The High 5 Habit With Mel Robbins

If you are looking for a life changing new habit to build greater self-love, worthiness and confidence, you must listen to this interview with Mel Robbins about her recent bestselling book, The High 5 Habit. Mel shares on The You-est You podcast how this habit and book came out of her own moments of despair and how the high 5 habits has changed her life, and now that of millions. Tune in to learn how to implement this mindfulness habit in your own life.

Transcript

Welcome,

My friend,

To the USTU Podcast.

I'm Julie Riesler,

And I am so honored to have you here.

In this show and community,

You'll find huge-hearted overachievers who want to turn on their inner light,

To learn to trust their heart wisdom,

And help raise the consciousness of this planet,

Just like you.

Whether I'm sharing a conversation with a fellow light worker,

Luminary,

Or a solo cast about navigating life as an empath,

My goal is the same—to help you turn your fear into faith,

To remember that you are sacred,

To realign with your highest potential,

To be fully self-expressed as your USTU.

Are you ready to join me on this journey?

It's time to listen to your inner guidance and follow your soul's purpose.

Never forget,

The chances of being born were 1 in 14 trillion.

In other words,

You are pure positive divine light,

Born to shine,

To live from your heart,

And to be your fullest USTU.

All right,

USTU listeners,

You're going to hear the pre-show.

I like to set intentions.

And I'm here with Mel,

This badass Mel Robbins.

Mel,

Let's do the pre-show here.

Yeah,

Let's do it.

Why have I never done this?

All right.

I don't know either.

Okay,

Let's do it.

So intention,

Do you want to set it?

You want to set the intention?

What do you feel?

Do we do the same one or do we each have one?

We can each have one.

Let's do it that way.

I don't care.

This is your show.

I'm just asking a question.

Is it like grace?

Is there only one at a table or is there multiple people?

Or is this like toasting?

It's a toast.

Yeah,

It's a toast.

Yeah,

I'll let you go first because you are our esteemed guests today.

Oh,

Okay.

Yeah.

So my intention for this conversation is the exact same intention that I have for the High Five Habit book.

And that is that it is a vehicle through which you get cracked open and reintroduced to the human being that's inside of you.

That's been waiting for you to wake up and start supporting and celebrating that person.

It's been waiting a long time.

And so I'm going to entertain you.

I'm going to make you laugh.

You might cry.

But for sure,

You are going to tap back into something deep inside you that's powerful.

Dang girl,

I don't know that I have another intention.

That was amazing.

I just want to tell my amazing USU listeners get tissues,

Get some water.

Remember I always take notes,

All the show notes will be there for you and strap on your seatbelts because I feel like the intention is to really have you get the extraordinary human being that you are and to start seeing the way that the greater cosmos,

Divine universe,

Whatever you want to call it,

Is seeing you being you is you.

And we have the same thing,

The same intention.

And I am so flipping excited.

This is the best start to any of my interviews.

I'm so glad we did this live.

Amazing.

All right.

All right.

So you guys,

You're in for such a super duper treat today.

I want to tell you a little bit about Mel.

I'm pretty sure you know Mel Robbins,

But you know what,

Just in case you weren't sure of all of her creds,

I'm going to just give you something.

Oh God,

You have to go here?

Well,

I'll just do a quick,

I'll do a quick review.

Tell me the thing that you like the most.

Tell me the thing that you like the most.

About you?

Yes.

Make it personal.

What is the thing that you like the most?

First of all,

I love your celebration and your honoring that we get one shot and we're one in 400 trillion.

No,

It's more than that.

400 trillion,

I think it was.

Possibilities of being here and it's time to wake the F up and that we have the power to do that.

And I love your tools and how to do that.

And I love your heart and wanting to be of service.

And I know that's come through in your books,

The five second rule.

We have the high five,

The high five habit.

You get a lot of fives.

I was like,

Shoot,

There's some fives going on.

So I love what you're doing.

I love your stand for humanity to really be elevated.

And I see it in mind,

Body,

Spirit,

Consciousness,

The whole thing.

And I'm just like,

Yep,

I'm on.

I'm in.

That's beautiful.

I need to get a copy of that recording.

Because my way of describing it is kind of lame.

I literally go,

Here's my brand of personal development and enlightenment.

Fuck up your life.

And then find a ladder to dig out of the hole that did get yourself out of the hole you just dug,

Mel.

No,

I'm dead serious that I literally,

I feel like my whole life has been that cartoon that played when we were kids.

And I don't know if it was Looney Tunes or Daffy Duck or who it was,

That would wander into a construction zone sleepwalking.

And they would walk into a construction zone and step on a beam that then gets lifted up.

And then the beam spins around and they are literally about to drop off and die to their death and then another beam flies into place.

And I honest to God,

Like sometimes I look in the mirror and I say to myself,

Mel,

Why couldn't you have just studied this?

Why does all your wisdom have to come from screwing up your own life?

Like,

Did you have to make it this hard on yourself?

And so kind of my mission is,

If I can save you,

Any of the headaches and heartaches that I put myself through,

Either unknowingly or on purpose,

That would be a life well lived.

And I feel as though,

You know,

Since I'm not a doctor and I'm not a psychologist,

Although at this point,

I feel like I should have 15 PhDs.

