You Can't Always Give What You Want - Weekly Energy Boost

So often we don’t know when to walk away from a person, relationship, business, addictions, or other events in life. Learn this week how to give with grace by giving ourselves and others what they need not just what they want. Original airdate: 3/21/22

Transcript

Good morning,

Everyone.

Good evening,

Good afternoon,

Wherever you are,

And welcome to this week's Weekly Energy Boost.

My name is Elisheva,

And I'm here this lovely Monday morning with David,

And we are here to share with you the most practical and powerful wisdom and tools to help you navigate the coming week.

We do that through sifting through the wisdom of Kabbalah and picking out those gems and those nuggets,

And also looking for ways,

Stories,

Experiences from our lives and from the lives of people that we've worked with over the years to help make those tidbits,

Those prescriptions,

Those recommendations even more practical and relevant.

And this week's episode is called You Can't Always Give What You Want,

And I think that aside from the fact that we've talked in countless episodes about the importance of giving and sharing,

About the importance of selflessness or putting one's comfort aside for the sake of being there for others,

Being a beacon of light,

Being there to inspire and uplift,

And yet at the same time,

Sometimes that giving,

That desire to give,

Isn't met with open arms.

We say in Kabbalah the other person doesn't have the vessel,

And sometimes we are so mindlessly – this came up from last week's episode,

Which I highly recommend you listen to if you haven't yet – sometimes that robotic mindset of taking care of others,

Being responsible for others,

Even the taking on a role as a younger person and how that role develops over time,

Giving,

Sharing,

And caring sometimes comes across as a burden.

And we do it without injecting consciousness.

We do it without intention,

And eventually we realize that it's no longer serving us in the other person.

So one of the things we want to talk about today is how do we assess whether there is what we call circuitry,

Whether there is a recipient,

There is a vessel for what we want to give,

How we're giving,

Is it working for us,

Is it bearing fruit?

Because one of the things that's important,

We always talk about this,

Is that we want to make sure that there is – I think the example we gave a number of weeks ago is that you may have relationships in your life that you are sustaining simply because you've always had them.

They've always been in your life,

So you are just robotically checking in with the other person,

Or maybe you feel guilty if you don't check in with the other person,

Or you feel obligated to check in with the other person,

And sometimes it's like watering a dead plant.

I think that was the metaphor that we used.

Sometimes we want to make sure that we are not watering dead plants in our lives and that we are nourishing the ones that still have the ability to grow and bear fruit.

So on that note,

I'm going to turn the mic over to you.

This is a very broad topic.

What are we trying to solve for here?

I would love to hear from our listeners as well.

What's the main challenge that people have around giving and how much is enough,

When to hold back,

When to pull back?

Because when I hear – when we talked about this on the way over here,

One of the main things I was thinking about is I think a lot of people don't know or we don't fully know what people want because it's not what people say they want,

Right?

We talk about all the time that in classes when people ask us questions and they raise their hand and they ask a question,

We've been trained – Sheva and I have been trained to know that what people are asking is not really what they want.

There's a desire and there's a pain on a deeper level,

More on a soul level that we all need to know exists and that's where we need to aim to share with.

The hidden desire,

The pain point that is not being spoken about.

I think that's really what's hard because most relationships fall apart because people are giving on the surface.

They are responding to the needs and desires and words that are coming only on a surface level as opposed to really going deep and understanding what does this person need that they don't even know they need.

I think that's really what's important because when I – I'm an advocate of all of us surrounding ourselves with great mentors and people who can help elevate us to the next level.

It's just important.

You have to surround yourself with people who are better than you.

You won't grow otherwise.

I know that if somebody is asking me for mentorship,

I'm trying to ascertain on a very high level what does this person need that they don't even have a clue that they need.

Because if they knew what they needed,

They wouldn't need you.

Even as we're talking now on our podcast,

We have to ascertain what do the people need.

Forget about what the topic is or what the title is.

That's not as important.

It's just a northern star but we have to always want to know what does this person really need?

What does this crowd need?

If you're pitching something,

If you're proposing something,

If you don't go in thinking what do these people really want to hear,

What do they need to know,

Then you're not going to be a channel.

You're not going to receive the wisdom of what to say and how to do it.

So I think that's step one.

