Welcome The Paramis: Daily Life Practice

This is a live recording with audience participation and sounds. Please include these in your listening practice. This is the introductory talk for a series on the ten perfections. These teachings refer to cultivating skilful intentions and actions throughout our day. They are particular strengths that we develop in daily life. So whereas concentration practice may develop more deeply on retreat, the paramis are more easily developed in our day to day activities.

Transcript

So we're finishing up with the Five Invitations, The book that we've been studying for five weeks. Probably more like six weeks because we had the intro to it. And just to go through them again, The first is, Anyone want to offer it? According to however you want to say it. Don't wait. Don't wait. Don't wait. Well we're all here so we didn't wait to show up. That's good. And then what else? What's another invitation? Welcome everything. Something that we can do every morning. Welcome everything that we're awake. Anybody else? The third of the invitations? Find a place to rest in the middle of things. Find a place to rest. There's, Oh rest is always available even when you're moving quickly. Rest is always available. Another invitation? Bring your whole self to your experience. So this one we kind of, I mean we do bring our whole self, Right? We bring our whole body wherever we go. The body comes with us. The parts of ourselves that we leave behind often are the areas we don't want to show people. You know, We don't want to show certain aspects of ourselves. When we're vulnerable, For example, We were talking about this earlier. We don't want to show that we need help, That we need help. So we stand in independence as opposed to asking for our friends to help us out. So that's an example of not bringing our whole self. We're saying nope, I'm gonna, This part is not allowed. This part is not allowed. So it's a little trickier when we start to work with that invitation. Bring your whole self. And then the last invitation is the don't know mind. And we talked about that last week. The don't know mind. Don't know most of the time. Don't know what's in front of us. Have an idea about what happened behind us. But uncertainty is built into the fabric of our lives, Of all of our lives. And when we can find a place to rest with the don't know mind, We're living these invitations. When we can welcome everything, We're living these invitations. When we can bring our whole selves, No part left out, We're living them. When we don't wait to tell the people that we love that we love them. When we don't wait to show up for our community when they need us. So these five invitations support what I'm going to be offering over the next 10 or so sessions, Maybe 11 sessions, Into the summer. Into the summer. And they are in the same way that these invitations are something that we live, We live into. This next theme of practices is also daily life practices. And that these practices are known as the ten paramis. Parami is a Pali word. Some of you know this word in its Sanskrit which is paramita. And what it translates to is the ten perfections. And what I'll offer today is an introduction of the concept of the paramis and address the context of perfection. Because perfection is really loaded. And so I want to explore that with you so you understand the context in these teachings. And these teachings really support what we have been exploring in this in the five invitations. Because these are teachings that we cultivate in daily life. They're actually designed, The paramis were particularly designed for daily life practice. Something that we do throughout the day. Whereas in concentration practice, For example, Concentration concentration practice is really developed more deeply when we are meditating, When we go on retreat. So that is something that's a retreat practice really supports concentration. And the paramis were developed to meet our day-to-day life, Our day-to-day activities, In the same way that the five invitations are. And so that's why I'm kind of folding in these paramis into the teachings of welcome everything. Okay so you're like, Well wait a minute I want to stay with this book by Frank Ostesetsky that was so it's so good. I want to stay with it. Well we are. We are staying with it. By welcoming this next thing. By bringing our whole self to it. By not waiting. By resting in the middle of these teachings that I'll be offering. And by keeping and cultivating. Don't know. Well we'll see. Let me see for myself if these teachings actually support the five invitations that I prefer at this moment. So for people that don't go on retreat very often, That's many of you in this room and some of you online, These teachings of the paramis really point to how our daily life, The things that occur daily, Daily presentations, Can be a source of spiritual growth and development. You don't have to go on retreat to develop spiritually. And I think that we all have to go on retreat to know that. We've all experienced that. So the growth and development that are offered in these teachings are really they're qualities that you already possess. Some of them may be dormant. Some of them you might not be accessing on a regular basis. But some of them are part of your your daily life already. You know and just to say that the way that we learn, The focus of our spiritual practice, It can be different for different people. So some folks really enjoy the experience of developing insight. Developing insight has a lot to with having experiences. So for example like taking a