Only I Can Replenish My Being

You said you would play this role in this Life Journey. You agreed to contribute in this Life Journey. Like carrying a heavy suitcase loaded with burdens that weigh us down, we push this burden onto one generation after another. Instead, perhaps we can be the one to put it down and release the content.

Transcript

Let's come into a deeper space.

Let me thank this beautiful mind and body for everything that's done and known and felt,

Understood,

Every connection and every disconnection.

And see yourself as this beautiful vehicle,

This vessel of light and love.

This beautiful being that can hold the space.

And this beautiful being that can feel and interact.

We are so incredible.

And the form continues to hold us and carry us and breathe for us and the heart beats for us.

And everything happens for the body so that the body can be present in its life.

So that the mind can be connected to this life.

So we ask now that we can be mindfully connected to our life.

Not just in the experience,

The endless experiencing,

Like being in a washing machine of emotions.

That we can be the ones that step out of the quagmire just a little bit and observe,

Pay attention and see what it is that is real,

What is truth.

And the only way we're going to know what this is,

Is to connect to our heart.

Everything else is just a deception or a lie or manipulation.

And everything else that we construct comes from our pain and our distortions through our pain.

And heart is absolute truth.

So we connect to our divine and gracious heart.

We feel this vibration.

We thank this body for being able to feel the vibration.

Taking deep breaths in and through the body.

Just be in the body.

Be in your breath.

Be in this moment.

Be as present as you possibly can.

Feeling your body,

Feeling this space.

Connecting through your senses in every way possible.

And imagine that this is a moment in all time.

So much of our life journey,

We're just doing it immensely unconsciously.

Just going through the rhythms,

Just doing.

And the part of us that runs our unconsciousness goes straight into reactive behavior.

It goes straight into our default system.

And our default system is all wired with all the pain and sadness,

Heartache and longing and destitute energy.

It's all there,

It's all wrapped up.

As these codes of victimhood and misery and self-pity and mortification,

Embarrassment and fear and guilt and dread and foreboding.

It's all wrapped up in it.

And we think how much of this energy,

Of all those energies are present in our line,

In our families,

Through hundreds and thousands of years.

All of these emotions have been churning and churning away at us.

No wonder they feel so familiar.

So imagine as you mark the space,

Your breath is coming going,

Your heart is beating,

Your body is here.

You're aware of your life to this point.

We can call up any number of memories of all our interactions,

All our connections and all our collisions.

We can recall how we felt in every situation.

Because the body holds the feelings,

The coding of the feeling.

And then it puts a word to it.

And it places an association in it and it places that in the mind and the body and all over this being.

Don't forget when.

And so we have this endless library of misery that we can tap into.

And we mindlessly just tap into it immediately.

And the minute we open that book and that library,

The same story runs.

We feel heart sore,

Alone,

Bereft.

We feel disgruntled,

Shunned,

Unheard,

Unwanted,

Abandoned,

Rejected,

Betrayed.

And each chapter one after another displays the same story.

And then we get to this point.

This point where we are willing to see ourselves as beings beyond just this human having a human experience.

We're willing to see ourselves as light beings here to assist in this human experience.

We're willing to see ourselves as healers.

And for those of us who know ourselves as this,

We know that this is what we are choosing even in our day to day interactions.

We're choosing to be healers.

We're finding ways to help and assist and uplift.

And whatever it is that we feel is our set of skills.

And we do that for a while but we carry the pain and we hold the pain.

And then we try and rise above it and we approach ourselves and say,

But I should be better and I should be doing better.

But all the time the pain stays there as a hollow feeling.

It's this terrible void,

This gap of pain and sadness that no one has cared to look into.

We're just pulling it along,

Pulling it along.

We don't even know how it got there if we really had to think about it.

We can't even work out why it resonates so deeply.

And the reason for that is that it doesn't truly belong to us.

We might think of a scenario,

A performance,

A behavior that awakened that sense in us,

Amplified that sense,

But actually that sense was always there.

When we have a sense that is connected to a hollow,

We have a deep urgency in us to fill it up in some way.

Sometimes that urgency comes across as a neediness.

And for those who are receiving us at the end of that can never ever fill it up because it is not for them to fill it up.

It is for us to fill it up.

And then the one on the other side of it can feel so incredibly overwhelmed.

I can't give you what you want.

I don't know how to make it better for you.

I don't know what you're asking for.

And we'll hear these statements from them.

