Hello and welcome.
Thank you for joining me.
My name is Georgiana and I'm honored to guide you today through a talk and meditation on relationships.
I have a PhD in sociology and I've spent two decades doing research on social relationships and health.
I'm also a certified peaceful parenting educator and Gottman Institute leader for marriage and parenting courses.
I share over a decade of experience in mindfulness and movement in my evidence-based practices.
Today we're going to integrate scientific knowledge about relationships,
And that can be any relationship from family to romantic to friendship.
With a guided meditation and affirmation.
Research shows that our beliefs directly influence our behaviors.
So affirmations are a research-based way to change outcomes in our lives.
Even if we don't realize it,
We have constant self-talk,
And that acts as affirmations.
It shapes our beliefs and therefore our actions.
So it's important that we use mindfulness to become aware of our self-talk and align it with our desired outcomes.
So today I'm going to focus on.
.
.
Three things that successful couples do.
Based on research conducted by the Gottman Institute.
We start talking a bit about this,
If it feels right for you,
Get into a position that's comfortable to bring some gentle movement into your body.
Perhaps sitting down on a mat on the floor or even lying down on the bed.
You can do this from a seated or lying position.
Movement helps us come into our bodies come into the present moment and allows energy to flow especially in areas holding tension and stress.
The hips and pelvis being a particular area that stores a lot of relational stress and bottled emotions.
So perhaps you can do some gentle pelvic circles,
Pelvic.
.
.
Bridges,
Tilt.
Or butterfly pose.
So these can be seemingly tough times on relationships,
From the busyness of modern life and the focus on technology that makes it hard to connect with others,
To the very polarized social and political climate.
It's a time that makes it challenging to maintain social relationships.
But this is exactly the type of time that tests and strengthens the things that we strive for as we turn to meditation and mindfulness.
It reminds me of a Buddhist colleague who was learning meditation in New York in a flat above a busy restaurant,
Very loud environment.
And he told the monk,
Wow,
It's really hard to concentrate here.
And the monk chuckled and said,
That's exactly why we do it here.
If you can learn to meditate here you can do it anywhere.
Similarly,
With difficult and trying times in our relationships,
Those are the best times to put meditation,
Mindfulness,
And spiritual practices to work to strengthen relationships.
So let's start with what we know about relationships.
Decades of research that follows couples over long periods has learned that there's some really important things that most successful couples do consistently.
And we'll talk about three of these today.
The first is that they use conflict to deepen their connection with one another.
It's not that they enjoy conflict,
But they can look back on times of conflict and express how it helped them to grow,
Both as individuals or help the relationship grow.
The second thing that successful couples do is they express fondness and admiration for each other.
Daily and don't focus on deficits of the relationship or of their partner.
Daily small expressions of fondness.
Placing a hand on the back as the partner walks by,
Leaving a small love note,
Sending a text message.
All of those things on a daily basis change both your own thoughts about your partner and also how they interact with you.
The third thing that successful couples do is that they vividly share memories versus allowing them to dissipate.
They take time to fondly think about good times together and memories.
So research also shows that not only does it take two to tango,
But each person's behavior is at least 50% and even up to 70% of the relationship dynamic.
So even just changing our own behavior can lead to really great changes and improvements in your partner.
And again,
This is relevant whether you are in a relationship journey currently hoping to heal a relationship or to call in new love into your life.
Love is resilient.
Let's settle into a comfortable stillness now.
And shift our focus to our breath.
Finding a position that's most comfortable for you that will allow you to breathe deeply and freely.
In whatever position feels right for you,
Gently close your eyes placing your right hand on your belly.
Your left hand on your heart or your chest.
And envision the relationship that you are here for,
The relationship you desire.
Perhaps it's the one with yourself.
Or a significant other,
A child,
A friend.
Any relationship you want to deepen and nourish.
Begin with a deep inhalation through your nose An audible exhalation through your mouth.
And release tension from your jaw.
Release the tongue from the roof of your mouth.
Drop your shoulders.
Release any tightness you might be holding in your arms.
Your hands,
Your thighs,
Your back,
Your feet.
And turning your attention to the hand on your belly,
Feel your belly rise as you take a deep inhalation through your nose.
And as you exhale,
Say out loud,
I am loving and lovable.
Take another deep inhalation.
And as you exhale,
Repeat.
Whatever energies I put out.
I will receive back.
Take another deep inhalation.
And as you exhale Repeat.
I can use challenging times to strengthen myself.
And my relationship.
Continue taking these deep belly breaths,
Releasing tension and negative and limiting beliefs with each out breath.
As you gently bring awareness back into your body by wiggling your fingers and your toes and blinking your eyes.
I'd like you to think about one thing that you can do starting today to deepen your relationships,
To nourish them.
Perhaps it's a small love note.
Perhaps it's having a mini date in which you look back at photos together and reflect on memories.
Remember that you can change the dynamic in your relationships greatly simply by making small changes in your habits of thinking and behaving.
May you move through your interactions today with ease and grace,
And I look forward to seeing you next time.
Thank you for joining me.
