I Stopped Running From Discomfort And It Changed Everything

08:00

I Stopped Running From Discomfort And It Changed Everything

by Kinga Kremer

Rated

4.8

Type

talks

Activity

Meditation

Suitable for

Everyone

Plays

14

For most of her life, Kinga organized everything around avoiding discomfort, until she realized how much smaller it was making her world. In this talk, she shares the single skill that changed everything: learning to stay with discomfort instead of running from it. Kinga is a nervous system and somatic trauma-release practitioner whose work helps people move from reactivity into calm and presence, and build real capacity. Please note that this content is for educational purposes and does not replace professional medical or psychological care.

Nervous System Panic Attack Reactivity Exercise Cold Exposure Mindfulness Emotional Awareness Nervous System Regulation Panic Attack Management

Meet your Teacher

Stockholm, Sweden

Meet your Teacher

Stockholm, Sweden

Transcript

For most of my life, I organized everything around one quiet goal. That was avoiding discomfort. So if something was too hot, Too cold, Too hard, Too scary, Too difficult, I found a way around it. And I remember I used to have serious panic attacks on flights and I swore I'd never leave Europe. I actually made peace with a very small lie. And today I take a 10 hour plus flight without a second thought. Like no tension, No fear in my body. And the thing that changed it. Apart from many things, But like the single most useful skill. I know. Is staying in discomfort. Hi, My name is Kinga and I'm a nervous system and somatic trauma release practitioner. And here's the strange. . . Backwards truth. This whole video is about. Your freedom is on the other side of the discomfort that you keep running from. So let me explain what I mean. Because it goes against everything we are taught. Because most of us are kind of like wired to do two things. Seek comfort and avoid discomfort. And that's completely human. Nobody wants to suffer. But there's a hidden cost to life, Or to a life spent. Avoiding. And the cost is this, Your world gets smaller. So every time you avoid the flight, The hard conversation, The uncomfortable feeling, Or the risk, You get a little hit of relief, But your comfort zone shrinks around you just slightly. And you do that, Let's say a thousand times, And one day you look up and your life has quietly gotten very small. Your comfort zone has become a cage around you. And here's how this connects to reactivity, Which is what most of my work is about. Reacting is actually running from discomfort. So when you snap at someone. . . That's you escaping the situation, Escaping the uncomfortable feeling. Or when you shut down or walk out or go cold on someone that's also you running. Running from discomfort. So every reaction is, At its heart, A way of not staying with something uncomfortable that's rising in you. So let me tell you what's actually happening in your body. Because once you understand this, I think you can truly work with it. Your nervous system reads discomfort as a threat. Meat especially. True in today's world. That's also its job. And when it senses a threat, Its instinct is to make it stop, Like immediately. So react, Escape, Numb, Avoid anything, Do anything to get away from that uncomfortable sensation. But here's the trap. So every single time you actually run from discomfort, You teach your nervous system that, Yeah, Discomfort is dangerous. It is a threat. So you kind of confirm its fear. So your capacity, The amount of discomfort you can actually tolerate, Gets narrower and narrower and narrower. But, And this is everything, The reverse is also true. So every time you stay with discomfort, Safely, On purpose, Without running. You're actually teaching your body something new. You're teaching it that, Okay, I can feel this and survive it. I can be uncomfortable and not react. And slowly your capacity grows, Your window of tolerance widens and you can handle more and you can stay calmer and stay present in moments that used to sweep you away. This is why just calm down or just think positive never worked for you or for any one of us because those are still ways of trying to escape the discomfort. But I believe that the real skill is the opposite of escaping. The real skill is actually staying. So let me show you what this looked like in my own little life because I didn't think my way here. I actually practiced it in my body on purpose. So I started doing hard things deliberately. I took up CrossFit. Twice a week. I'm actually switching to three times a week. And honestly, It feels like a near death experience every single time. But I love it and I love who I am becoming through it. I also start my mornings with a three minute plank and I'm not doing it for my abs but I do it because it's so uncomfortable and staying in in the discomfort teaches my nervous system that I can feel the urge to quit. I can listen to it. And not obey it. I'm actually working up to five minutes. And those flights that I mentioned earlier, You know, Going from panic attacks. And saying I'm never gonna leave Europe to 10 plus hour flights with no fear in my body at all. None of this changed because I pushed through or I forced myself to become tough. It changed because I learned one thing that, And I also practiced it everywhere, Is how to stay in discomfort instead of running from it. And to stay just a little longer each time. So here's how you can actually start it yourself gently. Just pick one small discomfort in your life, A safe one. You get to choose it. Maybe it's a cold rinse at the end of your shower. Or maybe it's actually the plank. Maybe it's sitting in silence for three or five minutes without reaching for your phone. Or maybe just letting yourself. Feel a feeling instead of numbing it with food, For example. And when you're in it, Here's the practice. Notice the urge in your body, The urge to quit, To escape, To make it stop and stay one breath longer, Just one. We're not pushing or white-knuckling people. And definitely not pushing through pain. We're just trying to meet your edge with a little curiosity. And staying a moment longer. Than you thought you could. And the next time, Stay even one more moment longer. And here's a very important part, And I really want you to listen. Because this truly matters. You can always stop. Knowing your edge is the practice, Not like blowing past it. This is meant to gently widen your window, Not like overwhelm your whole system. So if your body says stop for real, It's not failure, That's your body's wisdom. And listen to it. The discomfort that you keep avoiding isn't your enemy. It's the exact place your growth has been hiding this whole time. And you don't have to force it. You just have to learn to stay. A little longer, Again and again. And if you want to go deeper, I've got good news for you because I've made two courses that you can also find here on my profile. The freedom of non-reactivity part one, That teaches you to find the space between what happens and how you respond. I call it the art of conscious choice. And then part two of the same course takes you further into the body, Into staying with discomfort, Working with your nervous system, And building real capacity. So everything I talked about today lives inside these two courses. I of course recommend that you start with part one if you're new to this and they are both here on my profile whenever you're ready, Just come as you are.