And if it's true that 10,

000 hours makes you an expert at anything,

You should ask me about anxiety because I think I'm the world's leading expert based on those credentials.

But I feel like I'm just figuring it out all the time.

And I just love sharing what I'm learning.

And I also love sharing what is happening almost in real time,

Because it makes me feel like I'm not alone.

And it makes me feel like I'm not insane.

Because there are times when I can't believe the kinds of negativity.

Yeah.

And the thought patterns that pop into my mind and I know I'm not the only one.

This is part of what I love about you is it's real raw,

Like,

You know,

Talking about where you fucked up.

And I actually one of my first questions is like,

Maybe for all of us,

Because,

You know,

It's funny you say it.

I'm like,

Yeah,

Okay,

Talk to us.

Tell us where,

You know,

I think the experiential learner,

That's what came to mind as you were speaking.

I'm like,

All right,

I just do Knowles.

Like,

Why do I have to fuck up my life?

Like,

Can't we just go to an experiential school like Knowles?

You're in the life school.

You're just,

Well,

And maybe just sharing.

I mean,

I know you've got some stories like where heartache,

Heartbreak.

I know a little bit about you had some bourbon moments.

Like,

I don't know,

Start wherever you like.

But I think it might be helpful to hear you actually have had some tough times.

And that's what my life.

It's like,

If I were to tick all this stuff off,

Like a lot of people look at the credentials and they're like,

What?

Wow,

Okay,

She must be a bitch.

You know,

She's got a best selling book and you know,

For number one on your books and she speaks on all these stages.

Like it has been a rough road getting here.

And I,

You know,

I think that one of the reasons why people really respond to the way that I either tell stories from my life or I have a knack,

Like I think my gift honestly,

Is being able to take wildly complex information and distill it down into sticky,

Stupid sounding things that somebody could explain at a kitchen table.

But encapsulated in these sticky simple tools that I'm teaching to the world is profound science backed up by decades of research by the world's smartest people.

And I just happen to have a knack for saying,

Oh,

Well,

Here's how you take 10 years of research around habits and you turn it into one tool you can use in five seconds.

And so I also think that for better or for worse,

I have had a ton of life experience just like everybody else that I'm willing to talk about,

Whether that is having a mom and dad that were super,

Super young when they had me.

And so there was a lot of stress for them.

And with and how that kind of impacts you as a kid absorbing your mom's stress and wanting to make sure she's okay.

And then becoming a kid that's constantly like trying to make sure everybody's okay to being molested in the fourth grade and in the span of sexual abuse.

My experience honestly is kind of tame compared to the horror show that a lot of people go through.

It was a one time situation with a kid I never saw again.

It was confusing,

Not terrifying.

I disassociated when I woke up with this kid on top of me.

And the rest of it like that was it.

But my nervous system was impacted for the rest of my life until recently because of it.

Whether it was the anxiety that I experienced for almost my entire adult life,

Whether it was the postpartum depression that I experienced with our first child,

Whether it's the experience of jumping from job to job to job to job trying to figure out something that would make me happy,

Or having the experience that led to the five second rule,

Which is having my husband go for something that he deeply wanted to do,

Which was to launch his own business with his best friend.

And in the beginning,

It was really amazing.

And then it was horrible.

And they worked extremely hard.

But due to a ton of things that happened in the business and entrepreneurial ventures are very,

Very risky,

But that doesn't take away the deeply personal impact it has on you when it fails,

Is that we found ourselves nearly a million dollars in debt.

And never on my vision board did I paste a photo of a woman who is pinned to her bed from anxiety and drunk and about to go through bankruptcy and on the verge of losing everything like I and I think when you find yourself in a moment in your life,

Where everything veers suddenly off course and you go,

How the fuck did I get here?

Like this was not what I manifested.

This was not on the vision board.

I've worked hard like am I think I'm a good person.

How did I screw up so bad?

How did this how did this happen to me?

And so I've been there.

I know what it's like to have a string of bounced checks and not be able to pay for groceries.

I know what it's like to pull your kid out of town soccer because you can't pay for it.

I know what it's like to be consumed with jealousy,

Because everybody else seems to have it all together and you are literally sucking wind and licking your wounds in the corner pretending everything's okay.

I have lived it.

And so my experience comes from my life.

And the tools that I have stumbled into sometimes by dumb luck,

Sometimes by divine intervention,

Are I'm so passionate about them,

Because they are the things that got me out of the worst moments of my life.

They are the tools that helped me get control when life was spiraling out of control.

And it's interesting,

You know,

That you kind of linked up the five second rule and the high five habit because there's almost a five year span between those two books.

So I write the five second rule.

And you know,

That's a whole nother story.

But I write the five second rule,

I self published the book,

One of the chapters in the high five habit tells the story chapter 12 of how that book launch was a colossal failure,

And then led to something remarkable happening,

Which always happens in your life.

And for the last three and a half years,

I've been trying to write a new book.

And I have written and written and written and written and dictated and dictated and dictated.

And I think that the reason why nothing would come that was worthy of your time is because the idea for the high five habit was not ready to be born yet.

And that ideas have a life of their own.

And all of the resistance and I'm telling you this because I would bang my head against the table,

I actually had a publisher cancel my book contract because it had been a year.

And I hadn't written anything.

And that happened in in April of 2020.

