Compassion For Empaths - LIVE Talk & Recording 09/16/22

This is (part of) the recording of Femke's Weekly Live on 16 September 2022. In this recording, Femke explains the difference between compassion and empathy, & how empaths can learn to stop suffering with others, while keeping an open heart. Femke then lets you experience for yourself in a guided meditation how that works. If, after listening to this talk you feel you want to do the meditation again, the recording of the practice only is also available in her list with audio tracks.

Transcript

Hi everyone,

Welcome at my weekly Friday live.

Lovely that you are here.

My name is Femke Bucker,

One of the meditation teachers here on Insight Timer and every Friday at this time we come together for a meditation.

First I will hold a talk,

Sometimes brief,

Sometimes a little bit longer and I discuss a specific topic and this topic is always about you,

You in your world.

And the topic of today is compassion for empath.

So compassion for empath.

Let me first start with speaking about empath.

So I mean highly sensitive people because that is basically what an empath is.

An empath is someone who is highly sensitive of their environments,

Of things going on,

Of the stimuli that they receive through all their senses.

It might be even more than just the typical physical senses,

Could be even more than that.

And especially what is going on with other people.

So let me first start to say that there is nothing wrong with being a highly sensitive person.

It basically just means that you are fine tuned,

That you are having an open heart,

An open system to fill out what is going on and to actually be aware of what is going on.

And of course in this society where a lot of folks are running around and doing a lot of stuff,

Striving for being the fastest,

The quickest,

The toughest,

The most successful one,

The most rich person or whatever we are going at,

It is sometimes really hard to be that sensitive person.

Because sensitivity also asks you to sometimes take some time.

To take a pause,

To tune in with yourself,

To feel what is really going on,

What you are really feeling,

To distinguish between what you are feeling and thinking and wanting and desiring and what others are wanting and thinking and feeling and desiring.

It comes to that,

That most of us,

I would say everyone,

Has some programming within us because of our lives,

The lives that we have led,

The way we were raised,

The things we learned by just living life,

Have created programming where we also assume a lot of things going on.

So for instance you might pick up on a mood of someone or a feeling of someone and then sometimes because you pick up on whatever is going on with them,

You also start to assume that something is going on with them which is based on your own programming,

Your own conditioning,

Your own belief system.

And that is really hard to distinguish.

So let's say if you are an empath who can actually feel where others are at without being interfered with,

Whatever is going on within you,

And whatever is going on within you has very often to do with your whole life up to today,

Then you cannot really really really know what is actually going on within them.

So you start to project,

You start to assume things that might be going on with them and you might be right,

You are picking up on something,

But translation of what that is is not always so clear.

So I think,

I guess that would be my first thing to you to think about.

Whenever you as an empath,

As a highly sensitive person feel that something is going on with someone else,

Then also beware that that might be true,

But that also a lot of you is in this mix.

And that's normal because when you would speak in energy terms,

When you feel something with another,

It triggers something that is already present within you.

Sometimes those are things that you are aware of and sometimes those triggers are things you are not always aware of.

So the best part to deal with that is a lifelong work in progress,

Getting to know yourself,

Getting to be gentle to yourself.

And meditation is a great tool for that because meditation really helps you to find quietness,

To find silence,

To connect with who you really are and to understand what is living there,

What is going on there.

So that's the first bit.

The second bit is that,

What I really want to emphasise again first,

Let me just say that,

So to be highly sensitive,

To be able to tune in so well,

That is not something bad really.

Because you feel it might be hard living in this world where everyone is not actively standing still with what they are feeling,

What they are doing,

What is going on with you.

It doesn't mean that you are too sensitive.

So it is great that you are sensitive.

It means that you are tuned in with yourself,

That you can tune in with yourself.

And even more,

When you are a regular meditator and meditation is nothing else than tuning in with yourself,

With your authentic self,

Learning to let everything be and be with yourself,

You get more and more sensitive.

So I told this today to one of my research assistants.

We were speaking about matters of the heart,

So it was a side-step from our work.

But I also told her when I was not meditating long time ago and things were happening with me and I was emotional or I was stressed or I was sad or something was going on,

I could power through.

There was an uncomfortable feeling but I could power through.

I could push myself to not be in it,

To get over it.

But in this process you reject a lot of things of yourself,

You reject a lot of things going on,

You reject triggers.

Because when something is triggered and it is coming up,

It is coming up to be healed,

To be looked at,

To be held,

To be caressed,

To be loved and then to be released.

It doesn't mean that you can do it in one sitting,

But this is a process of course,

But this is why triggers sometimes come up.

And now I am meditating twice a day.

I am a meditation teacher,

I am already meditating for many years and I am so fine-tuned.

It means I am really,

Really sensitive.

I am really sensitive for whatever is going on around me,

But I am also really sensitive for what is going on within me.

So the slightest sense of stress,

Of being nervous feels like a racking thing.

It is so strong.

Even the smallest things you can really feel strongly,

I can really feel strongly.

So it is really important for me to be aware of that and to allow myself the time to connect again with myself and to let that go.

And that is something that very often works great and sometimes not so great.

It really depends on things that are going on and I think that is also something that is really important for me for every one of you to hear that being gentle with yourself is the most important part here.

