Everyday Mindfulness Show: Not Me? Struggling In Times Of Pressure With Tina Greenbaum

Tina Greenbaum, M.Ed., LCSW is an Optimal Performance Coach and a dynamic workshop leader. Throughout her extensive career of 36 years, she has been a pioneer in combining traditional psychotherapy with body awareness, energy psychology, neuroscience and spirituality. In her book, Mastery Under Pressure, Tina helps readers discover a five-step system to have ultimate confidence, achieve super human results and break through limiting mindsets.

Transcript

Welcome to the Everyday Mindfulness Show where we educate and inspire people to live fuller lives through mindful practices.

Let's get started with your host,

New York Times contributor,

Leadership advisor,

Sought after keynote speaker,

The author of the Amazon hot new release,

Everyday Mindfulness from chaos to calm in a crazy world,

She's smart,

Strong,

Sassy,

And a trendsetter in the field of mindful leadership.

Your host,

Holly Duckworth.

Another episode of the Everyday Mindfulness Show.

In these interesting times,

We are more committed now than ever to providing you tools and research and access to the experts that are living mindful lives and teaching us how to be more mindful and I have brought a special guest onto the show.

My friend Tina Greenbaum is the optimal performance coach.

She's a speaker,

She's a trainer.

She is working now and is very busy.

She is also the author of a book,

Mastery Under Pressure.

What stands between you and your goals is you.

Welcome to the show,

Tina.

Thanks for taking a few moments out of your busy day to serve the audience here at the Everyday Mindfulness Show.

Thank you so much and thanks for doing this.

You bring three decades of experience and it's so great because we think,

Oh,

We've all been through so much and so much and so much and this pandemic has level set all of us.

Absolutely.

To honor the needs of our mind and our heart,

To learn how to grow through these times of uncertainty.

I'm curious,

You talk a lot about learned skills.

What are some of the learned skills that we can explore in these times knowing that we're all in kindergarten again?

Right,

That's right.

So I like to say that good mental health is not a natural sport,

It's a learned sport.

And so particularly now we have to learn how to manage this level of uncertainty as you mentioned.

It's a level of stress and I use the definition of stress as the perceived amount of control that you think you have or you don't have.

So the operative word is perceived.

And in many situations,

We can look at what's in my control,

What's out of my control and we can make decisions rather quickly sometimes that we kind of,

Oh,

It's my attitude or it's a job that's terrible and I could get out of the job and we can change things relatively quickly.

We are now in a situation where it's a collective,

We're out of control.

So it's kind of contagious.

But at the same time,

We can still come back to that same operative question of what's in my control,

What's out of my control.

And when things get really bad,

Like really bad and have gotten really bad in my life,

I always go back to Viktor Frankl and his book,

Man in Search of Meaning.

And he was a psychiatrist that was in a concentration camp.

And his book is all about,

They could take everything away from me,

But they can't take away my mind.

And so at this time,

We have to be really mindful,

Which is why Holly and I kind of have this synergistic relationship with this,

Because mindfulness is becoming aware in the present moment without judgment.

It's a definition that I use.

And so it's the awareness,

Being aware of what is going on,

Being aware of how you're feeling,

How you're thinking,

What's going on physically.

Stress is a body and a mind experience.

So as Holly and I were talking just before we got on,

I'm anxious.

I've got a whole family and friends and community all over the world.

I lived in New York for a really long time.

It's my home,

Not physically right now,

But so I'm anxious.

And so,

Okay,

So now that I notice that I'm anxious,

What are my remedies for managing this anxiety when there was so much that is out of my control?

Okay,

So I feel it physically.

My muscles are tight.

My heart is racing.

My hands may be clammy.

My thoughts may be really racy,

Which are typical symptoms of the nervous system being activated.

Stress hormones are going through the body.

Okay,

So what can I do?

Well,

Yoga is really good for that.

Breathing is really good for that.

Breathing on something that relaxes the body.

So I will go and maybe put on a yoga thing.

I've done it for so many years.

I'll just pull out my yoga mat and I'll do my exercises.

Or I'll sit in meditation.

Oh,

But my mind now is,

I'm sitting in meditation.

My mind is so busy.

Okay,

So what can I do with my mind?

Where are my thoughts running?

Well,

Meditation is focused concentration.

So I could just pull out a pen and I could just focus on the pen.

And as soon as I begin to do that,

I can feel,

Because I've meditated for so many years,

I can feel sort of that relaxation happening.

Things are happening in the brain that are just starting to calm down that left side of the brain with that chatter.

It calms that down.

Oh,

Now it feels really good and I'm feeling more spacious.

So a meditation practice,

Even if you've never done it before,

You can start focusing on a word.

You can focus on your breath.

Again,

Just remembering that meditation is focused concentration.

