Grief Isn't Linear Either

We always hear the phrase, “healing isn’t linear.” I agree, and I’m here to tell you that grief isn’t either. It comes in waves, waves that can feel like you’re drowning and doing your very best to come up for air. In this audio hug we’ll be exploring grief, new identity, God’s grace, and starting over. I pray this audio hug finds you at a moment when you need it most. This one is really personal for me and doesn’t really include any personal tips or tricks to help, but I pray it offers a sense of relatability if you are currently going through it too.

Reflection Questions:
How do you process grief?
How does grief show up in your body, mind, and heart?
What or who are you currently grieving?

Transcript

Hello everyone, Wherever you're listening from, It is March 24th of 2026 and welcome to this month's audio hug. If you clicked on this, I hope you're prepared for a heavier conversation, But we're going to be talking about grief and how grief is not always linear and this has been something that has been sitting on my heart for a while now, But I am just getting the courage to talk about it. So I literally just watched a video on YouTube by one of my favorite creators named Nathaniel Drew and his video was called Do Not Hide and he basically talked about the comfort that we find in hiding when things in life feel scary or new or challenge us and that is something that really resonated with me and actually led me to feel really inspired, Maybe motivated, Maybe even a little convicted to go ahead and record this. So get comfortable, Grab yourself some tea, I'm drinking matcha today, It is so hot though so I have to let it cool down and just settle in. I also want to apologize in advance, I have something going on with my throat today which always seems to be the thing when I press record, So I apologize if I'm like clearing my throat a lot or if my voice sounds different. So yeah, I want to talk about how grief isn't linear. We hear all the time that healing isn't linear but neither is grief. So last June my dad passed away and I did not share this anywhere online because I'm very private when it comes to family and close friends and things of that sort and around that time I was consistently posting on Insight Timer so I did share that I was experiencing a loss in my family but I never talked about what or to what extent because that's just not what I do online. But this feels relevant to the conversation right now so I'm not necessarily sharing for condolences or anything like that, I'm really just sharing because I've been learning a lot about myself through this process of grief and I wanted to share that. So when my dad passed back in June, Initially I was fine, Which may sound weird but I was. I was very present with what was happening, I had an opportunity to spend some time with him prior to his passing and I had this really deep sense of acceptance that it was going to happen and that it was God's will and that he would no longer be in pain and that he was at peace with going also. I had made peace with that so I felt okay and it wasn't until we went through the memorial service, We did all these things for my father, I went to pick up the obituaries, Did all these things, Wrote a poem and I was like emotional but I never had just like this full outburst of the grief that you would expect when a child loses their parent. And I remember it wasn't until maybe like a month or so later when he got close to his birthday where the realization that I couldn't call him on his birthday hit me and suddenly that grief that felt manageable and tolerable suddenly felt overwhelming. I found myself in bed crying for days at a time, I found myself not wanting to really be social or spend time with friends. I spent a lot of time just in the dark, Just processing my feelings, Journaling, Praying, Crying and eventually that cloud of grief began to lift but what I noticed was that I started to feel just like something was constantly missing, Like I was forgetting something. You know that feeling when you like you leave out of the house and you're like I feel like I forgot to do something. That's what I felt like majority of the time, Just the sense of like I'm forgetting to do something and especially earlier this year I got married for those who don't know. So just going through like being engaged and getting married and it's like there's this sense of right you update all your friends and your family right like that's a part of the process and it was just like I didn't I kept feeling like I was missing someone right like and it was my dad because it was the sense of oh maybe I should send him a photo I should I should text him and let him know what's happening and it's like the realization kept hitting me over and over again that that was not possible and there have been moments and days and weeks even where I feel normal I feel fine but there's always that sense that something is missing or I'm forgetting someone or I'm forgetting to reach out to someone and then it hits me and there's even times where I may be out and I'll see someone that maybe reminds me of my dad whether it's like you know something about their physical body or about their eyes or their laugh or their voice that has happened a number of times too where I find myself just kind of like in this really weird limbo state not knowing how to navigate it and what's really interesting is when you are experiencing these extreme highs in life like getting engaged and getting married and starting a life with someone but also this low that just lingers something that I've noticed in this journey of marriage so far is