So yeah,

We understand what is good for us,

We understand what we can do for ourselves to help ourselves and sometimes we don't manage to do it immediately.

And then the only answer is to just take a step back and really connect with what is it that I need right now.

And when a lot of emotions are stirred up the answer is to what do I need right now is very often not something big,

It's like take a shower,

Take a nap,

Go to bed,

Fix yourself a nice hot cup of tea,

Pull a blanket over you,

Get a hug,

Call your best friends and just discuss it with them.

Go for a walk,

Connect with nature,

Put your feet in the ground and feel the soil under your feet,

Go to the ocean and listen to the calming sound or whatever it is.

It's never something too big as solve this trigger,

Solve this pain,

Cure this wound because those wounds are only cured over time,

Step by step by you being gentle to yourself in the moment right now.

So this is why self gentleness is so important to me because I really see it as the key for growth,

The key especially for living life with more ease,

Living life with more joy,

With more happiness.

And I think the striving of every human being is to live their life with ease,

It's an important part.

So that is that.

And now I'm getting to the difference between empathy and compassion and this is an actual insight that I want to give you as an empath.

How to approach this is also from a cognitive part because I know you understand the things that I'm saying and I know that you know that resonates with you but how,

I hear you ask me how can I do that?

So a distinction that you can make with your head is just to understand that empathy and compassion are not the same things.

They're often used intertwined like it's the same but it's really helpful for you to start to see the difference.

So the word empathy,

Being empathic,

Being an empath actually means that you are able to feel,

To experience with someone else what is going on.

So there is someone who is really ill,

There's someone who's in pain,

There's someone who has a broken heart and you have the ability to feel with them.

So that sounds like a big quality and in a sense it is because it helps you to understand what is going on with these people.

The question is can you help them by feeling the same?

Can you help them by suffering with them?

And the answer is no.

They might find it pleasing that someone is suffering with them because it always feels good not to be alone in your suffering but when you start to suffer with them you lose all your power to actually give them something that they need.

And I think that's the difference between empathy and compassion.

So if empathy is feeling with someone,

Suffering with someone,

Being in the problem,

In the difficult situation with them then compassion is this.

Compassion is seeing the other where they are,

Understanding and acknowledging that they are suffering in their own way from their broken heart,

From their pain,

From their illness,

From whatever is going on and we see that and we acknowledge that while keeping space for them in which we know that there is room for improvement because there is always room for improvement.

And I know that you might say well but if someone is being terminally ill is there room for improvement?

Well yes,

It's relative of course.

Of course you cannot know for them that they will get better because it's most likely that they will not.

But there is room for you to know that within their suffering they can find relief and that relief is very often within their own mind and their own heart.

If someone is so much suffering and you know that they are going to make a transition in probably sooner than later then there is for you to know a room where they can find relief by learning to deal with where they are,

What they are feeling,

To go through those emotions,

To maybe let go of things that are still bugging them or whatever is going on with them.

If you are suffering with them as an empath by sitting in the knowledge that the most terrible thing that they can imagine at that moment that life is going to end is there then you will suffer with them but you will not hold that space where you know that they can find some peacefulness.

Because wherever a person is,

Whatever is going on,

There is room to find that peacefulness.

And if you have been meditating then you know that you can find that peacefulness.

That many people start meditating because things are going on in their lives and they are looking for a way,

A solution to find a relief,

To find a way to deal with whatever they are feeling.

And when you meditate you can connect with that authentic self and the truth is that authentic self within you knows that everything is okay.

The authentic self knows that you are one thing and that is love.

You are love.

And that connection,

That you,

Every person can feel that in any moment.

So holding that space for another person and that is for whatever reason they are suffering,

Whatever reason they are looking at a problem and are being stuck in that problem.

When you are with them and you can acknowledge where they are but you can also know for them that there is a relief.

Know for them that there is room for improvement.

Know for them that there is a way out.

In many instances there is a way out.

And I don't mean that you will have to tell them how or that you have to come up with solutions or that you have to convince them to know that.

No.

It is about being there,

Acknowledging them but also know that there is a solution to the problem.

Without offering the solution because the truth is also that every person has to walk their way towards their solutions and some people are just unable to see them,

Some people are just unable to get there now,

Sometimes they do so later.

And to just hold on to that knowledge.

And you don't even have to tell them.

You just know it.

And then instead of being a co-sufferer you will be a co-creator of their relief.

You will be a co-creator of their peacefulness.

By just being there.

It is like in the metaphysical sense beaming a light and love upon them and just knowing that they can receive this if they are open for it.

And without any force,

Without any blame that they are not doing it.

Without any expectations that they will because everyone makes their own choices,

Makes their own decisions.

Just knowing that.

So that is for me the difference between compassion and empathy.

And I know it is not an easy task because sometimes it is so much easier just to suffer along,

Like we suffer ourselves sometimes.

But becoming consciously aware of this distinction and then starting to work to first allow yourself to be more often in that place where you connect with yourself to connect with that peacefulness so you know you are firmly rooting in yourself that you know that this place is there.

Then you can start to progress towards also knowing this for others.

And sometimes you will succeed and sometimes it will be too hard but that is also ok.

You are a human being with a big heart who loves and who just wants the best for everyone.

So there was something else that I wanted to say about that.

Ok I will come to that.