Then people say,

Well,

I've never been,

I can't get my mind really quiet.

So they have an assumption that the mind is supposed to be really,

You're going to go into this end state.

That may be a result of your meditation,

But meditation again is unfocused.

My mind gets distracted.

I bring it back.

My mind gets distracted.

I bring it back.

You could set a timer,

Five minutes,

Three minutes,

And begin to start to practice learning how to meditate because you will create a new neural pathway that your brain begins to learn what meditation feels like and what meditation actually does is it quiets down again,

That chatter side,

That alert,

Alert,

Alert,

That part of the brain that's always looking for danger.

And it then begins to start to work on the prefrontal cortex,

Which is the part,

It's the executive branch.

It's the one that says,

Okay,

I see what's going on.

I know how to handle this.

I know what I need to do.

So this is just a couple.

Yeah,

I love that.

And then Tina,

One of the things that I've been experiencing with my clients and I imagine maybe you are as well is what we were talking about life changes in a day,

But for us now,

There seems to be a condensing factor that perhaps in the previous model within the framework of a day,

We might feel happy or sad.

We could identify one or two emotions now that that life happens in an hour.

Might be the anxiety rising.

The awareness that rises up,

I'm getting my clients are calling and they're like,

Holly,

I just had five emotions in the last 30 minutes.

I was happy that I was sad that I was frustrated that you and I've been teaching this and preaching this from the rooftops for many years.

But how are you inviting your clients?

You know,

We maybe didn't have the skills to process through those two emotions in a day and now we've got 20 in an hour.

How are you helping people honor that?

I think one of the things that really is going on that when we don't talk very much,

We talk a lot about anxiety and stress and depression,

But we're not talking about loss and grief.

And I think that this is a huge underlying piece of what is happening.

I'm actually going to be on a summit on April 10,

I think it is talking about this.

So loss comes in many,

Many different ways.

And we think of big losses,

You know,

What losing a job losing a loved one,

But we've lost our freedom.

You know,

We've lost so many things and with loss comes grief.

And with grief comes again,

Depression and anxiety and a whole bunch of loneliness.

And so I think the more we can expand our self awareness,

Yes,

I am having these range of emotions.

Okay,

So as soon as I can name it,

Then I can come up with a,

You know,

With a tool or a technique or a tip or something to be able to manage that and it may be up and down all over the place in one day.

Okay.

My husband teaches tennis.

And he's not teaching tennis right now.

And nothing makes him happier than teaching and getting outside and,

And so having to readjust to this new normal and being able to shift.

Okay,

So again,

Again,

When I think of really good mental health,

It's how flexible or agile the mind can be.

So what was two minutes ago,

Is now no more.

And that could go on in a day,

You know,

I mean,

It's just on a call with another friend who has two 15 year old teenagers at home that are driving her crazy.

And,

You know,

She's supposed to homeschool.

She said,

I was never a homeschool mom to begin with,

You know,

And run a major business and do all these kinds of things.

So it's how flexible can we recognize what's going on in that moment.

And then be with that,

That really is,

Again,

This mindfulness piece,

That is the piece of,

You know,

Be here now.

And,

And being in the moment and,

And,

And seeing what we can let go of.

So Tina,

I want to want to go because we're so close into a little bit of a deeper,

Maybe a more vulnerable question,

You use the word flexibility.

And often on the show over the last years,

We've talked a lot about mindfulness practices that you do with yourself.

And right now,

I'm going to ask you a question,

How does one know if they need a therapist?

Like what's the question they should be asking themselves that might guide them to that exploration?

How do I know when I need some help in my mindful practice?

Beautiful,

Beautiful.

So it's usually when we get to a place where we just don't have the answers anymore.

So that's like everybody right now.

I know,

I know.

But it's like,

Am I,

Am I,

And it could be right now.

I mean,

That's why I'm really busy right now.

Because the world needs therapists,

The world needs us,

Holly,

That's what we were kind of talking about,

You know,

We were,

We were kind of groomed for this time.

Because I'm so grateful,

I this,

That I have the skills that I'm able to use for myself.

Because if I can use them,

Then I can teach them.

So that that question about when do I need additional help?

It's I'm feeling really badly.

And I don't know how and the word is how I don't know how to move to the next step.

I keep coming up with the same issues,

The same issues,

The same things over and over and over again.

I want to grow.

And yet I don't have the skill.

So I'm actually a psychotherapist by training and I do a lot of coaching,

But I really am a teacher.

I teach skills.

And so for people to know more for the We're gonna make sure that the listeners on the show have access to your book and your coaching and your resources.

And we know that,

You know,

There's a lot of us doing this work out there.

How does one shop for a therapist like right now we know on some level,

We don't have the time to do the shopping,

We don't maybe have a way of perception,

We don't have the money.

