Covid - 19: Fresh Grief

These meditations focus on grief at this time of the COVID19 virus. Amidst all this change and the natural emotion of grief, I offer a reminder of what does not change: awareness. Interwoven with brief teachings on grief are silences for reflection and meditation.

We join our beloved community in a shared experience to grieve not alone, but together, and find our calm true nature, our original Self, here and now in this present moment. It begins and ends with 3 rings of the singing bowl.

Transcript

Bell Bell Bell Bell Hello,

This is Jacob Watson.

I was a grief counselor and I'm an interfaith minister and author.

I've been posting morning blessing gift meditations on Insight Timer for over a year.

This is the first in a series of brief teachings and meditations on grief addressing the COVID-19 virus.

We come together in these extraordinary times when everything has changed.

Our usual lifestyle,

Our way of living has changed.

All of our five senses confirm what we see,

What we smell,

What we taste,

What we feel,

What we touch or don't touch.

All is changed.

Thus we grieve for our usual,

Our typical way of being.

It is no more.

Add to that the grief we feel for all the sickness and death around us and the grieving of so many others.

We feel that as well.

The staggering figure of 19,

000 people having died in New York City and with the coronavirus among us,

Every meeting,

Gathering,

Event,

Trip,

Party,

Funeral,

Commencement,

Ordination and so-called normal activity is altered.

Life is suddenly and daily different.

I had to cancel trips to see our granddaughter in Connecticut and to see our son and his wife in Massachusetts.

We can't even see our daughter who lives just 20 minutes away.

A New York City policeman says,

Just everything.

I miss everything.

That's how much grief we feel about everything.

We come together now here as a beloved community,

Even especially those of us who are different.

We still share living in this time of a pandemic.

Like it or not,

We are together as never before.

Among what brings us together is our grief.

Here I'll offer a reflection on grief,

This time what I call fresh grief,

And we'll have some interwoven times for reflection and meditation.

So,

First is the understanding of fresh grief.

Now,

As we look around and see the impacts of the virus everywhere,

Down the street,

Across the yard,

On our phone or iPad,

The newspaper,

A natural human response is that we feel annoyed,

Depressed.

There's a kind of malaise that affects us.

We feel helpless,

Lazy.

We lack energy.

Daily tasks seem to take more energy than we remember them taking,

Or more time.

We don't feel like doing projects or starting or finishing projects around the house or cooking,

Cleaning,

The usual picking up,

Or even conversations with our family and friends.

Learning to use FaceTime or Zoom.

Just no energy.

This takes place without our really knowing what is happening.

So,

The first thing to do here is to bring awareness to whatever it is you are feeling.

Awareness.

Knowing what's going on with yourself.

This is a time for self-reflection and certainly meditation.

Please create or continue a time when you allow whatever it is,

Without naming it,

Even before naming it,

To come into the light of awareness,

To come up,

And for you to know something's going on.

I'm feeling something.

It may not have a name yet.

That's fine.

But bring your spotlight,

The flashlight of your awareness,

To shine on whatever it is,

To have the light of awareness shine on it.

Give yourself some time to do this.

Do it in the quiet times here in this meditation.

Another good time is early in the morning or,

Depending on you,

Late at night.

Allow yourself to say to yourself,

Ah,

I am experiencing something new.

It's a fresh feeling.

A new,

Fresh feeling.

This means slowing down,

Being an observer,

And staying in that witnessing place,

Not rushing to judge what you see or what you feel,

But just noticing.

Here we'll have some silence.

Please use it to feel whatever it is you are already feeling,

To witness what you are feeling.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Now,

In this silence,

Perhaps the light of awareness has found a target,

Something to settle on,

To notice.

I am experiencing something.

It's fresh.

It's new.

And that very quality,

The freshness,

Gives it energy and perhaps even clarity.

It's like,

For me,

A hand tapping me on my shoulder saying,

Here I am.

Pay attention.

Witness me.

Pay attention to me.

I have energy.

It's like a new flower in the spring,

Popping its head above the ground,

Calling for your full attention to its existence and beauty.

Now,

Let's try giving that feeling a label.

