Hello and welcome to the meditation.
Thank you so much for joining me today.
Go ahead and get comfortable.
Remember you're my best friend.
I'm always here for you now that we're connected.
You know that you have this beautiful soul that's been through trials and tribulations just like you.
And I'm living and I'm breathing and I'm loving every moment and I'm so happy that we can share this friendship and this joy together and looking at things in this beautiful effervescent way where it truly is a tapestry being woven and as the needle pokes through the fabric,
The fabric feels tension and it breaks through and it creates a new stitch.
And if you've sewn,
Sometimes if you don't have a thimble or the right tools,
You can even poke your own finger.
And imagine God sewing,
Poking his own finger and it's not an easy process for anyone.
We're all here working collaboratively and every good deed that you do,
It is noticed,
It is seen.
So please keep being a good person even on your darkest days and know that your team is loving you and caring for you and you may be waiting for that blessing.
Give them time because they're going to find the optimal moment for you and they're going to use every single good deed that you have done as a builder for your case to negotiate and strategize and find that key moment for you.
Nothing you do goes unnoticed.
Even your mind is a battlefield.
Your mind.
You can think of beautiful things.
You can think of beautiful things and that counts as a good deed.
So even if you are struggling with mobility issues,
You can sit there and you can think and that is a good deed in and of itself.
We get so caught up in the grandiose,
Big,
Amazing moments,
But truly it's the small moments,
Right?
Sweat the small stuff.
Because the small things matter.
That's what creates character.
That's what creates every moment.
So go ahead and take a deep breath.
Get centered.
Take a deep breath into the gravity that is you.
You are a star.
And breathe even deeper now.
Holding on to the planet that is you.
You are a star.
You're a star.
You're shiny.
You're beautiful.
You're everything.
I love you so much.
I am so blessed to have people like you with me on this journey.
You make it worth being on this journey.
Thank you so much.
That is why we are beings.
And you make it worth being here.
Thank you.
You're a human being.
Espresso self.
One day I saw two shirts in a row and one was I'm a human being for coffee.
And then the next shirt that I saw was espresso self.
And I thought I was in this strange reality where everyone was obsessed with personifying coffee.
Because I saw two shirts in a row,
But I didn't see a third.
So I knew I was back here.
All right.
Take a moment.
Take a deep breath.
And tune into the gravity that is you.
You're a star.
Today I want to focus on this false belief and narrative that has been spun and woven very deep into our psyche.
And it's causing quite a lot of trauma.
And trauma is something that we can have a powerful connotation to.
That word is used in many different ways.
In this example,
In this context,
I would like us to see it as something that's sprinkling dust and creating context around life.
That is creating an opportunity for painful tension.
And if we reframe this understanding,
We can still be experiencing something,
But not necessarily having such a deep gravity and exposure to a painful stimuli because of our understanding.
So let me say that one more time in a different way so that we can fully understand what I mean by creating this context of trauma in this moment.
What I'm saying is the planet,
It has an atmosphere around it.
Right?
And if we create an atmosphere that is imbued with something that is seen as something that should be painful,
Then automatically,
If it's occurring to us,
We have a higher probability,
A higher chance of having a painful understanding of what's going on with us.
Part of recoding our system is changing those type of things that are almost atmosphere,
Or as I said before,
A sprinkling over a dust covering and changing those from not being understood as having to be painful because it is creating an exposure to people going through those things as having to experience them as painful.
Which ultimately,
As supportive humans,
We should want them to have a higher understanding and be able to go through experiences and find a unique coding of understanding that has to do with the intricate web of their life outside of an atmosphere of something that someone else may have perceived.
Okay,
So let me now go into the specific example that I wanted to speak about today.
And this is abandonment trauma.
There is so much,
I think,
Going on with people's family lives,
Whether it be in your immediate family,
Meaning if you are a mother,
Father,
If you are a girlfriend,
Boyfriend,
Whatever it is in your specific daily life of relationships that you consider family,
Or if it's even extended family of cousins,
People that you consider calabash,
Right?
