Covid-19: Forever Grief

These are meditations on grief during the Covid-19 pandemic. Amidst all this change and the natural emotion of grief, I offer a reminder of what does not change. This new format combines spiritual teachings on grief and coping strategies with silences for reflection and meditation. We join our beloved community in a shared experience to grieve not alone, but together, to find our unchanging nature of awareness, our original Self, here and now. It begins and ends with three rings of the singing bowl.

Transcript

High audio Hello,

This is Jacob Watson and this is a continuation in the series of teachings and meditations on grief that address the COVID-19 virus with which we are now living.

Welcome.

Pre-woven with these teachings on grief are coping strategies and three silent times for meditation,

Times for reflection and integration.

In these times,

We need to remind ourselves that because we are human,

We live with grief,

Small and large,

All the time.

We don't always like this,

But it's a fact.

We live with grief all the time.

And nowadays with COVID-19,

That fact is amplified many fold.

Plus,

There are signs that the virus is having a resurgence for the foreseeable future.

So this amplification will continue.

In addition to the usual normalcy in this human realm of everything changing all the time,

Now we are faced with a whole new layer of grief.

Again,

Small and large,

Different intensities.

I suggest we call this grief forever grief.

Now,

I understand that to hear or say the phrase forever grief is daunting.

And our first response might be,

Oh no,

I don't want to feel grief forever.

And it is daunting because it reminds us just when we might be trying to avoid the feeling of grief that we cannot avoid it.

It's like the COVID-19 virus.

Just when we think it is going away,

It comes back and more people are infected.

Grief comes back to remind us we are human.

In the human realm,

Virus or not,

The truth is that grief is here to stay.

That is because we are human and we feel.

That's the truth.

We feel and one of those feelings is grief.

In fact,

We can say that the more we feel,

The more we are alive and healthy.

But it doesn't stop there.

And this is good news,

Although perhaps not the good news you expected to hear.

We keep feeling.

We feel grief naturally for what is here in our lives and then is gone from our lives.

Again,

That is healthy because the grief is a natural emotion in this human realm.

Grief can be small,

Low intensity,

Such as walking from one room to the next,

Leaving one environment and entering a new one,

And thus missing and grieving what we used to have in that old room.

We leave what we've known and enter into the unknown,

Even if it's just going from room to room,

Just as we have left the life we had before the virus and entered life with the virus.

Grief can be large,

High intensity,

Especially these days of COVID-19,

Such as having a long time partner who gets sick with the virus and perhaps dies.

Suddenly the person that we were sharing our life with is gone.

The chair across from you on the other side of the kitchen table is empty.

We know we will feel this grief in some form forever.

It is forever grief.

Yet the feeling of even this sharp grief will change in intensity.

Even while it changes in intensity,

It remains familiar.

It helps to remind ourselves that we are familiar with grief.

We know grief,

And it knows us.

We can even say,

As perhaps a poet does,

Oh,

Hello again.

I know you.

You are familiar as the spring raindrops on my windowpane.

And familiar means forever.

But familiar doesn't mean grief stays the same,

For it too is forever changing.

Sometimes it is hot,

Intense grief that seems to burn all it touches in its fire.

It's fierce because our love was fierce,

And our sorrow is deep and very present.

Now,

Let's have some silence to contemplate our grief that is burning.

Bring it with you into this silence.

Now,

Let's have some silence.

Now coming out of the silence,

We remember over time that grief,

Though still around,

Doesn't always have the same intensity.

Even in this brief silence,

You probably experienced your grief changing.

Maybe we just get tired from the intensity,

Or the grief has burned itself out a bit.

Either way,

The grief has calmed down some,

Though it is still burning,

But not as fiercely,

Not as hot.

It's just there,

Now a little more under control,

Remaining,

Reminding us of what we lost,

And how much we loved.

Now we lament,

Which is a little more quiet,

More private,

More interior.

Lamentation is a good word,

A descriptive word.