And all the time we're just saying,

But I just want you to,

And we tell them what our pain is,

But they can't see it and they can't fill it up.

But we give them the burden of that responsibility and we are angry with them for not being able to fill it up for us and heal us,

Help us.

And we after all want to help them and love them and we would do anything for them,

But why can they not do it for me?

But the truth is we cannot fill up these empty void spaces in each other.

We can only fill them up for ourself because only we know where they are and what the content is.

Only we carry that scar,

That embedded code that goes way back in our line.

Everyone is carrying something.

Allow yourself to see this that you are carrying as your gift,

Your privilege.

You said you would,

Now hold it.

You said you would heal it,

Now heal it.

But you heal it,

You hold it.

And everyone else who's helped to reveal it to you,

Release them from having to play their role.

Play the role of the betrayer,

The abandoning one.

Release them from that commitment to help you to see.

Observe yourself in this timeline and see this hole that you feel within your being as a very heavy piece of luggage that you've been lugging along with you.

You've never opened it.

You were told to carry it,

But no one ever said,

Well just open it and see what's inside.

And you've asked others to carry this heavy package for you and for a little while perhaps they will.

But they know it's not theirs because they have their own and that's too heavy already.

So they have to give it back to you.

And the hardest thing is when they give it back,

We feel like they don't care because they gave it back to us.

If they cared,

They would carry it.

They would make it easier for us.

But if we do not take it back,

If we do not carry it and get to the point where we want to open it even,

Then this burden continues to be passed on from one generation to another.

We keep handing it on,

Thoughtlessly handing it on until we think that this is our tradition and this is just the way we are.

It's not truth.

It has just become the way we are because when none of us were able to stop and consider.

And see yourself again on this timeline.

Here is the heavy package.

Someone has carried it for you a little while and someone now has handed it back to you.

And when you feel the weight of this,

You realize how much they have been carrying for you.

And instead of being angry at them for giving it back,

Ask your awareness to be very gracious to them and thank them for carrying it for this while to give you time to understand what it feels like to not have this burden in you.

But now that they've given it back,

Oh my gosh,

The contrast,

The lightness of the arms with this heaviness that we now have to hold.

And now you hold the awareness of this contrast,

This massive contrast,

But you hold it.

Pick it up and feel how heavy it is.

Feel how tired you are becoming.

See yourself trudging on determined that you're just going to keep going for as long as you can.

And eventually you simply cannot carry it anymore.

At this point,

You put it down.

Oh,

Take a breath into that.

Go back into that timeline.

Go back into that space.

Visualize it as clearly as you possibly can.

See yourself at that moment where you've just put the suitcase down.

And now instead of feeling a relief,

Feel the burden of responsibility.

And then hear what your mind starts saying,

But I have to carry it if I don't,

Who will?

And we've always carried this,

So why am I so inadequate that I cannot carry it anymore?

Why am I so weak?

And then when we self-deprecate in this way,

Our own mind-body immediately comes to defend us.

And it's much easier to blame and shame another.

Why don't they carry it for me?

What's wrong with them?

Can't they see how much I'm in pain?

And so we push the feeling that we have out in blame and shame.

How amazing is this game that we play?

And it goes on and on and on.

And eventually we just snatch the bag back and we pick it up and we burden and carry it.

And we want everyone to feel terribly sorry for us because now our back is almost broken.

We're really just so tired that anger and rage and determination and stubbornness drives us.

Until we can get to a point where all of this feels like a festering sore within us.

Deep pain.

And then something somewhere along the line says,

But just listen to your heart.

Let go of the head,

Let go of the constructs,

Let go of the performances.

And listen to what your heart is saying.

And your heart asks you,

But do you need to carry this?

What are you carrying anyway?

What is it that feels so heavy,

So burdensome?

And who told you to carry it all this way?

Why are you doing it?

And we have no answer for that.

Because we were told to,

Because it's expected of us.

We might make it holy and say,

Well it is our agreement to do it.

And yes,

That might be true,

But the agreement was not to suffer.

The agreement was that we would see it.

So if we carry it any further than the moment when we can see it,

Then we're just stopping into complete martyrdom.

Remember what your heart is calling you to do.

What does your heart want you to do?

And imagine now that you bend down and you unlatch the suitcase,

And you open it,

And you look at what is inside.

What could possibly make it so immensely heavy?

And to your surprise,

There is nothing inside it.