People have abandonment trauma.
And if anyone in your network has this,
It can affect you what I'm talking about.
So please be aware of understanding it in this way because I'm trying to reframe it in a way that's healthy,
That lowers this atmosphere of abandonment being so heavy in our culture.
It's very heavy,
And it is stemming into how people raise their own children because they're trying to fight this atmosphere,
Which we collectively can eviscerate and evaporate and totally change.
So people think I was abandoned at six years old by my father.
I was abandoned at 10 years old by my mother.
You can also have a parent that's fully present physically that has abandoned you emotionally or spiritually or another way,
Right?
Some parents are so busy working that physically,
They are trying their best to be there,
But they just can't be.
So there are so many ways that we feel this abandonment trauma.
And I've even talked to people who have experienced abandonment trauma with simply just being dropped off at school at too young of an age.
It goes on and on and on.
We can all find moments where we have felt abandoned in our lives.
So we really need to restructure this because feeling abandoned should not be a feeling that we are experiencing to this level.
Why are we feeling it so much?
I had experienced abandonment with my father abandoning me when I was six years old and my family creating immense trauma in our family.
And I can get more into that later.
But this is saying,
How can we reframe this?
Because it's not healthy for all of us to be dwelling,
Dwelling,
Dwelling,
And looking for a source of trauma that explains how we're reacting to now current moments of being abandoned.
Right?
We're saying,
Oh,
I have an abandonment trauma.
So this is triggering me.
So this is making me have a reaction.
So that means that this stitch,
How I was talking about sewing and this tapestry,
There is something going on there that we can reframe.
Let me tell you the truth.
You aren't,
Nor have you ever been abandoned.
You always have a father.
It is God.
And I am very much connected right now to the definition of God being the ultimate operating system.
And you have a mother.
It's Mother Earth.
I'm very connected to this definition of Mother Earth being the body.
So you have never been abandoned.
You have always had a father.
It is God,
The ultimate operating system.
And you've always had a mother.
It is Mother Earth,
The body and the physical.
So why then are we as a society,
Are we as a collective so obsessed with abandonment?
When you've never been abandoned.
It's one thing to say that you are currently being abandoned by so-and-so.
And that is creating a trauma for you.
But to say,
I've been abandoned.
No one loves me.
I'm not a good person.
I'm left all by myself.
And that's just gonna be the way it is forever and always.
That is not true,
Nor has it ever been true.
And we as a collective need to stop that.
So once again,
When you have been abandoned and you accept it as abandonment trauma,
Usually the internal thoughts that you start to say to yourself,
The ruminating thoughts are,
I've been abandoned.
No one loves me.
I deserve this.
What's wrong with me?
And we go into this self-loathing character that is so unhealthy.
And I was having an amazing conversation with one of my colleagues.
We were talking about this worthiness monster,
This lack of worthiness monster.
And she had this beautiful metaphor for it,
Where it just kept asking these questions that could truly never have an actual answer.
And the only way to escape this monster we realized was to understand that it would keep asking you questions that were unanswerable and had zero truth to them.
Kind of like these questions in Buddhism,
Where you ask them and they're meant to not have an answer so that you can sit and meditate on it forever.
It's like that,
The self-worthiness,
Lack of self-worthiness monster.
And I relate to that strongly because abandonment trauma was pushed so deeply.
I mean,
I was abandoned at age six by my father.
I told my friends that my dad had been abandoned.
I didn't want to talk about it.
It wasn't true.
He's fully alive.
He just abandoned me and I've never seen him since I was six.
I talked to him one time when I was 27.
I basically forgave him and a huge weight was lifted off my back energetically.
But because of my family,
I was like,
I can't have a relationship with you.
I'm sorry.
But I do forgive you for what happened.