It's also a process that now is not quite as sharp,

As hot as it was before.

While we remember when it was scorching a while ago,

When we pay attention now to this new present moment,

The grief,

My grief,

Is less demanding,

It's cooled some,

It's a little less intense.

Let's have some silence to contemplate our grief that is less intense.

We are aware of it,

Which is always a key quality of health,

Awareness.

We are aware of it,

Which is always a key quality of health,

Awareness.

We are aware of it,

Which is always a key quality of health,

Awareness.

Coming out of the silence,

We are refreshed,

Renewed,

And when we focus our awareness,

Perhaps hoping for peace,

We find grief again.

But do not be disheartened,

For now the grief is smaller,

Less intense.

Every once in a while,

We might be triggered by something in the present,

Like an overheard song melody or song lyrics,

A particular specific smell,

Or it could be a sudden visual image and suddenly triggered the grief returns.

This is a kind of middle road.

We feel the grief,

But it's not overwhelming.

We even know in our mind from our experience that it will diminish,

Get smaller,

But now it's pretty present,

Not overwhelming,

But it sure is here.

Just knowing this is relieving and the grief,

While present,

Has been worse and it will get better,

Smaller.

We're here in the middle,

As it were,

But the knowledge,

We can call it wisdom born out of experience,

Grows that forever grief,

Even as it comes and goes,

As it changes in intensity,

Is something we can accept as part of our human life.

The wisdom tells us that to feel grief is not only healthy,

But it is acceptable because it is part and parcel of being human,

And human we are.

Again,

We have a time for silence,

The stillness that waits for us underneath all this forever grief.

Let this silence be free of the grief that you know is underneath forever,

But not showing right now.

The forever grief is back there,

In the background,

Somewhere,

Buried for now,

But you know with a wise knowledge that it will show up again when it needs to,

But for now you have only this silence and freedom.

Again,

Coming out of the silence.

We remember that grief is not always something big and strange.

It is a known and a familiar quantity.

This is valuable and it's a helping coping skill.

As odd as it sounds,

We get used to it.

It is not that big a thing.

Or perhaps,

Yes,

It is a big thing at first,

Intense,

A huge thing,

But it changes.

It always changes.

It becomes less intense,

Even small and more familiar.

It's a part of everyday life.

Oh,

Yeah,

That again.

And thus it loses its impact.

It's not a surprise.

It's just a part of us,

Part of our humanity.

Forever grief,

We can normalize it,

But not too normal because we want to retain our humanity by allowing ourselves to feel it.

We don't want to be overwhelmed by it.

It's just part and parcel of being human.

It's a question of finding the balance.

COVID-19 is a fact now,

And we respond with an emotional response,

But not a reaction,

Whereby we overreact.

Response is healthy.

Reaction not so much.

Reaction usually means we are adding an overlay of unfinished business,

Unfinished grief,

Best described as ghosts from the past,

But response,

That's okay.

When it comes back,

We respond and say,

This is familiar.

And we can also say,

We know what to do.

We feel and express the natural feeling,

Storytelling,

Tears,

Et cetera.

Yes,

It's forever.

And when it's high level,

Intense and overwhelming,

We know it will change,

Eventually become low level,

No big deal,

Even small.

So a balance.

This is now the time to remember that you are an observer of all this feeling of forever grief,

Whether it is fiercely intense,

Medium-sized or small.

Feel yourself activate your coping skill,

All your witnessing skills and tools,

Your five senses plus your sixth sense,

Your intuition.

All of them are used to see,

To hear,

To feel,

To observe.

As I've said before,

Just knowing this,

Your role as an observer is a critical and I would say even a beautiful coping skill and a relieving one.

That's it for now.

I'll post another reflection on grief and COVID-19 soon.

In the meantime,

May you stay safe and be well and healthy.

To conclude our time together,

I'll ring the singing bowl three times.

Reviews

Comforting insights and beautiful words weaved in with time for reflection. This was so helpful for our current times and the collective grief we are all feeling.