There's Nothing Wrong With You | Understanding Your Symptoms

Many people experience anxiety, depression, or other difficult emotional symptoms as something “wrong” with them. But what if these experiences are not flaws, but meaningful responses?
In this talk, Lilian introduces an Internal Family Systems perspective on symptoms. Rather than something to eliminate, your symptoms can be understood as expressions of parts of you that are trying to respond to your life in the best way they know how.
When you begin to approach these parts with curiosity and respect, your relationship to your symptoms can start to shift.
This talk offers a new way of understanding what you’re experiencing—one that opens the door to compassion rather than self-blame.

Transcript

I know what it's like to say, Oh my anxiety, I hate it, I can't control it. I start thinking about something at night and I need to sleep and it just goes and goes and spirals. I just don't know what's wrong with me. But what if there's nothing wrong with you? What if those symptoms are responses to real things outside and inside of you? What if you looked at your symptoms, Whatever they are, With curiosity and respect? And to do that, It helps to think of yourself as a whole person with many parts, Each a distinct character or entity. These are aspects of your subconscious or brain-wise, Specific neural networks. They live in an inner invisible world that is yours and each part is there for a reason. It makes its own sense, Even if that sense is emotional, Not rational. Maybe that part carries a wound, A painful emotional knowing that's been there since you were three, Five, Eight years old. Something you learned from an experience, How you were treated by those you depended on. Or maybe the part does a protective job, Like distracting or numbing you from feeling that wound or making sure it can't happen again. Your parts are subconscious responses to your life, Exactly as it is and was. The inner world has no calendar time, So what was for the subconscious still is. Yes, Biology is often behind a symptom. That's why it's so important to have a medical professional rule out the physiological basis for a symptom. But often your parts produce them. You can go in and find a part. You can see it or feel it as a sensation. Some people hear it as a voice or maybe just sense it there. And once you find a part, You can relate to it. A space opens up between you and the panicked one, The self-harmer, The sad one, The drinker. It's not your entire reality or all of you. When you truly want to understand it, A healing can begin. More profound than coaching or self-improvement. Those might be valuable in some contexts, But they tend to really appeal to the manager part of us, And managers cannot heal us. So this symptom you have, Can you turn toward it? You don't even have to close your eyes. Your inner world is right there. Just breathe in slowly. Place your attention inward. Focus on your symptom. Maybe it's a physical issue, A behavior, Something emotional or mood-related. Bring it forward. Invite it. Let it really take shape as you wait. Notice it. Notice that you are noticing. What's there? No matter what is there, Blankness or panic, Rage or a relentless critic, A lonely child, A monster, Speak directly to it. Say, You are a part of me. I want to understand you. See how that feels. See how that feels to notice something and not try to change it. That's all you need to do right now. When you're ready, Breathe in slowly again. And as you exhale, Come back out. If you'd like me to guide you through some inner work to interact with and help this part that's producing the symptom, Use the nothing wrong with you meditation. That's just my voice. So you can close your eyes if that moves you in deeper. Inner work like this can do a lot to address your symptom at its origin with the part. We make more sense in the inner world than we might realize. Try this. Next time you have the symptom you want fixed, Close your eyes, Breathe in slowly and then touch it with your breath. Hold it with your palm on your chest. Don't tell it to go away. Be there for it. This is a part of you. Call it by its name before you open your eyes. Sometime soon, Find an object to represent it. Put it where you can see it. And now, Here you are in a relationship with your part. Now when it happens, You can show up for it. That's healing.