So I am going to guide you in a meditation in a minute where I just want you to experience that powerfulness.

Now I know what I wanted to say and that is that to start to progress towards being able to hold such a position you have to start with being compassionate with yourself.

And that is also the difference because being empathic with yourself is sitting with yourself in a problem and feeling sorry for yourself.

And you know sometimes it is really really good to feel sorry for yourself.

Sometimes you just deserve to feel sorry for yourself.

But then the next step is to be compassionate with yourself.

To know that also for you there is this room and space to be.

Basically to allow yourself to feel good no matter what.

No matter what things are going on with others,

With you,

No matter whatever you are picking up from your environment,

Whatever you are picking up from the newspapers,

Whatever you are picking up from social media,

Whatever you are picking up from loved ones,

Whatever you are picking up that you allow yourself to feel good anyway.

And that is not an easy task.

I try to do it and I do not always succeed but I succeed more and more often and I think the secret is also that I don't have to be there all the time as long as I know that I can balance back.

As long as I know that whenever I am dipping I can bounce back to like a baseline and I can be excited about things and balance back to a baseline.

And that my dear friends is someone who is gentle for themselves.

That is someone who really cares about whatever is going on in your body,

Whatever is going on in your heart,

In your mind,

In your soul,

In your life and being kind to yourself,

Being gentle to yourself.

So you hear this word a lot from me,

Self gentleness.

If you are in my meditation group,

Not the public group,

Then you know I have written my definition there so you can take a look at it.

I will tell you once and then you can take a look to remember it.

My definition of self gentleness is radically accepting yourself as the most important person to consistently deserve your own gentleness.

We can always be gentle to ourselves from time to time but consistently and radically that is the spirit.

That is where you want to go.

Because when you start to apply that to yourself in your life,

Something starts to shift,

Something becomes better,

Something becomes more easy and then it also becomes more easy to hold that compassionate place vis-a-vis others.

And the good thing of that is that when you can be compassionate,

You will never deplete yourself.

Because with being empathic,

You do deplete yourself at a certain moment.

When you start to suffer with people,

You drain yourself,

You drain your energy and then you lose your power to actually be there for someone because at a certain moment you are fed up with it,

You cannot deal with it anymore and you detach or whatever you are doing or you get ill yourself or you get in a burnout or you get really angry at them for holding you in that place.

But by being self gentle,

Being compassionate with yourself,

Allowing yourself that place,

You are replenishing yourself every time again because you connect to that knowledge of you are love.

And with knowing that you are love,

You also know that you are worthy,

That you are lovable,

That you are exactly right.

As you are how you come right now with everything on it.

So I am going to guide you in a meditation where we are going to connect to that feeling and if this resonates at all with you,

Check out my workshops.

I have a workshop coming out next Sunday 25th of September where I will teach you a loving kindness meditation.

It is a meditation technique that I also study as a scholar,

As a researcher at the university because it is a really powerful one.

It is a meditation that teaches you to be compassionate for yourself and others.

I also am going to teach new self gentleness workshops.

There is one single standing just introducing you in the basics.

It takes two hours.

It is on the 9th of October and there is a longer process one which is going to take eight weeks where we come together every week for group coaching sessions,

For giving you more information,

For giving you new meditation techniques and we keep in touch in all different workshops in private groups where we can connect with each other,

Where you can ask your questions,

Where we can share experiences.

So if you want to join me or you are considering it,

There are discount codes to get a discount.

Discounts are valid until one week before the workshop.

So if you are considering to do the workshop about the meditation technique and you want to use the discount code,

Then sign up before this Sunday.

It is one week before.

If you go to my meditation group in the feed,

There you have an overview of all the discount codes that are applicable to these workshops that are coming up.

Alright,

Let's meditate.

After the meditation I will come back and take a look at whatever you are asking and see if I can answer your questions but now because we are 26 minutes in I would just first like to continue with our meditation so that after that people who want to go on their way can go on their way and who wants to remain for me for some Q&A,

We will stay here for that.

Alright,

So.

Let's start by sitting or lying down as comfortable as you can.

And I really mean comfortable.

So make sure that for the next half hour or so you are sitting or lying comfortable.

That you don't have to move,

That you are not going to be annoyed because your foot is uncomfortable.

Really make it comfortable.

You can lean against the back of your chair if you like.

Yeah,

That's right.

Now gently close your eyes.

And be aware for a moment how you are sitting.

Use your sense of touch so you probably feel your bum in the chair,

Your back on the mattress or leaning against the chair,

Your feet on the ground.

How is your face feeling?

Is there any tension?

Is your forehead relaxed?

Your jaws relaxed?

Are your shoulders relaxed?

Now bring your attention for a moment to your heart space.

It's the middle of your chest,

Place where your heart is.

Your beautiful heart,

Just in a biological sense is working really hard for you.

You don't have to ask it friendly to do it.

It just does.

It just loves you.

Just make sure that you are here,

That you are alive.

And next to this biological function it's such a beautiful place where you can feel love,

Where you can receive love of others,

Where you can connect with your authentic self,

Where you can connect with who you truly are.

So if you find it hard to have your attention on your heart then just imagine that you see a light there.

It can be any light,

It can be a candle,

It can be a laser beam,

It can be a small light.

You can give it the color of your liking.

