From Rage To Regulation, A Somatic Approach To Anger

Anger often arises when the nervous system senses threat and moves into a fight response. In this guided somatic mindfulness practice, you are invited to explore anger with curiosity rather than judgment.

You will learn how to recognize the signs of fight activation in the body and mind, and how to stay present without shutting yourself down or acting in ways you later regret. This practice supports the safe release of excess survival energy and a return to regulation.

From a more settled nervous system state, it becomes easier to sense what is truly needed, whether that is setting a boundary, having a difficult conversation, or letting something go. This practice supports clarity, compassion, and choice while honoring the protective intelligence of the nervous system.

Suitable for anyone working with anger, frustration, or strong emotional activation, and for those interested in trauma-informed, body-based mindfulness.

Transcript

Today we're exploring anger,

But actually we're exploring how to deal with and assimilate and release any survival response.

As we're going through life,

We often get activated by certain things.

One of the things that's so helpful about somatic mindfulness is that we get to know ourselves well and we get to know our nervous system.

There's a lot of this unconscious activation.

We live in a world that's pretty challenging.

We all have things like the weather and other drivers and what's on social media and politics,

And we live with a nervous system that is not well equipped for the modern world.

We have a better safe than sorry approach,

Which is fine,

Except that there's a lot of threat in the world,

So we tend to react really strongly.

So as we're doing this practice,

As we're working specifically with anger,

How do I know if I'm feeling angry or if I'm in a fight response,

Which is nervous system based?

Feeling anger is a little bit different than being in a fight response.

There's some pretty strong clues.

One is that when we're in a fight response,

Survival response is generated by the nervous system.

Then we tend to lose awareness of our body.

We certainly lose the capacity for self-compassion and for compassion.

We are fighting for survival.

That makes more sense to us,

Logically,

If we're thinking about a threat like an animal is chasing us.

In fact,

Most of the threats now are social.

It could be the mean girls in junior high.

All of the different ways that people are bullied or gaslit,

All of those things are interpreted as threats because they are,

And then what do we do?

How did I protect myself when I was a child?

If going into a fight response was helpful,

Sometimes you'd have to back somebody off.

So you need a very strong,

Angry response.

So that's more likely then to be something that keeps coming up as an adult.

Sometimes it's just our makeup as well.

Some people have a more fiery,

Confrontational,

Initial response.

Where do I go unconsciously?

Let's pause here for a minute and do a little bit of getting into our body.

As you're looking around the room right now,

Notice if there is any sense of danger.

Would it be okay for you to be here,

Present?

Is there anything that you need to respond to immediately?

And if not,

That's a relief.

It would be a good practice to remember to do when we're activated into a survival response,

That's how we're protecting ourselves.

There can be a lot of shame around being in fight,

Flight,

Freeze,

Fawn.

And one of the ways that we can work with that is to recognize this is just the way our nervous system is trying to protect us.

There's nothing wrong with us.

What your main go-to is,

If you're feeling social threat,

Most of the time we're dealing with social threats,

Relational threats,

Social standing at work.

That's what occupies most of our time for most of us.

See what comes to mind.

What's an example of something that activated you into a fight response?

How often do you go into a fight response?

Is it something that happens several times a week?

Is it something that doesn't usually happen,

But something's really hot for you right now?

Would you say that you're someone who activated a lot into a fight response?

And is it the same now as it was 20 years ago,

40 years ago?

These things shift over time as we become more consciously aware of our survival.

And as we start to regulate our nervous system,

We have a stronger,

More stable base.

Without shaming yourself,

What is your usual pattern?

And what do you usually get into a fight activation about?

Is there something specific that you could bring up and let yourself feel it in your body?

What changed in your breath?

Where did you start holding your breath?

Often anger will bring a heat response.

We get fired up.

Is there a sensation or an energy in your body?

What's going on in your mind?

Are you ranting?

This has to stop.

This is not fair.

This is hurting people.

What's happening in your mind?

Maybe it's specific to a person.

And just notice,

What are some of the elements of your response right now?

So we're trying to be aware enough that we can stay with witnessing what's happening,

But not shutting it down.

You're not going to go off the rails.

Let yourself feel into that,

That rage or that anger.

This should not happen or that person needs to apologize or notice the tone of your voice in your mind.

And then notice,

Are you going into like more of a fight response?

Are you going unconscious?

Are you losing awareness of your body?

Are you losing awareness of the humanity of everyone involved?

It's another signal that we've gone into a survival response.

I don't care about them.

I need to survive.

So let's do things now that will help to release.

We can shake some of that frustration out.

If you want to stand and do this,

I find if I get my hips and my shoulders going,

That really helps to release some of that energy in the chest and in the gut,

Whatever works for you.

You could jump or bounce or shake your hands,

Shake your legs,

Stand on one leg and the other leg.

And then begin to throw the energy down.

You could make fists above your head and exhale,

Throw it into the ground,

Make noise.

You might do that 20 times,

Depending on how much is stuck in there.

And then back to some shaking and moving around.

And if you're wanting to continue on that,

Just keep going with it.

