The Vocabulary Of Peace: How Your Words Shape Your Reality

We often assume that we feel an emotion first, and then we scramble to find the right word to describe it. But modern psychology tells us that the opposite is actually true: the vocabulary you possess dictates the depth, nuance, and reality of what you can feel. In this episode, we are going to explore how expanding your emotional vocabulary—and borrowing a few brilliant words from the ancient philosophers—can literally rewire your nervous system and help you construct a more peaceful reality.

Music by Aonescape from Pixabay

Transcript

Welcome to the Happiness Podcast. I'm Dr. Robert Puff. Have you ever noticed how some days we just feel bad, But we can't quite articulate what's going on? In over three decades of clinical practice, I've noticed a fascinating pattern. When we're struggling, Our vocabulary shrinks. Everything gets lumped into the big, Terrifying buckets. I'm so stressed. I'm overwhelmed. I'm just so anxious. But something happens when our only words for distress are generic terms like overwhelmed. It triggers in our brain a massive generic panic response. But here's the wonderful secret. When we learn to label our emotions with pinpoint accuracy, We take the power away from the panic and hand it back to our logical minds. Much of my time as a clinical psychologist is helping people identify that anxiety? What is that stress about? And the closer we can pinpoint it to what is actually happening, Then we can heal it and get ourselves better. So how do our words construct our reality? We don't just actively experience emotions. Our brains are actively constructing them based on past experiences and the language we have available. Imagine trying to paint a beautiful, Nuanced landscape. But we only have three colors. Anger red, Anxious yellow, And sad blue. With these limited colors, Our emotional life will look chaotic and messy. But when we expand and embellish our emotional vocabulary, We give ourselves an infinite palette. We aren't just sad. Instead, We may be nostalgic, Depleted, Disillusioned, Or wistful. And I've learned over the years that no matter what is happening to us, There's always a reason. There's always something deeper behind it. And I've seen this over and over again. So I know there's always something behind the fear, The panic, The anxiety that my clients present to me. And when we're able to articulate it, Identify it, Then we can heal it. And I so often say emotions are so much like physiology. Imagine you're in the ER and you're walking into the emergency room in severe physical distress. If you tell the doctor, I'm in absolute agony, Your brain remains trapped in that state of high alarm. But a competent and qualified emergency room physician will immediately ask you for more specifics. Is the pain sharp or dull? Is it burning, Throbbing, Or aching? Does it flutter or does it stab? By forcing you to seek for the specific, Accurate, Descriptive word, The doctor is moving your brain activity from the alarm center or the panicked amygdala to the analytical logical center or into the prefrontal cortex. The physical sensations do not magically disappear, But the suffering and the panic instantly decreases because the unknown has been named. Mental stress. When a new client comes to me and let's say they had a panic attack, They'll say, Doctor, I was just sitting there calmly and all of a sudden I had this horrible feeling that I was going to die. Panic attacks are terrifically awful experiences. So metaphorically, What I do is I get out my scalpel and begin to look at, Well, What was happening just before that panic attack? And in your life, Both past and present, What are some stressors perhaps that you have not dealt with that are saying, Please fix this. I want to share some wonderful news with you. Our bodies, Our souls really care about us and want us to be healthy and happy. Nor when we suppress, When we don't pay attention to the things that are causing us distress. Our body, Our soul is gonna remind us, This is a problem, Please address it. It's so much like physical pain. I know when we're under pain, It can feel awful, But we need that pain so we know what's wrong and what we need to fix. If we don't have pain, We're in trouble. Have you ever heard about how when people go on very long flights, If they don't get up, Go to the bathroom, Walk around a little bit, Or even just move in their chair, Sometimes in severe cases, They develop a clot and that clot can go to their heart and their brain and can cause serious damage. So pain, Whether physical or emotional, Is there to tell us something's wrong, Let's fix this. Not let's numb this, Not let's ignore this, Let's fix this. Once we discover the pain, Whether physical or emotional or spiritual, Then we focus on what is this pain? Then we can pull out our toolbox and start discovering what do we need to change in our lives to get better? Because again, I do believe deep down inside of us. Our souls want us to be happy. And they're gonna present things to us to remind us, This isn't working, We need to change this. And that's not a bad thing. It's just a reminder, Change is needed. But perhaps one of the saddest things about our lives is that it's so easy just to numb that pain and then ignore it. But when we ignore pain, It doesn't go away. It just gets worse and we don't feel it. So we keep numbing it when it gets louder until it causes us severe emotional or physical damage. But with the power of precision, With the power of looking within and really figuring out what's going on in our lives and begin to create a beautiful internal world. One of my favorite books in all of the literature is Marcel Proust's masterpiece, In Search of Lost Time. In one of the most famous passages in literature, The narrator dips a madeleine cookie into a cup of tea. He doesn't just say, It tastes good and makes me happy. He uses exquisite, Painstakingly precise language to describe the exact texture of the memory it involves, Capturing a highly specific feeling of unbidden joy and wistfulness. Proust is the ultimate example of emotional granularity. He proves that when we possess a vast, Beautiful vocabulary, Our internal world becomes vast and beautiful too. If we go back to the ancient philosophers of time, The Stoics and Epicurean philosophers did not just have a word for pain. They had incredibly precise words for high-level peace. They developed the concept of ataraxia. It doesn't just mean happy. It translates to a state of robust, Unshapable tranquility. A mind completely free from emotional disturbance even when the world outside is chaotic. Today, Apathy means we don't care. But to the ancients, Apathy meant being completely free from suffering the passions. It means we still love and care deeply. We refuse to let external events control our internal weather. Just by understanding and adding anorexia and apathia to our vocabulary, When we're struggling, We now have more to pull from to understand what's going on. Unfortunately, Today we have the danger of identifying with the I am. We fuse our emotions with words. When we speak, We often say, I am angry. I am stressed. We use language identity. We fuse our entire being with a temporary feeling. What if instead we said I'm experiencing anger or anger is arising inside of me? Then our emotions aren't who we are. They're just like weather patterns passing through the sky of our mind. We have to change the language from identity to observation. So what will help us is upgrading our emotional language. We drop the I am and start practicing the language of observation. Instead of saying, I am anxious, We change it to, I'm experiencing a feeling of anxiety right now. This may seem silly, But I want to share something important with you. I've been practicing with clients for over 30 years now, And I work with thousands of people that come into my office saying, I want to commit suicide because my life is terrible. And just by helping them change the vocabulary, Seeing it differently. I've not had one client in my entire career who's ever committed suicide that I was working with. Just to shift a perspective, Saying the things in my life are really hard right now, But my life isn't horrible. We can also start practicing the three word rule. The next time we feel a negative emotion, Challenge ourselves to come up with three highly specific words to describe it before we react. Are we angry or are we actually embarrassed, Fatigued, Misunderstood? Specificity is the antidote to panic. Thirdly, We can aim for anorexia by adding a new positive word to our daily routine. To drink our tea or go for a walk, We tell ourselves, I'm cultivating anorexia, Which means a state of robust, Unshakable tranquility. In conclusion. Our words we use to describe our lives literally become our lives. When we speak to ourselves with precision, Grace, And an elevated vocabulary, We construct an internal world that is deeply peaceful. We can say, I'm the architect of my internal world. I choose words that bring clarity and calm, And I'm building an unshakable peace within. Thank you for joining me on the Happiness Podcast. Until next time, Accept what is, Love what is.

Reviews

Very interesting! Thank you for choosing this topic for you talk. Gave me a lot to think about.

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