Step one is talking how you do it,

How we do it according to the spiritual laws of Kabbalah is we ask the creator,

It's a little meditation and prayer,

However you want to say it.

What do the people need?

What does this person need?

What does the spouse need?

What do the kids need?

That's why we always advocate for the pause.

You got to pause.

Don't just react to what you think people need.

And ask the creator what does this person really need and you actually open up a higher dimension of energy to come through and speak through you.

I think also we want to debunk the myth that all you need to do all day long is share.

And there's a message that we give in our classes and our lectures and our books that we're here to become greater beings of sharing,

Whatever that means.

But the example that I use in the classes or I've definitely used it with kids before is you learn about the power of sharing,

You walk outside and you see a little old lady waiting on this side of the road and you drag her across the road because you're just so excited to share and help and do good in the world.

That little old lady was waiting for the bus to one side of town and now she's standing on the other side of the street waiting for the bus to the wrong side of town.

The question we ask then is,

Was that giving?

Even though your intention was to share,

To reveal light,

You actually did more harm than good.

Right.

Because this person didn't first pause.

Didn't ask what does this person need.

To me,

It's a lot about,

I know David said asking the creator to help you via prayer or meditation.

For me,

I often just close my eyes and I try to feel,

Right?

I know I have something,

It happens to me all the time when I talk to students,

I know I have something powerful and impactful to share.

I have to close my eyes and ask myself,

Are they open enough to receive it?

Is this the right time?

The Kabbalists use the,

I'm going to call it a cliche,

It's not really a cliche,

But the cow wants to give more than the calf wants to drink,

Right?

If you've ever had a newborn and you're a mom,

You know that.

But the biology of that is that it's even a spiritual law built into our biology that the giver always wants to give more than the receiver wants to receive.

So part of what we want to look at this week,

Especially with all the opportunities that come across,

And you may say,

Oh guys,

I sit at home all day,

I work from home,

I don't see anybody,

I don't have any opportunities to give.

That's not true.

That's not true.

Every moment is an opportunity to give,

To give energy,

To say a kind word,

To even,

What's the word,

Constructive criticism can be an act of sharing.

If it's done in the right time,

In the right place,

With the right words.

So we want to be more mindful right now,

And as we go into this week,

And of course our lives in general,

Am I bulldozing everybody with how much I'm giving or what I want to give or how sharing I want to be?

Or am I injecting the consciousness and asking myself those,

I think there's more questions you can even ask before you set out to share,

But for me,

A big part of what I'm seeing,

As you said,

What do people need,

Is that it's not really clear anymore what plants in our lives are thriving and what we should quote unquote continue to give to,

Versus where we should pull back,

I actually had a conversation with someone this weekend now that I'm thinking about it,

Where they wanted,

Now that everything is opening up again,

They wanted to go back to doing certain things that they did with other people,

And they said,

Because of the pandemic,

We've lost touch,

But now that we can get together again,

We're going to do that.

And I basically said to her,

If you lost touch because of the fact that you couldn't physically see each other,

Is there even a connection there?

If you were really connected,

Wouldn't you have stayed in touch throughout?

They require you to set up a date and a time for you to connect in order for you to be connected.

I'm not sure how connected you are.

And I saw that that was a painful thing to consider.

We're so excited to get the gang back together,

But the gang completely dissolved in the last two years,

And only being able to see each other physically is the glue that's holding us together.

That's a painful,

I mean,

I think that every single one of us can sit for a second this week and look at those parts of our lives that require us to be there with a defibrillator.

If we're not pumping oxygen into those things,

They will,

Pardon the use of the word,

They will die.

Those relationships,

Those connections,

Even those projects,

Wow,

I'm going to get emotional.

You better take the mic over.

You emotional?

Me emotional.

Externally emotional?

Yeah,

Exactly.

Letting it,

It's,

It's,

It's speaking out.

Usually,

Elisheva cries from outside in,

Actually water goes outside.

That's why I drink so much water.

I think it's a really,

Now that I'm,

I'm reflecting on my own processes here,

It is a really important thing for us to be doing right now.

Some people always say,

Some people say after we,

After they listen to the show,

Wow,

That was so relevant for me.

That was so perfect.

It's exactly what I'm going through.

And I usually respond,

Yes,

All of us are going through it.

Well,

Now you have the water in my eyes proving.

What is this salty discharge?

It's very hot in here.