And then they wanted the money back that I already spent.

And so I have banged my head against the wall and bang my head against the wall.

And every single person around me is like,

You gotta write something with a pie if you got and I'm like,

I'm not writing something with a five,

Like that's not what this is.

And so,

You know,

The high five habit,

I think of everything that I've ever put out into the world,

This is the most important and the most profound.

And I need to tell you the story of how this came to be.

Because I was not writing a book when all this happened.

What happened and it's this is not a pandemic story,

But this all happened in 2020.

Yeah.

And,

You know,

Basically,

You don't even really need to know the backdrop.

But you know,

Something interesting happened.

I,

You know,

We all have a story.

We know the moment when pandemic turned your life upside down.

When was that moment for you,

Julie?

Um,

Oh my gosh,

There are a lot of moments.

I think for me,

Honestly,

It was we I have a stepdaughter and two children.

I went downstairs and I had my love my stepdaughter.

She has autism she was listening to a video very loud.

My kids were fighting.

They're supposed to be in school.

My husband is like at the kitchen table.

And I'm someone who used to working at her home alone.

And I just I was like,

I can't do this.

I fricking can't do this every day in and day out all of us there.

And it felt a little like a little trapped.

And I knew we were I felt grateful and all of that.

But honestly,

I felt like this is a fucking nightmare right now.

Like this is overwhelming.

I'm an empath and taking everybody's stuff on and no one's meaning to be difficult.

But it was it was challenging.

We did a lot of days all of us.

Yeah,

Yeah.

Yeah.

For me,

What happened is I was it was Wednesday in March of 2020.

Yeah,

I was at my dream job.

I had always dreamt as a little girl,

I would come home from school in Western Michigan,

And we could get WGN in Chicago on our television station on in Western Michigan,

And my mom would have Oprah and Donahue on.

And I always thought it was the coolest thing in the world to have a job where you got to talk to real people about their lives.

And so at the age of 50,

I got the opportunity for the first time in my life to actually host a daytime talk show on TV and it was a dream come true.

And we were 167 episodes into taping season one and on a Wednesday in March,

Somebody walked in and said,

We found COVID in the building.

And we need you to evacuate within five minutes,

They evacuated the CBS broadcast center.

I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to the 130 people I'd worked with for a year.

And I was fired.

And as I'm driving home to Boston from New York where we were taping and I saw the skyline disappearing in the rearview mirror,

I started thinking,

Are you kidding me?

I have literally worked so hard for the last 10 years.

I have to reinvent myself again.

And then the phone rings and it's our daughter who's studying abroad in Spain going,

Are they closing the borders?

How am I going to get home?

And then the phone rang.

And it was our other daughter in LA.

Mom,

Mom,

Why are we,

USC is shutting down?

What the,

You know,

And then they come home and and it was just this implosion of grief.

And then the book contract gets canceled and they want the money back.

And then every speech starts to cancel.

And then I started having these flashbacks to over a decade ago when Chris and I were a million dollars in debt and I was losing everything.

And for the first three weeks,

Dude,

I was in my pajamas all day.

I was drinking Bloody Mary's by 11.

We were doing nothing but watching Glee and Harry Potter and the wheels were off.

And one morning I wake up and everybody can relate to this.

I woke up and I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders.

I felt overwhelmed.

I felt beaten up.

I felt emotionally exhausted.

And so I use the five second rule 54321 to drag myself out of bed because I know that the worst place for me is to lie in bed.

And it's important to say this because you know,

I invented the five second rule 13 years ago to get out of bed at a time in my life when I was hitting rock bottom.

And 13 years later,

I still use it to get out of bed because despite what the experts say about how something becomes a habit after 21 days,

It's baloney.

If you don't like doing something,

You may never like doing it.

It may never be a habit.

So,

You know,

I think it's important to say that.

And so I drag myself out of bed on this morning.

And I make my bed and then I walk into the bathroom and I'm standing there and I'm brushing my teeth.

And all of a sudden,

I catch my reflection in the mirror.

And I think,

Oh my God,

You look like hell.

And the woman I saw in the mirror looked exhausted and beaten down.

And then I started picking apart her reflection,

Her gray hair,

The dark circles under her eyes,

The saggy neck,

One boobs hanging lower than the other.

And then of course,

Once your thoughts go to criticism,

You're just going to go down the drain.

And so next thing you know,

I'm thinking about the day,

Why did I get up so late?

And then how am I going to pull myself together in eight minutes for the zoom call?

And I forgot to respond to that person's thing.

And then the dog's at my feet and he still needs to be walked in.

I just felt so overwhelmed by my life.

And you know,

What's interesting,

Julie,

Is if you walked into the bathroom in that moment,

I would have spun on a dime.

I would have been able to be like,

Julie,

You're right.

This blows,

Man.

This is not fair.

You do not deserve this.

But let me tell you something,

Julie,

If anybody can handle it,

It's you.

You got this.

Come on girl.

And I would literally send you out of that bathroom ready to attack life.

I could not lift myself up.

And in fact,

I think even if I had tried,

I wouldn't have believed it because I didn't feel it.

And I don't know what came over me.

But for whatever reason,

Staring at standing there in my underwear,

I mean,

I didn't even have a bra on for crying out loud.

