Pay Attention To Kindness

The science is starting to show that what we pay attention to largely becomes who we are. So in this practice, we pay attention to kindness. We bring to mind someone who really embodies it. A public figure, a family member, an ancestor, or a fictional character. We sit with them. We let their kindness wash over us. Then we offer some of that momentum to someone who really needs it. Recorded live with the Healthy Minds Program.

Transcript

This week, Our theme is kindness. So we're going to do a bit of a practice to explore kindness. And that might seem flowery. I know it certainly did to me the first time I did any kind of loving kindness, Kindness, Compassion practices within the pillar of connection using the Healthy Minds model of well-being. But kindness is quite a simple act. What you've all just done to say hello in the chat. Hi, MJ. Hi, DP. Hi, Liz. Hi, Robert. There's a sense of kindness right there. There's a sense of welcoming, Of wanting to make a connection with someone else. And really importantly, You know, It's not just some sort of vague idea of goodness or some vague idea of to be nice. But the way we're going to think about kindness is this idea, Oh, Hi, Katie. I see your name in there, Too. Hi, Katie. The way we're gonna think about kindness is this desire or wish that we have for others to experience well-being or to be happy. So we sort of have this natural innate wish for others to experience positive emotions. It seems to be wired into us. So there is this sense of kindness that actually starts at a very, Very young age. Some scientists even suggest that it is innate. They've run studies showing that babies less than a year old show what they call pro-social behavior, That they naturally want to help others. And I actually witnessed it this morning. My nephew was having a bit of a tantrum, Having some very difficult emotions. And he's almost three years old and my son who's almost a year and a half We were downstairs and he heard his cousin crying upstairs and he stopped what he was doing and he looked over at the stairs and he started walking over and Climbing the stairs and you know, I don't know for sure It's hard to have access to a one-year-old's mind, But it was very clear to me that he was concerned He was concerned that his cousin was crying. He wanted to go see what was up and maybe some part of him wanted to help so There is this kind of natural force within all of us to be kind, And that manifests in different ways, Sometimes in problematic ways, Sometimes in beautiful ways. And that's what we're going to explore in the practice today. We're going to take, Let's say, Let's do a 15-minute practice today. So we're going to go for 15 minutes, And we're going to explore using our imagination to foster an experience of kindness in this moment, And then see how that feels in the body, Potentially even redirecting that to those who might need a bit of kindness. So let's get started. Find yourself a comfortable position. Whatever feels natural to you. For me, It helps sometimes to take a deep breath, And on the inhale, Straightening up. And on the exhale, Letting go of the jaw, The shoulders. Sinking into gravity. Really trying to find a position where. We're using as little effort as possible to stay upright and in a state of balance. If you typically find it helpful or if you're new at this, You may want to close your eyes. Some people prefer to have their eyes open. In which case I recommend you choose a place to fixate your gaze. Soften your eyes, You relax your eyes, And you just rest your gaze there. Before we get into any of the kindness practice, Let's just take a minute or two. Ground ourselves. In whatever we might be experiencing in this moment. No need to change anything. Just letting it all be as it is. You find yourself instinctively paying attention to the breath or the body out of habit, That's perfectly fine. If you're just sitting and letting your mind wander, That's fine too. Slowing down. Letting the dust settle. Enjoying the transition. In some ways, Taking this moment to offer yourself a bit of kindness. Just to let yourself be as you are. And you can. Hang out here for a bit longer, But whenever you're ready. Start the kindness practice by bringing to mind someone who really perfectly embodies kindness from your perspective. Someone who truly seems to have a wish for others to be happy, For others to experience well-being. To have positive emotions. That's an interesting prompt I just gave you. So notice who comes to mind naturally. Could be a public figure, Someone who's known for their benevolence. Or it could be a family member, Someone who has shown you or others kindness quite consistently. Could even be an ancestor. Might take a little bit more imagination, But that's okay. Someone you imagine or know of that you've descended from. That has shown kindness in making all of this possible. You may also notice a kind fictional character coming to mind, And that's totally fair game. Could