My eyes are sweating.

That it is,

It is,

This is the week,

My friends,

To have that conversation with yourself and to do the,

I would say it's like an accounting to really look at those things that you're giving energy to that you are sustaining,

If I can call it that.

And ask yourself,

If I pulled the plug,

If I detached from this thing,

And detachment is always a big part of our conversations,

Would it continue?

Does it depend on me?

If it depends on me,

That's also not sharing.

That's a form of enabling.

And that's a very difficult thing to look at as well.

You know why that's powerful,

What you just said,

That I think people underrate the power of detaching for a moment from things.

It comes to mind,

Yesterday I went to,

I don't do it often,

But when I do it,

It's great.

The cryo chamber,

You know this chamber that's really cold?

So anyways,

I went to the cryo chamber yesterday and I came out,

I was talking to the guy who works there.

I said,

I heard you burn a lot of calories from doing this.

Can you explain that to me,

Like how many calories do you burn from going to the cryo chamber?

For two minutes.

How many calories do you burn?

800 calories.

Sign me up.

I said,

That sounds awfully high for just two minutes of being in the cold,

How does that work?

And he said that,

I'm probably not doing it justice,

But he said that the blood is basically leaving the heart and going to all the organs and extremities because of how cold it is,

And you actually die for a moment.

And he says there's this moment of death,

And all that circulation and all that effort that you're putting on the body,

It says over a 48-hour period of time,

You lose that much calories.

Oh,

So it's not in the two minutes.

It's not in the two minutes,

It's over the 48.

But the point was,

What really stuck out is kind of that moment of death,

And we do that also when we sleep,

Right?

We die a little bit according to the Kabbalists,

The soul leaves and we die,

But what that does is it allows us to have that clarity.

And something we should all be doing regularly is asking ourselves,

If you want to know if something is real in your life,

Just visualize for a moment letting it go completely.

Because a lot of times we're giving to things only because we're afraid to lose them,

Not because we're actually giving,

Not because we're actually being considerate of the desire and the vessel of the other,

Which is the highest level of vibration of giving,

Which brings us to unity of form with the creator.

If I'm giving because my giving is manipulating that situation to keep on existing,

So it's not pure giving,

That doesn't mean that person shouldn't be in your life,

But it's just the way you're going about it is impure.

The way to overcome that is to actually visualize and let go of the need for this person to receive from you.

What is it doing for you?

What addiction is it feeding,

Having this person in your life to receive from you?

You've got to remove that addiction,

Not necessarily the giving to the person.

I heard our teacher,

I like to listen to our teacher,

Robert Berg,

Every morning in the deeper Kabbalah lessons,

And he said something so powerful,

He said,

Remember the creator,

The light of the creator,

Whether it's revealed or not,

It doesn't have pain.

He gave the analogy of like a guy who wants to buy a suit.

He said the suit is not in pain when it's sitting in the store that you haven't come and bought it.

It's like the suit's not crying and saying,

Oh,

I wish somebody would buy me.

The suit,

Whether it's revealed or not in a person's life,

Is a suit,

It's energy that's just waiting to be revealed.

We also,

In people's lives,

We need to be like the light of the creator,

Whether we are revealed or not,

Whether we give or not.

We shouldn't feel the neediness,

If that makes sense.

We have to kind of be content with whatever situation we're in.

Rav Ashlaq,

The founder of the Kabbalah Center,

Speaks about this in length.

He says that a person knows he's with the light of the creator when the day and the night are one for them,

Meaning if it's good or it's bad,

It's equal to you and your eyes.

You reach this level.

This is how you know you're really giving.

When you're not needy,

You're giving.

When you're needy,

It might look like you're handing over something,

But you're actually taking.

I'm listening to you talk,

And I'm trying to put on the minds of our listeners and thinking about how scary that is to risk,

Quote-unquote,

I'm saying quote-unquote because you're not really risking anything.

Yeah,

You're risking in your mind.

Right,

But so much of our identity is wrapped up in these friendships or these projects.

If I stopped doing what I'm doing and it fell apart,

Wouldn't that leave me responsible?

Wouldn't that be my fault?

The truth is,

It's your fault that it's continuing without real merit.

I don't know what the right word is.

It's not really a thing if it depends on you to sustain it.

You're basically saying how many things are we artificially holding together when in reality they should have already been disbanded by now.