I literally raise my hand and high five the woman I see in the mirror because she needed it.

And it's not like lightning strike and the heavens open.

That's not what happened.

Yeah.

Are you kidding?

No.

All that happened is I laughed.

I laughed because it was so cheesy.

And then my shoulders drop.

And then my chin lifted.

And I felt something shift in me.

I felt this little sense of resilience.

And I didn't even give myself a pep talk.

I kind of felt like this thing like,

Okay,

Suck it up,

Get out there,

Like kind of like,

You know,

Me.

So it was the second morning when something really clicked.

This is when it really hit me.

Because again,

I woke up.

This is April of 2020.

Same overwhelm,

Same problems,

Same everything.

I'm feeling the same defeated mentality.

54321 I get out of bed,

I make the bed,

I start walking toward the bathroom.

And this is the moment that changed everything.

Because I felt something I had never felt before.

You know how when you're about to go see a friend in a cafe,

Somebody you really like?

What do you feel right when you're about to walk in?

Yeah,

Usually I'm like picturing actually my oldest best friend in Boston.

I'm like,

Meg,

I feel like excited.

My just lit up inside like when I give her a hug.

Yeah,

Some good coffee.

Yeah.

Like,

Anticipation.

Excited.

Yeah.

That's exactly how I felt.

Wow.

About seeing the human being,

Mel Robbins.

I will be 53 this year.

I have never in my life looked forward to seeing me,

The human being.

I've looked forward to seeing an outfit I'm wearing.

I've looked forward to seeing what my eyeshadow might look like.

I have never had an experience until that moment of looking forward to seeing and being with myself.

Now,

As I was standing in the bathroom that second morning,

And I started brushing my teeth,

I had this kind of profound realization that there were two of us in there that morning.

There was me and there was this woman in the mirror,

And she needed me.

And I've been ignoring her and beating her down and criticizing her.

And that this moment in the mirror is a humongous opportunity to reconnect with her.

And so as I put my toothbrush down,

And I tell everybody,

First of all,

You got to do this five days in a row.

And I'm going to explain why in a minute.

But you should also do it right after you brush your teeth.

Because what you know and what you talk about here and what the research shows is that when you stack a new habit with something you already do,

It's easier for your brain to memorate it,

It stacks it together.

So after you clean your teeth,

Because you want to get that crap out of there,

And you don't want to start your day with dragon breath,

You got to clean out your mind,

You got to clean out your attitude,

You got to clean out your spirit.

And so put the toothbrush down and then take a minute and be with yourself.

New research from Harvard shows that if you take less than a minute in the morning as a leader,

And you think about,

You know,

How you're going to show up today and how you're going to make an impact with people,

It changes your focus and your productivity and it changes how you show up,

Which changes how you impact the people that you work with.

I want you to take that same research and apply it to yourself.

I want you to take this moment and look yourself in the mirror.

And I want you to ask yourself,

What is the person in the mirror need for me today?

How am I going to show up for her today?

You see,

Most of us take this moment on autopilot,

And we drift and we think ahead to all the things we're going to do for everybody else.

You put yourself first,

The same way you put everybody else there,

By putting what you need first,

First thing in the morning.

And you might not even know that's why you got to stand with yourself and look at yourself and be like,

What do I need today?

And some days,

It's just I just need to be kind and patient with myself.

Some days,

It's like I could actually use some fun today.

Some days,

It's like I need to finally have that boundary and I'm going to do it today.

I'm going to have that conversation.

That's what they need for me.

And so then once you do that,

The next thing you're going to do is you're going to raise your hand and you're going to seal it with a high five to your reflection.

And what's going to happen is I want to explain and unpack what you're going to feel.

Because we've now researched this for a year.

I know the science is like bananas and life changing.

The world's leading experts on habit research and neuroscience are blown away by this.

And the research on the power of a high five is also shocking.

And it's well documented.

And so first,

Let me tell you what you're going to experience.

Number one,

Expect it to feel weird.

And I can explain why it's going to feel weird based on neuroscience.

So you should expect it to feel weird because you by high fiving yourself are breaking a very ingrained habit.

At the moment,

Your default and your subconscious programming is to either ignore yourself or criticize yourself.

So it's going to be different than the habit that you have in place to high five yourself.

And so just like you know,

I'm a right hander and when I write with my right hand,

It doesn't feel weird at all because this is a habit.

If I were to lose my hand in an accident and have to write with my left hand,

It would feel really weird.

I would have to push through that weirdness in order to have it start to feel like it's second nature.

The same is going to be true with a high five.

Now the second thing I want you to understand and this is why I want you to do this for five days is because there's only one of two reactions that people have as they stand there and they're about to high five themselves.

It's either crazy positive.

So you're either going to start to laugh and giggle and kind of move around as you do it,

Or you could burst into tears.

A lot of people burst into tears.

And the tears are from this emotional release.

The person in the mirror has been trying to get you to love them for a very long time.

They have been trying to get you to look up from your phone to stop thinking about everybody else and to actually give a shit about them.

And so there's this massive release the first time you support,

Celebrate and truly empower yourself by doing this because you also realize in that same moment how much you've missed it,

How much you've yearned for it,

And how long it's been.

But the second feeling that people have is the negative one and this is more common.

And so let's unpack it and it's a resistance.