And I would love for you to really feel whatever is going on in your heart right now.

And it might be a little bit scary but don't be afraid because your heart is not a place that is suffering.

Your heart,

When we say that we have a broken heart,

It's generally not our heart that is broken but it is our mind that is feeding us thoughts that are hurtful.

And your heart is then not broken.

Your heart is just telling you this is not right,

This is not right,

This is not right.

Whatever you are thinking now about yourself that is not right,

I am here to love you.

I am here to tell you that you are love.

I am here to tell you that you are loveable,

That you are worthy.

I am not broken.

Your mind wants me to believe that I am broken but I am not.

And I know that might be a hard message when it doesn't feel like that but just know that your heart is never broken.

Your heart is alive and kicking,

Your heart is beating for you,

Your heart is loving you.

So when you connect with your heart it might be that there is still something on your chest but basically whatever is on your chest is something your mind has put there.

So you know what,

Let's do an exercise to just pull those things out for a moment.

So you connect to your heart and I know you can feel the power of your heart just below everything.

You feel the fiery pulsing knowledge of loveability,

Of you being worthy.

You can feel that.

You can feel it shining through because it is really really strong but it might be that there is something on top of you that you have mistakenly perceived as a heartbreak but it is not.

So let's just pull it off.

And you can pull it off in a way that suits you.

So if you are a visual person then you just imagine that you are pulling it off like breaking plaster,

Stones in your hand or if you are more of a sensing person then you can just feel that it is dropping off of you.

Maybe there is a song that bursts out of your heart and you see everything splashing from it.

And you know what,

Don't overthink it.

Don't use your head to do this.

Just let your heart,

Let your imagination,

Let your fantasy tell you whatever happens.

So now imagine that whatever came off is lying in your hands.

And you might want to visualise,

See what it is but maybe also not.

Maybe it looks like manure,

Maybe it looks like hard rocks,

Maybe it looks like little worms and maybe it is something that you cannot distinguish but it doesn't matter,

You just have something there.

Now imagine that there is a box,

A carton box standing in front of you.

Let's just put it there.

Yes.

And you can put it gently,

You can drop it,

You can throw it,

Do it as you like.

Alright,

Go back to your heart.

Do you feel some relief?

Yeah.

Is there still something else on there?

Let it drop off,

Let it drop off.

Let it just go off just like that into that box.

Yes.

Right,

Like that.

Make it a game,

You know.

Can you feel the power of your heart beating under it?

Can you feel that power of love just helping you to release those things,

Those things that are bugging you,

That have been holding you back so long,

That have made you believe that your heart might be broken?

I am telling you my dear friend it is not.

Your heart is brimming over with love,

With power.

Alright,

So whatever wants to come off right now,

Put it in the carton box.

Yeah.

Maybe if it pours over just make the box bigger.

This is your fantasy.

You are the director of your fantasy.

Make it as you like it.

Make it bigger.

Fill it.

Yes,

Like that.

Alright,

Now let's take a step back.

Put your hands on your heart.

Can you feel that there is a relief,

A relative relief to how you started?

It might be that you cannot still feel the whole power of your heart but that's ok,

It's a process.

You can always come back to this practice.

But there is a sense of relief.

I want you to acknowledge that sense of relief.

It feels good.

Relief feels good.

Remember that.

Whenever you feel relief,

That is good.

That's a message from your authentic self to tell you that you are on the right path of connecting with yourself.

That you become self-gentle because you let go of things.

Now,

When you look at the box,

I would like you to blow up this box and you know,

I don't know,

You could think of having a piece of dynamite in your hand,

Throwing it in.

You could imagine that there is a big thunderbolt just banging right into it.

You can imagine putting some gasoline on it and a match and it just starts to burn.

You can imagine it putting it in a big bonfire at the beach.

Whatever feels good to you,

Really.

Just make sure that you set it on fire.

And it's your fantasy,

You know.

Nothing can go wrong.

Alright,

So now it's burning.

And there is something beautiful happening.

Something beautiful is happening right now.

You know what?

Because when you look at those flames,

You see that the tops of those flames are colouring green.

I don't know if you have ever seen a really hot flame but the top can get a colour,

Bluish,

Greenish and this is what you see now.

And these green colours are becoming sparkles and these sparkles are lifting up into the sky.

The most beautiful sparkles.

They are so light.

They are so gorgeous.

They are so loving.

Because all the love that was stuck in these painful moments are being released by this fire right now.

And those sparkles now start to sprinkle all over you.

Like a rain of green,

Bluish sparkles.

Sparkles a rain of love just on you.

And when you feel your heart,

You feel that it glows.

It now takes the same colour as those sparkles and it just absorbs those sparkles back.

This is a cyclical thing you know.

Things that you release,

You set them on fire and they can transition to love and come back to your heart.

This is powerful,

Can you feel that?

Alright now,

I want you to do a different exercise.

I want you to feel your feet on the ground,

Really firmly on the ground.

So put them down.

Make sure that your feet,

Your soles are on the ground.

And I would like you to imagine right now that from your feet roots are growing into the ground.

And they are growing deeply and they are growing widely.

Like the roots of a beautiful big tree.

And you feel those roots going into the ground.

And they are growing wide so you are feeling steady,

You are feeling balanced but they are also growing deep.