Otherwise I'm back.

Let yourself notice how that felt.

Did it feel exhilarating to release some of that?

Did it make you feel kind of anxious or scared?

Do you feel like it worked?

It could actually help to release some of that anger,

That frustration energy.

That brings a huge burst of energy when we do something that vigorous.

And it releases the old and it brings in,

Wow,

I can breathe again.

My body's softening a bit.

I don't have to hold that energy in my body.

I can release it.

And that's a really good thing to know.

I'm not helpless with this energy.

I can actually release it.

We have the direct experience that we're not trapped in our anger or in a fight response.

We can bring our awareness to it and do something to help release it.

So as you're breathing in and breathing out,

That's a good way to do it.

You might go into a little bit of cyclic sighing.

You might look around the room again,

Bringing this back to mind,

Whatever it was you were angry about before.

One of the signs that we've moved from anger into a fight response is that we're disconnected from our body,

Our breath,

And our heart.

Check with that.

If you're in your body and you're noticing your breath,

You're bringing up whatever the situation is,

The person,

The injustice.

What does it feel like now?

Are you able to stay here and witness how you're feeling?

The thing about being in a survival response is that our higher level brain functioning goes offline and so does our compassion,

Our heart.

If we can stay present,

Not at all diminishing what's happening or the injustice or what needs to change or I need to set a boundary or I need to talk to that person or I need to let go of that relationship or I need to gather together with others and work for social justice,

Whatever it is,

We're not diminishing any of that.

We're just coming back into a more regulated state in our nervous system.

The survival response gets less and then we can bring our whole brain,

Our whole heart to the changes that we need to make.

Take a breath again.

I'm angry about or with.

Let yourself bring that up and as you do,

Stay aware of your body,

Your breath,

Thoughts in your mind.

Thoughts in your mind might be ranting or maybe they've calmed a bit and they're more like this really makes me angry instead of a rant.

You might still feel some energy of that when we're angry about something.

We feel that in our bodies.

See if you can maintain awareness of your anger and your awareness of your breath,

Your body and your heart.

Let's take a moment now to sense into what are my next steps here.

We're tapping into our wisdom,

Our intuition,

Our heart knowing.

What are some possibilities?

One might be that we go and tell them off or we let ourselves get into a fight response with them.

Is that what I want?

Do I want the consequences of that?

When we go into a fight response with somebody,

When we're yelling or we're raging,

It scares the other person.

They go into a survival response as well and if this is a relationship that's important to us,

Whether that's a friend or a boss or whoever it is,

That's going to burn a lot of bridges.

It's going to create a lot of harm so we might not want to do that.

We might still want to express our anger.

Sense into okay how could I express myself?

How could I let them know I'm angry without yelling at them?

What would I like to say?

Sometimes what happens then is we get to the feelings below the anger.

Maybe there's a grief there.

I love the way our relationship used to be and it's not like that anymore and I feel really disrespected or disregarded.

I feel like they don't want me around anymore.

We have a lot of feelings about things or I thought this job was going to be great and now I've got this bully that's always harassing me and maybe I'm going to have to leave the job or maybe I could talk to my boss or maybe I could.

.

.

So there might be some ideas,

Some solutions that come up when we're still engaged with the seriousness of the issue and we're not actually in a fight response.

We could take some time with that.

We could say this is an awful situation.

I'm really frustrated.

I'm really angry.

I feel myself wanting to just let it rip and I also don't want to do that.

I want to be kind and stable and honest and I want this to stop.

I need to address it.

Now what am I going to do?

And lots of good things come to mind when we do that.

I'm angry but I'm expressing it in a certain way.

How could that shift the relationship in a positive way?

Sometimes we need to say I'm done and sometimes we need to say I want to work on this but we can't do any of that if we're in a rage,

If we're in a fight response,

If we're just expressing and releasing all of that anger and frustration on somebody else.

It's good to get things out but we don't have to get them out in a harmful way.

We could be kinder and more grounded as well.

What does that feel like in your body right now?

That journey through survival responses,

Anger,

Our heart.

We come back to the present moment.

We have so much wisdom.

We have so much caring and love in our hearts.

We want to be ethical and kind and have nourishing relationships with ourselves and with other people.

And when we're in a survival response,

We don't have access to most of that.

Noticing,

I love that feeling of ah and I just let it go.

It's actually addictive in the brain.

The brain loves that electrical stimulation so it can be like an addictive habit forming response.

When we notice something like that,

We need to keep coming back,

Taking a breath,

Letting our system down regulate.

From there,

Taking some action.

Be present with ourselves,

Not shame ourselves for the responses that we have.

Let it be as it is and to really know through our own direct experience that we can bring something like this up.

What does that feel like?

What are some of the clues?

One of the clues in a fight response is that we're ranting in our mind.

We might also have a lot of explosive energy.

Feels hot perhaps in our body and we just want to let it go and we might have some tension in our jaw because we're trying to hold back because we know we shouldn't.

So then what do we do?

Sometimes people go for a fast walk.

We could do the shaking.

We could do some cyclic sighing.

We could do a tension and release practice.