So as you stand there,

You're very likely even if you're a woo woo positive,

I love manifesting kind of person,

You're likely to go like,

Oh,

For crying,

Please,

IPhone,

You know,

Eye roll kind of thing.

That resistance is actually really sad and very deep.

Here's what it is.

Every morning when you stand in front of the bathroom mirror,

You drag with you your entire past.

If you've experienced trauma,

If you've been abused,

Abandoned,

Neglected,

If you've been hurt,

Heartbroken,

You see that as evidence that you're not worthy,

That you're unlovable,

That you're damaged.

And the resistance is the fact that that's your opinion of yourself based on what's happened to you and what you've survived.

That's why you resist celebrating the person you see.

The other reason why you may resistant is because if you're a human being,

You've done a lot of stuff that you regret,

Whether it's cheating or addiction or stealing or lying or blowing up relationships or missing opportunity,

Whatever it is that you beat yourself up for that by the way,

You would forgive me or Julie for but you can't forgive yourself for even though you know you were just trying to survive.

You didn't know any better.

You stand in the mirror and you judge yourself and you hang that yoke of shame around your neck.

And that resistance is your unwillingness to forgive yourself or see your humanity.

And the other reason why you resist this is because you've bought into this lie that in order to be worthy of celebration,

Support or love,

You must first do something to earn it.

So if you are not where you want to be in life,

If the number on the scale isn't what it should be,

If the money in the bank isn't what it should be,

If you aren't in the relationship,

You don't have the kids,

You're not in the right house,

You don't have the right skin color,

Your hair is too kinky,

Like whatever it is that you're holding over yourself outside of yourself as when that happens then I'm worthy,

That's also the resistance.

And I'm on a mission,

This is so foundational,

I'm on a mission to get every human being to understand because of what you survived,

Because of everything that's happened or that you've done,

If you can drag yourself out of bed and stand in front of that mirror and show up every day and try to do just a little bit better,

You deserve a high five for your mere existence here and you need it,

You need it.

Take a breath.

That is powerful shit Mel.

That is something you said I want to go back to because I think this might even go into one of the questions I had for you.

You said you just did this,

You weren't sure what to write,

This came organically,

Which is part of what I love about you and this experience.

But something you said that was very different than oftentimes when you can look in the mirror,

I love you,

Great,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah.

You said you did this and you felt something shifted.

And that to me,

The feeling something shifted,

That is very different I think than a lot of these things that were taught and told,

Oh,

You can try this because you stay here in your head versus you and I could feel it on like something literally profound.

It feels to me like you had an actual like full body awakening awareness realization.

It was so profound and that's what we can all have.

And yeah,

You can and wait to hear the science that explains the shift.

Yeah,

Let's do it.

Crazy.

I have chills.

There's three levels to this in terms of the science on what's happening in your body.

So in your brain and your nervous system,

And I think your soul.

But I'm going to explain to you step by step,

Something super exciting and encouraging about all of this.

Your body and your nervous system and your brain are already programmed to have this work.

So the shift that you feel is your brain and your nervous system and your body falling into true alignment with how you're supposed to treat yourself.

And you don't have to say a thing.

This is the beauty of it.

You see my husband,

For example,

When the restaurants failed,

His business partner was able to look at that seven year stretch and say,

Boy,

We worked our tail off and I'm proud of what we did,

Even though we didn't deliver the return on the investment that we had wanted to.

My husband,

For whatever reason,

Could not tell himself that.

He believed that since the restaurant venture failed,

He was a failure.

Yeah.

And for years,

He would drag himself into that bathroom and see nothing but evidence for why he had failed.

And him trying to pump himself up,

It would not work.

And here's why.

If you were to look in the mirror and be like,

You're awesome,

His brain would be like,

Who are you talking about?

Can't be talking about you.

Because for six years,

You've been telling yourself you're a failure.

I don't believe the awesome thing.

Yeah,

Your brain will reject it if the mantra is the opposite of what you believe to be true about yourself.

Just like our daughter,

Who I write about,

She texts me this heartbreaking thing in the middle of writing this book.

This whole book came together literally in like six months.

It's story after story after story of all the things that were happening,

All proving what I'm proving to you in this book.

She texts me,

How do I not feel like the ugliest girl at the bar every time I go out?

First of all,

There's nothing I can do now as her mom,

Because believe me,

I've tried to change her opinion about herself.

And do you think if you've told yourself you're the ugliest of all your friends are the biggest of all your friends for years?

Do you think any positive mantra?

I love my body is going to work?

Yeah,

No.

So here's why the high five works.

This is amazing.

You can stand in front of the mirror and hate your body.

You can stand in front of the mirror and be a failure.

And something interesting happens when you raise your hand and high five yourself.

So let's talk about a high five.

Because for our entire lives,

We've been high fiving everybody else.

So what is the gesture of a high five actually communicate to somebody?

It's kind of a celebrating,

Acknowledging and championing the person and it's so interesting.

I'm like my brain just went oh my god,

You're right.

I've never high fived myself.

Never.

Yeah,

It never.

No.

Yeah.

And so when you do it for somebody else,

It communicates.

It's always positive.

Yeah,

It communicates.

I believe in you.

We got this.

I see you.

I love you.

Come on now.

Shake it off.

Get going.