I suggest giving it the label of grief.

A label helps.

It's not a myriad of other things.

It's new,

So it could be anything,

Any feeling.

But it's this particular specific one.

And for now,

We'll call it grief.

Here it is,

That fresh sprout of grief.

It's a natural feeling.

I'll say that again because it's so important.

It's a natural feeling.

We feel it because we're human.

Or,

Perhaps we're human,

Even more human,

Because we feel it.

This feeling that you feel is fresh and it's grief.

Try that on.

Turn the words around on your tongue and in your mind.

Fresh grief.

Fresh grief.

We'll have a little more silence now.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Often,

Too soon,

Comes the question,

What am I supposed to do with it?

It's a bother,

A nuisance.

Our mind loves judgments.

Our mind says,

Oh,

This grief is a nuisance.

I'll just try to cope with it until it goes away.

I'll distract myself.

I'll cope with it somehow.

But we need to remember that the universe doesn't bring events like this virus to us to just cope,

To muddle our way through it.

No.

The universe brings it to us to learn,

To grow,

And to transform.

Or,

Even as Andrew Harvey says,

To mutate.

The universe doesn't trifle,

As we are seeing with COVID-19.

The universe wants to be sure it has our attention.

It brings us what I call soul-sized events.

After all,

The beautiful crocus flowers coming up right now are not saying,

Oh,

Phew,

I made it through that long winter.

I coped.

Now I can just relax and shove my brown stalk up above the earth and hang out here.

No.

The crocus flower transforms from a shy,

Stubby brown stalk hiding away to an alive plant that keeps growing,

Turns green,

Uses the winter's rest to gather its energy.

And lo and behold,

It transforms into a magnificent,

Strong,

Bright flower that echoes the colorful curves and spirals of the universe itself.

So,

Here it is,

This fresh grief.

Take a breath and allow this feeling to simply be with you.

It has come to be with you.

No answers.

So,

Forget the questions.

No,

I just have to cope.

No,

I'm just supposed to do something with it.

None of that,

Because that's all mind-generated.

This is your emotional life,

Your heart life.

At this moment in time,

You are allowing yourself to feel fresh grief.

We'll have some more silence.

Thank you.

So,

Now come back to your awareness of fresh grief.

It comes to wake you up.

Allow yourself to feel fresh grief.

It's like a stimulus,

A soul-sized gift.

It says,

Here I am.

I come to join you to be part of your life now.

I come to wake you up.

I come to wake you up out of depression,

Lethargy and misunderstanding and even understanding.

Here I am,

Fresh grief.

Allow yourself to feel the wake-up call of the fresh grief and especially its freshness,

Its newness and its energy.

Let it sparkle and tingle.

Avoid rushing to understand it.

It is here.

Understanding only kicks in the mind and questions and wishing it were over.

Right now,

It's not over.

It's fresh grief.

Right now,

I want to highlight the critical quality of awareness or consciousness.

A human quality,

Yet one that does not change.

Our awareness is a constant.

Our awareness is even awake and functioning when we sleep.

Right now,

Here,

You are aware of this new grief.

Our instinct and experience tell us that it will change and it will.

Like all emotions,

It will change.

It's destined to change,

But right now,

It's here.

So,

As we conclude,

One last point is critical.

We haven't had to ask why we're grieving.

Thus,

We are free of that need.

We just acknowledge that we feel fresh grief.

No mind is needed to figure out,

To understand why.

That's not the point.

The point is that we feel what we feel,

And right now,

In this moment,

It is fresh grief,

Which brings us energy and we are aware of it.

And that by itself is healthy.

I'll post another reflection on grief and COVID-19 soon.

May you be well.

To conclude,

I'll ring the singing bowl three times.

Reviews

Such an enabling tool to cope with change and grief of that life before Covid-19. Thank you for compiling with care. This is a gift to every single person on the planet.

Wonderful. Enjoyed sitting with these arising feelings and then giving them a name. 🙏

💖this was brilliant, you're so right, it is fresh grief, truly, I look forward to your next inspired and wise meditation, thank you so much for these words, Jacob💖