Help Your Lonely Part

In this guided meditation—a companion to the talk, Your Loneliness Longs For You—I use an IFS approach to help you enter your inner world, find the origin of your loneliness in a distinct part of you, and interact with this lonely part in a healing way. As you give it your attention—learning how old it is, what wound it carries, and what it needs—you begin a relationship with it. Your loneliness is no longer alone. Even simply recognizing your part in this meditation can change how you experience loneliness.
I want to give you a sense of what it’s like to go inside and work with a part—even though I can’t give you personal guidance in response to your moment-by-moment experience. There will be prompts and questions that don’t apply—let these flow by and stay with what is actually happening inside you. What you notice about your experience in the inner world is more important information than anything I might say.

Transcript

Close your eyes and breathe slowly in an easy rhythm like waves.

Settle into your breathing.

Let it carry you.

Let your next inhale pull you inward.

Go into a room inside that feels comfortable.

And when you're ready,

Ask the loneliness to come forward and join you.

However you're experiencing it.

Maybe you see it,

A character,

A form,

An image.

Or you hear it as a voice.

You sense it.

How do you feel toward this loneliness?

Are you curious?

Or is there another feeling?

There may be another part of you or other parts showing up.

Maybe a part frustrated with the lonely.

Or ashamed of it.

Or maybe a healer manager who wants to fix it.

Just notice.

And if another part is there,

Acknowledge it and ask it to please ease back for now.

And give you space to be with the lonely one.

How do you feel toward the lonely one now?

If that other feeling is still really there,

Respect that.

Stay with this part of you.

Staying with it is your work in the inner world this time.

If you're curious toward it,

Focus on the loneliness.

And feel the space between you and this part of you.

What do you notice about it?

How old is it?

It may be a child part of you.

In a particular place and time,

A situation.

And stay with whatever is there.

Let it matter to you.

Is the lonely one aware of you there?

If so,

Let it get a good look at you.

How is it responding to you?

Be gentle and respectful.

See if it's okay to move closer.

What would the lonely one like to show you or tell you or have you feel?

What does it want to share?

Stay right here with this part of you.

Giving it your attention.

And notice how you feel toward it.

And if any other parts have shown up,

Ask them to ease back again,

Please.

And turn toward the lonely one.

What do you notice?

Is this a child who is all alone?

What is this child feeling?

For a little child,

Being left all alone is a terror of a physical death in a very real way.

And later in life,

That all alone becomes a different kind of death,

But just as scary.

See if that resonates with this part of you.

How is it responding?

Do you understand what this part of you is sharing?

If so,

Let it know that.

Say,

I get it.

It's scary.

It hurts.

I see your pain.

Say what feels right and see how this child responds to you.

What does this part of you need?

What does this part long for?

Can you do that right now?

Being with it.

What do you want to do with this lonely part of you?

Hold their pain in your arms gently.

Notice what comes to you and trust that.

How do you feel toward this lonely one?

Let your feeling for them flow right to them like a little river of light.

See how that goes.

Say to your lonely one,

You are not alone.

I'm here now with you.

Ask the lonely one if they want to come with you to a place or time or situation where they belong and are wanted.

See how they respond.

You can go anywhere with them.

The possibilities are endless here in the inner world.

And if not,

If they want to stay,

That's okay.

Stay with them.

If yes,

Take them there.

And once you're there,

Notice,

Are the two of you inside or outside?

Notice the light,

The time of day.

Look down at your own feet,

Seeing where you are.

And let the lonely one see you there with them.

What else is there in this place of belonging?

Other people?

Spiritual beings?

Just let it unfold around you guys.

How is the lonely one doing now in this place of belonging?

Notice again how you feel toward this part.

If you feel tenderness,

Understanding,

Let that flow toward it again.

If the lonely one would like to stay here in this place of belonging,

Let that be.

You'll be leaving in a minute,

So tell the lonely one,

I can be with you any time you want.

Give me a sign when you need me.

And what might that sign be?

A body sensation that it sends you?

An image?

Stay with this until it feels right.

You know what the lonely part of you will send to you as a sign.

You can be there for your lonely part with your eyes open,

Anywhere.

In line at the grocery store,

In your car,

Sitting on your couch.

You can take your loneliness on a walk with you and talk to it internally.

And let your lonely part know that you can be there to see or hear or feel anything else it wants to share with you.

And again,

Tell the lonely one,

I'm here for you now.

When you're ready,

Say goodbye to it.

And thank any other parts that eased back to give you space for this time with your loneliness.

And take a slow breath.

And let your even breathing pull you up into your head.

And as you exhale,

Open your eyes to return to your outer world.

And know that you can be with that lonely whenever it needs you.