And thank you for the conversation.
So that's the relationship that I had with my biological father.
And it's true.
I mean,
Having it framed in this way of,
Oh my gosh,
You've been abandoned.
You've gone through this horrible trauma.
There was a moment where I was just praying.
I was so sad.
This was before I had the phone call with my dad when I was 27.
And I kid you not,
This inspiration came to me.
And I just realized I've always had a father and it's God.
I've always had a mother.
It's Mother Earth.
And I also have to say a shout out to my mom.
I love you very much.
I do have an actual mother as well.
So I don't want her to read into that.
But I'm saying this inspiration came to me and it said,
I've always had a father.
It's God,
The operating system.
And I've always had a mother.
It's Mother Earth,
The body.
And what am I?
I'm a combination of the two.
I'm a unique interpretation of that.
My mind is truly where we all are playing to one another and playing together.
And that's why I say your mind is a battlefield.
Your mind is a battlefield.
That is where so much is going on.
Please take care of your mind,
Body,
And soul.
We are all going to church and praying.
We are all eating the right foods and exercising.
Those things are very important.
Taking care of the soul and the body.
The mind needs to be taken care of too.
I love playing Sudoku.
I love puzzles.
I love thinking about things.
The mind needs to be cared for.
And that is what a lot of my work is structured around,
Is debugging the operating system.
Taking care of the body physically.
And allowing the mind to be free from these mind bugs.
And one of them is this feeling that you have been abandoned and that we need an atmosphere of trauma around that.
If anyone says anything about being abandoned,
It's automatically,
Oh my gosh,
I'm so sorry.
Are you okay?
And how come someone can't go through someone abandoning them and be okay?
And your initial reaction can't be,
Wow,
You were abandoned.
How did that shape you as an individual?
What did that teach you?
Right?
Why can't we automatically go into the solution-oriented place and we're automatically putting them in an atmosphere of trauma?
Because what I'm telling you,
That is doing to people.
Especially when they're going through something at age six like me and I just told people my dad had died,
Which wasn't even true because I just didn't want to go there.
We're really forcing character upon them.
That might not be the best way for them to uniquely interpret this experience.
And then they have to go to therapy and they have to unpack stuff and they're six years old and they don't even know how to pack.
How am I supposed to unpack stuff when I don't know how to pack?
I'm learning.
That's a funny metaphor.
I love that.
So let's please collectively,
I would love,
Love,
Love for you to work on thinking of it like this,
That you have never,
Ever been abandoned because you always have a father.
It's God,
The ultimate operating system.
And you always have a mother.
It's mother earth,
The body,
The embodiment.
And your mind is battlefield.
So please take that bug out of there.
And then try to process whatever you're trying to process.
And don't tie it to a million instances of that happening.
And now the unworthiness monster is rearing its ugly head and asking you questions that are unanswerable because they are based on nothing but lies.
You are 100% worthy of having love in your life.
You are 100% supported right now,
Always,
And forever by a mother and father.
Just because they're not in a human body does not mean that you do not have them.
I love you guys so much.
Thank you for being here with me and allowing this space to process these things and basically reprogram the universal mind.
It takes all of us hacking our brain,
Working together,
Going into this battlefield that is the mind.
And through my work,
I am realizing how unexplored the mind is.
And I love adventure.
So thank you for joining me on the adventure.
Thank you for being here.
You're a human being.
And I love,
Love,
Love you.
I love you so much.
You are my best friend.
You are my greatest teacher.
You hold me just like I hold you.
And I'm blessed for you to be here.
So please take a deep breath.
Let that all sink in and come together in your heart.
You're a beautiful,
Beautiful,
Unique expression of the cosmos and the earth and everything in between.
Thank you for standing by my side as my brother and sister and being a companion here for those around you.
The journey has so much meaning with you here.
Thank you for bringing meaning to life.
And I hope that you have a beautiful,
Beautiful day.
