So,
If it's a safe option for me now,
I take a deep breath in,
And as I breathe out,
I close my eyes.
I bring to mind the hug.
A loved one is hugging me,
Then another one,
And another one.
I try to think of different kinds of hugs.
Getting lost in a big hug of someone that will protect me.
An innocent hug.
A romantic hug.
A polite hug with someone I've just met.
Maybe an I wish there was more time hug.
I go through as many different hugs.
And I pick my favourite.
I'm not being unfair to the rest of them,
It's just my favourite right now.
Maybe it brings up some feelings I most crave at the moment.
I don't second guess myself.
I take a deep breath in,
And as I breathe out,
I let all the sensations and all the emotions rise up.
How do I feel during this hug?
In my body?
On my skin?
In my soul?
Then I slightly start stripping them away,
One by one,
Until one specific emotion remains.
What's that?
Warmth?
Safety?
Butterflies?
I don't even have to give it a name,
Just recognize it.
Is it possible to have this hug right now?
Do I actually miss the hug or the memory of the raw feeling I just dug out?
I feel this loving energy in my body.
What else brings a similar feeling?
In other words,
How can I make myself feel this way?
I sit up straight,
I inhale deeply through the nose,
And I open my arms widely on the sides,
Like I'm about to hug someone,
Which I am.
I exhale and with a gentle force I close my arms around my torso,
So that my palms touch my shoulders or my back.
I playfully say whatever my inner child wants to hear right now.
I inhale once again,
Opening again my arms,
And as I exhale I hug myself and I say I love myself or anything to my capacity of cheesiness.
One more time,
I inhale,
Opening my arms widely,
And exhaling I close my arms around my body and I say I love my name.
I love Evy.
I hold this hug,
I squeeze myself in this hug,
I stay there,
Breathing in,
Feeling my own arms around me,
Feeling all the ways I can support myself,
All the ways I can soothe myself,
All the ways I can love myself,
Yes it's cheesy but I can,
All the ways I can accept myself,
Because I am the only one who is always here.
Whatever I miss,
Whatever I've missed all this time,
I've had it here this whole time.
I stay in this hug and I go within,
With my eyes closed I just feel the hug,
Feel the comfort,
Feel the warmth.
I gradually loosen my grip,
Slowly,
Very slowly,
And I finally release my arms.
I put my palms together and rub them together,
Quickly to generate heat,
And then place the palms on my eyes.
I rub them again and then place the palms on my cheeks,
My forehead,
My chin,
My neck.
I keep this feeling with me however it's called,
And I'm aware that I can generate it at any time.
It's ok to hug myself,
It's not selfish to support myself,
It's more than fine to be there for myself.
Accepting myself doesn't take away from the love I have for other people or animals.
The feelings are not finite,
I don't need to be afraid that I will run out.
I can feel about myself the same tender feelings I feel for others.
It's not just ok,
I owe it to myself.
That's it for today's episode,
Thank you so much for listening,
Thank you so much for being here.
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Until next time take care.
