The Reason We Do Nothing

Sometimes, we get stuck, frozen in that space in between Action towards our desires and running from the fear of not getting them. This talk delves into what's really going on inside us in these moments, and includes questions to reflect on - for getting unstuck.

Transcript

The reason we do nothing.

I read a really great quote one day that said,

What we want is often buried inside of what we fear.

And that was meant to illustrate a situation that many people find themselves in constantly where they're afraid to go for what they want.

What they really want.

They'll settle for something adjacent to it or less or often times they'll just settle for whatever they have now.

You know,

Saying it's better than nothing.

Or some people have it way worse.

Etc.

But in actuality,

When we're not going for what we want or settling for the situation as is or for second best,

It's not a matter of us really understanding what's going on.

We might think by settling we're playing it safe.

But in actuality,

We're not responding to the fear nor the desire of the thing.

The aversion of going after what we want would push us away from the thing.

The thought that I'm too scared to go talk to this person because they might reject me.

But all the while,

You stay close to that person.

You stay around them,

You send them texts,

You make sure you cross their path.

And you might walk up to them and ask for the time or ask for something else.

Or just watch them from afar.

It's not the case that you don't have that desire there.

You're still into them.

You're not averse to them.

Else you'd be running scared.

But instead,

You don't go for what you want.

You don't run from what you want.

Instead,

You do nothing.

Or you do random things around the periphery that don't really address your genuine desire.

It's this whole situation where the want as in I want to talk to them,

I want to spend less time working,

I want to leave this life behind.

That's the attraction,

The genuine desire,

And it pulls you towards.

The fear is the aversion,

The thing that pushes you away or repels you or compels you to run to attempt to save your life.

As both of those things are present in you,

There's this sort of cancelling out,

There's a neutralization.

They cancel each other out and you're left in a state of inaction.

You're not going towards it,

You're not going away.

Or maybe there might be moments where you go towards it,

Then you back away or vice versa,

But there's this constant balancing act.

A push and pull in two opposite directions that leaves you inert.

And just like in physics,

When you have equal and opposite forces on any object,

There's no motion,

No change.

And that's really the reason we do nothing.

We're grappling with these two pulls.

There's a pull of affirmation,

A yes,

I want this.

And a pull of denial or rejection,

No,

I don't want this,

I reject this.

It's too risky,

It's too strange or unknown.

So we're left in this neutral zone.

What if we then were to acknowledge our fear?

What if we were to look inside and see,

To admit to ourselves what we're really averse to?

And use that knowledge to address the underlying problem.

Afraid of rejection or afraid of ridicule,

Of failure,

Of change.

What would make us less afraid?

What would help us reject the fear of rejection,

Reject the fear of failure?

What if we affirmed and said to ourselves,

Yes?

What if we admitted to ourselves that this is really a failure?

What if we admitted to ourselves that this is really genuinely what I want?

Oftentimes,

Admitting it,

That's the scary part.

Because that opens us up to the idea that we might not get what we want.

Reality may be so cruel as to deny us of what we truly desire.

So we deny ourselves first,

Or we stay in the middle,

Abstaining from denial and affirmation and pseudo-satisfaction.

We minimize and neutralize our desires.

But what if we said yes?

What if we started to negotiate with ourselves and even reality on how to get just what we want?

What if we said yes,

This is what I want?

Instead,

The response was,

Okay.

Okay,

Go after it.

In any way that you know how,

Just go.

And if it turns out you don't get it,

You know,

There's this knowing and remembering that it's just for the moment.

You don't get it right now.

So it's better to go for it than to settle and tell yourself you don't want it or give yourself excuses as to why you don't need it.

And give in to that fear and rejection of that desire.

This is really the reason you don't get what you want.

The reason you don't get what you want is not because you can't have it.

It's because you do nothing.

Reviews

Profound. Deeply moving. A call to action from a place of compassion.

Love this, it’s a great perceptive and a great reminder to let go of fear

I needed to hear this talk this morning. Thank you.

Really great way of looking at things. Thank you for this perspective.

You are so on point! Thanks for saying what I needed to hear so clearly!

Very powerful and thought provoking stuff 🙏 I would add that it does get easier the more often you you do go for it. Even if not successful, it’s practice toward something even better is what I have come to find, if you can let go of perfectionism.

This brought me to tears. This was phenomenal and the answer to the question I’ve been asking today, thank you 💜

Such a good text, but so sad that for me it was very fast and sometimes unclear, since English is my second language!
Thank you anyway.🙏🏻🌺

Really enjoying all of these tracks. So helpful, thank you 🙏🏼

Insightful. Also — maybe we can’t decide what we want? That could be part of the problem.

Yep. Been there. Done that.
Thanks for the reminder to take action.

A very honest look at fears. Fears that most of us carry and I have deeply (trauma) within me. But, I can observe my fears without judgement, and then experiment by taking action. Very beautiful and honest look within! Thank you 🙏

Thank you. Helped me with the courage to change what I can. To be humble but yet take action towards what I desire. Get after it! And be OK with the results

This is really good. I was trained in human potential & this is what my mentor told me. If you want something you need to go for it otherwise it’s not gonna be good lol. Thanks for a beautiful reflection. Love this.

Echoes of my own struggle, such a simple and effective reminder of how to manage those emotions. Thank you so much! 🙏

Excellent Roswell, looking forward to revisiting. Namaste 🙏

Wow so true and so well articulated. I'll be listening to this again. Thank you 💝

Lays out the conflict of wanting and fearing very well. He really got me thinking!

Namaste Devine soul, you speak truth, much gratitude 🙏🦋🌻🌏🌼☀️✨🌟💫🧘‍♀️🥰🕊

I found this very though provoking and well paced. Thank you.