside and what's happening in my body? Because if something's happening outside of you and it doesn't feel right, You want to pay attention, Right? If someone's crossing boundaries, You might feel it like someone's kicking you in the gut or someone's shutting you up. You might feel choked up. So you want to pay attention to that and be present. And when you're present, You can discern, Is this mindset healthy or am I spinning out of control, Making assumptions, Taking things personally and judging? I don't know if it answers your question. I mean, It does. But just to clarify, Basically the next step is to take action to transform or change whatever. If it's not you personally, Just creating a story of some kind that's making you feel unhappy. If there are circumstances outside of you that are affecting your mindset, That's when you take action. Well, If we use the situation, For example, Right now with COVID, Right? Some people are scared or some people will resist, Oh, This shouldn't be happening or my whole life has changed. I'm tired of being locked up. I hate to have to wear masks. There's a mindset where you can't control the pandemic or what decisions certain authority figures take, But you can change how you respond to the situation. So if your mindset is in victim mode, Like poor me, It shouldn't be that way or resistance, You're going to feel bad, Angry, Frustrated, Depressed. Well, Okay, Do I want to stay in this state or not? And if not, Okay, How do I transform this situation so it's less difficult and more bearable? Then it means, Okay, I need to change my attitude or my perception. Okay, Let's say you're in a country where they're mandating wearing masks and you don't want to wear a mask. Well, You can decide, Well, I'm not going to go into public places where I have to wear a mask and I'll just go walk in the woods where I don't have to wear a mask or I'll stay in my home or I'll hang out with people that are safe and amongst ourselves, We don't wear masks. I can't change the law or the rules. I don't know how it is in your country right now, But for us in any public indoor place, We have to wear masks. It's mandatory. So instead of fighting and getting angry, It's like, Well, Then change your life in a way where you don't have to wear a mask, But you're still respecting the law and you're not ruining your life because you're resisting that. Or even just general, It's a pandemic. It turned our lives around. There are things we can or cannot do. People are getting sick. You can be victimized by the pandemic or find the gift. Okay, What's the gift? Well, It forced us all to slow down. It forced us all to be with our kids more. So you can either be victimized by it or try to find the gift in the situation. And that's where the mindset shift happens. Am I making myself miserable? Can I make myself happier or less or suffer less? You don't have to be happy there's a pandemic, But you don't have to suffer every day. And the same thing at work. You might not have a choice to leave a job. Okay, How do I make the best of a work situation that's not ideal? For example, Could be, Okay, I'm not going to go to lunch with my colleagues because they complain the whole lunch hour and it ruins my lunch hour. So I'm going to go for a walk for lunch. I can't change them, But I can change my attitude about it and I can take control where I do have control. So if the mindset was, I have no control, I can't change these people, Then you're victimized. You feel helpless. You can feel angry. So it's all how you see a situation and where you have power and where you can have control and where you don't is to accept you can't control everything. So acceptance is also a big part of it. You watch me try and control everything. So let's see, Let's talk about this. Tony Robbins has a practice of priming to get his mindset right for the day. One of the videos that I've seen of his, Which is, He has gratitude for the exercises that he does every morning and some simple exercises to radically change his breathing and get his mind right, To get himself in the right mindset for the rest of the day. How important do you think it is and is it possible to change your mindset right when you wake up to get yourself into a better mood, To get yourself tackling life's problems as much as you can, Yada, Yada, Yada? How important do you think that is and what are some tips that you would give for people for how that they can set themselves up for success? Yeah, I actually think it's super important because how you start your day sets the tone for the rest of the day. So research does show people who look at their phones first thing when they get up, Often look at their emails or their news. They usually don't have that great a day. It really impacts their mood and their attitudes. So I really work with all my clients to create a morning routine that starts with them and that is positive but not like empty positive affirmation, Something you actually believe. So if it's gratitude, It's a new day, I woke up, That's awesome. I think they say a million people a day don't wake up, They die in their sleep. So I woke up. A lot of people I've worked with who are depressed, They wake up and it's like another day. Well that doesn't help set the tone for a day. So when they wake, They can't control how they feel that dread in the morning. A lot of people who don't feel good start the day, It's heavy. So then I help them get, You know, Let's find a routine that gets you back in your body. So the Tony Robbins, The breathing, Some people it's yoga, Meditation. I found like on Insight Timer good meditations for people who are depressed and have a hard time in the morning so to shift their mindset in the morning. Set an intention for the day. So to set yourself up for success or a better day, Set the intention that today I will regularly pay attention to see where my thoughts are and redirect them as needed. And people who are not used to doing it, I always tell them use doorways as a cue to check in. And we walk, We go through doorways, If we go to the washroom, Go in our cars, Even go from one office to another, There's a doorway, There's a lot of doors and use those as cue to check in. Where is my mindset? How do I feel? And then redirect your attention and bring back your mind. And usually what helps is literally, It sounds simple, But it's not necessarily easy to do. But being present is what helps shift the mindset because 99% of the time at this instant, Nothing bad is happening. And if you take one second at a time, You know, If you're going through a hard time, It's one