Exactly,

Exactly.

Again,

This is a very Pisces conversation.

Ask it again.

Pisces conversation.

How many things actually don't exist but are simply perpetuated because you won't let go?

That's really what we're asking.

Meaning they never had a right to exist.

Maybe they did.

I'm not saying never,

But- It's time for that situation to move on.

It's time for each member of the band to start their own thing,

But everyone's holding it together for what?

We're not saying don't give.

We're not saying don't take care,

Don't be a good person,

Don't share your energy and your time and your love with people.

We're just saying be judicious about it.

We're speaking on a very .

.

.

This is a very deep concept.

There are people right now listening to us saying,

I don't know what the heck they're saying.

There are people that actually right now are getting emotional about this because they have so much burden on them to hold things together because of guilt and fear and I don't want to let the creator down,

I don't want to let my parents down,

I don't want to let this relationship down,

I don't want to let my spouse down.

They kill themselves at a deficit.

They don't get back to just keep it together for whatever reason,

But in their heart they're realizing,

Wait a minute,

Maybe I'm the only one pushing for this and even the creator doesn't want this to happen.

Well,

I think that many,

I can say for us as in the Kabbalah Center itself,

A lot of the lessons that COVID brought were we were pumping energy into things that maybe weren't the best use of our energy.

That's another question that I asked this person this weekend to think about is knowing that you have,

Let's say you can hold in your energetic fuel tank,

You can hold 60 gallons per fill per week,

Let's say,

How do you want to spend that fuel,

That energy?

Is this worthy of it?

It's also a very Pisces question.

Is this really worthy of your precious time and energy?

Not because you've always done it,

Not because you think it's the right thing to do or if,

One of my favorite lines,

If I don't do it,

No one else will.

Very victim-y,

Very martyrdom phrase,

If I don't do it,

No one else will.

If you don't do it and no one else will,

That's probably a good sign you should stop doing it.

Somebody's writing in,

I get confused that perhaps the restriction,

The thing I need to let go is not to drop a relationship slash project,

Or are you saying drop it if it is not yet satisfying?

I think this is a question that everybody has.

What's my spiritual work?

Let it go or don't let it go?

We get this question all the time.

This is actually the only question we get in different ways.

Actually,

There's only one question I get for the last 20 years,

Just rewritten in different ways.

Just tell me what to do.

Just tell me what to do.

Should I do it or should I not do it?

All this is nice.

All this spiritual,

Just tell me what to do.

To go or not,

To stay or not stay in something,

This question is phrased from our body consciousness that wants comfort and relaxation because we feel comfortable when we know something.

That is why people phrase questions like that.

Just tell me what to do.

I just need to know.

Is this right or wrong?

The question is,

It's premature asking this question.

The real question needs to be,

What do I .

.

.

First thing is,

The first thing you need to do to get the answer to this question is you need to say,

If I don't know the answer to this question and I'm always going to be stuck in limbo,

Even this,

I take great pleasure in and I appreciate and I have certainty in and I agree with.

For you to receive an answer,

You have to be okay with the state of not knowing any answer.

I'm going to say it again.

To receive an answer about what you should do about something,

You have to be 100% okay with being in that state of confusion and darkness.

You have to be okay with the darkness.

That's what it means to let go.

I'm okay with not knowing.

I'm okay with not knowing.

Yes.

Now,

That's one class of people.

There's another class of people where they are so comfortable being in confusion because they don't want to risk what it looks like choosing a side.

In that case,

How does a person know they need to just make a decision and learn from it?

That is,

If they're perpetually not happy,

If they're constantly suffering and they're finding that they're always escaping and doing things,

Then they need to make a decision,

Go through with it.

Even if it's the wrong decision,

It's okay.

The light of that letting go will guide you and show you what to do.

You can't be in paralysis.

I hope that kind of makes sense.

I think when we don't have the destination in view,

It helps just to deal with the small decisions at hand.

You don't know what's going to happen in the end,

But you can determine what you're going to do with the next hour of your life.

There's already a decision that you can make that will take you closer to that thing.

Now that you said that,

There's another option for those who really want to play it safe,

Which we all do.

The other thing is,

If you don't know what to do about something,

It also means that there are other aspects of your life where you are clear about what you need to do.