Keep going.

I believe I love you.

That's what it communicates.

And so here's the most killer part of the whole thing.

All of that positive mantra programming.

I believe in you.

I love you.

You got this.

You're awesome.

It's already encoded in your subconscious.

And it's married to a high five.

So when you raise your hand to your own reflection,

And you try to think I'm a fucking failure,

Or I hate myself,

Your brain will not allow you to think it.

It's impossible.

Because the second that you raise your hand and start to do this,

Your brain recognizes the high five,

It kicks in your subconscious,

And all the positive programming actually gets married with your own reflection.

So for my husband,

When he does it,

It's an act of defiance against failure.

And the high five says,

I see you.

I know you're struggling.

And I still love you.

Now get out there.

For my daughter,

It says,

I see you.

I know that this is hard.

And I still believe in you.

And you're awesome.

And you deserve to be happy and healthy.

Now get out there and go play the game of life.

That's why it works.

That's one reason.

The reason why you feel something shift was explained to be by Dr.

Daniel Amen.

So Dr.

Daniel Amen,

As you know,

Is one of the world's leading experts on the brain.

He's got clinics on the brain.

He's the guy about the brain.

And when I first told him about this,

He went bananas.

He's like,

Do you know why this works?

Oh my god,

Do you know what?

And I'm like,

No,

Tell me why it works.

So he said he verified the thing about the subconscious because there's a whole field of neuroscience called neurobics,

Which is about a physical movement and a physical intervention,

Aerobic activity with a change in thought.

It is the fastest way to build a new neuro pathway to marry an unexpected physical movement with a new change in thought.

And so the unexpected physical movement is the raising of the hand and high fiving yourself because to what you just said is I've never done it to myself.

And all of the programming the new thought that is the opposite of what you say to yourself now is already in your subconscious.

So that's the field of science explains why it works.

The second thing that he said is the reason why you feel a little boost,

A little shift a little something like a little lightning is because every time somebody else has ever given you a high five,

Your brain drips dopamine.

Yeah,

When you do it to yourself,

You get a dopamine drip,

Which is why it boosts your mood.

I'm not even done yet.

The reason why you keep doing this,

If you do this more than five days,

You get through the weirdness,

You get through the resistance,

You start like feeling the boost,

You start feeling like this kind of fun.

You kind of laugh at yourself,

Do it,

You're like,

Think about the game you want to play today in life.

Like,

It's fun.

It's a fun way to send yourself into the day.

You also feel a little bit energized.

Weird.

What is that about?

Well,

It's your nervous system.

So what Dr.

Daniel Amen explained to me is that your nervous system is encoded for celebratory action.

So when you go to wave hello to somebody,

And you raise your arm to wave hello,

That celebration when you go to raise your arms to hug somebody,

That celebration when you go to raise your arms when you finish race and cross the finish line that celebration when you raise your hand to high five somebody,

It's celebration.

Your nervous system remembers it as celebration.

The more you do it and start celebrating yourself,

The more your nervous system gives you that jolt of energy.

That's why it's working.

Is this not crazy?

This is crazy.

I am still what I love is how this just came through you.

You had no idea.

I don't think you knew all this.

This is divine.

This is like,

It is divine.

There's no question.

This is why for me,

This is really not about a book.

It's really about something that is needed at this moment in time to help people reawaken a connection that you need to yourself so that you can have your own back and support and celebrate yourself through the ups and downs in life.

Everybody needs to know the science they need to know why this is important and they need to start practicing it.

This to me,

What's so brilliant,

You said this early on that one of your guests,

Your genius is taking complicated information,

Even the way it was divinely coming through you as just this simple,

Really I'm even thinking like somatic,

Like you probably didn't realize,

You know,

You raise your hands.

I wrote the whole book and then I only talked to Daniel Aiman,

Dr.

Daniel Aiman three weeks ago.

I don't even have that research in the book.

Wow.

Like I've got incredible research in the book and the research about the subconscious and the research about the power of a high five and the MBA and building trust and foundational needs and all of it,

Which is plenty.

But a conversation three weeks ago took it to a whole nother level to explain that sort of why is something shifting in me?

Why does this feel good?

Like,

Because it is cheesy when you describe it.

Right.

Right.

Well,

First of all,

I'm like,

You better be sure I'm doing this tomorrow.

I'm gonna take a picture and send it to you now and be like,

This is me.

You know what I love about this is it's beyond words,

Frankly.

It's beyond sometimes,

You know,

We can say things and then you get the dance in your mind like no,

No,

No,

This goes,

This cuts over that and the science shows that it's frickin brilliant.

And I love the divine channel that you are.

I mean,

You really,

You're really living up to your one in 400 trillion,

Like you're in it.

And this is powerful.

I can see why this needs to be a movement.

I mean,

I had a sense of this,

But I didn't know the science and listening to you.

It's like,

I'm just gonna invite everybody you guys don't even have a like,

There's no excuse.

We're all doing that.

Now let me let me tell you the coolest part.

You ready?

Yeah,

Bring it on.

It's already been pretty cool.

Yes.

So well,

First of all,

The high five in the mirror is just the beginning,

Because then I start to reveal all these other tools,

Tools like high five in your heart,

Which will help you with your nervous system and tools around developing a high five attitude,

Which is an attitude grounded in optimism and resilience and all kinds of stuff that you can do to really anchor down in faith,

To take advantage of the science of manifesting,

Because unless you believe it's possible,

The manifesting is not going to work.