We're trying to figure out our interest to try to figure out all those things.

But let's just just say they've gotten through through those hurdles.

And they've said,

I'm,

I'm gonna do my self care.

And I'm gonna bring in a coach,

I'm gonna bring in a therapist to help me.

How what are some like questions people might use to shop to get paired up with someone like you?

Well,

I can pull it out,

Holly,

I actually have a list of how to choose a therapist,

I wrote an article somewhere back there,

I might have it in my thing.

But basically,

A good therapy relationship is like any good relationship that there's a there's a sense of relaxation,

There's a sense that I'm being heard.

There's somebody that I feel like is listening,

I think the listening part.

So what I actually suggest people do is kind of find the skills that are interesting to you.

So some,

There's so many different types,

Cognitive behavioral therapy,

Somatic therapy,

And do a little reading about what speaks to you.

Because again,

You don't want to get lost in the language.

But basically,

Do your research,

Find some names,

And pick up the phone,

Or send an email and ask if you can have a 30 minute consultation.

You can ask do you do consultations,

Complimentary consultations,

So that I can get a sense of you.

And a really good therapist will say yes.

And basically,

You get on the phone with that person,

Or,

You know,

Now we've got the internet.

And you see how you feel.

You know,

Is this somebody that you like?

Is this somebody that asked you that you feel really hears you?

A really good therapist is very,

Very insightful and very intuitive,

In my opinion.

And so you want to ask some questions about your problem and see how they answer.

Does it resonate with you?

It's the,

You know,

It's like,

Wow,

She gets me.

In these interesting,

Transformative,

Changing times,

We might call them uncertainty,

We're getting the invitation to recreate our relationship with a lot of words,

A lot of concepts.

I love your branding,

Mastery under pressure.

And there is embedded in this,

A sense of surrender to,

I'm no longer the master of myself,

But I'm going to master myself in a new way.

And I want to invite people who are exploring these times right now that this is also an invitation for us to recreate our relationship with those support professionals.

We talked a little bit about people are so resistant to a therapist or,

You know,

Resistant to yoga or resistant to meditation,

That maybe this is that time for us to recreate that all of those people are teachers and listening ears and support people.

So I,

You know,

Tina,

You and I've been friends for the last little while and have continued to learn and grow together,

But it's because we took off all of that stuff and said,

Let's grow good humans in this time of pressure.

And so I'm so grateful that you're on the show so we can invite our listeners to that same growth.

I think what you bring,

Holly,

And kind of the way that I look at it,

When people,

And again,

I call myself a coach,

A coach,

This or that,

You know,

But basically,

My job is to help people feel better about themselves.

You know,

Companies feel better about themselves,

Teams feel better about themselves,

So that we elevate our level of performance.

And so the fun part about personal growth,

You know,

And to take away that there's something wrong with me or there's,

You know,

I'm not this enough or that enough.

I always say,

You're already great.

You're already great.

What could be more interesting than you learning about you?

I mean,

I think that that's like,

That's fun,

You know?

Wow.

And then this is where real empowerment,

You know,

We talk about control.

I say that,

You know,

When we think about control,

We think about controlling external events,

You know,

Oh,

If he would only do this,

And she would do only that,

And if the president would only do this,

And this one would only do that,

Then real control,

Okay,

Is being a choice.

I get to choose my response.

I get to choose.

So with all the stuff that's going on,

This is magnified 1000 times,

We are called on right now to be experts at ourself.

We really are.

Okay,

And that's why the experts are out there,

You know,

Attempting to teach and how we can help people kind of raise their level of coping.

And so if you can get through this time and learn some new things about yourself and really,

Really get deep down and explore,

You know,

Again,

I come from a body mind perspective.

So I know when I feel out of control,

My shoulders get tight,

You know,

My muscles get tight.

So that's my that's like my signal,

Oh,

Where am I feeling out of control?

Oh,

Now I know what I need to do.

So these are shortcuts.

These are powerful,

Powerful,

Powerful tools,

That if anybody takes the time to learn to be mindful to use meditation to use these,

These skills that we have that are ancient,

Ancient,

Ancient skills.

We didn't make these up.

I didn't make this stuff up.

I just studied and studied with masters and learned and practiced and use myself as the guinea pig.

Oh,

Okay,

So you're telling me to do this,

Let me try this.

Okay,

I'll try it on.

Now I can teach it.

And so I'd like to really kind of encourage people to use this as a time of being excited and curious about how masterful they can become.

As we've been talking to various guests on the show that that is a theme that comes through is this awareness piece.

And while we know some of you are going to have time and resources to jump into a therapy relationship,

I love what you said about use this as a time to learn about you.

And it doesn't have to be expensive or even a lot of time.

I know some of some of the listeners will get the audio of this and some will get the visual on the show.