They are growing as deep as to the core of the earth.

This fiery core that makes sure that we are spinning in orbit,

That we are spinning around the X.

That this planet is alive.

That this planet is not dead.

And this earthy energy,

This fire can now shoot up into those roots.

All the way up.

And this energy is coming through those roots into your feet.

Filling your feet,

Filling your ankles,

Filling your calves,

Your shins,

Your knees,

Your thighs,

Your buttocks,

Your whole pelvis,

Into your belly.

All organs,

Around all organs.

All the way up into your upper belly,

Your chest,

Your heart,

Your lungs,

Your shoulders,

Your arms.

It is shooting out of your fingers right now.

It is going up into your neck,

Filling your head and shooting out of the crown of your head like a beautiful fountain.

And this is something that you imagine because of course this is not really flowing through you but feel this powerful groundedness.

Feel how you are grounded,

How you are connected to the earth.

This beautiful earth that is here to support you,

To feed you,

To carry you,

To be there for you.

Connecting with this smothering,

Grounding energy of the earth.

Feeling it flowing through you because it doesn't stop.

This fiery core is there and it is never depleted.

It is just flowing through those roots into you.

Flowing over,

Filling you to the brim with the love of the earth.

And while this is happening I would like you to bring your attention back to your heart,

Put your hands there.

What do you feel?

Can you feel this connection?

Can you feel this mother,

Mother earth taking care of you?

And you know what the secret is?

This is always happening.

This connection is always here because you are a creature of mother earth.

You are one of the children of mother earth and she is there for you.

And I know I am speaking in a metaphysical sense but just knowing that,

Feeling the earth below your feet,

Feel that you are supported,

That you are carried,

That is so strong,

That is so powerful,

That is already enough.

And visualizing this connection gives you a sense of belonging,

Being taken care of,

Being refreshed,

Rejuvenated,

Connected every moment.

This is happening always.

This connection is always here.

You just have to be aware of it.

You just have to allow yourself to know it.

Let's do a similar thing with our sun.

The sun up in the sky,

Imagine that it is just there with this warm loving light and it is trickling down onto the crown of your head,

Filling your head,

Filling your neck,

Filling your shoulders,

Your arms also now it is shooting out of your hands,

Into your chest,

Filling your chest,

Your heart,

Filling all of your belly around the organs,

Through the organs,

Filling everything into your pelvis,

Your buttocks,

Your thighs,

Your knees,

Your calves and shins,

Your ankles,

Your feet,

Shooting into those roots all the way down to the earth.

So this is a different kind of feeling.

This is an empowering feeling.

This is a knowledge of knowing that you are worthy.

Mother earth shows you that you are loved.

You are supported.

And this energy of the sun is letting you know that you are unique.

You are worthy.

So also this connection is always there.

You might not always be aware,

You might not always feel it,

But when you just spend a moment to make this connection you can feel it because it is always there.

When you think it is not there it means that your head made you think that it wasn't there anymore because your head is relying on old information that you once picked up,

Old programming that tells you that you are not worthy,

You are not loveable,

But this is not true.

You are worthy.

You are loveable.

And this connection tells you this.

You just have to bring your attention here to just know it.

To just feel it.

To allow it to be.

Alright,

Let's bring your attention back to your heart.

And acknowledge how this feels.

This blend of love from earth,

The blend of love from the sun with that love from your own heart.

And when you feel this almost like it is running through you all the time,

You might acknowledge that this love,

This light in your heart will never be depleted.

You only think it is depleted because you believe it is not there,

But it is always here.

So let's see if we can use this for feeling compassion.

I would like you to now think of someone that you love a lot.

Someone who doesn't have any problems,

Someone who is not really suffering,

Someone who just loves you.

And imagine that they are standing in front of you.

Get a sense of their presence,

You can say their name,

You can see them,

You can feel them.

And they are standing in front of you and they are smiling at you.

And when you look at their chests,

You see that they have a big heart.

This big heart that is filled with love.

Also they are connected.

If you take a good look,

You can see that they have the same connection going on,

The connection with the earth,

The connection with the sun,

The connection with their heart.

And now they are doing something so magnificent from that big heart that is never depleted because it is replenished all the time.

They are sending this big laser beam of light and love towards you.

Right from their heart into yours.

And you just feel it flowing,

Mixing with everything that is already going on in you.

And this is such an empowering and humbling feeling.

And whether this person is still in your life or not,

It doesn't matter.

This is someone that has shown you love.

That has made you realize that you are love and that you are worthy and that you can be loved every moment,

Every split second of the day,

Of every day of your life.

So reciprocate this light towards them.

Their light is still flowing towards you but you feel so much love for them,

You are just sending it back to them.

Back to their hearts and see how they receive it.

See how all these different streams are mixing and blending and that's ok.

It's a beautiful color,

It's vivid,

It's liquid,

It's flowing,

It's moving,

It's flexible,

It's supportive and if it finds some kind of a blockage that just goes over it,

Under it,

Through it,

It's ok.

It just pushes everything off.

Everything that is in the way that can fall into the box that could be set on fire another time.

So I hope by now you realize,

You feel the experience,

How easy it is to have this connection and to know that this is always there,

Always here for you.