There is absolutely nothing inside of this space.

How could this hollow space be so heavy?

How could it seem to get heavier and heavier with every step?

Ask your being,

What is this hollow?

What is this emptiness?

What am I looking at?

Bring that awareness to your heart,

To your soul.

There is a space here that is empty.

And this terrible empty space has felt heavy to hold.

And what is it?

We can barely find an answer for that.

And the only way to find the answer is to ask,

But what does your heart want in that space?

Because we do know what we want when we go into the heart space.

And we can hear ourselves saying what it is that we are longing for.

We are longing for companionship and kindness and connection.

We are longing for compassion and consideration.

Hear those things.

And then imagine that you could hold those things in your arms.

Imagine you could bundle them up as energy and hold them in your arms.

How do they feel?

Are they heavy or are they light?

And then see from the space that you are holding in your arms all these beautiful other thoughts,

Other awarenesses.

See a line that goes directly from them into the suitcase where you said connection.

See a big heavy energy of disconnect.

And then see the one of consideration that you are holding in your arms that feels so light and lovely.

And the cord that goes to its direct opposite.

And that is lack of consideration.

Being ignored,

Being rejected,

Being pushed aside.

Being forgotten,

Being abandoned.

Feel that energy,

How heavy it is.

But it's an empty suitcase.

What am I carrying?

Why have I been carrying this that is so heavy when my heart has always known exactly what it is that it wants to carry?

Imagine that you can take everything that your heart has placed within your arms.

And you can place it into this empty suitcase.

And as you place it in the cord of connection between the point of contrast,

Point of pain,

And the point of healing what you hold in your arms.

It immediately connects and vaporizes into absolute nothing,

Openness,

Clarity,

Oneness.

These two heavy opposites join right there in the center point.

And there is no push and there is no pull in the center point.

Imagine that you put all of this in the suitcase.

Kindness,

Consideration,

Laughter,

Love,

Companionship,

Adventure.

Feel what it is that your heart is so wishing and desiring.

And put that in with all your love.

And put it in with this great delight that you are going to open the suitcase just a little way down the road.

And show it to someone what you have packed into the suitcase,

What you choose to carry.

Latch the suitcase and stand up and take a deep breath.

And understand that this is a moment for you now.

Where we either continue the journey as is,

Or we take a leap into a much higher frequency.

Where these that I have inserted into that space now are the possibilities that the heart has been calling in.

Allow yourself to bend down and to pick up the suitcase.

And you expect it to be heavy but it is so light that it almost feels like just air.

But you hold it with great reverence and respect.

And you continue to hold this even though you know it is as light as air.

And you take it now.

You take it along the path.

And somewhere down the path there is the one that brought the contrast to you in this life journey.

And you sit down with them and you reveal the contents of the suitcase to them.

Just by opening it and letting the energy of it come into the space that you are now sharing.

And there are no words.

There is nothing else.

But you set this energy free with the one that has been causing you such immense pain.

Like letting trapped birds out of a cage.

And just seeing their flight and seeing their freedom.

And seeing their lightness and beauty and their ability now to go into all expansive space.

Feel the lightness of that and the relief.

And with your heart thank the one who tried to carry this for you for so long.

And then thank them for giving it back to you because only you were allowed to open it.

No one else.

And then thank your beautiful being for being able to do that.

To come to the point of realisation that truly marks a new beginning for our being.

Thank you for this life,

For this journey.

For being able to witness your journey.

And to bring a healing into the consciousness of the timeline.

May this truly hold you now and bless you.

Bring immense healing to you,

Mind,

Body and soul.

As the light pulls into you now,

Bring your awareness back to where you are.

In this time and in this place,

I hold myself here with immense grace.

And balance your frequencies.

This beautiful life being and this beautiful light being in a single stream of consciousness now.

I find myself right in the centre,

Clear,

Aligned,

Calm,

Peaceful,

Loving,

Gracious.

And able to witness my life through my light.

Let this energy awaken inside of you.

May it bring peace and healing to your mind,

Body and soul.

So that this energy you can transmit to all those with whom you love to be in this life.

Beam this beautiful energy towards all those who share your life.

So much love here my treasure.

We take some gentle breaths.

Breathe into this body and this being and allow ourselves to gently come back.

There is so much more to know about who we are.

When we just stop and reconnect,

We can absolutely reconnect in a whole new way.

So much love.

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That was so good.
Thank you🙏🏽