You should go and do those because it will unlock the energy you need to give you clarity about this other situation.

I'm going to give you a personal example of that.

It's one of my favorite stories because it was so black and white for me,

So stark.

A number of years ago,

A lot of years ago,

Over 20 years ago,

I had a job in a position in the center that I did not like.

In the Cabal Center.

In the Cabal Center.

And I grumbled about it.

I complained about it.

I was not hiding the fact that I wanted to be doing something else,

And I was too good at it.

I don't know what the .

.

.

I had to hang in there another year for whatever reason,

So at the end of that year,

I was sitting with the other teachers,

And we were studying from the teachings of Rav Ashlag,

And we exactly talked about that idea,

That if you don't have clarity on why a certain situation is in your life,

Focus on the other areas of your life where you do have clarity,

And the curtain will lift in that area of confusion.

That's right.

So my mind was blown because,

First of all,

And by the way,

Rav Ashlag goes on in that discussion there saying that the only thing you can know for sure is that if you're there,

The creator thinks you should be there,

Which is something I never considered in that situation before.

I just figured,

You know,

It's easier for me to be here.

It works for everybody.

Maybe I'm saving money.

Maybe I'm planting seeds I can't even see for the future,

Whatever it is,

But I didn't have that conviction.

So I went back into my life,

And I was like,

Wow,

It doesn't even matter why I'm here.

The creator thinks I need to be here.

I'm going to be here.

I'm going to focus on the areas in my life that I do have strong clarity and divine guidance in all the areas where I do feel that connection.

No joke.

No joke.

Six weeks later,

I moved to a different city.

I didn't even move to a different department.

I found myself in a completely different movie.

No two movies were alike,

Meaning- You didn't have to manipulate it or control it.

No manipulate.

It was simply this epiphany of,

I'm supposed to be here,

And I have all these other things in my life,

My family,

My friends,

My spiritual work,

That I know and I can see the hand of God in.

Let's focus there and give energy there.

Six weeks to the day,

My friends.

How do I know?

Because I had a baby during that time,

And I know exactly when it was.

The baby was born the following week.

Five weeks later,

We were in a different city and state and job and still working for the Kabbalah Center,

But it was like that fog lifted so fast,

It was almost like we got whiplash.

It was like,

Oh my God,

I'm in a completely different movie.

How did that happen?

I just had time to pack my stuff,

And that was all I had time to do.

I'm sharing that as an example because I was pretty lost for a while,

And I'm not proud of it,

But I'm not there anymore either.

I use that experience not only to share it with others,

But also for myself.

When I experience those moments of lack of clarity now,

That's my go-to response.

I may not see it.

I know it's here because the Creator thinks it's the best thing for me right now.

Let me go and give in those areas of my life where I feel and see and connect to certainty and conviction there.

I love it.

Let's summarize some of the deeper concepts that we've spoken about so far.

Number one,

We challenged our audience to constantly ask the universe,

Ask the Creator,

What does the other person really need?

What is it that they need that they don't even know or think they need?

I want to get deeper.

If it's my child's desire,

If it's my lover's desire,

If it's my customer's,

We think we know what our customers want.

It's often not true,

Right?

That's why people do surveys that reveal to you what it is that really- Anonymous surveys.

Really anonymous surveys.

Well,

Yes.

You should really want to know and to ask,

How can I be a channel for the true desire of this person and not just artificially share with them,

Share with them just on a surface level,

On the body level?

We talked about,

Which was a very deep concept,

Meditate to let go of the current situation that you are giving to because you might be artificially propping up the relationship.

This relationship might have- Weekend at Bernie's.

Yes,

Yes.

You may be propping up your metaphoric Bernie.

It's kind of like putting something,

Leaving something on life support.

It doesn't have life of its own.

It requires a machine.

And you're the machine.

And you are the machine.

Are you the life support of this situation if you were to step back?

And I've learned this so many times.

Stepping back and allowing something to fall apart could be one of the best things for all parties involved because the reason why other parties are staying weak or not going to their next level is because you are the energetic sugar daddy.

Are you allowed to say that?

You're allowed to say that,

But I think a lot of people that are listening are probably saying,

Well,

I support my kids or I support this charity or I support even financially,

We're talking about financially resuscitating,

Propping up people,

Places,

And things when by you stepping back,

You might be giving opportunity for other people to step up and give in a way that actually does generate light for both them and the recipient.