Now I would like you to imagine that someone in your life that is suffering for whatever reason,

Whether it's just because they have a bad day or a bad mood or it's something really big,

It doesn't matter,

Just pick something that you would like to send your compassion to.

But if you pick someone and you feel immediately that you're cutting off all these connections,

Then it's wise to pick someone else because then you're not ready yet to work with this person and that's ok,

That's really really ok.

Then pick someone easier because I want you to know this connection that you just established,

To know that it is always there.

And if you pick someone that immediately makes you forget this connection,

Then you just need to do some more work on yourself first before you can work with that.

So there's someone in front of you that you know he or she is suffering in a certain way.

And just smile at them.

Feel this connection that you have,

All this love in your heart.

And I want you to just open your heart and send this big laser beam of love towards their heart.

Just send it.

And you don't have to be worried whether or not they receive it,

Whether or not they feel it,

You just send it and you see it entering their heart and you see it spreading in their body from their heart into their shoulders,

Their arms,

Their belly,

Their legs,

Their feet,

Shooting into the ground,

Shooting up also into their heads like a fountain out of the crown of their heads.

Your love is flowing towards them and it's not depleted because you are still connected,

It's just flowing.

And while you're doing this,

I want you to tell them a message from this place.

You can find your own words.

I will guide you in a few words first and then I will be silent so you can find your own words.

I want you to know that I love you.

I love you.

And I know that you are love.

I see that you are suffering and I acknowledge that.

And I so wish for you that you can come to terms with whatever is going on and that you can start to feel that you are love.

That you are worthy of love no matter what.

That whatever is going on in your life,

Whatever pain you're having,

Whatever illness you're having,

Whatever heartbreak you're having,

Whatever is going on in your head or your body or your mind or your soul in your life,

In your relationship,

Whatever it is,

You are worthy of love because I love you.

And I know that when you connect to that knowledge,

When you feel that,

That there is room for improvement because you are also suffering because you believe you are not worthy right now,

But you are.

And I want you to know this.

And I want you to know that even though you don't know it,

I know this.

I know that you're worthy.

I know that you are love.

I know that you are lighting up.

I can see it.

I really see this beam of your own heart entering doors.

See how they are lighting up from this beautiful light,

How everything jumps open,

How the roots from their feet are opening,

How your light,

Your love is shining through it,

How it's connecting with the earth,

With the sun,

With you.

And let's let that light,

Let that light expand.

Let it grow out of your heart so big that it's not just a laser beam but it's like a big bubble of light that is just flowing out of you,

Flowing around you while you're sitting in this big bubble and now it's also around them.

And not just them,

You just let it expand all the way until it encompasses the whole planet earth.

Even more,

Let it grow out until it encompasses the whole solar system.

Just take some time.

I might go a little bit fast but that's okay.

It's your fantasy.

This light is so strong it can be in a split second like that.

It can be as big as the solar system.

And you're in it and this person is in it.

And just see them and you might see that they are receiving it,

That they are smiling,

That they have a sense of peacefulness.

And you just know for them that they can get there.

You don't have to tell them in real life.

You can just make this connection and tell them on this level from your heart,

From your heart to theirs.

And the most important thing is also to acknowledge how you feel,

How empowering this feels.

To know this for someone else.

This is pure love my dear friends.

This is unconditional love.

This is unconditional love for yourself.

This is unconditional love for someone else.

And holding that space is so powerful.

And if you do this more often,

If you do this on a regular basis,

You will start to feel different.

And maybe that other person also.

But that is up to them.

That is not in your control.

That is not your responsibility.

But you will feel different which means that you will be acting different.

You will be saying different things and that in itself might shift things for the better.

Just don't expect them to go where you are going if they cannot yet.

Because that's ok.

Everyone has their own journey.

Everyone has their own pathway.

And you are on yours,

Connected and well.

And this is so beautiful.

Alright,

Let go of the image of the other and bring your attention back to your heart.

Because I would really love for you to acknowledge for yourself that you are ok.

That you are connected with yourself.

You are connected with whatever you call it,

Your intuition,

Your connection with God,

Your source,

The universe,

The earth,

Human beings,

With yourself,

With your heart.

It doesn't matter as long as you feel how empowering this is.

Remind yourself to go here from time to time.

To carve out the moment in the day to make this connection.

Just for one minute.

Feel your heart.

Know it to be connected.

Alright,

Now.

You can let go of your attention of your heart.

You can put your hands in your lap.

And while keeping this feeling alive,

I would like you to take slowly your time to get out of the meditation.

I would start with wiggling your fingers and toes.

Maybe stretch a little bit,

Stretch your spine.

And then take a minute,

Maybe two,

To slowly open your eyes.

But make it slow.

Take your time.

Do it with ease.

Like everything in your life can be done with ease.

Take your time.

That was a good one.

How was it for you?

That sense of connection is so important because it's always there.

We just so often forget it.

And when we start to suffer because of ourselves or because someone else,

We forget this connection.

But it's always there.

Always rejuvenating you.

And all it takes is a few moments to connect and feel it.

And you know what?

I'm also not always capable of doing that.

I'm also human.

That's why I teach meditation because it's a great way to remind myself.

Alright,

So let me take a look at the things that are written here.

So I see a lot of questions about the balance between giving yourself to others,

Taking good care of yourself,

Compassion,

Empathy.