psilocybin journey or going on a wilderness retreat where you have three days on your own in the wilderness. These are experiences that evoke insight. And then you have to go back to daily life. So it's kind of like what Jack Kornfield says, After the ecstasy, The laundry. So you have to sort of figure that out and that's a little bit jarring because you're like, Wait a minute I thought I transcended all this stuff on this experience that I had. No, You still have the daily presentations. But you know and that focus on experience, Although it can be wonderful and I encourage you if that is your inclination to absolutely go for it. But be I guess cautious because experiences, Like I think that there's an idea that the experience has some sort of magic that will create this idea of a happily ever after. I'm going to have this experience, It will transcend my relationship to my reality, And I will live happily ever after. This is what the mind creates with experience. And then for other folks, The draw to these practices is in understanding. And I kind of put myself in this camp a little bit. You know if I read a lot of books and I listen to a lot of Dharma talks and I listen to a lot of teachers and I do a lot of retreats, I am going to understand this path. I am going to understand this path. And I intellectually understand a lot of aspects about the path and maybe you do too. But what happens with understanding, Sort of the downside to understanding, Is that we have a lot of understanding and it's an intellectual exercise. Like, Oh yeah, I understand. I get it. I get this Dharma. This Dharma, It's cool intellectually. It's kind of like, Of all the religions, The Buddha, Man, Buddhism, That's cool stuff. Like, It's like, You know, You have a kind of a relationship to it as this intellectual, Philosophical exercise. But there is something that's missing in that too. What's missing is our direct experience. Understanding doesn't always have direct experience linked to it. So that's where these teachings, These ten parmis, Are actually quite useful. Because what happens is that these characteristics that we cultivate in daily life, We start to see the benefits of our practice in the cultivation of these characteristics. We start to see and experience directly. Which is what the Buddha said, See for yourself, Directly in your body. And all of a sudden it gets transformed. So when we're we're living from these heart qualities, Our intellectual understanding is secondary to our direct experience. So that is kind of where we're headed. I want to continue with this direct experience in the same way that what Frank offers in the Five Invitations is a direct experience. We have to remind ourselves to welcome everything, To push away nothing, To bring our whole self, To not wait, To find a place to rest and to cultivate a don't-know-mind. We have to remind ourselves. Like, I know that I have to. Why do you think I show up? It's like, Oh yeah, This is a reminder. It's a wonderful thing to keep on reminding myself of these practices. So what I thought I would do to start out with these paramis, And I know that many of you'd like to take notes, And we will go through these thoroughly so you don't have to write anything down. But what I what I'd like to do is I'm just going to say the ten qualities quietly. Just state the concept, The heart quality. Because these paramis are a quality of the heart. They're a quality of your character. They already live up within you. And as I say them, Just see, Like just pay attention to your internal experience while you hear them. See what resonates inside of you. Do you recognize that quality? Is that a dormant quality? Is it something that you value? A quality that you value but you might overlook? Is it a quality that you can't find within yourself? And then notice that, And don't make it wrong. Okay, It's there. It's just dormant. But see if you can experience these qualities. Find yourself in the qualities. If it has any relevance to the way that you're moving through the world. So you can close your eyes for this if you feel inclined, Or you can keep them open. And I'll pause between each quality so that you have a chance to feel the quality. So the first parami is generosity. The second quality is virtue or ethics. The third quality renunciation, Letting go. The fourth quality is wisdom. Wisdom. The fifth energy. The sixth quality is patience. The seventh quality is truthfulness. The truth. The eighth is determination. The ninth, Loving kindness. Loving kindness. And the 10th is equanimity. Equanimity. So these paramis are representational of our the expression of our freedom. Our freedom on this path. The manifestation of the gifts of our understanding of this practice. The way that we grow. We illustrate our growth on the spiritual path. And that manifestation of your practice is really important. And so then the question becomes, How are these qualities, These strengths, Because they're considered strengths. How are they flowing in your life? You know, There's a lot of opportunity in our lives to practice all of these, You know, In particular, Practicing generosity, You know, I think that you're very generous with your time for coming here every Wednesday. And those of you that come online regularly, It's generosity to show up for yourself, For these teachings, To develop virtue, To develop patience. These are daily presentations for many of us. Loving kindness for our friends, For our loved ones, For the state of the world. You know, Throughout our day, We are visited by all kinds of challenges. So we become kind of the agent that