That's absolutely right.

That's absolutely right.

And then a third concept we spoke about that you just talked about,

You wanted to summarize it again?

That when you don't have clarity about whether you should continue to give or you should step back,

Rather than wrestle with the confusion and lack of clarity,

Focus on,

First of all,

I should say,

First of all,

Know that the situation is there for a reason.

The reason may be for you to step back,

But that remains to be seen.

And focus on giving in the areas that you know,

That you experience the light force of the creator,

That you feel that circuitry,

That you know you experience joy and fulfillment from that connection with clarity,

With certainty,

And the veil will lift.

Also,

Focus on areas where it has become clear to you that you need to break through something,

A fear you need to break,

Responsibility that needs to be had.

Go with what you know.

What's been revealed to you.

Right.

Because the creator will always reveal to you with clarity something that you need to change.

And we shift our focus elsewhere because whatever,

We don't want to pay attention to it.

But go back and work on all the other stuff around your situation,

And the revelation of light from those areas will bring you clarity about how to give in the current area that's confusing.

Right.

And I want to end with one more example.

And if you want to weigh in on this,

It's very short,

But somebody is asking,

If we have an example about somebody who made a hard decision,

Let go,

Stepped into the confusion or darkness or whatever,

And eventually came out the other side in the light a hundred times better than before.

Do you have one?

I have an example.

I thought about it while you were talking before.

We have a mutual friend that had a partnership in business,

And it became clear that he and his partner were no longer on the same page.

And when that information came to him that he realized that they're not in sync anymore like they were before,

They had just started a new branch of their company,

A new big project that they had poured a lot of money and a lot of expertise,

A lot of resources.

And shortly thereafter,

He's presented with the reality that they can't really continue to be partners anymore.

So he had this choice to make.

Do I pull out completely of the company?

Do I give the company away and start something new?

Do I cut up the company into different pieces,

And a partner will take some and I'll take the other?

Or there were,

I guess,

Endless possibilities,

But he needed to make a decision for his own mental,

Spiritual,

And physical health,

Right?

It was becoming very challenging to cooperate with this person.

So what he did,

Basically,

Was he let go of their new venture that he thought was going to be,

I mean,

It was supposed to be the next big thing.

I don't honestly know what happened with it to be,

I didn't do the research ahead of sharing the story,

But the part that he kept and all the other things he ended up putting those extra resources into did flourish.

But I can tell you that the period between stepping away and the flourishing was a very tenuous,

Scary,

Dark period.

Not only not knowing how you're going to put food on the table for your family,

Dark and scary,

But also presenting the offer and not knowing if the other guy is going to be okay with it,

Worrying about him coming after him for other things.

I mean,

It was just a very messy,

Scary choice to make,

But I think the seed level of needing to make that choice was the realization that this thing we have going,

That we've had going for the last 15,

20 years,

It is no longer sustainable.

And that was a very hard realization to come to.

So knowing,

And maybe not everybody is in business and not everybody is faced with this kind of decision,

But just to know that there may be a dark part,

But there's also a light part after the dark part.

And going through making a decision like that,

Buy-in within itself,

Being willing to put yourself at risk,

You definitely want to check on a technical level that you're making the right choices.

But at the end of the day,

There was light at the end of the tunnel and a lot more light than when he was trying to sustain something that didn't feel authentic or with integrity.

Beautiful.

All right.

So I guess for all of us this week,

We're going to be looking at those dead plants,

Or as the metaphor is,

You have a live plant,

A dying plant,

And a dead plant.

Which plant do you pour your water can into?

And the answer is the dying plant,

Actually,

Because there is still a chance.

But the realization,

Putting our awareness in that place that our energy is precious.

It is not there to be wasted,

Not to allow ourselves the luxury or the frivolity of investing in vessels that are not viable,

Or as David said,

If we're propping it up,

If it's a Weekend and Bernie's situation,

It's probably not the best use of your energy.

So I know I'm going to be doing that this week.

I bet David's going to be doing it now because we talked about it.

And we want to hear from you guys how what your experience was.

That's actually how we get better at what we do,

Is by knowing where you're at.

Hopefully everybody's going to have a flowering,

Powerful,

Flourishing week,

And we'll see you next time on the Weekly Energy Boost.