So I really hope that those questions were answered in the talk that I held.

But especially I hope that by going through this meditation you also felt and experienced what I meant.

Because you know,

I can speak a lot and I can tell you a lot of things and it might resonate with your head,

You might understand it.

But feeling it,

That's something else.

Feeling it.

That is what teaches you.

That is what becomes your experience.

And the more often you experience these things,

The more you empower yourself.

So I'm going to publish this talk as an audio,

An insight timer,

A talk and a practice.

And I will also put the practice separately.

I do this the last few weeks where I publish the whole talk and practice and then also the practice separately.

So you can always come back to the talk and listen to it,

Go over the practice and then at a certain moment to just practice it,

To just experience it.

So whenever you are in a member of my meditation,

Not the public meditation group,

It's called famous meditation group,

I will tell you there when something is published,

When you follow my profile you will also get a notification so you can listen to it.

And I would love for you to review it if you like it,

If it resonates with you.

Give it stars,

Give it some words,

Thereby you help the algorithm of insight timer to recognize that my work is valuable and it will show it also to others.

So it's your immense help to me if you help me spread it.

You can also share it with your friends within insight timer.

You can also share it with your friends outside of insight timer.

On those tracks and courses there are these lovely buttons that will take you to all kind of social media.

So I would really appreciate it if you let others know about my work so they can find me and join in.

And if you feel at all drawn to work more with me to go more in depth then check out my workshops because in those workshops we're going to be on zoom,

You can ask me anything,

We can work together.

Especially the big workshop of 8 weeks on self gentleness.

It's 8 weeks that we're going to dive deep where you will be in touch with me through the group,

Where you will be in touch with me in group coaching sessions also.

So yeah,

That's going to be profound work that we're going to do there.

So if it resonates with you,

Yeah,

By all means sign up.

And if you want to check it out first then you could also sign up for the 2 hour session on the 9th of October where I introduce you to the basics of self gentleness and I'm offering you some practices that you could start using to become more gentle with yourself.

And then maybe you could decide after that if you want to continue for the bigger workshop where you dive really deep and I will really guide you in 8 weeks to become more self gentle.

Alright,

So let's see what else is written here.

Cherry said that he's really thankful for my advice from last time to believe that others will find their solution and by knowing that for them that you can help them and help yourself also.

So I'm happy that you picked it up Cherry,

Yeah,

Because I think that's also the core of this work what we did here today.

Knowing for others that they are capable of finding a solution.

So I have a great metaphor when it comes to the difference between compassion and empathy.

So if a kid learns to walk they fall,

Right?

We all know that.

It's part of learning to walk,

You fall.

So as a parent you might want to be really empathic with oh I'm so sorry you're so hurting,

Oh my dear,

Oh baby don't try,

You know.

But we don't do that because we know yeah they need to fall a few times but then they will find their balance,

They will find out how and before we know they are running around through the house.

So we look with compassion,

We know where they are but we also hold that place where they're going to be.

So this is a great analogy for this difference between empathy and compassion.

And I know it's way harder to know it for someone who is really in deep trouble and have experiencing a lot of difficult things but in the essence it's the same.

Every person,

Every being has the ability to bring themselves to a better place and by you knowing it for them you support a process that is hard to give words to but that's really really there.

So Edgy says that it was hard to get into the meditation.

Yeah well that's okay Edgy.

It can also be that this type,

This visualisation isn't your piece of cake,

No that's not the word,

Isn't your cup of tea,

Sorry cake tea,

Isn't your cup of tea.

It can be,

That's okay.

Some other meditations,

I know you have a great fantasy and you're using that,

That's okay.

Just be kind to yourself,

Maybe listen to one of the other meditations to calm down,

To still get that feeling out of it,

That's okay.

Sonita felt love,

That's really great and being sleepy.

Angela says that my workshops are awesome.

Ah thank you so much Angela,

Yeah you were in one,

I remember,

That was really cool to meet you there.

Thank you for saying that,

Really appreciate it.

Victoria says I was in a lime green bubble,

The light pouring out from both my heart,

My head,

My feet,

Connected with the navel string between my heart and my dead soulmate.

We were both crying and embraced each other,

Holding each other with lots of warmth,

Reassuring each other that both of us are okay and loved.

He can feel my love and I can feel his even if I'm still left alone on this planet and he's in heaven.

That's beautiful Victoria and that's really profound work because when you lose someone who transitions,

That's really really hard and there is a period of time that you're not able to feel also this connection but the fact that you were able to do this now,

You're connecting to that eternal love between you and sometimes that's not enough because you just want them to be next to you and you hold them,

Yes of course,

But sometimes it is enough and by letting it be enough you also allow yourself to live,

To be here on this planet,

To experience life,

To enjoy it and I'm really pretty sure that your loved one would want you to live,

Would want you to enjoy your life and to get the best out of it.

So making this connection,

Feeling this,

Letting it drive your desire to be alive,

To be here and now and enjoy it.

Let it be a reason,

Let that love be a reason and somewhere on a certain level I cannot prove it,

I also believe that through you he can live that life with you and it doesn't mean that there will not be room for anyone else in your life,

Whether it's friendships or romantic relationships or whatever,

That doesn't matter,

He wants you to live and enjoy that.