And so there's stories about that in the book.

So it's this whole philosophy about having your own back about believing that there's something divine that is truly meant for you.

And when you start to begin every day by seeing yourself and supporting yourself and hearing yourself through the ups and downs in life,

Your life will high five you back,

It will draw you toward what's meant for you because you're finally showing up for yourself.

And you're ready for what's meant for you.

And the thing that's crazy cool is I've been doing this now for over a year.

And the truth is,

I don't have to high five myself anymore.

You want to know why?

Yeah,

Please.

Yeah.

Having repeated this every morning for more than a year.

It has not only silenced that critic that used to live in my head,

It has evicted it.

And it has replaced it with all of the programming associated with a high five.

I don't even see my body anymore.

I,

I literally see like my soul,

I see a human being.

And it doesn't make you arrogant.

It kind of makes you humble.

Because it makes you see somebody who's trying,

Who's showing up every day,

Who just wants to be seen and encouraged and loved.

And I think that's what we all do.

And so it's given me this profound sense of compassion and love and freedom and connection to the one person that I spend my whole life with.

And that's me.

Like,

Shit,

I need tissues.

It's so beautiful,

Because I can feel you like the war has ended in you is what it feels like.

Yeah,

You put down the sword.

You put down the sword.

That is really,

I'm having a little bit of a flushed,

Real honestly,

Like something's going on over here because I feel you and this is profound.

I can see why this is for all of us for humanity.

Because to see who you really are,

And I'll tell you,

I'm not just saying this,

This might sound strange,

But your energy,

You're like,

You look younger,

Brighter and lighter than in any time I've seen you.

I mean,

You've always looked,

I mean,

You're beautiful inside outside,

But I mean,

Like your energy,

Like I can feel what you're saying.

You know,

You're the third person Lewis Howes said that to me when he saw me and he's,

He and I have been very,

Very good friends for years.

And he looked at me and he said,

Mel,

You look a decade younger,

Like what's going on?

Yeah.

And I really you nobody has said it how you just said it.

I've put the sword down.

I am not at war with myself.

Yeah.

And I think that's the big realization that I've had over the last five years actually speaking around the world as much as I have in book line after book line after book line,

Bumping into people on planes,

Talking to people in hotel hallways,

Because for me,

My career has been a real gift.

But you know,

As much as it's fun to be on a stage,

And it's definitely something that that I'm really good at and I enjoy and I make an impact doing.

Yeah,

I always tell everybody,

It's what happens before and after that I love the most.

It's bumping into real people and hearing their stories.

And what I've been present to is just how much pain people are in.

And what I've only come to realize recently is what you just so eloquently said.

It's the war that they have with themselves.

And you're right,

I'm not fighting anymore.

You're wearing the truce,

The white flag is it the it honestly you're wearing it and I just think I'm like,

Oh gosh,

I get to start tomorrow.

I want to see myself in a year.

Let's do this in a year.

I want to see myself 10 years younger.

It is this this I'm just gonna ask everybody like close your eyes and take this in for a minute.

This is so profound.

I you know,

There's science to back it up.

There's research to back it up.

It makes sense on a very visceral level too Mel like in a just in a yeah,

When do we stop to like,

I get it with your with your husband,

Like there have been times you know,

Especially as high achievers,

We have a lot of them listening.

It's like,

Well,

Not looking at what's going well,

Why didn't make this cooler and then you feel shitty.

And this is like changing the whole thing.

It's stopping the war.

And I gotta tell you,

I really believe it's why you're doing this work.

Why the divine went through you.

This is how we stop our warring,

Obviously is within ourselves.

And you're doing that and you're sharing that,

You know,

And the other thing is,

Is that,

You know,

Bringing up my husband and my daughter,

There's nothing worse than seeing somebody that you love,

Who is tearing themselves apart.

And knowing that you actually can't do anything.

And in some ways,

When you try to lift somebody up,

Who's really down,

It pushes them away,

Because you're invalidating their reality.

So they start to feel like you don't understand what it's like to be them,

Because the truth is you don't.

And so one of the things that I am the most excited about is that,

Just like the five second rule was this little tool that anybody could use in a moment when they were alone,

And they needed to motivate themselves.

Nobody else is there,

No one's coming.

It's just you and your fear and your procrastination.

You've got this simple little thing to 54321 push yourself.

I believe that the high five habit is an even bigger and more profound tool.

Because in that moment every single day,

Where the war is with self hatred,

And with self rejection,

You now have a tool to fight back.

That is a drop the effing mic.

I got nothing.

My brain just went like,

Nope,

There's nothing else to say to that.

That's that.

That is oh my gosh,

This.

I will say because I said we're gonna add a little we're gonna add a little woo in here I you are,

You know,

You can feel this was this was divinely channeled through you.

And I'm like holding back.

I'm not kidding.

This doesn't usually happen.

I feel like I want to burst into tears because I feel you.

I know you're an experiential learner and I'm grateful for who you are and for your stepping into just the badassery and this what you've discovered.

I just I'm in love with this.

I'm in love with this.

And it's so it is simple.

