When a significant relationship ends,
People often say you will get over it.
That time heals all wounds,
That there are other people out there.
That this too shall pass.
All of those things may eventually be true.
Spectacularly unhelpful in the early days of a breakup when you are lying on the floor of your feelings.
Wondering who on earth you are without this person in your life.
Because that is the part that doesn't get talked about enough.
A breakup.
Is not just the loss of a person.
It's the loss of a whole ecosystem.
The shared language inside jokes.
The way Sundays felt,
The version of yourself that existed inside that particular relationship,
The way you were seen by that particular set of eyes.
The way you showed up.
In that particular dynamic.
When the relationship ends.
Some part of your identity goes with it.
Mmm.
The disorientation of that the sense of not being.
Knowing who you are anymore without this other person as a reference point for you.
Can be just as painful as missing them.
Feeling their absence.
Most feeling advice focuses on the other person.
Getting over them,
Letting them go.
And while that matters,
There's something that matters even more.
Coming back to yourself.
Because.
.
.
Somewhere in the relationship.
You may have drifted.
Most of us do.
We shape ourselves.
Consciously.
Or unconsciously.
Around.
Another person.
So what we do?
We pick up their preferences.
We pick up their rhythm.
Their ways of seeing things.
We give more than.
We keep for ourselves.
And the work of healing is not just grieving what was lost.
It is the often surprising and sometimes joyful work of rediscovering who you actually are on your own.
What do you like?
What do you want?
Not what works for the relationship.
But what is yours?
Reclaiming your name is the practice we will work with today.
So if you can.
Please gently close your eyes.
And give yourself.
Time.
To take a slow and deep breath.
And then say your own name,
Silently or out loud if that feels right.
Your full name,
If you like.
Or just a name that is most essentially yours.
Say it again.
Slowly,
Gently,
The way you would say the name of someone you are genuinely glad to see.
And check in.
To notice what happens as you say it.
Some people feel a surprising tenderness.
Some feel emotion they did not expect.
Some feel,
For the first time in a while,
The sense of their own presence.
See what you feel.
You were here before this relationship.
You have always been here and you are still here now.
Perhaps a little worn,
A little uncertain of where to go next.
But you are still here.
Now say your name one more time.
Let it be welcome.
A homecoming.
A loving recognition of the person who was always at the center of your own life.
Even.
When you forgot to look.
And now open your eyes.
Healing from a breakup is not about becoming who you were before.
It's about becoming more fully yourself than you have perhaps ever been.
And that is.
Worth the grief it costs to get there.
Take care of yourself.
And have a wonderful day.