I'm so happy that you told me that you felt this.

You probably know that I created a meditation also,

It's in my tracks,

In my profile,

It's called,

I changed the title not so long ago,

It was called Let Go of the Illusion of Separation and now it's something like when you're missing someone.

I thought it was more concrete and it's made for this purpose exactly.

So if you don't know it yet,

You could try to do it and if you know it then I'm really happy that you felt this.

So a lot of people are responding to that story,

That's really,

Really great.

Mary asked how to deal with empathy and animals.

Yeah,

That's a great question,

A hard one also.

The thing is that how I see it is that animals are so way better connected to the power of the earth,

The power of the sun.

Being part of a cycle of life which is not determined by their thoughts about it but by being here and now in the present moment.

And the way animals often die,

Especially when they're in nature,

Is part of that cycle.

So yes,

Animals are sometimes suffering but there is also a fine line between wanting to help them to prolong life and sometimes that's really right to do so but sometimes it's also time for animals to go.

So I don't know exactly if you're meaning that but that's fine.

Of course there's a lot of suffering from animals due to us.

Yeah.

So when I think of it it's really painful also for me and now it's really hard for me also to find that compassion and I'm empathetic.

But I also know that I cannot solve that all by myself.

What I can do is to make conscious decisions.

How I want to deal with that.

How I want to relate to the terrible things animals are going through.

And to take my little piece of a solution.

And when you look at the problem at large that might be not enough and you might feel hopeless because you're just a little spark.

But I do believe that those little sparks can spark something whole new.

You know the theory of this butterfly that just with one flop of a wing of a butterfly so many other things happening.

So this is also for us.

And you have to believe in that.

You have to believe in your power as an individual.

Don't make it too big because you cannot take the responsibility of all suffering in the world of every animal of every human being.

You cannot.

But what you can take care of is you.

What you can take care of is you feeling good.

You filling yourself with that connection with love.

That knowing that you're worthy and lovable because thereby you empower yourself and with that self empowerment come new perspectives.

Come new solutions.

Come new ideas.

You know last week we spoke about trusting your fantasy.

Well having that connection opens up to that fantasy and within fantasy all improvements,

All inventions,

All progress,

All expansion comes.

And to just know that and to radiate that and to know for others including animals that also they have that room to get to that connection.

And most animals do have that connection.

We as human beings are way worse than animals in creating that connection.

Look at a cat sleeping,

Hunting,

Walking.

Look at what a dog does.

Look what a dog does when they're stressed.

Immediately do something to release that stress.

If we as human beings were able to do that,

You know,

We can learn so much from those animals.

You're so much more powerful than we sometimes think that they are.

So I don't know if I really answered your question but I just gave you some things to think about and to find your own way in it because everyone has their own way.

Dora is giving a lot of her life and a lot of her well-being to take care of foxes and she's trying to find that balance so that she can continue to have that connection.

I have a cousin,

She is in Norway fighting for extinction rebellion,

Something I would not do but she really believes in that and shows in her way through a really arty way of bringing awareness to people.

So those are big things Dora and also my cousin are doing big things but are also small things that you can do.

And the most important thing is that connection because there lies your power and with your power the world is on your feet and you can do whatever you want.

So I see a lot of people were sleepy so that is really really good.

Cherry also.

And Mel says when we act best from the power of compassion then if we over empathize,

If we feel hopeless we can't act the same way.

Absolutely yes,

That was what I was just saying absolutely.

Koda Vare says how could you not be feeling deep sorrow dear Victoria you're experiencing a huge loss your feelings are completely understandable.

Yes.

So Angela says I learned how to just be in the moment from my dogs.

Absolutely yes I learned my cats and my dog are my best teachers.

Absolutely.

Edgy says we rescued a bird today it was scared at first but when it understood that I was taking care it let me check and even pet it.

Wow that's really great lovely lovely.

Yes.

Alright my loved ones wow already long time.

I'm going to close off.

Thank you so much for being here today experiencing with me this meditation.

Next week I will speak about why self love can be hard.

So familiar topic maybe we're going to speak about that.

Come to my meditation group if you're not there yet take a look in the feed you'll find there the discount codes to join my workshops.

Remember one week before they start you can use it.

So if you want to join me on the 25th with the learning meditation loving kindness meditation we tell you about the background I tell you about what you can do with it and I tell you I teach you how to meditate with it afterwards you'll get a link so you can see the recording again and again and again and again as long as you like for three months.

Well check those out if you have any questions you can ask it in my group you can send me an email also all through my profile.

Thank you so much for being here.

Thank you for sharing my work.

Thank you for supporting me.

I all love you.

Don't forget that connection because it's there and you are love you are love sending you so much love bye bye.

Reviews

Thought provoking meditation. One small thing, the sound quality is very quiet, but it may just be my device. Kind regards 🍁🐾🙏

That was incredibly powerful, Femke & so on the mark right now ! I knew it would be beneficial; I am blown away about the significant insights I have received today. Thank you so very much🙏🏻💜🌸🦋💖

I really felt the connection today despite finding the fact I have difficulty resonating with the word “fantasy” in meditations. I’m a long term meditator but have not always been feeling it lately; trying to just go with the flow but so much you said helped me valid myself today. Thanks 🙏🏻 💚🕊