What happens when your old self merges with your future self?
This is something I am experiencing right now in real time.
I'm currently nine months postpartum,
And ushering in our third baby boy into the world was such a huge transition and transformation for me.
And with each next level,
With each birth,
Something new transmutes.
Something new is created.
A new version of myself,
A new version of mother,
A new version of woman is also birthed alongside that baby.
And in this really delicate,
Tender time of postpartum,
The way that I've been feeling called to show up,
Even the way that I communicate,
Has changed so much.
So I found myself at four months postpartum losing my sense of identity in the way that I don't know how I communicate.
I don't know what my business is asking of me.
I don't know what my relationships are needing from me.
I'm not sure.
I don't know how to show up right now.
And so I was in this void of creation,
Of really figuring it out,
Of stripping away the identity,
The strong-centered self that I created,
That I was standing in.
And I found myself at this crossroad,
At this precipice.
And a new version of me was forming.
So a new version of me that I was really grounding into being held in and supported,
I got to get really curious.
I got to ask questions about,
What do I feel really passionate about?
Where am I feeling called to lend my voice,
To create,
To cultivate?
How am I here to show up and serve other women navigating their own conception journeys,
Their own postpartum journeys,
Their own motherhood journeys?
And from there,
My next body of work was birth.
And from really stepping into helping women connect to their spirit babies to guiding women to become the mothers that they were meant to become for these babies.
And what does it look like when your old self,
The self that was dreaming,
Visioning,
And imagining where you would be today,
The self that was calling in what you have today,
What happens when those two meet?
And so I'm at a place right now where months ago,
I was calling in a new home,
A new body of work,
A new client.
And today,
I am standing in it.
I am an escrow with a new home.
I have a new audience,
And I have a new body of work that I'm really leaning into that's being received.
And so what I like to call glitches is happening,
Where I literally can't not believe that I have arrived,
That I am here,
That my future self is just beaming with pride and joy,
That I am her.
I'm embodying her.
And some days,
I literally tell myself,
I can't believe this is happening.
I cannot believe that this is materializing.
I can't believe I'm merging into this future version of me that felt so distant,
That felt nearly impossible.
And so it's a practice of coming back in to presence,
Sitting with gratitude and faith and the utmost surrender,
But also telling myself,
Allowing myself to feel safe in receiving all of the blessings that are being magnified and also that I am magnetizing,
That I am attracting because of all the healing,
Because of all the work that I put into place,
Because of all of those foundations,
Because of the way that I invested in myself through mentorship and support,
Through healing,
Knowing that I get to be this version of myself,
That I'm worthy,
That I am good enough,
That I can believe it's happening because I did all the work to make it so.
I co-created with God and the universe in a way that allowed me to receive so openly,
So freely,
And now I get to be her.
I get to feel and experience what this life,
How good and abundant this can feel.
I get to believe that I am standing here,
That yes,
It has happened,
And I am ready to fully ground and step into this version of me.
And so again,
I have what are called glitches.
I like to refer to them as glitches,
Where I revert back to old patterning,
Where I revert back to,
Oh no,
This feels too overwhelming,
This feels too big for me,
It feels too much.
And in those moments,
I bring myself back to presence,
Right?
And I tell myself,
You are here in this moment,
Be present in this moment,
Be open to receiving,
Grounding my energy,
Centering and focusing on my energy.
What can I do in this moment that will have an impact?
What can I do in this moment that will be for the best,
For my highest and greatest good?
As I allow my old self to be fully released,
And I allow myself to say goodbye,
To close that chapter,
To thank my old life,
The old systems,
The old structures,
The old relationships that were able to support me and sustain me in that season of my life.
And I open my heart and I look to the future with such awe and celebration and pride.
And I just allow myself to fully surrender into the miracle that life is.
And it's not easy.
It has its challenges,
It has its up and downs,
You know,
Doubts,
Fears,
Limiting beliefs of,
It can't be this easy,
It can't be this good,
Right?
Start to creep up.
And again,
I bring myself back to the present moment and I experience what it is to feel right here,
Right now,
In this body.
And I just continue to tell myself how lucky,
How grateful,
How protected,
How divinely supported I am.
And that's what anchors me back into that frequency,
Into that frequency,
Into that level of receiving all of the things that I deserve to receive,
Because I put in all of the work in order for it to align and to be so and to co-create.
In a way that feels healthy,
Whole and authentic for me.
So if you've been in a deep,
Deep rebirth period,
If you've been in that void,
You've felt that void of creation and you've continued to trust and to surrender and to do all of the things that you feel called to do,
All of the aligned action steps,
No matter how small they are,
No matter how big.
And then you find yourself like,
Oh,
Wow,
It's happening.
It's happening.
My old self is merging with my future self.
I can say goodbye to my old self and I could step into this new self.
Believe it.
Trust it.
You did the work to get here.
Celebrate it.
Celebrate it.
I am so proud of you.
Continue to tell yourself that.
I am so proud of you.
You did it.
It's happening.
But above all,
Just trust and surrender that the bigger plan is unfolding and it's happening and it can happen with complete ease.
And there's going to be speed bumps.
There's going to be hiccups.
There's going to be challenges.
But even through those,
You can navigate,
Right?
The way that I've felt is like I am at the eye of the storm.
I am like the calm,
The center.
While hurricanes and tornadoes are happening around me,
I can anchor back my energy and my frequency and I can say,
I am present.
And that's the most important piece that I feel like we forget because we get caught up.
We start to spin in these tornadoes.
We start to venture out into the storm.
But when we bring our focus,
Our attention back to the present moment and we allow and we observe and we hold and we embody,
That is the frequency that we want to be in.
And that's where the transformation,
The acceptance,
And that's where the embodiment truly happens.