that at least for me this doesn't apply to everyone who gets married but because there was also a relocation that was considered the same way that that grief was kind of delayed with my dad passing that has happened in this stage of life where initially I was excited I was happy I was so eager to just like start this new life and explore this new life and and find new places that felt like home in this new environment to decorate and do all the things and then it's like once there was like this settling where nothing needed to be done suddenly that void of grief became so overwhelming where every day started to feel like a reminder of who I no longer was this identity that I've outgrown of being a single woman and living a certain way and living in a certain place and all of that changed but it was like such a delayed experience such a delayed process for me where initially I didn't it's like I anticipated that these feelings would come but I didn't experience them literally until three months later two months later and now I'm sitting in it I'm sitting in the void of grief and I'm missing my friends and my family and even some parts of the life I had before and that feels scary at times it feels vulnerable even recording this right now sharing this right now it feels so vulnerable to say I think a part of my identity maybe even one that I'm shedding letting go of is realizing that you know I was this person that would just get up and go I would move here I would go here I would travel here and I always found this sense of home and peace in myself and it didn't matter where I was or what was going on somehow I will always find my footing and rebuild again restart again and it's not to say that I don't think that's possible in this season but it's something about the loss of a parent and something about marriage Christ-centered marriage that reveals the depth of how fragile we are how fragile I am and reveals how much of my lifestyle and my choices were all in my own strength a lot of those experiences and moments that I had in life in the past where before I was really deeply deeply deeply rooted and grounded in Christ so those shifts shifts looked different they felt different because I knew that it was me who was rebuilding or I believe that it was I believe that it was me who was starting over who was creating this new life or this new identity or this new title or role or whatever there was an arrogance and a pride there that this season of life has just stripped me of where I realize that if I'm not clinging to God and his word and his presence I feel that void I feel that grief almost just coming in consuming me and and that can feel really frightening and overwhelming and very humbling very humbling so yeah this audio hug is not meant to offer you any advice or steps or guidance I think it's just a reminder for all of those who may be experiencing grief whether it's grief of a parent a loved one grief of a job of moving because all of those experiences come with grief or even the grief that comes from marriage which I don't really know if I've ever heard anyone discuss but there's like this there's this shifting that happens because you literally have a new identity you have a new identity a new name a new home potentially a new environment you have new family new friends everything's so new and it's so much shedding and letting go of what was just yours and we can prepare for this like mentally we can tell ourselves like okay this is going to be a part of this experience and I'm gonna shift and shed but it's it's a complete different thing to really live it and experience it even the loss of friendships like I've lost friends along the way between losing my dad and getting married and also relocating I've lost friends people that I felt like I had these strong ties and relationships with and even just some friendships that maybe I haven't lost but they just shifted right because the friendship was really built on that close proximity and without that close proximity it's like there isn't really much to connect on consistently right like outside of maybe like an occasional update here or there so it's just very humbling and challenging and stretching and yeah I hope that this serves as a reminder for those who may be feeling that cloud of grief to cling to God cling to God that's what I've been trying my best to do and reach out to people for support it's also something that I've been doing like when my friends text me hey girl how you doing like what's going on it's like I'm sharing like I'm actually feeling really sad I'm feeling the grief of all of this transition and I don't know what to do with it right now so yeah that's it that's all I want to share today share your thoughts below in the comments let me know if this is something you're experiencing or have experienced or even if you don't want to share your thoughts just leave a heart let me know that you heard this you listened because this is hard to share I'm not going to lie but it's been on my heart for a while to share so I wanted to make sure that I did it so that's it that's all thank you for listening and I will check in with you all next month

Reviews

This resonates! Lost my mom in September and I’ve been a bit surprised how certain days, or things or even special moments trigger waves of grief. And how many other things in my life have been shifting that are exposing different types of grief (leaving behind parts of myself) - Thanks for sharing

Thank you so much. Very resonating and helpful to hear during my grief. I’m sorry for your losses. It’s such a topsy turvy time. Sending healing wishes to you with gratitude.