minute at a time, One second. For others, It's like, Okay, One day at a time. And yes, Bad things all happen, But they don't happen constantly. So we can reduce a lot of our suffering. So like in this moment, We're talking, We all have issues outside of this immediate moment, But right now, Nothing bad is happening. So if we realize that by being present, Our thoughts are occupied right now in this conversation. And for me right now, This is not painful. Me either. If someone's listening and they get distracted, Then it could be painful or the topic could be painful, But not that painful. They can just press pause. And I like that thought of using, You know, Every time you stop to go through a doorway, Every time you go through a doorway to stop and think about it and check in with yourself. That's a really nice sentiment. It reminds me of one of our first episodes over a year ago, You talked about finding time to meditate and, You know, Just focusing like when you're in the shower and just going like the water's hitting my skin, Taking that time. So I think, And I think about that every time now. So I think that's great and I'm going to use that and I'll probably never look at a doorway the same again. Well, I think it's good because I remember and now I laugh, But I used to put a timer three times a day on my phone. Be mindful. Now I laugh because I'm like, This is ridiculous. I don't need to do it three times a day. I try to be mindful all day. But it's a good place to start when you're not used to doing it. Sometimes that's the best thing to do. But you can't always have a timer on you or your phone. So I thought doorways, There's always a door somewhere. There is absolutely. Doorway to happiness. And there's a way out, Right? Just go take a lap. No. All right. So let's start by closing up Mindset. Is there one thing, Crystal, Do you have one final question on Mindset? Then Gina, Do you have some final words on Mindset before we move into the gratitude section of the program? So no, Not today. I do not have any additional questions for you, Gina. Okay. Gina, Is there anything, Dr. Gina, Is there anything that you'd like to end with on Mindset? Well, Mel Robbins has a great program called Mindset Reset. It's free. It's really good. So if people want to do that little program, I think it's really worth it. Mel Robbins is the one that has the five-second rule, Too, Right? Yeah. She's really good. I really like her. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Go do it. Don't think about it. So that's great. And before we get into the gratitude thing, I just want to say we'll just do the plugs now. If you guys are looking for website design or moving your business virtually, Anything like that, Check out Crystal Tubbs. Brave and bold writer. Braveandboldwriter. Com. I got it. I was just grabbing this. And check out dr. Batriguarano. Com for any coaching needs, Therapy needs, Anything like that. Right, Gina? What services do you offer on your website? I offer parenting consultations, Coaching, And therapy, But mostly for people in Ontario because I can't do coaching therapy outside of my private. Yep. I knew that I misspoke, But you can do coaching. So there you go. All right. And now it is time as we end every episode with our moment of gratitude. And I mean, That's the reason why we do it is to have a grateful mindset. And so it kind of ties in really beautifully with today's topic in general. Crystal, Can you start with your moment of gratitude for today? Yeah, I'm actually going to do two. That doesn't count. You're out. Thank you. You're off. No, There's just a lot of wildfires out west. I live in Colorado and there's at least four fires I know of going on. And then I have family out in California and there's fires going on out there. So I'm just grateful for all of the firefighters out there on the front line trying to contain these fires and save homes and save people. And then my other one is I hurt my back a little over a week ago, But it's feeling a lot better. So I'm grateful to be feeling better for that. Well, That's awesome. My turn, Isn't it? OK, Fine. That's fine. I'm going to today say that I'm grateful for friends and family in general. I lost my father two weeks ago yesterday and I had a lot of people reach out and a lot of people send their well wishes and check in on me and all of that stuff. So I want to say thank you for that. Also to just great friends who do great things like help you with your website because you've been so busy for the past five months. You've neglected to promote yourself at all or friends that are sick of looking at your empty bedroom slash office. So they so they buy you stuff and make you put it up. And then, You know, So I'm really grateful. Also, One of my best friends and business partners is doing something beautiful this week and going out on her own and really trying to go out and make a and make some, You know, A new life for herself and her family. And that's that's a beautiful look. I love seeing people seeing people go after what they want. Really motivates me and makes me makes me happy for them and stuff. So I'm very grateful to be able to experience that. Gina, That was like five, By the way. That's awesome. It's not a competition then. It's a competition. I'm more grateful than you. I think more people have that. All firefighters. That's true. I may have more friends than firefighters. That's not true. Go ahead, Gina. I'm very grateful for the last, I'd say, Two weeks. You know, We've been locked up because of COVID, Isolated. I got to see my mom, My aunt and uncle. They were all together. And last week I saw two very good friends I've known since kindergarten and high school. We went hiking in the forest. I went to water slides with my daughter. It was just amazing. It was all COVID safe, But we had a blast. It was fun to finally be out of the house and see people. So I'm grateful for all these people. That's awesome. Well, Thank you, Guys, For watching. Thank you, Crystal. And thank you, Gina. Thank you. Have a great night, Guys. If you are listening to this later on Insight Timer or on the podcast, Please check us out live every Monday at 6 p. M. Eastern time. And you can check that out on Gina's Facebook page, Dr. Gina Medrograno, Or her YouTube page or anything like that. You can just search it and find it there. So thank you guys very much. And we'll see you next week. Thanks, Ben. Bye, Everybody. Thank you, Crystal. Thank you. For more information or to book an appointment with Dr. Gina, Go to drmandrograno. Com or click the link in the description of this episode.