But one of the things I liked about what you said there,

Tina,

Is it can be as simple as a pen,

When your body senses that anxiety coming up and I'm overwhelmed,

Like just take a moment and focus on the end of the pen and breathe.

Or we've got,

Like you said,

We've got a lot of new school moms,

Moms that are homeschooling.

Maybe you just take that minute with the color crayon,

Breathe in and out and honor that.

And maybe you're in the kitchen and you're cutting the onions for dinner that we do have that alignment of mindfulness is the practice of being present in the moment.

And we've got some times and some moments in this new experience that we can learn to love ourselves and play with when it doesn't go well.

And so right when it does.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

And the good news about this good news,

Crazy news,

The way to kind of make it and twist it into something productive is we do have time for things that we have not had time before.

You know,

Those of you who are in business and taking the time because everybody's home,

You know,

Get together with people and learn something new about one of your colleagues or,

Or your friends.

And I was just on a mastermind group with a group of women that I'm connected with and we were we were sitting in brainstorming and okay,

So what do you need?

How can I refer somebody to you?

You know,

And then how can I refer someone?

And so,

And then we give referral fees to one another and then we bring other people in.

And so it's really causing us to be extremely creative in a time that we could spend a lot of time worrying.

And I remember when I started my business many,

Many years ago,

And I was sitting around with a bunch of other clinicians and we were talking about just does worrying improve your business?

You know,

If I worry more,

I get more.

And now worry does not improve your business worry really kind of takes up a lot of psychic energy.

And this is a time where it is the most natural thing to do is to worry.

And so you can give yourself five minutes,

Okay,

Let me just really get into my fear.

Let me really feel it.

Let me let me just not,

You know,

Okay,

I'm done for now.

It's the same thing with grief.

You know,

I lost my parents in a car accident.

So I'm used I know what it feels like for your day in your world to be changed,

Like in a split second.

And I used to give myself time to grieve and cry and worry and then it's okay,

Now I'm back to work.

And so using this time to be really a student of you and and becoming aware of where you're getting stuck.

And then when you where you're getting stuck is the place that is going to help you guide you to what kind of help do I need?

It could be many things.

But that's where that's where that question is,

You know,

It's like,

Where am I stuck?

And trusting that that still small voice that intuition within you as you play with marinate,

Explore this question,

You know,

If you have a little chance to journal with it and play with it and see if that theme comes up at two in the morning when we're awake.

Yeah,

And and those those little tools and resources can help guide you to books and professionals like Tina to to help us explore that I,

I'm also Really wanting us to honor this time and using that that quite I wish when this is over,

I wish I had,

You know,

This will end we went whenever it ends.

Yes,

When we look back,

Will we be proud of the the thoughts we had the beliefs we did the things that we change the time we spent with our spouse,

Our co workers online or family members that whatever those things are,

I think now is also an opportunity to to be be grateful for that and schedule those things in,

You know,

I wish I'd called that long lost cousin,

Go put it on your phone and do it.

We wouldn't miss a dentist appointment,

We wouldn't miss a doctor's appointment,

You know,

Had we scheduled those things.

It's just that very unique dynamic time in our life where we can master and use this pressure for us and not against us.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

But Tina,

How do people find you?

So you can find me at my website,

Which is mastery under pressure.

Com.

You can write to me which I'd love you to write to me at Tina at mastery under pressure.

Com.

You can buy my book on Amazon,

Which is mastery under pressure.

We have a theme here.

There's a theme Yes.

As you can see.

So I'm pretty visible,

Pretty easy to get in touch with.

I actually even pick up my phone.

There's a phone number there.

It's 631-988-1109.

I like when people call,

Actually.

I can't always pick it up at the right time.

But I but it's a connection.

Again,

It's like,

Wow,

You know,

I remember the telephone.

I've never helped people did this.

So I'm,

That's how you can find me in any one of those ways.

So I appreciate this so much,

Holly,

To have an opportunity to,

To share because sitting again,

Sitting by myself in my own office,

And having this information that I want to get out,

I really appreciate you doing this.

So,

Well,

There are lots of ways to connect to you.

And what I know being being a C suite member is you're open with curiosity and discovery as well.

So if you're sitting at home listening to the show,

And you've got a small group or a team that needs virtual support or needs books or ideas,

We reference some articles,

Those kinds of things are available.

So don't hesitate,

Even if you don't know what the answer is,

But you know that Tina has it to follow that intuition and jump on on an email or on the line with her so that we can all become better masters of ourselves.

Thanks.

Thanks,

Tina.

Have a great day.

Thank you for joining us for today's show.

It's the ABCs of mindfulness.

Reviews

Thank you for sharing this fantastic dialogue!🙏🏻

Spoke to me deeply. Thank you!