can act in our own life through these qualities. You don't have to be a victim of your life. You can take some ownership, Be the agent of your life. This is a very, This is a strength. This is the power that we have. To see, Even to see the world that way, That you're not a victim. That you're actually the driver of your experience, The agent of your experience. You know, I believe that it's an important quality to become an agent for change, Or the changes that we want to see in the world, The changes that we want to see in ourselves, As opposed to waiting for something to happen. You know, We can engage right here, And we can use these strengths that we already have, That may or may not be what we're manifesting. We can remember them, We can work with them. Even when things are horrific and disastrous, Can we cultivate patience? Even then, Can we cultivate wisdom? Which of the parmis can I cultivate given the situation right now? This could be an inclination of the mind. Which of these parmis resonates for me? Is it generosity? Is it wisdom? Is it effort and energy? Is it determination? Is it balance? Patience. Patience, Always patience. And we can take these strengths, These strengths, Because that's how I see them, Into areas of our life that are contracted, Where we're confused, Where there is pressure and stress. And work with them. It's really about remembering so much of this path. And that allows for this to provide an alternative way to attend to what's happening, And also to attend to the mind in our everyday events. If the mind is inclined in the way of these perfections, Then we're coming from a more clear mind. And I want to address this word perfection. They translate it from the Pali and the Sanskrit as the ten perfections. But many of us in this room, Including myself, Have been learning over decades to let go of perfection. To let go of perfection. Perfectionism has been the root of so much suffering. My suffering, Your suffering, Undoubtedly. So, Instead of relating to these teachings from sort of the modern psychological definition, You know, Flawlessness, Self-improvement. I think that's the way that it's kind of been co-opted in the psychological world. Maybe a more helpful way to understand the Parmese, Is that it originally doesn't mean perfection, Perfect, Or without error. It's pointing more towards this concept of ripening. In the same way that cultivation would be more appropriate. The cultivation, The ripening, The crossing over. The crossing over, It's been described as this crossing over. This quality that over time is brought to its fullness. So, Thinking in those terms, We can just abandon this whole idea of perfection. You know, These are not things that we perfect. These are things that perfect us, If you will. Not to make us flawless, But to bring us wholeness. There's a difference there. Flawlessness and wholeness, There's a difference there. So, You know, When I think about perfectionism, It's often, It has the flavor of like, I'm going to get this right. I'm going to do all ten, I'm going to get them all right. But what the Parmese are really saying is, Just keep walking. Just keep deepening. Let these qualities perfect you. Let them shape you. So, There is a little bit of getting out of the way. The third perfection, Renunciation, Letting go. So, As I said them, You know, Is there one in particular that resonated? Just like, Yeah, Oh yeah, I do that. I've already been sort of working with that. Recognizing how they're already alive in you. And some of them are more active than others. You know, It's like determination may not be where you're at right now, As a regular way of being. Or energy may come and go. Or patience may be a constant sort of culmination that's working on us. But just start to experience, You know, Where they're already working. You know, For me, Having the patience not to speak to my teenage son is really, Like, I can notice that. Like, That wasn't always there. There was often me, As the adult, The knowing one, Telling him what I know. And now, No, There's not that. There can't actually be that if I want to be in relationship with him. There has to be none of that. I have to really let go and say, Oh, There's, Oh, Wow, There's some letting go there. So, Just to see, Like, Oh, These are already working on me. So, Where are they working on you? And I think that that's what's really important. And as we investigate each one of them over these weeks, To share how it's worked on you. Like, You know, I used to be like Ebenezer Scrooge, And now I'm the most generous person that I know. Like, That would be, Like, Something to celebrate, Right? It's sort of like, Oh, Look at how that perfection worked on you. Generosity, Here it is now. It's how I move through the world. So, We'll spend time with each of these in these coming weeks together. Maybe you'll be here for all of them. Maybe you won't. But they'll be recorded, So you can go back and listen if you'd like. And don't hold them as something to achieve. Like, Oh, Now I've got something to work on in my practice. Let it work on you. Let them be just these practices that we live into, In the same way that the Five Invitations are practices that we live into. You know, What is the generosity here, In this moment? What is the truth here, In this moment? What is patience like, Right now? Not someday, But right now. So, That is what I have to offer. I thank you for the slight pivot away from the Five Invitations, But also not. It's just kind of an expansion of them.

Reviews

Thank you. I will practice bhavana and infuse each parami with consideration. 🙏🏼