be someone from a book. Or even a comic book or a TV show or movie. Really, It's boundless here. We're just trying to find. Persona that embodies kindness, That truly seems benevolent in their wish for others to be happy, In their service, In support of others. Take a few moments to see if you can find someone and choose a good example. Choose someone that comes to mind that feels really natural and effortless for you, Feels uncomplicated, Just feels like a true friend. Representative of kindness in your mind. And if you don't have anyone yet, You can keep searching. Again, Anyone is fair game and you don't have to have the perfect choice. Whoever's come to mind should be good enough to work with. And once you've got someone. I want you to really inhabit that persona for the next few minutes to really You might visualize them. You might remember things they've said or phrases that they tend to repeat. You might visualize their face sitting in front of you. You might visualize yourself being that person and seeing the world from their perspective. Or maybe you have a mental image of them in an act of kindness, Something you've witnessed, Something you've seen, Where they've done something quite kind, Quite benevolent. So what we're doing here is we're just using our imagination. To really conjure up. A true example, An exemplar even, An exemplar of kindness. And noticing how that feels. So take a few moments to really be with that individual. Again, Could be a public figure, Could be a family member, Could be a fictional character. Or an ancestor, It's all good. If this feels somehow contrived or awkward, That's perfectly natural. We're just experimenting here. This isn't any kind of magical thinking. We're just seeing what happens when we bring someone who's truly kind to mind, Seeing how that feels, Kind of running the circuits of our brain. With a strong dose of kindness in this moment and seeing how that feels. And if you find yourself a little bit scattered, Hard to stay focused, Try to explore a different modality. So if you're visualizing, Maybe try repeating the name of this person in your inner voice or thinking about a phrase, Or if that's what you've been doing, Maybe try a visualization, Imagining their face or imagining them in an act. Really trying to explore the modality that allows you to really access this sense of kindness in the moment. You find your mind drifting off or if you find this challenging. There's no need to get self-critical. Just notice what happened and come back to the exercise. Again, We are visualizing or imagining. A paragon of kindness, An exemplar of kindness, Someone who you find truly benevolent. Letting ourselves wash over. With the persona of that individual. And as you do this, You might notice what sensations are arising in your body as a result. So continue with this kindness practice. And notice if it has an impact on the way you're carrying yourself, Or on the way it feels to breathe, Or maybe on your facial muscles, Or your shoulders, Or anything else you might notice in the body. And if you don't notice anything, That's fine. But just paying attention to how it feels. Beep. You also might notice this exercise triggering specific memories or specific thoughts. How interesting that is, That we immerse ourselves in the kindness of another human being. And as a result, Changes. Potentially arise in the way we carry ourselves, The way our body feels, In the thoughts that come to mind, In the emotions that we feel. Just noticing what arises without any judgment. And if nothing's arising, Just stay with it. Immerse yourself in the kindness of this example. Of this individual. See what happens. And for this last minute or two. Let's take the momentum that you've built up in this kindness practice. And let's imagine. Someone out there who might need your kindness right now. There's a lot going on in the world facing a pandemic and widespread protests. It can be hard to bring topics like this up. In the middle of a meditation, But I would argue. It's important to do so. So let's take that momentum, That kindness. See if you can imagine or maybe you actually know someone out there. Who really needs your kindness right now. And see if you can just bring them to mind and take some of the momentum you've built from this practice. And offer it to your mental image of that individual. Whether or not you imagine. This kindness is actually going to reach them or not. Is irrelevant. Really what we're doing is using this individual as a focus for our own kindness. Activate, And recognize. That we too have the same kindness potential. As this example that we've been meditating on, This benevolent individual. That everything that they have is within us as well. They are human beings just like us. We'll take the end of this practice just to express that in our minds. And bask in it. And notice how it feels. OK, Nice work. You can drop the practice now. Take your time and transition. Absolutely no rush whatsoever. Carry this feeling forward.