Befriending Your Inner Critic

Inner Critics are the parts of us that keep us stuck in a loop of self-criticism, procrastination, or defeatism even when we are actually quite talented, accomplished, and successful. Instead of the standard approach of conquering or defeating the Inner Critic, I invite you to try a much gentler, more compassionate approach that heals the wounds behind the Critics instead of masking them or barricading them away. The idea is incredibly simple: sit with these voices and hear them out. Make friends and learn to love and appreciate our Inner Critics.
This work is based on the Internal Family Systems Framework by Richard Schwartz. This meditation is an adaptation of the One Part meditation.

Transcript

Settling into the present moment, Starting with a few cleansing breaths, Breathing at your own pace, And paying attention to the breath in whatever way feels right for you. Maybe you notice the coolness in your nostrils on the in-breath and the warmth on the out-breath. Or maybe you're aware of the gentle swirling of the breath at the back of the throat, Or the steady rise and fall of your belly and chest. Not forcing or controlling the breath in any way, Allowing the body to self-regulate, Just breathing. And when you are ready, Bring to mind the inner critic who is currently interfering with your ability to perform. It might be helpful if you recall a recent event where you heard the voice of your inner critic or felt self-critical. See if you can feel where this shows up in your body. What do you notice about this feeling? What qualities does it have? Is there tension or tightness? Does it have a color or a texture? Once you have spent some time feeling where this critic resides in your body, You can begin to get to know it better by asking some questions. After you ask the questions, If you can, Try not to think of the most logical answer to them, And instead, Allow whatever arises to come naturally into your awareness. Some answers may not make sense to you right away, And that's okay. You may find a connection later on, Or it may be a starting point for you to come back to in another meditation. Often, These are very young parts of us who don't realize that we are grown, Capable adults. A good starting question is, How old are you? Or, How old do you think I am? And then asking, Is there anything you'd like to show me? You may get words or an image or a childhood memory. Just allowing whatever arises to arise. And then asking, How is what you showed me related to what I'm experiencing right now? Inner critics are frequently trying to protect us from being hurt or embarrassed, Or from taking risks that they feel might endanger us somehow. One way to understand the part's motive is to ask, What are you afraid would happen if you didn't work so hard? Or, How are you helping me? Once you have taken the time to listen to your critic's concerns, Validate them. Imagine that you are talking to a younger childhood version of yourself. Let that childhood version of you know that your adult self understands why he or she feels that way, Because what happened in the past was real and hard. Then take a moment to update the critic about how old you are now, And how you have grown and learned and met life's challenges. Reassure your critic that you can take care of him or her, And that they don't have to keep working so hard. Then ask your critic what he or she needs from you right now or in the future. You might hear something like, Sit with me, Tell me you love me, Remind me that I am good. Remember, Critics are just little versions of us who are scared and misguided. This is our opportunity to be the adult that we needed to have when we were little. Always end these sessions by thanking your inner critic for everything they have shared with you. You are laying the foundation for healing, And every small step is worthy of gratitude to your parts and to yourself for making the commitment to honor your innermost needs. And as we end this session, I also want to offer my sincere gratitude to you and to your parts for sharing this space with me. And for allowing me to guide you on this leg of your journey. In the words of Ram Dass, We are all just walking each other home. I am honored to be by your side. Namaste.

Reviews

What a beautiful meditation practice, thank you so much. I felt heard, I felt embraced and protected. The fear subsided. ✨

This meditation helped me reach greater clarity as to how my inner critic shows up - not so much as a voice but a stuck, worried and heavy energy - and its roots. Thank you!