Like you've said,

I know and you're it's actually it is easy.

In this case,

This really is simple and easy.

This is simple and easy.

It is life changing.

It is.

Wow.

And you know,

I also want to thank you because Julie has partnered with me on bringing you something that is super cool.

And that is that we have created a five day challenge that's free.

It's called the high five challenge.

And I wanted to do something beyond just the book,

I wanted to give you an experience where you could not only experience doing the high five in the mirror,

Setting an intention starting your day that way every day for yourself,

But I wanted to give you the coaching and the tools in a community that would also lift you up and cheer you on.

And so I've partnered with this app growth growth day,

Which is the world's leading personal development app,

You can think about it like a peloton for life improvement.

And you get free access.

I mean,

This thing's 300 bucks a year,

You get it for free for the five day challenge,

You can use all the tools and every day there's a new training and teaching for me.

There's hundreds of 1000s of people that are going to be taking it with you and celebrating you and cheering for you and you're going to see them uploading photos and it's going to be incredible.

And you know,

All you have to do is follow the link in the show notes,

And you're in and it doesn't matter if you're listening to this 10 years from now,

The challenge will be open,

It'll be there to support you.

And it'll give you the energy,

The structure,

The accountability and the support that you need to truly change the way you see yourself.

And when you do that,

It changes your whole life.

Amazing now you you are just this is it.

This is what we need to spread as a pandemic.

I'm going to just say it.

This is what we need to spread is this high five is people doing it every day.

Yeah,

Like I feel in my bones what you're saying about the divine channeling and that this is what's needed right now.

Oh,

Yeah.

And it's just it doesn't matter what language you speak.

It doesn't matter.

This is why it's so brilliant.

It doesn't matter where you are on the planet.

Oh,

May this be blessed.

I and I'm just honored to be part of this.

I believe in this and you I already can feel it.

I can feel the impact.

I haven't even done it.

My little mirror neurons are like,

Yes,

We're going to do this.

I'm kind of doing it now practicing.

I'm gonna do it by myself in the mirror.

This is the thing is that like I think that when you get it,

You can start to then even bring the high five energy to yourself in a meeting.

Like when you feel yourself going down,

You can literally kind of mentally give yourself a high five and pick yourself back up because you're really training a whole new way of supporting yourself.

Yeah.

Amazing.

I just truly from the bottom of my heart with all of my fives.

I guess I have 10 of you.

I got my feet.

I'm like,

Should I put my feet up?

It's so funny because I literally was hell bent on not writing a book with a five in it.

And again,

Divine intervention.

They're like,

Sorry.

Yeah,

You're the five.

It's the way it goes.

There's actually well for another day,

There's a deep spiritual meaning to the number five.

What is it?

Well it is so I'm alright friends.

Now the dash of will.

It's coming in.

Here we go.

Now you're getting the outtake notes to everybody.

This is a special show.

Well five first of all,

If you're into numerology and into anything with spirit guides and archangels,

The Archangel Michael,

Which is all about protection and guidance and self love is connected to number five.

And regardless of religion or not,

Or where are you coming from?

I think of this energy as just a protective force and that energy associated with Archangel Michael is number five.

And so everything I do has a lot of fives,

Just FYI.

Wow,

That's super cool.

See where I'm going.

My friend,

I am so grateful that you are part of this powerful community.

I thank you for listening to this episode.

And I hope it inspires you to remember who you really are,

And who you chose to be in this lifetime.

I created this podcast from my own heart's desire to amplify the vibration of compassion,

Kindness,

Abundance,

Heart,

Magic,

And so much more,

Both within you and the collective.

I'm honored to be your host,

Your friend,

And your companion on this life journey.

And I love feedback.

Let me know what you loved.

What would you love more of?

Or what would you love to see covered on the show?

And if you feel moved,

Please subscribe,

Rate,

And review the USU podcast so that we can continue to shift the way humanity operates and shape this gorgeous collective community with the deepest love,

Admiration,

And respect for your USU.

Until next time.

Reviews

I really enjoyed hearing this podcast especially because I was just listening to the audiobook by Mel Robbins stop saying I'm fine. I will definitely start adding a high five to my morning routine! I look forward to listening to more of your audios!!

This podcast high5 w Mel Robbins was on point. I’m 74 still figuring out $$ what to do. I can take a breath. Start fresh - create, start up a home yoga studio
Believe, look in the mirror. Smile 54322

Amazing! High five! I’m in for the challenge. 😁💕

I’ve got the book and I’m doing it, Julie! Thanks for the excellent and inspiring interview! 💕🙏

2.2.2022 Shalom Julie (in Hebrew - the word Shalom has double meaning - Peace & Hello).
Thank you and Mel for sharing! That was most educational as well as instructive. The Hi five tool and other tools of the same purpose is something, I believe, we are all in need in the one time life that we have in this formation on this planet.
Thank you very much.
🖐🏼.
Orly

Wow! Excellent talk. A must listen!

This was different than anything I’ve listened to on IT before. I heard Mel Robbins on a different podcast recently. I think she shared some more personal stories here and that made it more profound to me. High Five, Julie…for being you! 🙏

!!!! Love this and how her simple method is backed by science. Plus who wouldn’t want to look 10 years younger while feeling better?? 💜🌷

💖superb💖